CHAPTER 43
Nellie
Without a buffer, things were awkward between me and my big brothers. Waylan had spotted Maxie taking a bunch of apples into the barn and had sprinted after her when I mentioned she was probably taking a snack to the horses. In a competition between me and horses, I would lose every time. So, it was just me sitting across from Mills, Tate, and West, wondering why I’d come.
West was the most laid back out of the three of them and he couldn’t seem to hold back a smirk as he looked between me and Mills. “Well, hell.”
Mills glared at him. “Shut up, asshole.”
I sighed, concerned we’d made a mistake in thinking we could be siblings again. Things were too different. “Maybe I should go.”
“No!” Mills winced and held up his hands. “Sorry. I just… I don’t want us to keep fighting. Do you think we can start over?”
“If you can reserve your judgment for the moments I deserve it, then yes.” I looked between the three of them. “You have the same faces as the brothers I grew up obsessed with but I don’t know you at all. We’re all adults now and it feels like it’s too late to get to know each other now.”
Tate leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “What happened after we left for the service, Nellie? I know what we were told and I’ve heard a version of the truth since you returned but I want to hear it in your own words.”
“Which is what we should’ve asked for on day one.” Mills shook his head. “That’s on me. Mom and Dad told us you went off on some bullshit about hating the ranch and the way we lived. They told us you’d told them you were moving onto bigger and better things. They seemed so upset whenever your name came up that I just believed you’d hurt them. I let that determine how I welcomed you home and I’m sorry for that. Seems I was wrong.”
“You were dead wrong.” I sniffed but managed to keep the tears at bay. “After you left, they just got colder and colder towards me. Vera, too. Maxie never stepped a foot out of line so she stayed in their favor. But me? It was like no matter what I did, they hated it. I wasn’t a bad kid. I believed I was back then but I know better now. If I got a ninety-eight on a test, the reason I hadn’t gotten a perfect score was because I was out partying. If I worked the ranch, it was because I was after one of the ranch hands.”
“Jesus.” West growled. “You were a kid. Those hands were in their thirties.”
“I made one mistake. A mistake I’d make a million times over because it got me Waylan, but it was one mistake. I lost my virginity and got knocked up and dumped all in one go. It was like Mom and Dad had the excuse they’d been looking for to finally get rid of me.” I ran my hands over my thighs as the old shame crept in. “They were smiling at me for the first time in years. I thought for a second they were excited about the baby. I was so stupid.”
“They made you leave.” Tate scowled. “Why? They could’ve done a million different things. They could’ve sent you to us. We had a place by then. They could’ve sent you to Steve. That man would’ve murdered the town for you.”
“I still would’ve been in their world. Instead, they kicked me out with nothing and no one. I was homeless for a few months. Homeless and pregnant and so fucking scared I’m not sure I slept until Virginia took me home.”
“I can’t understand why they did it.” Mills stood up and paced. “They were good to us. They were brilliant as parents. What the fuck happened?”
Maxie’s voice startled us all. She’d managed to join our little meeting without making a sound. “You weren’t Dad’s.”
She gripped her hands together in front of her so tightly I was worried she’d snap her fingers. I looked behind her for Waylan but didn’t see her.
“She’s in the barn with Jolene. I came in to ask if it’s okay that she rides. But…” She frowned. “I was there with Mom in the end. She decided to unburden herself to me. On me. She cheated on Dad. They weren’t sure about Vera but she knew for sure you weren’t Dad’s.”
I covered my mouth with my hands and stared out the window at the barn. I could see Waylan running out, her hair blowing wildly behind her. She had the biggest grin on her face. “I look just like you and Vera. We all looked like Way when we were her age.”
“The timing. Dad never bothered to do the math but that summer you guys left, Mom was stressed and she started seeing the guy again. Dad found out, did some basic math, and realized you weren’t his kid.” Maxie saw Waylan coming, too, and rushed to finish. “She told me she blamed you for ruining things. Dad never treated her the same. She hated you for that.”
“Who?” The word was strangled as I spit it out but she understood.
“Michael Mays.”
Waylan burst into the house, a wild laugh on her lips. “Mom! Guess what! Jolene and Maxie said Bob would let me ride him if it’s okay with you. Bob! A horse named Bob. Can you believe it?”
I forced a smile and shook my head. “That’s wild. As long as you listen to everything Jolene and Maxie say, you can ride.”
She jumped up and down and then threw her arms around my neck. “Thanks, Mom! You’re the best! Come on, Aunt Maxie!”
Maxie looked at me with her heart in her eyes, broken. “It never mattered how hard you tried, Nellie.”
The words she didn’t say were loud. It never would’ve been enough. My chest ached for her as much as it did for me. I wished Mom was still alive so I could shake her for putting such a heavy burden on Maxie. How selfish the old woman had been before she died.
After Maxie and Waylan left, it was like the life had been sucked out of the room. I didn’t know what to say. I was the daughter of the man who’d tried to kill Vera. My mother had hated me for something she’d done and I’d spent my entire life feeling the weight of her disgust every time she’d look at me.
Mills sank onto the couch next to me. “Nellie… I don’t know what to say. That’s the last thing I ever expected to hear. I thought… I fucking thought they were the picture of love and family.”
I took his hand and we all just sat there in silence, letting it sink in. I’d walked into the room a full Hellstone and I sat there as something else. It was strange.
“You’re our sister, Nellie. I don’t give a fuck what a DNA test would or wouldn’t say.” West stood up and walked over to ruffle my hair. “I need to go ride something.”
I grimaced. “Ew.”
“I meant a horse or a bull, kid.”
After he left, Tate stood up and sighed. “What he said. This doesn’t change shit. You’re our sister and you’ll come to family dinner on Sunday whether you like it or not.”
He left and I turned to Mills. “You have family dinner?”
He shook his head and then shrugged. “I don’t fucking know.”
“Do you feel the same as them? Or do you see this as your chance to walk away like Mom and Dad did?” I needed to know for sure.
“I deserve that.” He reached over and pinched my chin. “You’re my sister and that’s the end of that, Nell.”