9. Chapter Nine
Chapter Nine
Bella
T he drive to the resort is quiet, at least for Ryan and me. The kids are in the backseat, and unlike us, they have no restraint, their chatter filling the car with bursts of laughter and animated stories. It’s quite comforting to watch them get along so easily. Kids can be so uncomplicated and unbothered. I glance sideways at Ryan, his hands steady on the wheel, his gaze fixed squarely on the road ahead. Being next to him feels strange. Not uncomfortable, exactly, but charged in a way I don’t know how to process.
When we arrive at the resort, I’m taken aback. It’s beautiful, rustic yet luxurious, the kind of place you’d see in a glossy magazine. I wasn’t sure what to expect when he told me about this trip, but this certainly beats my expectations. I do my best to mask my surprise as we check in, letting Luke and Alice’s excitement distract me.
After we get settled into the connecting suites, Ryan suggests a walk before dinner. I’m nervous about the idea of spending more time alone with him, but I don’t have a good excuse to say no. The kids are perfectly content exploring the rooms, and the thought of breathing in all that fresh air isn’t entirely unappealing.
As we stroll through the resort’s gardens, the tension between us grows heavier with each step. I feel him glance at me occasionally, but I keep my eyes fixed ahead, focusing on the path beneath my feet.
“So,” I finally say, breaking the silence, “what made you pick this place? It doesn’t really scream ‘Ryan Blackwood.’ It’s warm, small, and cozy, not the sort of grandeur someone of your caliber is used to.”
Ryan lets out a low chuckle and shoves his hands into his pockets. “You’d be surprised. I come here when I need to think. It’s quiet, away from everything. Plus, Alice loves it. She’s been bugging me for another visit since the last time we came here.”
I nod, though his answer surprises me. I hadn’t pegged him as the kind of man who needs a quiet escape. “It’s nice,” I admit. “I can see why you like it.”
We walk a little farther before he stops near a bench by a small pond. He gestures for me to sit, and though I hesitate for a moment, I join him.
“Look, Bella,” he starts, his voice lower than usual, “there’s something I need to say.”
I turn to face him, immediately on edge. “This sounds serious,” I mutter.
“It is,” he says, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “I know you blamed me for a lot of what happened with Caleb. And I don’t fault you for that. But I need you to know—I didn’t have anything to do with him leaving.”
I stare at him, the words not quite sinking in. “You didn’t?”
He shakes his head, his jaw tightening. “The opposite, actually. I tried to track him down after he left. For Alice’s sake, yes, but also for Luke. I thought…I thought if I could find him, maybe he’d step up and take responsibility. But Caleb didn’t want to be found.”
The air feels heavier suddenly, like all the oxygen’s been sucked out of it. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, my voice barely audible.
“I tried to,” he says, his tone soft. “But every time I got close, you pushed me away. And I understand why. You were hurt, and I was the easiest target for your anger.”
I look away, my hands twisting in my lap. “I didn’t know.”
“I know,” he says. “That’s why I wanted to bring you here. I wanted you to see the kind of father I’m trying to be. To show you that I’m not Caleb.”
The vulnerability in his voice catches me off guard. I’ve always thought of Ryan as cold, calculated, and even a little arrogant. But this man sitting next to me…he’s something else entirely.
“I’ve spent so long being angry,” I admit, my voice shaking. “At Caleb, at you, at myself. I don’t know how to stop.”
“You don’t have to do it alone,” he says, his voice steady. “I’m here, Bella. For Luke, for you. If you’ll let me be.”
I turn to face him, my throat tight with emotion. His eyes meet mine, and for the first time, I see something in them that I can’t ignore: honesty, sincerity, and something else—something that makes my heart beat faster.
Before I can respond, the sound of laughter breaks the moment. Luke and Alice come running toward us, their faces lit up with excitement.
“Mom! Dad!” Alice calls out, waving a piece of paper in the air. “They have a treasure hunt for kids! Can we do it?”
I freeze at the words, the casual way Alice says “Mom” and “Dad” catching me off guard. Ryan doesn’t seem to notice, though. He stands up, smiling at the kids. “Of course. Let’s go.”
The treasure hunt is super chaotic, but fun. Watching Luke and Alice work together to solve the clues makes me smile in a way I haven’t in a long time. Ryan stays close, his presence steady and reassuring, even as the kids drag us from one clue to the next.
“You think they’re going to figure it out?” Ryan’s voice comes from behind me, low and amused.
I glance over my shoulder at him, taking in the way he leans casually against a wooden pole. “Oh, they’ll figure it out. Luke is stubborn, and Alice is sharp. There’s no stopping them when they put their heads together.”
“Stubbornness must run in the family,” he continues with a smirk, giving me a pointed look.
I roll my eyes. “Oh, please.”
Luke suddenly straightens, his voice full of excitement. “I’ve got it! It says we have to go to the old oak tree by the pond!”
“No way,” Alice protests, snatching the paper from him. “It says ‘where water meets the wood.’ That could mean the boathouse!”
Ryan and I follow at a more leisurely pace, our steps falling into sync as we walk behind them.
As we walk toward the picnic area, the kids dart ahead, their argument continuing in hushed but animated tones.
Ryan falls into step beside me, his voice low. “They’re good kids.”
“They are,” I agree, watching them fondly. “They drive me crazy sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world.”
“They’re lucky to have you,” he says, his tone serious. “Luke especially. You’ve done an incredible job raising him, Bella.”
I feel my cheeks warm at the sincerity in his voice. “Thanks,” I say softly. “That means a lot.”
He hesitates, his gaze fixed ahead. “You know, I didn’t think much about family before Alice came along. But watching her grow, seeing her bond with Luke…it makes me think about what’s really important.”
I glance at him, surprised by the vulnerability in his expression. “What’s important to you, Ryan?”
He meets my eyes, his voice quiet but firm. “Making sure the people I care about know they’re not alone.”
Something in his tone makes my chest tighten, but before I can respond, Luke and Alice’s excited shouts pull us back to the present.
“We found it!” Luke calls, holding up a small tin painted bright red. Alice is beside him, grinning despite her earlier objections.
Ryan smiles at me, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Looks like the treasure hunt’s a success.”
I nod, my heart full as I watch the kids celebrate their victory. For the first time in a long time, everything feels right.
Later that night, after the kids are asleep in the adjoining room, I find Ryan on the balcony. He’s staring out at the stars, his expression unreadable.
“Penny for your thoughts?” I ask softly.
He smiles faintly, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’m just thinking about how different life could’ve been. How different it should’ve been.”
There’s something raw in his tone that makes me hesitate. I’ve seen Ryan in many forms—confident, sarcastic, even a little vulnerable—but this feels like something deeper. “What do you mean?”
He doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Do you know why I came back to Cedar Ridge?”
“To close a deal,” I say automatically.
He chuckles dryly. “That’s part of it. But it’s not the whole truth.”
I wait, sensing he needs time to find the right words.
“I came back because I’m tired of running.” His voice is low. “For years, I’ve been chasing…something. Trying to build this life, this empire, because I thought if I just kept moving, I wouldn’t have to face all the things I left behind.”
I tilt my head, studying him. “You mean Caleb.”
Ryan nods, his jaw tightening. “I lost track of him for years. I tried to find him—I did—but he didn’t want to be found. And part of me is angry at him for that: for leaving, for disappearing so completely. But the other part of me…” He trails off, shaking his head. “The other part feels guilty. Like I should’ve done more to stop him from spiraling.”
I stay quiet, letting him speak. His vulnerability is unexpected, but it also feels like a breakthrough.
“Ryan, you did the best you could,” I finally say, my voice soft. “None of this is on you.”
He looks at me, his gaze searching mine. “But if I’d been there for you—if I hadn’t been so focused on business and the distractions in my life…maybe things would’ve been different.”
“You can’t change the past,” I say gently. “All you can do is be here now. And right now, you’re here for Alice. For Luke. For me.”
He nods again, his shoulders slumping. “When Alice came into my life, I was terrified, Bella. I don’t know the first thing about being a dad. And I don’t have anyone to lean on. My parents are gone, Caleb is…Caleb, and the people around me? They don’t understand. They see the businessman, the guy who always has everything under control. But inside, I’m a mess.”
His words hit me harder than I expected. I’ve always thought of Ryan as this unshakable force, someone who thrives under pressure. Hearing him admit his fears and doubts makes him feel more human.
“You’re doing a good job, you know,” I say softly.
He looks at me, his brow furrowing. “How do you know?”
“Because I see the way Alice looks at you,” I say simply. “She adores you, Ryan. You’re her rock. And that doesn’t happen by accident.”
He exhales and runs a hand through his hair. “I just…I don’t want to screw it up. I don’t want her to grow up feeling like she’s not enough or like she has to prove something to earn love, the way I did.”
His confession hangs in the air between us, heavy with pain.
“You’re breaking that cycle,” I say firmly. “Alice knows she’s loved. That’s what matters.”
He smiles faintly, but there’s still a shadow in his eyes. “I wish I could’ve done more for Luke, too. When Caleb left, I should’ve stepped in. But I didn’t know how, and you shut me out.”
I feel a pang of guilt at his words. He isn’t wrong. I’ve been so determined to keep my distance, to protect myself and Luke, that I’ve refused every olive branch he’s offered.
“Ryan,” I say, my voice trembling slightly, “I don’t shut you out because I think you can’t help. I shut you out because I don’t know how to let you in. After what Caleb did, trusting anyone—especially someone connected to him—just feels…impossible.”
He nods slowly, as if he understands. “I don’t blame you for that. Honestly, I admire you.”
I look away, suddenly feeling exposed. “It hasn’t been easy,” I admit. “But I have to keep going. For Luke.”
“And you’ve done more than that,” he says. “You’ve built a life for him, a life where he knows he’s loved and supported. That’s no small thing, Bella.”
The sincerity in his voice makes my chest tighten. I glance at him, and for a moment, our eyes lock. There’s something in his gaze—something raw and unguarded—that makes it hard to breathe.
“Thank you,” I say quietly, unsure of what else to say.
He smiles faintly, then leans back on his hands, looking up at the stars. “You know, sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I stayed in Cedar Ridge. If I tried to build something here instead of running off to chase the next big deal.”
“Do you regret leaving?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“Sometimes,” he admits. “But then I think about Alice, and I know I made the right choices for her. She’s my world, Bella. Everything I do is for her.”
His words tug at something deep inside me. I’ve spent so long thinking of Ryan as this larger-than-life figure, someone who couldn’t possibly understand what it means to struggle. But at this moment, I see him for who he really is—a parent, just like me, doing his best to give his child a better life.
And for the first time, I realize just how much we have in common.