Chapter Forty-One
A t the caller’s announcement, those already gathered in the ballroom stop. The weight of their eyes roaming over every detail before I even complete my entry is heavy with judgment. The merry atmosphere, guided by the sweet, lilting tones of a small group of musicians, is at odds with the sideways glances I receive as I move farther into the room.
Hoping for a friendly face, I look toward where the music is coming from. But Thaddeus isn’t among the players this evening. The king must be saving Thaddeus and his epic songs for later.
And then I remember, even if Thaddeus was here, he wouldn’t be the friendly face I need. We haven’t spoken in days, not since he told me of Ombretta, and the real reason he’s here. The real reason he got close to me. The reminder is a heavy weight on my chest. The hurt mixes with anger at his actions.
And then fear rolls in, dwarfing the two other emotions. Will he still be there tonight? To aid us in leaving the castle? Or will we be left to our own devices? Does Baylor know the way? Or where we’d find Ombretta once we get to the north?
My steps falter and those around me move to help, steadying me and guiding me back to my feet. These are all questions I should’ve answered before tonight. Thaddeus hasn’t even crossed my mind recently. Not unless I’m comparing Sturdevant to his impossible standards.
Moving through the crowd toward me as if summoned by thought is Thaddeus. He moves stealthily, watching me as a wolf watches its prey. And I suppose that makes me an unthinking rabbit because I find myself drawn to him despite how angry and confused I still am with him.
He pulls me around a pillar and the floral bows wilt under our movements. We move deeper into the dark shadows of the celebration, and his firm touch sends a thrill of memories through me I’ve missed too much these past few days. I grab onto my resolve like a lifeline. Despite this, all our rendezvous flood my memory. The memory of his touch, this touch, other places on my body. From my neck, drifting along my curves, down—
“I don’t see your betrothed.” His tone makes it clear he’s not interested in anything other than talking, which is exactly what we need to do.
I wave his comment away with more disinterest than I feel. “Are we—” I’m not sure how to ask all the questions I have; I can’t decide which ones are most important.
“Yes,” he says, his eyes intently on me. “Despite what you may think, I’m a grown male and I can separate my feelings from the task at hand.” His words are a slap across the face. Of course he’s able to separate the two as should I. So much rides on our leaving Merula together that I can’t believe I’ve spent so much time worrying about what’s happened between the two of us.
“Of course. I just wanted to make sure—” The air around us crackles at our close proximity. How can I be so drawn to a person and so angry at the same time?
“The plan. Just stick to the plan. We leave tonight.” And for a brief moment, I’m not sure if he’s saying those words to himself or to me. His fingers brush a stray curl behind my ear and, before I can respond, he’s gone.
I slowly make my way back into the crowded room, both comforted by Thaddeus’ reassurance and emboldened now that I know, tonight is our night.
With a renewed sense of purpose, I make my way through the crowd, and this time, the side glances and whispers don’t weigh as heavily as before.
A beautiful spectacle, but a fairly uneventful one. The evening passes slowly, and at every moment I have, I replay instructions for tonight’s events. I’ve barely spoken with Sturdevant, even though tonight is for us, it seems more like a celebration of Hadeon.
The king merrily directs the musicians and the dance floor, sometimes he joins in but mostly watches from his perch up on the dais. The nobles of Merula and the surrounding towns celebrate yet another conquest under Hadeon’s belt. For sure this last piece will help rid our realm of the other races, and magic forever.
I’m relieved when the servants begin to bring out plates of breads and meats. As we dine, Killian leans over to make conversation. “Don’t worry about the pre-wedding jitters, they’ll pass.” His smile is kind, but as I look up, I realize there’s no light in his eyes.
“Thank you. Yes, I must admit, it’s a lot to take in, in such a short time.” The way he watches me, waiting for me to say more, I swear he knows more than he lets on, which is nerve wracking, but we just need to make it a few more hours and his assumptions won’t matter.
“Did you hear?” he asks off-handedly, and I swear I can feel Licia lean into our conversation. But the look of glazed adoration on her face suggests otherwise, so I turn back toward my brother. “The stable master was taken today. He’ll be executed tomorrow.”
“The stable master?” Baylor. Oh. Executed? A sense of dread spears through me at the shocking news. If what Killian says is true, there’s no way we can leave without Baylor, especially if he’s to be executed. I try to take command of my features, but something must show.
“Are you alright, sister? You’re looking a little pale.” And his lovely brotherly smile fades into something grotesque. A look I swear I’ve seen before, but can't place it right away.
And then I do.
On Hadeon. It’s the same look Father gets when he knows he’s backed someone into a corner.
“Executed? What could the stable master possibly have done to gain the king’s attention?” My concern for one’s life is sincere, and for Hadeon to be so quickly drawn to Baylor, part of our plan must have fallen into their hands. Suddenly, the outcome of tonight becomes hazy.
“There’s talk of revolt,” he says, and he quickly becomes more animated, fisting his knife and fork in either hand and slamming them on the table for emphasis. “Which is absurd, these people have nothing, there is no way they could successfully rise against us now.”
Which is as good a reason as any to rise up, but I don’t say that. “And what does our stable master have to do with anything that happens within the town?”
“He’s the one who’s been rousing the people. If we squash him, the rest will return to themselves, and if they know what’s best, they’ll be more hesitant the next time someone questions their betters.”
This does not sound like the Killian who ran after my carriage with tears in his eyes ten years ago. Nor the Killian who used to run through the streets of Merula with me, racing as fast as he could but always stopping to help if he overturned someone's basket along the way.
What has Father done to you? Is what I want to ask, but instead I can only nod while my thoughts race, trying to figure out what needs to be done and how I get word to Thaliya without raising suspicions in such a short time. “It sounds like you’ve taken care of everything. I just hope an execution does not overshadow the happier events of tomorrow.”
Killian’s face falls, his disappointment in my response is clear. Was he hoping for more? How much does he know? “Indeed,” is all he says, then turns his attention to his daughters.
If Baylor is now imprisoned, then everything is ruined.
Inwardly, I frantically search for a solution. There’s no way we can leave Baylor to such a fate, beside the fact there’s no way we can do this without Baylor. He’s the very one Thaliya trusts to deliver us safely to the north. And while Thaddeus knows the way, and is good company, I’m not sure Thaliya would let us leave with only him.
I have to let Thaliya know what’s happened. She’ll know what our next steps should be.
I excuse myself but the crowd, seeming to work against my progress out of the ballroom, pushes me further in rather than out of the vast room. The music is louder here, the musicians vying for the attention of the onlookers. Thaddeus still has not taken the stage, which he’ll surely do before the night’s end. I have time.
Suddenly, an arm reaches out, gently but firmly halting me in my tracks. I jump, but the grip isn’t aggressive, just strong. Not Killian come to arrest me then .
“May I have one last dance with my betrothed?” Sturdevant’s hand grazes down my arm, tentatively possessive. His smile is warm and genuine, like he’s having the time of his life tonight and he can't wait for tomorrow to come.
His words register, though. “Did you say ‘last dance?’” I ask, a nervous tremor in my voice.
“I haven’t seen much of you tonight. I know your family occupies you. And now, you appear as if you’re fighting the crowd to retire to your chambers. You must be exhausted with all the festivities of the day, and I’d imagine you expect a full night of sleep before tomorrow. Would I be asking too much for your last dance before you go off to bed?” His smile lights up his eyes as he reaches out a hand, hopefully expectant.
I look toward the open doors and then to his expectant face. I have time. Baylor is in prison and I have to reach Thaliya. But I can’t leave so suddenly. It would raise suspicions. I have time. That’s all that registers in my thoughts as I take his outstretched hand. “I have heard you know your way around the ballroom floor.”
As soon as he expertly twirls me onto the dance floor, I’m torn between worlds.
In the here and now, I follow his steps smoothly, two royals moving as one. I can sense the crowd smiling and nodding their approval. These nobles eat this pageantry up.
Previously, I would’ve smiled and played along. Nudged into this marriage by their smiles and cheers. Herded like cattle into the role I’m supposed to play. Now, I see what they’re doing. Or, what they hope to do. And although I smile along, I will not play the game by their rules.
Lysander continues smiling, his hand low, but not too low, on the small of my back. Gently claiming what’s to be his. This close, I can smell the allspice and birch sent on him, no doubt a soap he brought from his homelands. He smells like the warmth promised by a blazing fire on a snow stormy night. If I’m not careful, I’ll settle right into his warmth.
“You’re quiet this evening.” A statement, not a question. After so many of our walks, I suppose comparatively, I’m rather quiet. “You don’t have any tales of who you healed today? Or thoughts to share? Or the latest gossip?”
“Yes, I apologize, I’m quite tired and my thoughts are all with what’s to come tomorrow.”
“I can't fault you for that. These days have been long ones. I look forward to returning to Etos with you by my side. We’ll have plenty of time to ourselves before I’m expected to return to my duties.”
With each word, I crack apart a little more, knowing that I’ll be the reason he returns to his lands empty handed, and knowing that he is such a good person and I am doing such a terrible thing to him. It doesn’t help to know that he will find another wife, there are even many women here who’d gladly step up in my absence. It doesn’t help that I’m leaving for a good reason. For something bigger than him and me.
If I keep this up, someone else will have to come behind me and pick up all the broken bits.
Luckily, the song slows and ends. He twirls me once more, swinging me back into a daring dip. When he returns me upright, his lips press against my own for a breath of a moment. His kiss, full of promise of our future together, ends with admiring applause from those around us. He bows and kisses my hand. “Enjoy the sweetest dreams, my bride. I’ll beg the sun to rise again with haste. ”
With one hand to my heart, I curtsy to him and take my leave. I don’t think anyone has ever said anything so charming to me in my lifetime. I don’t even think I’ve been witness to something so hopelessly romantic. Tears threaten as I turn to go, but I swallow them down as I ascend the stairs to my chamber.