24. Drakar
“It’s the right thing to do,” I tell myself.
My hand hovers over my cell phone. It’s still warm from my conversation with my secretary about initiating the divorce proceedings. It was a strangely difficult topic to discuss.
”We don”t need to continue the marriage charade anymore.”
“Of course not, sir. Your efforts to expose Director Shields have paid off.”
“They have.”
“Shall I file the divorce papers?”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Sally’s delicate face appears in my mind’s eye.
“Sir?”
“Yes. Have the papers ready to sign when I come back into the office.”
“Of course, sir. Right away.”
That sense of hesitation still holds a tangible presence in the room as I sit motionless on the edge of my bed. The thought of Sally in her own bed just beyond the wall I can’t seem to tear my eyes away from is an anchor that weighs rather heavily on my resolve. Somehow, the silence of the house only sets me more on edge.
My internal conflict tosses and turns even more, unsure of which side of my mind to rest on. Eventually, I can’t take it anymore.
Rising with a restless energy, I decide to escape the stillness of the house. A distraction is what I need.
I step out into the night, pulling my coat tighter around me as the wind picks up. The familiar path to the restaurant bar is well-trodden, and I let my feet guide me automatically, my mind still whirling with thoughts of Sally and the divorce.
When I push open the heavy wooden door to the bar, the warmth and noise wash over me like a wave. The low hum of conversation and clinking glasses fills the air, punctuated by the occasional burst of laughter. I take a deep breath, letting the familiar scents of alcohol and fried food ground me in the present moment.
I scan the room, looking for my friends, and spot Thrak and Baron sitting at their usual table in the corner. Thrak”s massive frame is hunched over the table, his dark hair pulled back into a tight bun. Baron, on the other hand, is leaning back in his chair, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth.
I make my way over to them, trying to shake off the heaviness that”s been weighing me down all evening. Thrak looks up as I approach, a wide grin spreading across his face. He”s always been the more boisterous of the two, quick with a joke or a hearty laugh.
”Hey, there he is!” he booms, clapping me on the back. ”Haven’t seen you here in ages!”
I force a smile, sliding into the empty seat next to Baron. He”s more reserved than Thrak, but just as loyal. He raises an eyebrow at me but doesn”t press the issue.
”What can I get you?” he asks, signaling to the bartender.
”Whiskey,” I say, my voice gruff. ”Make it a double.”
Thrak signals to the bartender, who nods and starts pouring my drink. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing thoughts.
As we sit there, sipping our drinks and making small talk, I can feel the tension slowly start to ebb away. It”s not gone completely, of course, but for the first time in what feels like forever, I”m not completely consumed by it. The warmth of the whiskey spreads through my chest, and I let out a sigh of relief.
I take another sip of my drink, trying to push the doubts away. But the more I try to ignore them, the louder they become. The weight of my thoughts is almost unbearable, and I can feel the tension building in my shoulders.
All I can see is her. That perfect laugh of hers. That beautiful determination that would come into her eyes when she’d set her mind on something. All of it floods my mind until it threatens to drown everything else out.
Thrak notices my distant look and leans in, his deep voice cutting through the noise of the bar. ”Hey, are you okay?” he asks, his brow furrowed with concern.
I look up, meeting his gaze. ”Yeah, I”m just… thinking.”
Baron, who”s been quiet up until now, chimes in with a knowing smile on his face. ”Let me guess. About a skinny little thing with pouty lips?”
I hesitate for a moment before nodding. ”Yeah. About Sally.”
There”s a moment of silence before Thrak speaks up. He”s always been the more direct of the two, never one to mince words. ”Look, I know it”s not my place to say this. But you can”t keep denying your feelings for her forever. You”re an orc, not a human. You don”t have to play by their rules.”
I look up, a little startled. Even though the fake marriage was his idea, this is the first time he’s mentioned it in public.
“Relax, Baron knows already.”
I sigh, running a hand through my hair. I shouldn’t be surprised, Baron knows me better than most people, and Thrak, though loyal, isn’t exactly the most discreet orc I know. Besides that, he”s right, of course.
”I know, I know. But it’s just not that simple, okay?”
When has it ever been? I”ve spent so long trying to fit into a human world, trying to be something I”m not. And now that I”ve finally started to embrace who I am, I feel it’s all thanks to a woman who is about to slip from my grasp.
Baron”s voice is gentle when he speaks. ”But you can”t let fear hold you back. Not when it comes to love.”
”You gotta stop trying so hard to be human,” Thrak adds, shaking his head. ”With Shields out of the way, what are you even doing it for anymore?”
I take a deep breath, letting their words sink in. They”re right. I can”t keep denying my feelings for Sally out of fear. But it”s not just fear that”s holding me back. It”s the uncertainty of what comes next.
”I don”t know what to do,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper.
Thrak claps me on the back, his massive hand nearly sending me flying out of my seat. ”You”ll figure it out, my friend. You always do.”
I nod, taking another sip of my drink. I don”t know what the future holds, but I know one thing for sure. I can”t keep denying my feelings for Sally. Not if I want to be true to myself, and to her.
As I sit there surrounded by my friends, I can”t help but feel a sense of gratitude wash over me. They have always been there for me, even when I”m too stubborn to admit that I need their help.
Thrak”s boisterous laughter fills the air, and I can”t help but smile. He”s always been the jokester of the group, always quick with a quip or a one-liner. Baron, on the other hand, is the one who”s always been there to listen, to offer advice when I need it.
My thoughts are abruptly shattered by the shrill ring of my phone. I look down at the screen and see the hospital”s number flashing urgently. My heart races as I answer the call.
”Is this Drakar Tvojan?” a voice on the other end asks.
”Yes, this is him,” I reply, my voice shaking.
The words that follow send a rush of terror through me. Sally’s hurt. It’s as if the entire world tilts on its axis. I can feel my heart racing in my chest, my breath coming in short, sharp gasps.
I don”t remember hanging up the phone or rushing out of the bar. The next thing I know, I”m behind the wheel of my car, speeding towards the hospital. The din of the bar is replaced by the desperate revving of my engine, and I can feel my hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles turn white.
As I make my way through the hospital, the stark reality of the crisis brings my fears into sharp focus. What happened? Was she in a car accident? Was she mugged? The possibilities are endless, and each one is more terrifying than the last.
Who the fuck do I need to kill? The surge of protectiveness, of pure need, nearly takes control of my entire body. I can feel my muscles tensing, my fists clenching and unclenching at my sides. The steering wheel caves under my relentless grip, but I’m not seeing clearly enough to care.
All I know is that I need to get answers. Now.
I arrive at the emergency room and am directed to a waiting area. The minutes tick by slowly as I pace back and forth, my mind racing with worry. The antiseptic smell of the hospital is overwhelming, and my stomach churns.
The initial urge for violence, for rage, is replaced by a chilling sense of helplessness. I feel like I”m in a nightmare, trapped in a world where I have no control over what”s happening.
Finally, a doctor emerges from the double doors, a grave expression on his face.
”Mr. Tvojan?” he asks.
I nod, my heart in my throat.
He takes a deep breath before continuing. ”I”m so sorry.”