Fae Champion (Royals of Embermere #2)

19. We Must Become Whom We Never Thought We’d Be

19. WE MUST BECOME WHOM WE NEVER THOUGHT WE’D BE

Pru padded around the room, her long dragon feet thumping softly as she drew open the sheer curtains that bracketed the windows.

“I’m awake,” I told her before she could get up in my face and pinch me. “I’ll be up in a sec.”

“Take your time, Mistress. I came early so you wouldn’t have to rush.”

My levels of anxiety surged like dwindling flames fueled by accelerant.

I sat up straight, catching the covers a moment before they revealed my naked body—and what I’d been up to the night before—to the goblin. “You’re telling me to … take my time.”

“Yes, Mistress … Lady Elowyn.”

“Just Elowyn,” I reminded her softly despite the nerves cycling through my body too swiftly.

“Elowyn,” Pru repeated, but didn’t glance my way as she prepared my outfit for the day: lightly armored fighting leathers and, thank the dragons, comfortable boots. “I knew you’d need a bath after how you spent your night.”

Ah. Of course she knew… “You mean, in whose company I spent the night.”

“Is … our conversation private?”

I scanned the room for the telltale dismembered appendages. Thankfully, I spotted no bloody ears or eyes anywhere.

“Clear.”

“In that case, yes. His scent’s all over you.”

I slipped from the bed and, faster than seemed possible, Pru was there, holding out a thin silk robe to me.

“Thank you.” I stepped into it as I took in the mess I’d left on the floor the night before—no wonder Pru had instantly known. My gown, with its full periwinkle-blue tulle skirts, sat upward in a colorful heap of stiff layers as if a ghost inhabited it. The icepick I’d stashed behind its wide belt remained concealed there, where I hoped Pru wouldn’t discover it—Rush hadn’t when helping me out of my dress. My spiky heels toppled to one side of it, and my matching lacy underwear draped across the back of an armchair, where Rush had tossed it without looking after tearing them off me.

I grimaced. “I’m really sorry about the mess. I didn’t mean to?—”

“It’s nothing, Mistress.”

“Elowyn,” I prompted for the umpteenth time .

Pru nodded, but her eyes were glazed, distant. “It’s expected after one of Her Majesty’s nights of revelry.”

“Is it now?” I muttered, wondering whether I should ask how the rest of the party went for everyone else. But then, it had been obvious, and…

“Why do I suddenly get to take my time?”

“I’ll draw a bath for Mistress,” Pru mumbled and sauntered toward my bathing chamber. Her steps were … droopy, her usual efficiency and speed muted.

I stalked after her. “ Pru .”

She ran her hand under the faucet, turning it on, and ignored me.

“Primrose,” I tried instead.

She rose from the edge of the tub—too slowly—and stared up at me. Her eyes glistened.

My breath rushed from me, and I placed my hand on her shoulder—too slim, too frail for the many burdens she carried. That heavy, dark gaze dragged to where my hand touched her.

I went to remove it—I’d never touched her before—but ended up leaving it. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Turning her gaze up at me once more, she blinked back tears.

“Oh my sunshine, Pru, Primrose, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Of course, I already knew she wasn’t okay. She’d never fully be all right while under the queen’s rule. No one was safe, her especially.

Though I felt her tremble, Pru straightened her shoulders and tipped back her head; her face was more ashen than usual. “In a few hours, you’ll fight in the final of the Gladius Probatio.”

I sighed in relief. “Yeah, uh, duh. You had me really freaked out there.”

“I’m not ready to say goodbye to the only lady who’s ever wanted to be friends with me—with a goblin.”

I squeezed her shoulder—little more than flesh and bone—and dropped my hand. “Pru, we don’t need to say goodbye,” I assured her, all while hoping I wasn’t lying. “Rush won’t kill me.” I tried a smile; it felt weak. “I’ll give the competition my all, but if he still wins, then even if the queen sends me away, we’ll at least have time for proper farewells.”

Shit . My stomach churned uncomfortably. Pru was right.

“Is there no way for us to keep in touch once I’m gone?” I hastened to add.

Pru’s eyes shone with wetness again, and she shook her head. “Not from the Etherlands, not unless you have the gift.”

I laughed, the sound grating even to my own ears. “I’m not dying , Pru.” My face fell even as my eyes widened. “Fuck, am I?”

When Pru didn’t answer, I asked in a rush, “What can I do? How can I get out of it? It doesn’t seem like the magic of the Gladius Probatio’s working the way it’s supposed to. Maybe I can just leave? Escape? The guys’ll be okay.” I knew they wouldn’t be. “And you can’t be held at fault if I leave.” She would anyway. “I’ll snatch Xeno and Saffron and have Xeno shift so I can ride him out of here. Saffron’s still too young for that.”

Assuming I could find them, assuming they were alive and in any kind of state to make that flight.

Pru reached for a silver bowl filled with flower petals on the counter and sprinkled extra into the water. “The bath’s ready.”

My mind was working through the problem so rapidly that I didn’t speak as I sank into the hot water, dispersing petals in reds, whites, and violets, their beauty lost on me this morning. The water soothed the swollen and tender flesh between my legs, reminding me with a pang of all that I’d shared with Rush and how very much was left to explore between us.

I usually protested when Pru tried to wash me, but I didn’t then. “There has to be something I can do,” I rasped. “There must be.”

Pru just scrubbed.

“My father won’t let her kill me. Surely he won’t, not after he was the one who brought me here in the first place.”

Pru stiffened behind the soapy cloth.

I pressed my hand to hers, stilling her. “What is it?”

She tried to keep cleaning; I held her there.

“Come on, Pru. We’ve done the blood oath. You can tell me anything. You know I won’t tell anyone, that I can’t even if I wanted to, which I don’t.”

She flicked away my hand and continued washing, but eventually said, “Lord Sandor is dead.”

I tensed at first, but then, “Well, that’s probably a good thing based on how he looked last night, right? He seemed like he was in a crazy amount of pain. So now he won’t feel any of that.”

But Pru’s scrubbing had turned harsh, nearly violent.

I waited. When she didn’t offer anything more: “I’m sorry about Sandor, even if he is the one who knocked me out so they could kidnap me and bring me here. If you cared about him, I’m sorry?—”

“I didn’t care about him. I didn’t know him. He only once spoke to me, and then it was to tell me to get out of his way when I was attending to Prince Saturn.”

“You were assigned to be Saturn’s goblin?” I peeked at her from under my raised arm as she rubbed away.

“I was.”

“Okay, wow. I had no idea. What was he like?”

“We don’t have time for this now. We have to hurry, or it’ll be?—”

“Pru, knock it off with all that. It’s not gonna distract me. Tell me what has you so upset.”

“Pru is not upset.”

“Oh yes, Pru is. Pru was crying.”

The goblin sucked in an offended breath that wheezed between those sharp teeth of hers. “Pru did no such thing. Pru doesn’t cry. Pru’s tough.”

My heart squeezed at her ferocity and all she was forced to endure. “Yes, you are tough, I know that. But you shouldn’t have to go through everything alone. Let me help. ”

Though how I could help was a mystery. I couldn’t even help myself all that much as of late.

No response for several beats while Pru ran the cloth up and down my leg, rubbing at my skin as if I’d spent the night kneeling in mud instead of in a luxurious bed that was at odds with the viciousness of court life. The aristos seemed more wild beasts than suited to refined, silky thread counts.

“Are you certain there are no ears listening to us?” she eventually asked.

Though I’d gotten into the habit of always searching for them, I looked again anyway. “Nope. Nothing here. They must think I’m still sleeping since you got here early.”

Her hand reached up my thigh, and I snatched the washcloth from her. “I can take it from here.”

She surrendered it. “Make sure you wipe off all the signs of sex.”

Though I sat buck naked in the water, I blushed. “It’s really that obvious?” I was bleeding so lightly it didn’t even tinge the water.

“ Very obvious. I knew the moment I entered the room. You don’t want the queen knowing.”

“What’s it matter to the queen if I’m not a virgin anymore? It’s not like any of that matters to her. She just wants me gone.”

Pru, who’d been slumped on her perch on the lip of the tub, sat up ramrod straight. “Mistress was a virgin?”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, cleaning myself far more gently than she had. “Yeah, but so what? It’s not like Rush was. Why’s everyone make such a big deal about a female losing their maidenhood but not the guy? It doesn’t have to be such a ‘thing’ for either of us.”

“Oh, it’s a thing, all right, Mistress, Elowyn. It’s a very big thing.”

I groaned. “Not you too.”

“How do you feel about Drake Rush Vega now?” she asked, seemingly unable to decide on how to address me in her general fluster.

“Um, well, I dunno.” I did know.

She simply waited, pinning those huge dark eyes on me.

“Fine,” I relented, handing her the cloth again before dipping underwater. When I emerged, “I feel him. Like, a lot. But I’m sure that’s how it always is. I mean, I hadn’t had sex before, so I’m sure it’s completely normal that I feel … connected to him … somehow.”

“Mmmhmmm.”

“What? What’s that mean?”

“It means you’d better hurry up and get dressed. You’ve been doing too much chatting this morning, and you’ve got a fight to win, the most important one of your entire life.”

The water sluiced down my body as I stood. “ I’ve been doing all the chatting? You’re the one who had something on her mind, which, by the way, you still haven’t ‘fessed up to. And what happened to your assumption that I’d lose today?”

“You have more to fight for than I realized. ”

I stepped into the embrace of the towel she held open for me.

“Lord Sandor was tortured before he was killed.” Pru left the bathing room.

I stalked after her. “That’s … I mean, that’s awful. But it was to be expected, wasn’t it?”

“It was. But the queen went down there with Ivar and Braque, and they’re the ones who tortured him.”

I swallowed thickly as I dripped water onto the hardwood floor. “I take it they aren’t usually the ones who do that?”

“No. The queen has pygmy ogres for that. Nasty creatures.”

“I’ll bet.” I slipped into another robe Pru offered me, then followed her directions to sit at the vanity so she could comb out my hair. “Just spit it out, please.”

Her gaze pinned on the tangled strands that stretched past my waist. “I don’t know everything that happened and I don’t want to. Goblins come and go in the fae dungeon only to deliver food and water to the prisoners and pygmy ogres, nothing more. No one cleans there.”

Disgust clogged my throat before I managed to gulp it down. It must smell awful.

“Lord Sandor was flayed alive, his skin peeled off, before his hands and feet, then his arms and legs, were”—she cleared her throat—“hacked off.”

Horror made me silent.

“Lord Braque or Ivar, one of them, kept him from bleeding to his death while the queen asked her questions. By the end of it, she uncovered a plot against her.”

I scarcely breathed.

“Drake Rush and his friends are all involved, but you’re at the helm of it. And the king himself is behind it all. It’s why he sent men to get you, because he knows you have the power to take her down.”

I whirled on her so fast I took the comb with me. A moment later it clattered mutely on the rug beneath the vanity. I gaped. “I-I don’t. What the hell? I had no idea about the king or her before Sandor and Dougal and them showed up to take me!” The breath heaved through my nostrils. “I don’t even talk with the king. He’s practically a stranger.”

Pru retrieved the comb and continued untangling the locks that were thoroughly tousled thanks to Rush’s efforts in bed.

“Men will say many things under torture,” Pru offered.

I met her eyes in the vanity mirror. “And Finnian?”

“From what the goblin heard, Lord Sandor didn’t accuse him.”

“And…?” I barely dared say his name, not wanting him to be involved at all. I whispered, “What about Reed?”

“The male from the stables?”

“Yes,” I breathed, my heartbeat too fast as I waited. He seemed too innocent, too nice in a world where that was uncommon, for the queen to set her sights on him.

“He wasn’t mentioned that I know of. ”

I sucked in a ragged inhale. “And the others? Rush, Hiroshi, Ryder, and West? Rush is her favorite.”

“Yes, yes he was.”

My pulse thundered through my head, making my thoughts wispy, elusive, difficult to hold on to. “What do I do?” My question sounded like someone else’s.

“Mistress wants Pru’s advice?” I nodded. “Ladies and lords never ask for goblins’ advice.”

“I’m not a regular lady.”

Her eyes softened. “True, you are not.” She mumbled to herself, then, “Do whatever you must to survive.”

“And what about the guys?”

“They’ve been plotting against her for a very long time. They’ll be ready.”

“You knew?”

“We goblins always know … eventually.”

“But-but what of the Gladius Probatio? And the rest of the Fae Heir Trials? I thought we were in a magical contract until the two heirs were chosen. And the king? She can’t just kill my father … can she?”

“I don’t know what will happen, or what the queen can and can’t do. From everything we goblins have seen over years, she’ll do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. You must find the way to survive it, and hope she doesn’t scent Rush on you.”

I tsked . “Pru, enough with that already. I just scrubbed. She won’t smell him on me. She’s not a damn dragon or one of those weird, creepy feethles.”

“That’s not the scent I’m talking about. You and the drake have mated. And if she notices, she might not think her hold on him is sufficient anymore to get him to do what she wants.”

Realization dawned on me. “And if she doesn’t think she can trust him … if she thinks he’s involved in some conspiracy against her…”

“She won’t want him as the crown prince.”

“She won’t need him alive at all.”

Curtly, Pru nodded, her nimble fingers speeding along one of several braids she’d sectioned my hair into.

“Oh by the dragons…” I murmured, unsure what to do with my mounting dread. “Even if I win today, or Rush wins today, we might still … lose. What am I to do?”

As if in answer, Zako’s voice swelled in my memory. There will be a time when the only person you can rely on is you. If you become tempted to question your strength, your power, don’t. Dig deeper. It will always be there, waiting for you to seek it.

At the time, I assumed he’d meant it as an encouraging platitude, rare for him. But he’d known who my true father was even as he touted himself to be that man. He’d known I was the daughter of royalty. Perhaps he knew more than that even. Maybe he understood why the land hadn’t let me die.

“Yes, Mistress, yesssss .” I discovered Pru staring at me. “That’s it.”

“Maybe we should still say goodbye though,” I said. “Just in case. The queen is … well, the queen. Who knows what might happen today. ”

“No, Mistress, Elowyn , I no longer think there’s need to say goodbye.”

Atop the velvet stool, I spun toward her, peering down at her although I remained seated.

“The queen might be more powerful than any who’s ever reigned over the mirror world,” the goblin said. “But someday, sometime, whether it’s now or in ten thousand years, someone will come along powerful enough to defy her.”

I snorted. “You’re not suggesting that’s me?”

Pru’s black eyes no longer glimmered with unshed tears. They shone with the kind of strength she was suggesting I might possess. “Why not you?”

I chuffed. “Seriously, Pru. Even if I do have some magic, I don’t even know how to use it. And the queen’s got so much she can freeze me in place with just the snap of her fingers.” I hadn’t told anyone, not even Rush, that I’d been able to resist her power—just a little.

Pru brought over my undergarments and fighting leathers. When I rose to step into them, she repeated what the guard in the arena had said, moments before the earth sucked him inside it. “Forever as one in the light. Forever divided in the darkness.” She tilted up her chin, as if readying herself that very moment to head into battle. “One day, someone will come along to save us from the darkness. And when that time comes, we goblins will fight.”

“What, Pru, what … come on. Don’t put that on me. I’m not some sa vior.”

“I don’t think you are either. But when things get bad, we must become whom we never thought we’d be.”

“And things are bad,” I said before she could.

“Not quite as bad as they can get, but close.”

I stepped into my pants and Pru knelt to strap on weapons holsters along my thighs.

“Don’t get your hopes up, okay?” I said. “This is all insane. I still barely know how this world works.”

“It’s not the world you need to understand, but yourself.”

I scowled down at her head, her hair dark yet thin across her scalp. “What’s up with you today? D’you drink some wise sage tea or something?”

Pru chortled. “Pru is always wise, with or without tea.”

I snorted. “Well, Pru, you’ve officially weirded me out. Granted, that’s not hard to do. Since I got here, it’s only gotten stranger and stranger.”

“You returned from death once?—”

“Yeah, and let’s hope I don’t have to do that again.”

But the goblin wasn’t the only one whose inner voice was dispensing pithy wisdom. As Pru fastened my jacket and its flexible armor onto my torso, I couldn’t shake the feeling that the land had retrieved me from death for a reason.

And that it intended for me to prove myself worthy of that saving—sooner rather than later.