Chapter 11
SIRONA
”Everything OK with you?” I ask Grant as I zip our tent closed behind us.
He sits cross-legged on our sleeping bag bed. We each unzipped ours, spread mine out on the ground and his on top. My pulse flutters in anticipation of spending the night in the same bed—or in this case, bag—as him.
But he”s been quiet tonight. Not that he”s a life-of-the-party kind of guy. But he”s seemed very introspective, more than usual.
”Yeah, I”m good. Just thinking how I wish I got to do more things like this. But my friends in Chicago aren”t really the hang out around the campfire types.” He gives me a smile that looks almost sad.
Then he takes a deep breath, puffing up his chest. ”But hey, that”s what I signed on for when I decided I want to be a surgeon.” He looks away, focusing on kicking off his shoes.
He pulls back his side of the sleeping bag and slides in, still wearing the shorts and t-shirt he”s been in all day.
And suddenly it feels awkward. Just a little. This first transition to a physical relationship is always that way.
”Do you want to change?” I ask him. Do I want to? I brought yoga pants and a long sleeve t-shirt to change into and keep warm when the night temperature drops. But I didn”t give any thought to how that worked with our plans.
He answers me by wriggling around under the blanket, clearly removing his shorts. Then he rolls to his side, propping his head on his left hand, and gives me a cocky smile. It looks a little forced, but I appreciate the effort at transitioning the mood.
”Whatever you want to do is fine. And I can turn my back if you”d like.”
Even though I want this man to touch me everywhere, want to take him inside me, it still feels weird to change in front of him. Especially in the hunched, contorted way I have to change inside a tent.
”I do want to put on some pants. I get chilly.”
I appreciate that he closes his eyes as I work my way out of my shorts and into my yoga pants. I don”t intend for us to have sex tonight, so he won”t have to struggle to remove them. I unhook my bra and pull it out through my sleeves, yank off my socks, and I”m good.
I slide under the blanket next to him and prop myself in the same position he is, my body just barely touching his.
He opens his eyes with a soft smile. This one is genuine; his eyes glimmer in the light of the small battery-operated lantern we have in here.
”Hi,” he says, gaze searching my face.
A giggle bubbles up in my throat. Why do I feel like the awkward teen with a crush on the cool guy? Like I was in high school, with my unrequited crush on him.
”You know, I had a huge crush on you when we were doing The Fantasticks.” Why did I blurt that out?
He grins. ”Did you really? I had no idea.”
Why that”s such a relief, I couldn”t say. But I decide to tease him with it. ”I had wild fantasies about you climbing up the trellis outside my bedroom, sneaking in, and doing wicked things to me.”
”Oh yeah?” His gaze heats, molten, as he stares at my mouth. ”What sorts of things?”
My own mouth waters. I need to taste him. ”All the things I heard my cousins and the other girls talking about. I wanted you to be the first person to do them to me.”
”I”m sorry I missed out on that opportunity. But I”d very much like to do all of them and more to you right now.”
My whole body is throbbing with need. He still hasn”t touched me. We”re lying just a breath apart. I”m hyper aware of my breasts rising and falling between us with each breath.
”Yes, please.” My voice is barely above a whisper.
He reaches out and strokes his hand down the side of my face.
A look of pain flashes over his face, so brief I almost miss it. But I don”t.
”What”s wrong?”
He leans into me, touching his forehead to mine. I can”t see anything beyond his face. I want this person so badly. Desperately.
He closes his eyes and says, ”The second worst thing about my injury is not being able to fully feel it when I touch you.” His voice is heavy with sorrow and regret.
I place my hand on the center of his chest so he can fully feel me. ”The number one worst thing is that you can”t do surgery?”
”The number one worst thing is that I can”t do surgery,” he repeats.
”Then we should probably do some things that you can feel.” I trail my fingertips down his belly, stopping at the edge of his t-shirt. I can feel the heat of him, but I don”t touch him. Yet.
He groans. ”I didn”t bring condoms. I thought we could... Oh fuck, that”s good.”
I”ve pressed my palm to his half-hard cock and now can feel as it swells under my hand. ”You can feel that?”
”Hell yes. That”s so good, babe.”
I haven”t decided yet if I want to take him in my mouth or just use my hand, but one way or another, Grant will have an orgasm tonight. And I expect the same. ”I didn”t bring condoms, either.” I don”t mention that I could probably do a onetime spell to protect us from any consequences. But I still prefer condoms, just in case.
A spell that was done just a little off is how Bronwen got pregnant.
Still pressing against him through his boxer briefs, I lean in to brush my lips against his. Just that brief point of contact sends sparks skittering over my skin. When we finally do have full penetrative sex, I may risk combustion.
He groans and immediately opens to me, his tongue at my lips, seeking entrance.
He kisses me like a man lost in the desert and I”m water. Like I”m the most delicious thing he”s ever tasted. Like I”m precious and alluring and he wants me.
”Fuck, you taste good,” he murmurs. He wraps his arm around my waist, rolling to his back and pulling me with.
In this position, we both have hands free, though my other arm is still somewhat trapped between us. I”m able to run my fingertips over his beard and that”s it. But he has both arms tightly wrapped around me and is stroking everywhere he can reach.
Still kissing him, still gently stroking his cock through his shorts, I slide one leg over his and press myself against his thigh.
Pleasure shoots through me, sharp and delicious. I moan.
He moans in return.
His hand snakes under the hem of my shirt, resting on my hip. And in that moment, I need him to slide his hand up and touch my breast more than I”ve ever needed anything before. I”m breathing so hard I”m practically panting as we continue to kiss. I feel like I can barely breathe, I”m so consumed with him.
”Sirona,” he murmurs, and my name on his lips is a symphony.
His fingers trail higher, climbing my side, teasing the sensitive skin there.
Out of nowhere, I”m hit with a burst of knowledge. The deities have decided right now is the moment to gift me this information, and unfortunately, it”s powerful enough to cut through the lusty haze in my brain.
No surgery, no amount of surgeries, will ever fix his hand.
Cold flushes through me and I go still. I stop stroking him, I stop kissing him. I”m frozen with this knowledge. What do I do with it? What do the deities want me to do with it?
I need to think. I need space. I can”t keep doing this with him right now, knowing what I know.
He pulls back just a little, a frown on his face. ”Something wrong?”
I scoot backwards, out of his embrace. And I instantly hate it. I want him touching me. I want to touch him, make him feel good. Make him come.
But I can”t. Not right now.
”I...” How do I even begin to explain it? Just weird witch stuff, sorry! Yeah, right.
I need to get out of this tent and think. ”I”m sorry, um, I need to get some air. I”m so sorry.”
Without bothering to find socks or shoes, I unzip the tent and tumble out. I zip it back up and hurry away, toward the circle of logs surrounding the fire pit. Hopefully Grant won”t follow me. Because I can”t explain any of my behavior right now, other than I feel compelled to get away from him and think.
There”s a good chance some deity is pulling a few strings here. I can”t be sure.
I sit on a log, put my elbows on my thighs, my face in my hands, and try to clear my head enough to sort through my thoughts.
My body is still aroused, my nipples tight, my pussy throbbing. It makes it hard to focus. I do my best to ignore all that, and not to think about how confused and probably mad he must be right now.
Maybe if I ask directly, a deity will give me more knowledge.
I look toward the sky, dotted with stars and a gibbous moon. ”Sirona, are you there?” I”ve always had the best luck with the goddess I”m named for, the Welsh goddess of healing.
I sit in silence, mind whirling, for what feels like eons.
What is it, Sirona Goode?
Much like with Koko, speaking to the deities is like their words just appearing in my brain. It would likely freak out a nulla, but I”ve lived with it my whole life, so it seems normal to me.
”You all sent me information. But I don”t know what I”m supposed to do with it.” I raise my hands in supplication, hoping that will make her more likely to help. Deities can be fickle. ”Am I supposed to tell him, have him cancel his surgery?”
Panic and sorrow intertwine in my chest. I don”t want to be the one to tell him his career is over. That there”s no hope of fixing his hand.
I don”t want to be the one who ultimately takes away his dream.
You will know what to do.
”But I don”t!” It comes out louder than I want. I definitely don”t want to wake anyone else, and I don”t really want Grant coming out after me, either.
You will.
Shit.
”So basically, I either keep this secret from Grant and let him have false hope, or I get to be the one to crush his dreams.” I say it quietly. I don”t want him to hear that.
You will know what to do, Sirona repeats. Take care.
I sense that she”s gone. That”s all she”s giving me.
So what the hell do I do now?
GRANT
I sleep like shit. I”m confused and hurt about Sirona just up and ditching me in the middle of making out. What the fuck does it mean? If she”s having second thoughts, why can”t she just say so? She never struck me as the game-playing type, but maybe I read her wrong.
She sneaks back in after about an hour. I pretend to sleep. I”m too tired to deal with it tonight. Plus, I”m mad, and it”s better if I cool off first.
So I stew all night, dozing off at times, then waking up again to ruminate. Sirona gets up around dawn and I”m alone again.
Always fucking alone.
But I like that. I love my solitude. I need it. Too much peopling wears me out. It”s one reason surgery is perfect for me; my patients are asleep a majority of the time.
But that doesn”t mean I don”t want people around sometimes. That I don”t need connections.
I really thought Sirona and I were building that. I guess I was wrong, if she can”t even tell me why she ran out.
I pull on my shorts, socks, and shoes, take a deep breath, and climb out of the tent.
I”m the last one up. Everyone else in the group is already by the fire, Morgan sitting next to it cooking what smells like bacon and pancakes.
Without my permission, my eyes seek out Sirona. She glances up, meeting my gaze, and gives me a beautiful but hesitant smile. I can”t bring myself to smile back. I just nod.
She gets up and comes over to me. Leans up to kiss my cheek, making my face tingle. ”Morning, babe.”
For a moment I”m even more confused, but then I remember. We”re supposed to be a happy couple. This is part of the facade.
”Morning,” I grumble. I should do something a boyfriend would do, but I can”t bring myself to.
I glance over her shoulder, see that no one is paying us any attention, and say under my breath, ”Are we going to talk about last night?”
Her face tightens, but she quickly smooths it out. ”I... I suppose we need to, don”t we?”
”Ya think?” I don”t mean to snap at her, but dammit, she was pretty fucking rude to me last night.
”I”m sorry. I know it was weird. I...” Her voice trails off, but her expression is sincere.
Which just leaves me even more confused.
Suddenly I”m feeling claustrophobic. ”I think I”m going to hike back on my own. Take a scenic route.” I need space. Time to clear my head the best way I know how. With Mother Nature.
Who, according to Sirona, is a real entity. Who knew?
She nods, her expression concerned. Her fingers twine with mine, my good hand. The hand I can feel her with.
”What if I come over before dinner tonight and do my best to explain what happened?”
I close my eyes and suck in a breath. ”Fine.”
She squeezes my hand. ”I really am sorry. I know I handled it poorly. But it really wasn”t about you.” Her other hand rests on my chest, and I don”t want to like the feeling, but I do. ”Not about how much I want you.”
I open my eyes to find her looking up at me. Her eyes are sincere, with a hint of heat. I can”t stop my body from reacting with its own heat. Despite last night, I still want this woman.
”It better be a damn good explanation.” I kiss her forehead, right between her eyebrows. ”I”ll see ya tonight.”
I head for the woods, for a path that leads away from Owl Cove, down to Wildflower Lake. I walk along the lake for what feels like hours, until the sun is overhead, then starts sinking toward the west.
I pause for a snack, then change directions, back toward town. The whole time, I”m thinking about everything and nothing. About my life in Chicago, my life in Owl Cove, my budding whatever-it-is with Sirona. I don”t let myself think too much about last night with her.
Not when we were making out, because who needs to get aroused while hiking? And not when she abruptly left. I”m trying not to think about possible explanations. I”ll have one in a few hours, and then I can decide if I accept it.
It”s after three o”clock by the time I emerge from the trees on the back of my property. I head for the cabin, round the building, and pull up short.
”Hey,” Sirona says, a hesitant smile on her face. ”I didn”t think you”d be quite so long.”
She”s showered and changed since I saw her this morning. She”s wearing a flowy sundress that shows off her pale shoulders and dips just low enough to make me want to pull it down more.
”Didn”t plan to.” I heave my backpack onto the top step, then drop down into the chair next to her. I immediately set to work untying my laces. My feet are killing me.
Once I kick off my boots and yank off my sweaty socks, we sit in silence that borders on awkward. It stretches on until it truly does become awkward.
Only then does she say, ”I suppose you want to know what happened last night.”
”It crossed my mind, yeah.”
”Sometimes the deities randomly give us information. It”s like they sort of download it into our minds, and all of a sudden we just know something.”
”So it was a witch thing?” I suppose I could”ve guessed that.
She nods. ”And right in the middle of things last night”—her cheeks turn an adorable pink—”they decided was the perfect time to send me one of those downloads.”
”I see.” I mean, not really. Deities don”t talk to me like that. I have no idea what it”s like.
”And it”s sort of a weird experience. Disconcerting.” This time her smile is sheepish. ”Not at all conducive to making out.”
”So you had to…what? Go process this download?” I”m trying to wrap my head around all this. To anyone who didn”t grow up around witches, it would sound like a load of shit.
”Basically, yeah.” She angles herself toward me, hands folded in her lap. ”It was about a client, and thinking about medical stuff in that moment... Well, the two don”t really go together.”
I chuckle dryly. ”I suppose not.”
”I”m really sorry. I was going to try to explain when I came back in the tent, but you were asleep.”
”I wasn”t,” I admit. ”But I wanted you to think I was.”
Her face falls. ”I”m sorry, Grant. I wasn”t trying to hurt your feelings. I was very much enjoying things.”
Her pink cheeks darken, and I can”t help a smile. ”As was I.”
”But my thoughts get sort of scrambled for a bit after that happens.” She stands, takes a step, and works her way between my spread knees. ”So, are we good?”
I sigh. This witch and magic stuff is trippy. ”Yeah, we”re good.”
Surprising me, she climbs onto my lap, straddling my hips. ”Nothing says we can”t make out a little now. Before we go to my mom”s.”
My hands automatically go to her hips. I want to work them up under her dress, but that”ll have to wait for another time. ”You probably shouldn”t mention making out and your mom in the same breath.”
She laughs, then kisses me. Sinks into me, her body wrapping over mine as her hands slide around my neck. One threads into the back of my hair.
”I really need a shower before we go,” I murmur into her lips.
”We”ll make sure you have time,” she replies.
And then we don”t talk for a very long time.