18. Back to the Dragon’s Den, We’ve Got Us a Queen to Murder
18. BACK TO THE DRAGON’S DEN, WE’VE GOT US A QUEEN TO MURDER
~ ELOWYN ~
The sun was inching toward the gnarled mass of trees that herded us into a single-file line. Finnian led the way, hacking with his machete at whatever refused to move for him, sweat coating his face from the continuous effort. Whether by an enchanted ointment he applied to the gash on his thigh, the advanced healing powers of the fae, or both, he’d been able to remove the tourniquet an hour before.
The linen of his britches was stained dark with his dried blood, and he walked with a heavy limp. Even so, he refused my offer to ride Bolt, insisting the stab wound to my heart was more grave and I needed to allow myself every grace I could to heal.
As if the Sorumbra understood anything about grace.
My weeks in its midst had taught me the animals of the Wilds only respected power. Their reigning impulse was to kill, feed, and survive. The mightiest ruled until such time as they were no longer the mightiest. Then they died, and brutally so.
My entire group of friends was depending on me to assert enough power to ward away whatever disgusting, horrid monsters decided to attack us next.
Darkness, when the worst of the beasts prowled, would engulf us within a couple of hours. Already, apprehension gnawed at my insides, the sensation much like a clawing, unsatiated hunger, except that we’d eaten not long ago. Reed had quickly learned the habits of the armacoon, both the spotted and spiked varieties, and hunted them successfully. In killing the creatures, he displayed a respect I’d never witnessed before. He insisted on using all parts of the animal he could, and he’d begun assembling plate armor from their tough shells.
Even with his hunting prowess, and with the warrior skills of the rest of us—save Saffron and Pru, who was uncharacteristically calm, given how much the queen’s constant death threats had rattled her—it wasn’t enough. In the end, it would all come down to me and whether I could glow again.
Sure, I could again repeat the unexpectedly pretty words Roan had fed me and I could even pretend I believed them despite the hollow feeling they left in their wake, but would that be sufficient this time? What about the next? Especially when the cost of my failure would be so incredibly steep?
“You’re thinking too much, Wyn,” Xeno muttered from where he walked alongside Bolt’s shoulder.
Despite the severity of his injuries, he too had refused my offer to ride Bolt. They’d all turned down the ride, even Pru and Roan, and both their legs combined didn’t add up to the length of mine. Like Finnian, they stressed I needed to recover full strength more than anybody.
Since the discovery that my ears were now tipped like all the other fae, and the assumption that I’d had a spell on me before that limited my power, they all took it as a foregone conclusion that I’d upend the queen’s rule and forge a new way of life for her many subjects.
Shiiiit . I couldn’t even figure out what to do with my own life, let alone bear the responsibility of an entire realm!
The royals of Embermere had cast me away, bespelled so I couldn’t even call on my own power, subjected me to a life where I’d forever be an outcast, a servant dedicated to the whims of others. They’d next abducted me, shot my friend, then shot me— twice —before forcing me into a brutal competition for my life, one I was equipped to fight in only because I’d taken it upon myself to train until I vanquished the worst of my weaknesses; had captured and tortured my friends; attempted to kill me over and over again, until the queen had succeeded ; and by dragonfire the only way I’d survived was by coming back to life . I’d had to resur-fucking-rect . That’s how close I’d come to the queen finishing me off for good. What in the blazing lava was I thinking going back? Who did I think I was to imagine I could make a difference when she had already proven she could crush me as easily as a tiny, insignificant bug?
Okay, sure, the blood of Odelia Catalina Corisande, true heir to the murderous legacy of King Erasmus, and Oren Amadeo, the most formidable drake of his generation, ran through my veins … but so fucking what? It hadn’t saved my mother . Nor had it kept my father from being the queen’s spineless lackey. What chance did it have of doing something entirely different for me?
“Wyn?” Xeno said.
When I finally glanced at him, the tilt of his brows and the concern in his warm eyes told me it hadn’t been the first time—or the third or fourth—he’d called out to me.
I clutched a napping Saffron closer to my waist, the horse’s rocking gait lulling him, and smiled down at Xeno. “Hey.”
The deep bruising on his cheek and collarbone was already fading, and the myriad cuts that dotted his flesh were scabbed over despite the gunk that coated them, now dried and flaking off. But despite a recovery that was far faster than what a human was capable of, it was significantly slower than normal for him.
Which didn’t bode well for his ravaged wings.
“What are you fretting about now?” he asked.
“How’d you know I was fretting?”
He snorted, and I couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was. Even beat to shit and filthy, his strong body and face, soft lips and eyes, guaranteed he was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen.
Save one…
I pinched my lips shut to prevent my thoughts from careening in Rush’s direction. It was bad enough I was heading his way, I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of daydreaming about him too—even if he’d never know it.
“Your nose is scrunched up in that cute way you do when you’re worrying about something,” Xeno said with a look over his shoulder at me. “What is it?”
“Don’t you mean, what is it not ? That list’ll be shorter.”
Another snort. “Yeah, give me the short list. Let’s work through it.”
According to Xeno and the many talks we’d enjoyed in Nightguard, there wasn’t any problem we couldn’t figure out together.
I suspected this was the one time that prediction of his would fail.
Concealing a wince as Bolt stumbled over a tree root and jostled my healing heart, I sighed in resignation. “Nothing unexpected. I still think it’s totally tail-flick crazy to be heading back to Embermere when we barely just got out of there, and so barely it’s not even a little bit funny. We’ve spent the last several weeks putting as much distance between us and that horrible place as possible. And now we’re heading back? For real, X, have I lost my damn mind?”
“Well, it was bound to happen eventually.”
I gaped at his back, still bare but for smeared umbrac, his shoulder muscles thick, appealing cords, until he barked a deep laugh—so foreign to this nightmarish place, and yet so welcome.
Tsking , I couldn’t resist a tinge of a smile. “Seriously, though … the bitch made it blatantly clear she outpowered and outmaneuvered me in a million different ways.”
We trailed perhaps twenty feet behind Finnian and walked maybe about the same in front of Roan and Pru, who were talking together. Reed wove in and out of the forest to either side of us, watching equally for predators and easy prey. No one was far enough away to ensure privacy, but none appeared to be paying attention to our conversation.
“She’s got so much magic that all she’s gotta do is snap her fingers and she can freeze anyone so they can’t move.” Brows arched and looking up at me, Xeno slowed till he reached my side, then kept pace. “She could literally hold you in place while she orders your head sliced off and not even have to stop having her tea and damn cookies.”
“If she has that much control over you, over anybody, then we can’t go back.”
I harrumphed.
“What?” he asked. “You’re doing that thing where you move your lips back and forth. What aren’t you telling me?”
The man knew me too well.
Again, I sighed. “At the end there, I could move even when I was under her thrall.”
“Then why do you say it like it’s not a good thing?”
My own brows rose. “Is it a good thing?”
“Well, fuck yeah it is. Of course it is. Anything you can do to pay her back for all she did to you?—”
“And to you and Saffron.”
“Don’t worry about us.”
It was my turn to scoff. “As if I wouldn’t. In fact, this is a good time to tell you I really want you to take Saffron back to Nightguard and keep him there.”
“You mean, keep me there.”
“If you want to look at it that way.”
“It’s how you mean it.”
I didn’t respond, staring up ahead instead. The sun was dipping lower.
His fingers slid from the horse’s shoulder to my calf. “We’ve already been over this.”
I sucked in a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh. “I know we have, but, X, you two have to go, you just have to. The first thing she’ll do is try to get her hands on you just to get to me, and this time she’ll kill you, I know she will.”
“No, this time she won’t. I won’t let her. I won’t let her touch you either.” His eyes blazed with the intensity of his conviction.
I scowled. “Don’t be arrogant.”
“I’m not. You know what I can do. You’ve seen me in action.”
I had, and before Rush, the scenes of Xeno fighting, his muscles contracting and lengthening exquisitely with such strength and grace, had been fodder for my private fantasies.
I held his stare until he had to look away to keep from tripping. “Just because I can begin to escape some of the hold of her magic—and that’s just a tiny bit, by the way—doesn’t mean you can. She’ll murder you.”
Xeno kept his attention fixed ahead, his jaw a firm, stubborn line.
“If not for your sake, for Saffron’s, then. She’ll delight in killing him.”
A muscle in his jaw twitched. A few clip-clops from Bolt later, “I can’t even get to Nightguard without a portal, and I can’t open one.”
“I can,” Finnian called from up ahead with a slicing whack to the brush.
So much for the illusion of privacy.
“There,” I told Xeno. “See? Finn’ll open one right up for you guys, and then I’ll rest easy knowing you’re both safe.”
“Nope. No way.”
“But you just said you’d do it.”
“I did not. I only pretended I was considering it ’cause I thought there was no way I could get there.” Xeno’s hand lowered from my leg to scratch his own. “If you’re going to Embermere, I’m going too.”
“Your sworn duty is to protect any and all dragons, and especially those that are the last of their kind, like Saffron.”
That same muscle in his jaw twitched. “I don’t need you to remind me of my oath.” His words were as hard as his stare, which he flicked to me. “I’m the one who made it, and I take my responsibilities fucking seriously, you know that.”
I did. I grimaced in apology. “Sorry.”
“But I’m not in Nightguard right now. I’ll still give my life to save Saffron, but I’m not abandoning you. I’m just not, plain and simple.” He glanced at me, eyes once more blazing with emotion, making them appear even lighter than usual. “So don’t ask me to.”
We walked in silence for several moments, during which even Roan and Pru quieted, presumably to listen in.
When Xeno next spoke, it was in harsh, hushed tones. “I’ve given my entire life to the dragons. There’s never been much thought of myself, just them. And I’m fine with that. It’s what’s necessary, and it’s what I agreed to. It’s what I’ll do for the rest of my life. But no matter what’s gone down with this Rush guy ... Wyn, I love you, you know I do. And I know now that it’ll never be between us.”
I opened and closed my mouth.
“You don’t have to say anything. I can tell. I can see it in your eyes. You love him as I love you.”
He waggled his jaw and I said, “Xeno...”
He shook his head. “No, none of that. It is what it is. I never figured this life would give me what I want anyway.” Again, he stared up at me. “But, Wyn, don’t expect me to give up on you, because I swear to you I never will. I can’t. I won’t be able to live with myself if I walk away from you and something terrible happens to you. So stop asking.”
More quiet interrupted only by our constant footfalls.
When he finally spoke again, I didn’t think anyone else would hear him. “Don’t ask me to give you up. Please. Even if you’ll never be mine in that way, you’ll still always be my Wyn. And I’ll make sure that’s enough for me.”
It didn’t sound as if it would be enough. My smile was sad, and I wasn’t entirely sure why, but perhaps a part of me also had always thought I’d love him that way too. “I’m sure someone else’ll eventually come along,” I offered. “You might not be able to picture it—her—now, but I’ll bet?—”
Xeno looked away. “No, Wyn. There’ll never be anyone else for me but you. Just let me have whatever you can give.”
Vulnerable admissions from a fierce warrior.
I gulped. “Then at least take Saffron back on his own.”
But little Saffron, whom I’d believed to be sleeping soundly, jerked upright atop the saddle and scrambled into my arms with such ferocity that it was as if he were trying to burrow under my very skin.
Xeno chortled, an equal mixture of misery and amusement. “It doesn’t look like he’s ready to give you up either.”
“But ... what if something happens to him?”
“With me and you watching over him, that won’t happen.”
But even he must realize they were empty assurances when we were dealing with the likes of the queen.
I pressed a kiss to the soft scales at the dragonling’s crown. “Please, Saff. I need you to be safe. Please let us take you home.”
But Saffron whined then whimpered and pressed himself against me till not even a sliver of air drifted between us.
A sinking despair slunk deep in my gut as I exhaled loudly.
“What about the rest of you?” I asked, not bothering to increase my volume since they were all so obviously eavesdropping. “Do any of you want out of this suicide mission?”
“Nah,” Roan said. “I’ve been wantin’ to kick the queen’s pretty arse since I first laid eyes on her. I’ve been itchin’ to bring her a fight. With a chance to finally beat ‘er, no way am I goin’ anywhere else with anyone else. We got us a queen to murder, lassie.”
“Same,” Finnian echoed.
Pru and Reed were silent, which I could only take to mean they too had lost their minds along with the rest of us.
“Though it’s entirely possible Rush’ll kill me before I get to so much as lift a boot in the cunt’s direction,” Roan added. “I promised to take you as far from her as I could n’ do what I can to keep you safe. And he gave up everythin’ for you. Now I’m marchin’ you right back into the dragon’s den.”
I swallowed thickly. If we were truly returning to Embermere, then the dragon’s den was exactly where we were going. And I was bringing practically every person and creature I cared about in the entire world to face the dragon with me.
We were all almost certainly going to die.
I knew it with a sickening churning in my gut.
But the compass deep inside me, the one that sang loudly that I was doing what I must, what I was born to do, kept pointing the way forward.
“Fuck,” I muttered.
“Yeah,” Xeno repeated. “Fuck us all.”
As if the Sorumbra itself were alive and following every word we said, it chose that moment to speak back.
Something large and dark blotted out what was left of the sun as it swooped overhead—then dove straight toward us.