12. Percy

CHAPTER 12

Percy

Where the harbor ended and the town beach began, there were a few hundred paces of no man’s land that were neither accessible to ships because of its sharp and tricky rocks jutting from the depths of the sea, nor to people because of the immense waves crashing against the huge blocks of stone deposited along the shore. This place was perfect for solitude, with the rocks easily visited by foot and the spray of the sea misting the air with each incoming wave. That was where Emily found me a while after Finn’s departure.

“I’m fine,” I said tightly. “I don’t need checking in on.”

She put a hand on my shoulder. “If you think you’re going to get away from a lecture, brother dear, you’re about to be disappointed,” she said not unkindly.

I snorted. “How did you find me?”

“You always come here.” Emily lowered herself to sit down next to me on the massive block of stone. We faced the endless sea. It was dark blue and stars covered the sky. Moonlight reflected on the ever-shifting surface of the sea. A few dozen paces behind us, the street was lit by orange lamps. Stray cats pounced around along the edge of the street, where plenty of food was left out for them.

“What did you say to him?” Emily asked.

“Nothing,” I said in an off-hand manner. “Couples fight. It’s normal.”

“Percy, don’t be an ass,” Emily said in a tone that dropped to a freezing temperature. “I’m not stupid. None of us are, but the rest of them are too preoccupied to see what’s right under their noses.”

My heart twisted with fear of embarrassment. Perhaps it was overdue. And at least they would stop recalling that time I’d come without Orson and move on to the time I hired an amateur actor and a certified cutie. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, a lie screaming in my tone.

“Bullshit,” Emily said. “He’s not your boyfriend, Percy. I think even Aunt Judith knows it.”

“That would explain the amount of work she’s putting into selling me to her favorite bidder,” I sighed.

“Who is he?” Emily asked.

I shook my head. “It’s fine, Em. He’s not a fortune hunter or anything like that.” I laughed bitterly. It was a joke only I could get. The man refused before I’d gotten a chance to tell him that a check for ten thousand dollars was waiting for him in New York. “He’s apparently Kim’s friend. She got him involved after I invented the whole story.”

“That’s not what I asked,” Emily said.

I inhaled a deep breath of salty air and held it for a little while. As I exhaled, I ran a hand through my hair. The moon was full and big tonight, bright yellow and pocked with craters like a wheel of Swiss cheese. “What do you want me to say when you know everything?”

Emily nodded, eyes narrowing in thought. She has such smart eyes. “I want to know why you’re acting this way. It’s not like you, Percy.”

That drew a louder, more contemptuous snort from me. “Oh, you mean when your entire family is peppering you with demands to settle down, stop being alone, find someone nice to build a life with? What else was I supposed to do to get everyone to stop focusing so much on me and mind their own business?”

“Maybe if you stopped acting like work is the only important thing in your life and got your ass out of the chair, they wouldn’t feel compelled to remind you that there’s more to being alive than your company,” Emily suggested.

“We’re doing good work,” I argued. “Do you have any idea how many people got an opportunity because of us when no one else noticed them?”

“That is so not the point,” Emily said in that tone of gentle stubbornness. She was like a small forest brook that could go on forever, digging into the soil, eroding it away, and growing itself into a river. “Besides, you have a whole team of experts that can make more informed calls than you, Percy.”

That was true. That was why I had hired them.

Emily went on. “The point is, you’re unhappy. And having someone point that out is the fastest way to revert you into a petulant nine-year-old.”

“Will you ever move on from that?” I asked, fake exasperated. I had been a bit of a queen at nine, and Emily, who had been six, had hated my touchy behavior and my secrets she wasn’t privileged to know at the time. But what hurt the most was that she had never been allowed to join my teddy bear tea parties.

“Never,” Emily said in something like a vow to have her revenge eventually.

After we laughed, some of the tension was gone from my shoulders and chest.

“If you were actually content being single and overworked, you wouldn’t have hired someone to play the part of your boyfriend, Percy,” she said wisely.

I shook my head. “Not hired.”

“Oh?”

“He’s just doing me a favor because I freaked out and made up a boyfriend-sized excuse not to come here,” I said. “Finn does not want to be paid for this.”

Emily was quiet for a moment, cogs turning behind her eyes. She looked at me as a frown wrinkled the space between her eyebrows. “Percy, don’t tell me that surprise you mentioned was an offer to pay him.” There was actual panic in her voice.

“Why shouldn’t it be?” I asked. From where I had been standing, Finn could have used the cash to improve his life. That was the best I could do. If he left here with some kind of prospect, with some seed for success, I would remain happy. I would know he had a shot, wherever he was.

Emily shook her head in disappointment. “He likes you, dummy. A lot. And you offered him money like he was nothing at all to you.”

“That’s not true,” I said. I had offered it because I wanted him to be safe when he left. But then my brain caught onto her words. “Wait…no, Finn doesn’t like me. He’s…pretending, Em.” And he was very good at it. “We made a deal. We have boundaries. He…he can’t like me.”

“Why couldn’t he?” Emily asked. “Because of some agreement you made when you didn’t know him?” My sister laughed out loud. “God, Percy, are you serious? When have hearts ever followed the agreements made by our brains?”

“Well…” My heart certainly failed at it, but that didn’t mean it happened to everyone. “Um…but Finn…” I scratched my head. “I can’t. He’s our…guest. And he’s here to do me a favor. If I…I mean…” It would be awkward if it went down in any way but perfect. And of all the ways things went down, there was only a tiny, narrow path to perfection, so thin that it was barely even there.

“Percy, he likes you,” Emily said as if explaining the moon wasn’t actually so small but existed very far away. “He practically told me so.”

“He had to,” I argued rationally. “It’s what he’s here to do.”

“No,” Emily countered with growing frustration. “The real Finn, not the person he’s playing, likes you , the real Percy. How many times do I have to tell you? See, that’s why I told Finn you needed everything spelled out for you. I’m guessing he didn’t do that.”

“I didn’t exactly give him a chance,” I admitted with regret. “You think I should have…” What? I didn’t even know what to ask her.

Emily didn’t answer. She shook her head slowly, kindly. “Just this once, I can’t tell you what to do. You have to figure it out for yourself.”

And if we had all gotten it so wrong in this tangled mess of lies, then I would end up looking like the biggest loser of all. It wouldn’t be the first time. Maybe it was worth the risk. Maybe…

If he really liked me.

If he actually liked me.

My heart fluttered and leaped. A sense of urgency came over me. Fuck. I’d offended him and I had pissed him off. I needed to make things right.

“But Percy,” Emily said, a touch of warning in her voice. “Before you do anything, you need to be sure. I don’t want you to get his hopes up if you’re not certain you like him. He’s too sweet and vulnerable underneath all that snark.”

I nodded. She was completely right.

“And one more thing,” she said and hesitated. I waited as she bit her lip softly, then inhaled a shallow breath of air. “You need to know what you want. If you really are only interested in work, then it’s better to leave him be without causing more damage.”

“I will,” I assured her.

“I mean it, Percy. Hearts are easily broken. Don’t do it by accident,” Emily said and got up.

She patted my shoulder and left me without an invitation to join her on the walk back. She knew I always liked sitting here, especially when nobody else was around.

After a while, I got up, dusted off the seat of my pants, and returned to the street that led to the beach. As I walked toward the house, I tucked my hands into my pockets and paused every so often to look at the sea. Once, I saw a couple bathing under the moon, holding onto one another against the rising tide and growing waves.

There was a pit of hollowness inside of me and it wasn’t a mere temporary sensation. There was something lacking there, something that made everything else I had achieved a little less beautiful. Boats, jets, houses, and apartments on the dreadful Billionaire’s Row were soulless when I occupied them alone.

My life seemed perfect when you first noticed it. After that, the hollows and absences quickly appeared and they occupied most of the space.

More often than not, I was content to simply go on like that. I had tried loving and I had tried dating, never getting anything in return except for heartbreak. It taught me that my value was highest in the office where I could make true change. I could set up others for success and the gratification from it masked the emptiness that I carried wherever I went.

It hadn’t crossed my mind that Finn would like me back simply because no one ever had. Not for the real me, at least. Besides, I had told myself that keeping a distance was the only wise way to make this scheme succeed. But the days I had spent with Finn, from the very first moment in which he had distracted me from my absurd fear of flying, to the hopeful smiles he’d had for me tonight—and which finally made perfect sense if the things Emily said were true—were the best days I could remember in a long, long time.

I hadn’t been this relaxed with Orson and nearly as satisfied with Richie. The latter, however much he was a friend, had never been the sort of man to make me feel like I was attractive or interesting. Finn, on the other hand, inspired something new in me.

He made me want him. And he made me want him as passionately and shamelessly and beautifully as my parents wanted one another. Sure, maybe I wasn’t interested in tying him in sailor knots, but I wanted to hug him and hold him and kiss him. Whenever he was near me, his scent alone made me stumble over my words. And when I looked at him, his lips made me forget what I had been thinking about.

And all of this, I had kept down and away. I had kept it at a safe distance because I respected him too much to ruin what could be a long friendship if we wanted it.

He likes you . Emily’s voice echoed somewhere inside my head and filled my heart with hope.

But that wasn’t the only thing that happened.

Up here, inside my head, a plan was starting to take shape.

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