9. Malachi
Irealized she’d be crying. I recognized the signs on her face. The way her eyes would glisten even brighter when she fought tears. The way her throat would bob with each swallow. And the way her lips would pout, made me want to kiss her even more than I already did. I wanted her to be happy, not crying. Why had I said I kept things from her? The only thing I kept from her was the love I wanted to give to her as a mate and not a friend. The way I hungered for her body and the sexual things I wanted to do to her. But she didn’t feel that way about me. She longed for her fated mate. I wouldn’t take her chance at finding him away from her.
It was a stupid thing to say I kept secrets. I only kept one. I blamed the lack of sleep, but was it my tiredness? Or did I want her to learn I loved her? Longed to kiss and touch every inch of her body to see what she liked. Craved to know if she’d moan from an intimate touch to her breasts, between her legs… I couldn’t imagine her with anyone but me.
I climbed into the caravan beside hers and closed the door quietly, then I climbed onto the thick mattress of the bed. It was soft. Not as soft as my bed back home, but it was comfortable. I needed sleep. My head was muddled. Being on Earth was making me experience things in another way.
Perhaps not in a different way, but more intense. The constant desire in my body to be as close to Ciara’s body as possible. To lay in a bed like this and pleasure her all day and night. The constant throb in my cock to be inside of her.
I’d never imagined telling Ciara I loved her more than as a friend, but being here it was all I thought about besides making love to her. When I wasn’t reading the books that was. There was an insistent urge inside me to get the words out. To lay them at her feet and grovel for her to love me back. Maybe if we both found our fated mates here on Earth, then I’d be free from this feeling, but I couldn’t imagine loving anyone as much as I loved Ciara.
I rolled over and squeezed my eyes shut. How I longed to go into the same caravan as her. To hold her in my arms and embrace her while she cried those tears she was crying right now. My heart was breaking, not being able to give her what she needed.
But they did not fate her to me.
I should leave her alone.
But I couldn’t.
I climbed off the bed and opened the door. Ivo gawked over his shoulder at me and raised an eyebrow in question. I didn’t even defend my actions. It was wrong. She was royalty. I wasn’t. But she was my best friend before anything else, so I walked over to her caravan.
Raising my fist, I knocked on the door.
“I’m asleep,” she exclaimed.
“Funny you can speak in your sleep.” I twisted the knob and opened the door.
She picked up a pillow and threw it at my head. “I don’t want to see you right now.”
“Ciara?” I beseeched. “I’m sorry. The last few days have been hard on both of us. I wanted to check you were all right.”
“Now you’ve seen, you can leave.” She sat up and dashed the tears away from her cheeks.
“Shite I made you cry.” There went my heart ripping out of my chest and landing at my feet ready for her to stomp on it.
“You did not.” She lifted her chin.
“I’m sorry,” I said, gripping the knob behind my back to stop myself from racing across the small space and gathering her into my arms. “I should go.”
“You indeed should.” Her bottom lip wobbled.
“No.” I groaned.
I was across the small space in two strides and had her gathered in my arms a heartbeat later. My heart was mine to give, and I would always give it to her. She sobbed and shoved at my chest then another heartbeat later she clung to me and cried. I rubbed her back in soothing strokes letting her get her emotions out. I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to see your father dying when we were immortal. My parents were alive and well but if we didn’t fix the spring, then we’d all end up like the King. I couldn’t imagine seeing my parents dying or them seeing me die. How difficult it was to realize the fate of all the Fae hinged on us finding a cure for the Spring of Life. Sure, she had me, her brothers and sisters, and her mother too, but when there was this much pressure she was bound to crack at some point in time. We all inevitably did. At least she was safe to do so in my arms.
My hand drifted higher and higher until I was stroking her radiant hair through my fingertips and trailing my palm down her back. Her cries softened as did her breathing. Her limbs loosened from around me and her body grew heavy in my arms. I held her for longer even though she was asleep.
Reluctantly, I eased her out of my arms, laid her head tenderly on the pillow, and climbed off the bed. I tucked the covers around her body wishing I could stay and hold her the entire time she slept but the guards were already questioning my actions and if I stayed with her, then it wouldn’t be right. Once again I had to remind myself I wasn’t her fated mate. I didn’t have the right to hold her in her sleep.
But as her best friend, I still had the right to comfort her when she was upset.
I’d performed my role and now it was time for me to leave as much as I didn’t want to, I always wanted the best for her.
I leaned down and kissed her forehead, whispering the words I longed to say, “I love you.”
Even though she didn’t acknowledge my declaration, my heart lightened for having said it the way I’d always wanted to say it. I left the caravan and almost walked into Emer.
“What were you doing in there?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I made sure Ciara got to sleep.”
“Mm-hm.”
I tried to step around her, but she blocked my path. I crossed my arms matching her stance and raised an eyebrow.
“It’s amazing the things you see when you’re a bodyguard.”
“There was nothing to see.” I uncrossed my arms and threw my hands up in the air. My eyebrows rose in surprise at the glowing power in my palms. “She was upset. I apologized. Then I hugged her. That was it.”
She tapped her fingers on her arm. “So sweet of you,” she drawled. “Above all since you were an ass toward her earlier.”
I shoved my hands behind my back. “We’re all struggling here.”
“Aye. It’s a lot to take in knowing the spring is dying, the King too and we’ll follow soon.” She lowered her arms.
My eyebrows shot up. “I’m surprised they told you.”
“There aren’t many secrets in the King’s guard.”
“How long have you known?”
“We’ve suspected there was a disturbance for a while.”
“But you said nothing?”
“No.” She shook her head. “We trust the King to keep us safe. And now he can no longer do so in his state we’ll trust his children will step up and do their best for our kingdom and our people.”
I blew out a breath through my teeth as my hands glowed even brighter. My power wanted an outlet. “No pressure.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Is your power unstable? We’ve heard about this happening to others too.”
“Dia.” Was there nothing the guards didn’t recognize?
I closed my eyes and placed my palms together. I concentrated on the steady beat of my heart. The pulse of my power thrumming through my veins. I slowed my breathing. Centered my thoughts. I wouldn’t let my power rule me. The gods made my power for good. I needed the control in check to keep it that way. Inch by inch the unstable sensation of my power receded until I was back in control. I opened my eyes and stared into Emer’s concerned face.
“All good.”
She cocked her head to the side. “You are strong. You should have been a guard.” She slapped me on the shoulder and then laughed. “But then you wouldn’t have been able to moon over the princess.”
“What?” I spluttered.
“Like I said, being the princess’s bodyguard means we see things others don’t.”
“Such as?”
“You can play dumb all you like, but you understand what I’m talking about. We see the way you look at Ciara with love in your eyes. The way you watch her every movement as though she was the most beautiful woman in any world.” She stepped aside.
My breathing shortened. A swirl of nerves circled my stomach. If they saw, then without a doubt others did too, and Ciara. What if she noticed?
“Don’t worry, Malachi, your secret is safe with us. Us guards stick together.”
“I’m not a guard.”
“Could have fooled me with the way you protect Princess Ciara.”
I walked past her and down the steps of the caravan. Once my feet hit the cool soil, I was even more grounded. The mere contact soothed my churning emotions and powers. After what Emer said they might have turned volatile.
I turned my head over my shoulder and said, “She’s my best friend.”
Emer smiled. “One day I want someone to look at me the way you look at Princess Ciara.”