15. Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Fifteen
Bella
I didn’t mean to overhear the gossip. Really, I didn’t. But it’s so hard not to when their voices are raised and they’re not even trying to be discreet.
“Do you think he’ll really choose her?” a voice says from the corner. It’s unmistakably Gina, one of Cedar Ridge’s most notorious gossips. She isn’t even attempting to whisper.
“I mean, come on,” replies a man I don’t recognize. “She’s just a placeholder, right? I mean, Ryan Blackwood isn’t going to settle down with someone like her. A single mom who runs a café? Please. A man of his caliber only dates women in the upper echelons of society.”
I’m freezing, the muffin tray trembling slightly in my hand. A lump forms in my throat, hot and heavy, and I’m blinking hard to keep my vision clear. I don’t know what stings more—the words or the fact that they might be true.
Ryan deserves someone glamorous and polished, someone who fits seamlessly into the world he comes from. I’m not that person, and I never will be.
Taking a deep breath, I set the tray down with more force than necessary. My hands are shaking, and I hate how easily I’m letting their words get to me. But it’s not just their words, is it? It’s my doubts and fears, the ones I can’t seem to shake no matter how much time I spend with Ryan.
He’s too good to be true, too good for me, and I’m just waiting for the moment he realizes that.
By the time Ryan walks into the café that afternoon, I’ve already made up my mind to put some distance between us…again. It’s not fair to him, I know that, but it feels like the only way to protect myself from the inevitable.
“Hey,” he says, his voice warm as he approaches the counter. His smile is doing that ridiculous thing to my heart again, the fluttering I can’t control.
“Good afternoon,” I reply, keeping my tone polite but distant.
His brows rise immediately, and I curse myself for not being better at hiding my emotions.
“What’s wrong?” he asks as he leans on the counter.
“Nothing,” I say too quickly. “Just busy, a lot of customers to attend to.”
Ryan doesn’t buy my answer for a second. He tilts his head, his eyes narrowing slightly as he studies me. “You’ve been avoiding my calls again,” he says finally.
“I’ve been busy,” I repeat, grabbing a rag and pretending to wipe down the already clean counter.
“Bella,” he says, his voice lower now, more serious. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I say again, avoiding his gaze.
He’s not having it. He reaches across the counter, his hand covering mine and stilling my movements. “Stop,” he says softly. “Whatever this is, just…stop. Talk to me.”
I swallow hard, my resolve wavering under the weight of his concern. But then I remember Gina’s voice, that cruel, dismissive tone, and I pull my hand back like his touch burns.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I say, forcing my voice to stay steady. “I think we should just…take a step back. This…whatever this is, it’s not working.”
Ryan straightens, his expression shifting from concern to frustration. “Not working? Bella, we’ve been doing fine. Better than fine! What’s really going on?”
“I told you,” I say, my voice sharper than I intended. “I’ve been busy, Ryan. I don’t have time for…this.”
“For me, you mean?” he asks, his voice hardening.
I flinch, but don’t respond.
“Don’t do this,” he says, stepping closer, his voice softer now but no less intense. “Don’t shut me out, Bella. Not again.”
“I’m not shutting you out,” I lie, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Yes, you are,” he says, his tone edged with frustration. “And I want to know why.”
“Why does it matter?” I shoot back, my emotions finally bubbling to the surface. “You’re leaving anyway, right? So what’s the point?”
Ryan blinks, clearly caught off guard. “Where is this coming from?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say, shaking my head. “I just think it’s better if we keep things simple. For Luke’s sake.”
“This isn’t about Luke,” he says firmly. “This is about you. About us. And I’m not going to let you push me away without a real explanation.”
“There is no ‘us,’ Ryan,” I say, my voice cracking despite my best efforts. “There never was. This was all pretend, remember?”
His jaw tightens, and for a moment, he doesn’t say anything. When he finally speaks, his voice is low and controlled. “You don’t mean that.”
“Don’t I?” I challenge him, even as my chest aches with the effort of keeping up the lie.
“No, you don’t,” he says, stepping even closer. “Because I’ve seen the way you look at me, Bella. And it’s not pretend. Not for either of us.”
I look away, unable to meet his gaze.
“Talk to me,” he says again, his voice pleading now. “Tell me what’s really going on.”
“I can’t,” I whisper, my throat tightening.
“Why not?” he asks, his frustration giving way to hurt.
“Because it doesn’t matter!” I finally look at him. “Because no matter what I feel, no matter what you say, it’s not going to change anything. You’ll leave me for someone better. And I’ll be here, picking up the pieces…again.”
“Bella,” he says softly, reaching for me.
I step back, shaking my head. “Don’t. Please, don’t.”
He drops his hand, his shoulders slumping slightly. For a moment, he just stands there, staring at me like he’s trying to figure out how to fix something that’s already broken.
“I’m not leaving,” he says finally, his voice steady.
“You will,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “You might not mean to, but you will. And I can’t do that again, Ryan. I can’t .”
The silence that follows is suffocating. Ryan runs a hand through his hair as he exhales sharply. “You’re scared,” he says quietly. “And I get that. But you don’t have to do this alone, Bella. You don’t have to keep pushing people away.”
I glance down at the floor, unable to meet Ryan’s eyes. His words replay in my head like a song I can’t turn off. “You’re scared.”
I hate how true that is.
I bite my lip hard, the sting grounding me. “I’m not pushing anyone away,” I say, but my voice lacks conviction, even to my ears.
He steps closer, his presence commanding, but his voice stays gentle. “Aren’t you?” he asks. “You ended things before we even got a chance to talk, before I could explain anything. That wasn’t about me, Bella. That was about you and whatever walls you’ve built around yourself.”
My throat tightens. My instinct is to argue, to deflect, but deep down, I know he’s right. I’ve spent years guarding myself, convincing myself that I don’t need anyone. It’s safer that way. It hurts less.
“I’m just trying to protect myself,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
Ryan nods, his eyes softening. “I know. And I don’t blame you for that. But not everyone is going to hurt you, Bella. Not everyone is Caleb.”
The mention of Caleb feels like a slap, and I flinch despite myself. “This isn’t about Caleb,” I say defensively, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Isn’t it?” Ryan presses. “You’re still carrying that weight, Bella. I see it every time you look at me like you’re waiting for me to walk away. But I’m not him. I’m not going anywhere.”
“But everyone always leaves!” I can’t hold back the words anymore. “They promise they won’t, but they do. Caleb did. My parents did. Everyone does. And I can’t—I can’t go through that again. I won’t.”
“I’m not Caleb,” he says softly, stepping even closer to me. “I’m not him, Bella. I would never abandon you. You have to believe that.”
“It’s not that simple,” I whisper. “You can’t just say the right words and expect me to believe you. Words don’t mean anything, Ryan. Actions do.”
“Then let me prove it to you,” he says, his voice firm. “Let me show you that I’m not going anywhere.”
“How?” I ask, my voice rising in frustration. “How are you going to prove it? Are you going to move to Cedar Ridge? Quit your job? Give up your fancy life in the city? Because that’s what it would take, Ryan. That’s the only way I could believe you.”
My words hang in the air, heavy and challenging, and I brace myself for how much it will hurt to hear him say he won’t do it.
“Yes,” he says simply.
I blink. I must’ve heard him wrong. “What?”
“Yes,” he repeats. “I’ll do it. I’ll move here. I’ll quit my job. I’ll give up that life, my business, all of it. Because none of that matters without you.”
His words hit something deep inside me, cracking the carefully constructed armor I’ve built. I take a shaky breath and look up at him. His expression is open, vulnerable, and so full of hope that it makes my chest ache.