26. The Kiss of Death
26. THE KISS OF DEATH
~ ELOWYN ~
So much had changed since that first time Rush led me across the palace to my chambers. So much had passed between us, both good and bad. And yet, much like that initial time, I couldn’t help but wonder how I found myself there again, delivered to Embermere without my consent. It felt a bit like a dream—or perhaps it was a nightmare from which there was no waking.
This time, at least, he walked at my side, dispensing with a bit of the silly posturing that passed for court etiquette. With a hand never far from one of his blades, he glanced at me, Saffron across my back, every few steps. I couldn’t decide whether it was because he feared I might disappear as readily as I’d materialized, if he longed to touch me as much as I did him, or if he was simply concerned for my safety. If it was the latter, the queen had proven far too thoroughly that weapons weren’t a true defense against her. And that had been before she revealed how very well informed she was.
So much for all the secrets we’d believed our own...
In the Wilds, I’d dared to believe my burgeoning connection to the land would make a difference. But what chance did I have when the queen could flick her wrist and vanish beasts as magical and powerful as dragons?
I clung to a rapidly fading faith that we’d find the way to defeat her anyway, because if we didn’t, what hope would anyone else have? If we didn’t succeed, the mirror world would be bathed in such darkness it would never find its way out from under its strain. The darkness would swallow up the light. And then there really wouldn’t be any reason to keep going.
When we arrived at my door, Rush ushered me inside, bolted it quickly closed behind us, and kept me with him while he performed a sweep of my rooms. After he found no lurking assassins, he spun toward me, his shoulders relaxing by a fraction.
“It’s safe.”
I stared up at him. Dust and grime smeared his face and clothing. Burn marks slashed across one sleeve and the back of his tunic, where some ends of his hair curled, several inches shorter than they’d been before he weathered the dragon’s breath to get to me. Dark circles edged his eyes, making the moonlight of his irises appear brighter. And his frame was lankier, suggesting he’d lost some weight.
Since he stabbed me in the heart . The one fact that was impossible to forget.
“I’m pretty sure it’s not safe, Rush,” I corrected. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be safe again.”
His shoulders slumped in defeat, and he ran a hand over his face, leaving another slash of smears across his forehead and cheekbones. “Yeah, I know. I know. And it’s fucking killing me.”
“Given what you did last time we were summoned to the throne room, seems like a poor choice of words.”
His tattoos flared brightly, vines climbing rapidly to encase his eyes, which swirled and churned with an anguish so tangible it dispelled any remaining doubt. This man before me had suffered over his choice nearly as much as I had.
But never as much.
Unwilling to soften the effects of his actions, reaching beneath Saffron’s arms, I tugged down the neckline of my shirt. Umbrac gunk crusted onto the fabric, and flecks of their black ink rained down to the carpet.
I rubbed at the still raw scar on my chest where I’d forever bear the mark of his betrayal. The scar had formed into a puckered pink kiss—an irony that labeled it the kiss of death .
His brows lowered in evident distress, his stare pinned on my fingers as they massaged the skin around his lethal kiss.
“El,” he murmured, taking a step toward me. But then he quieted, his next breath shuddering.
Gently, I tapped the skin around the wound that, according to Finnian, would likely never fully heal, the magic of the mate bond too potent to not leave a mark.
“I thought of you every single day,” I voiced in a hush before regretting the vulnerability of the admission. He still had so much to make up for.
When his silver eyes glimmered with a flash of hope, I glanced down at my scar, seeking to dash it. He’d hurt me so terribly, dammit!
“With this pretty thing you left me with, there was no avoiding it. Of course, that was after I gained consciousness. For days, they didn’t know if I’d live or not.” I whispered, “Days when I thought it’d be easier to just die.”
He sucked in a sharp inhale. “El…” he breathed.
Still, I didn’t look at him.
The echo of his handprint surged across my skin, encompassing his kiss of death, as if he cupped that wound in his hand. The outline of his mark glowed silver.
“Why this?” I asked of the new brand he’d left me with.
“I-I didn’t know that would happen. I’m sorry ... to have left you with another reminder of me you can’t get rid of.”
When I finally glanced up, he sighed, the corners of his eyes and forehead creased, and took another step toward me. If he stretched his long arms, he’d reach me.
“When the dragon touched your forehead, you collapsed. You were out a long while, long enough for me to worry. I thought...”
When he didn’t continue, I prompted, “You thought what?”
Meekly, he shrugged. “I thought the touch of your mate might bring you back to me.”
“But why’d you touch me there, of all places?”
“It’s what I felt I should do. It’s like when...”
“When what?”
He flicked a pointed look up to the corners of the room, to the seams of the lilac walls and the cream ceiling that implied a softness the queen’s court lacked.
“They’re there,” I said of the severed eyeball and ear that bobbed along the ceiling. “Does it really matter, though? She already knows everything.”
He rubbed both hands across his face, leaving more jagged streaks of filth. “Yeah, you’re right.” Even so, he softened his voice so even the ear might struggle to pick up his words and took another small step closer.
When his breath came, I felt it flutter across the bare skin surrounding my wound.
He lowered his head closer to mine, his lips close enough that we might kiss. “She ordered me to execute four innocents.”
My chest clenched even as I knew I shouldn’t be surprised. If anything, I might have been astonished her kill order didn’t apply to thousands instead of a mere four.
He looked to where I’d studied the queen’s eerie spies before drawing closer still. “So much rode on my compliance. But I still couldn’t do it. So I asked for help. I don’t know whom or what I asked, but I begged for it.” Another flick of his eyes upward then back to mine. “And that’s when the shaking and roaring started.”
“You think the dragons helped you?” Tenderly, I rubbed Saffron’s spindly arms as they wrapped around my shoulders and chest.
“I would’ve never believed it before. But then I saw what you did with them, and, El, that was incredible.” He shook his head as if he were unable to process his awe. “How did you even do that?”
“I’m not sure, but I did it in the Wilds too,” I breathed when the ear still hovered too far away to pick up on our whispers—I hoped.
His eyes widened so that white showed on all sides of those mesmerizing irises of his. “Seriously?”
I nodded. “There’s at least one out there.”
“And it”—he drew nearer still, his exhale caressing my ear—“did the bowing thing with you too?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.” He blinked several times as he seemed to process before a fingertip trailed the pointy crest of my ear. A shiver ran the length of my spine, my entire body shuddering in response. He noticed, his stare heating even as he said, “This is new.”
“Yep. There’s a lot of new stuff.”
I met his pulsing eyes for several beats while I wondered if I was the biggest idiot in the mirror world for not launching myself into his arms—or if I’d be the worst of morons for doing so.
I took half a step back. “What’s up with the ‘scaled’ thing? What did you all mean by that?”
His gaze dragged across my face, landed on my lips, and stayed there. “It’s from legend only, of course. Up until today, we believed the only dragons that still lived were from your home.”
“Nightguard’s not my home,” I corrected before wondering where the dragonfire my home was, then.
He nodded in acceptance. “My parents lived during the rule of King Erasmus. They say it was told some dragons would choose a special fae to connect with, only ever a single person at a time. That fae would have a bit of dragon inside them, and when the bond was first made, the fae’s skin would flash with scales, as if the dragon became a part of them.”
My breath caught in my throat before I managed to get anything out. “And that’s what happened with me?”
“Yes. It’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen.” He closed the half step I’d carved out between us, taking my umbrac-coated hands in his. “ You’re the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen.”
When I didn’t respond, he craned his neck in the direction of our surveillance. “Should I keep going?”
“Yes.” I needed to know.
“The scales flashed with light. Much like my handprint across your heart. The scales were blue like the dragon in the throne room, and gold like Saffron”—he glanced to where Saffy napped across my back—“and there was black too.”
“The dragon in the Wilds,” I uttered.
“Ah. Then those you’ve bonded with.”
“I guess so.”
What was even happening? If not for the murderous, spiteful cunt of a queen, I’d say my life was turning out to be unexpectedly freaking magical.
But alas, there was apparently no escaping her. So it wasn’t.
“The scales disappeared before you woke up,” Rush added. “I don’t know much more about the process than that. When King Erasmus started his extermination of the dragons, the scaled fae were the first he hunted down. There haven’t been any since.”
Rush’s fingertips trailed down my arms so gently, they caused another shudder. “Until you.”
“I don’t want to be any more of a target than I already am. I just want everyone to leave me alone.”
His fingers paused in their journey up to my shoulders. “Including me?”
“Yes.” I sighed heavily, petting Saffron’s knobby arms some more while he purred with deep sleep. “No. I don’t know.”
Rush dropped his hands and dipped his head so I couldn’t avoid his eyes unless I closed mine. “I am so incredibly sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you at all, not even the slightest bit. But then I went and hurt you in the worst way. The look on your face when I”—his voice hitched—“when I slid the blade into your heart, it’s haunted me every minute of every day. I think I’ll never stop seeing my betrayal through your eyes, so beautiful, so tortured, so haunted … by what I did.”
“You didn’t do it ’cause you wanted to,” I offered before scowling. What the dragonfire, Elowyn?
“But there has to have been another way. Some way to avoid that. It was so awful. So horrible. There had to have been something else I could’ve done. Maybe if I’d just killed myself then she wouldn’t have bothered with you anymore.”
I snorted. “Yeah, that was the solution. Kill yourself.”
“Better than killing you,” he snarled—at himself, I thought.
“I trusted you.” My words were too soft to be an accusation, too raw to be safe to share with the man who’d done everything he blamed himself for. There truly might have been another way.
“I know. And you didn’t even know about the mate bond, the mate magic, that it was supposed to save you. But, El...”
“What?”
“When I did it ... when I stabbed you, I couldn’t be certain the mate magic would save you. It was a horrible risk. But at the time I thought my options were to take a risk and bet on you surviving, or watch as she killed you forever.” His eyes glistened. “And I couldn’t stand the idea of living for centuries knowing you’d once been in the world and no longer were. I was selfish. I wanted you in this world with me.”
“I know.”
When his brows arched with surprise, so did mine. I hadn’t meant to say that. Hadn’t realized I thought it.
But I supposed I did.
The queen had been leaving us no good choices since I met her. It was either bad or worse with her. And permanently dead was definitely worse than temporarily dead.
“You do? You really do?” Rush asked with so much hope singing through his questions that my heart couldn’t help but leap at them.
I exhaled loudly. “I do. But that doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you. Even though I understand, I can’t?—”
He clasped my hands once again. “You don’t ever have to forgive me. Never, if you don’t want to. I’ll live with the burden of what I did, every single day and every single night, just...”
“Just, what?”
“Just...” His eyes pulsed, his tattoos mimicking the flare. “Just, will you let me back into your life? Will you allow me to prove to you how important you are to me? How very sorry I am? I promise you, I can be a mate you’re proud of.”
Staring up at him, I gulped.
“There’s no one else but you for me, El. You’re my one and only. Please remember that when she ... when I have to...”
A growl vibrated deep in my chest, and the spying ear zipped down to hover lower. I glared at it as if my anger could force its retreat.
I snarled, “You’d better not be about to say when the queen orders you to have sex with her.”
His shoulders rose and fell with resignation.
I stepped out of his grip. “That’s bullshit, Rush. Hell no.”
“If I was willing to risk you , my fucking mate , I’m sure as fuck willing to give myself over to her if it’ll keep you safe.”
My nostrils flared, and Saffron shifted heavily across my back. “No.”
“It’s just my body. You’re the only one who’ll ever have my heart.”
“Fuck. No.” I stomped back into his space, stabbing a finger against his solid chest. Whisper-shouting, I hissed, “I gave my maidenhood to you. You didn’t have the equivalent to give to me, okay, I accept that. You’re old as shit. But I will not stand by now while you go whore yourself out to that bitch.”
He stared at me before finally smirking. “Old as shit?” But it was a weak attempt at levity. “Look, El, trust me?—”
“Nope. You don’t get to say that to me. Not after what’s happened, not after what you just said.”
His nostrils flared, and he swallowed intently, his throat bobbing. “You think I want to go to her bed when she summons me? You think the mere thought of it doesn’t make my stomach sour and my blood turn to ice? You think I won’t have to picture your face on hers just to get through it?”
“Don’t you dare do that.”
“It’s the only way I’ll be able to do it. Whether it’s her or some of her ladies.”
My blood didn’t turn to ice like he said his would; mine boiled .
He added, “If I don’t perform, then it won’t be good for any of us. You or Larissa.”
“Fuck that. And fuck Larissa too.” I didn’t really mean it, but I also didn’t care just then.
The moonlit glow of his eyes went out, and a dull, lifeless gray stared back at me. “I have to protect her too. As my mate, you’ll always be more important to me. But there’s no one to defend her now but me. After what happened with Ramana, I can’t...”
I huffed. “You can’t let her down.”
“No, I can’t.” Whatever light remained in his eyes snuffed out entirely. “I’ll have to go. That’s what she meant when she said I have just tonight off.”
I blinked at him repeatedly. I was going to kill the bitch, find the way to revive her putrid ass, just to have the pleasure of killing her all over again. And then I was going to do it again, and again, and again. I was going to murder her once for every one of her unforgivable transgressions.
Rush muttered, “We’ve sacrificed too much to get here. If after everything, after finding out I’ve been”—once more, he glanced up to where the body parts still lingered—“well, you know, I have to take the chance that I can still be crowned prince. I can still save Embermere and the mirror world. I can still save Larissa. And I can still save you, the most valuable person in this entire world.”
When I shook my head and just kept shaking it, he repeated, “It’s just my body.”
“No, Rush,” I snapped. “It’s not just your body. It’s a fucking violation. It’s practically rape. And if you’re going to go climb into her bed, then you’re not going alone. She gets off on being a perverted, lecherous, disgusting woman who preys on everyone’s weaknesses?” I made sure the ear above us heard every one of my condemnations. “And oh, by the way, caring about others shouldn’t be a fucking weakness. She wants to be depraved and wave her nasty-ass cunt all up in everybody’s faces? She wants debauchery to be the theme of her court instead of sacredness and magic? Then she’s gonna get all the depravity she can handle.”
Rush stilled. “What does that mean?”
I had no freaking idea, so I stomped off toward the bathing chamber. One thing I could be certain of just then, I needed a bath nearly as badly as I needed to skin the queen alive.
“Where are you going?”
“To clean up,” I grunted. “I’ve been tasting umbrac for days. It’s nasty, and I’m so over it, you have no idea. I’m over being some psycho’s toy to jerk around. I’m over it all, Rush.” I glared at him over my shoulder. “Over. It.”
I slipped through the threshold, my hand already on the door, preparing to close it.
“What about the dragonling?”
“What about him?” I asked in a near shout. Whatever shit I still had left, I was precariously close to losing it. And I hadn’t even begun worrying for everyone I left behind in the Sorumbra yet, probably out of their minds with worry over me—Xeno especially.
“Are you going to take a bath with him?” Rush asked.
“Of course I am,” I said. “Saff loves a bath.”
He didn’t. He hated water.
Then I slammed the door, slid a sleepy Saffron around to my chest, and slumped against it.