Chapter Thirty-Three
I look up, startled, still wiping my hands on my dress. Thankfully, it’s reasonably clean.
“Your Grace.” No one has ever come to call for me down here. I stand still, unsure of how to respond, but oddly flattered that he’s sought me, especially after his standoffish demeanor at dinner.
“May I accompany you back?” He offers his arm.
I look around, still surprised he’s here. It takes me a moment to catch up, but just as a look of unguarded disappointment crosses his face, I double check that my hands are clean and gently, hesitantly rest my hand on his bicep, which I absentmindedly note is thicker than Thaddeus.’
“You come down here often then?” His tone is neutral and light. The answer is straightforward enough, but I find it difficult to get out. I’ve forgotten how to do this. With Avicii, there was so much excitement. I couldn’t wait to leave these walls and travel the realm with my love. Little did I know, I’d neither travel the realm nor remain in love.
And with Thaddeus, everything happened so fast. And there’s less talking and more of everything else. I smile, my mind wandering to last night, where he made use of those long, talented fingers.
“My question amuses you?” He looks at me, unsure of himself for a moment .
“I’m sorry, King Sturdevant,” I stumble over my words before recovering. “I’m just surprised. No one ventures out this way, least of all for me.”
He watches my face, searching for sincerity. He’s trying, I realize. He’s searched me out to create a relationship with me before we leave for Etos. Instantly, I feel terrible knowing that I’ll leave, no matter if we build a relationship or not.
He’s not my future, but he thinks I’m his.
Knowing this, I’m not sure how much to share with him. How much of myself to give.
“You may call me Lysander.” His smile is warm and the edges of his eyes wrinkle with the lines of someone who smiles often.
“I do, yes, Lysander. I like spending time in the ward, I try to help where I can.” Hesitantly, I look up to see his reaction. He’s still smiling warmly at me; his steely eyes continue to melt.
“That’s a valiant way to spend your time.” He pats my hand with his own as we make our way down the hallway, passing the small office room, forgotten to everyone but Thaddeus and me. “I’m sure the king appreciates the good you do for your people.”
“Something like that.” He tilts his head in inquiry and for some reason, perhaps because he seems like the exact opposite type of ruler than my father, and I feel like I can, and perhaps he’d even understand. “He doesn’t like me down here. He’s actually asked me not to come.”
Taken aback, he recovers quickly. “Then your work is even more commendable.”
His words melt my heart. The smile I give him is true. And he returns it, his confidence returning in full force.
I like him. He’s kind and he sees me and I like him .
I can’t.
I’ll leave him at the altar, there’s no room to like him. As the coldness of this realization creeps up my spine, he must see the change in my face.
“Is this where I should leave you?” He mistakes my sudden realization for my having to leave. I look around, barely aware of my surroundings. Thankfully, we’ve stopped in front of the library. The wooden double doors call to me and I let them.
“Yes, I was going to spend some time in the library today after the ward. I hope you don’t mind.” I try lamely.
“Then this is where I leave you.” He makes a quick bow and kisses my hand. “I look forward to when you have a moment to show me those maps you and Killian spoke of.”
“Of course, your grace.” I don’t move to turn into the library, and he waits patiently until I startle from my thoughts. I turn to the library and back to him as if this choice will guide my path from here on out. He smiles down at me and prepares to say something.
I don’t want to know what he’s about to say. I give a quick curtsey and without another look up, I excuse myself to the library. I move more quickly than necessary, so of course I trip over my dress just as I cross the threshold.
I hear Lysander behind me, moving to catch my fall. But I land in another’s arms.