9. Hazel
Hazel
Chapter nine
Entering my new apartment in my new town across the country, I take a deep breath. I walk to the large picture windows in the living room that overlooks the beach and even though the sight of it is beautiful I can't appreciate it. I've always wanted to travel to California and see the beaches, but I wanted to do it with Dexter. I let out a sigh. I miss him so much.
I pull out my old phone from my purse and open the text that Dexter sent me the night I decided to leave. Punishing myself I reread them again and again. as I let the tears slide down my face.
Dexter: Baby, call me.
Dexter: Don’t do this, Hazel.
Dexter: Hazel you will get your ass back here, now.
When my vision starts to blur, I know it's time to put my phone away.
Guilt slashes through my chest when I think about how I left. I packed up all my shit while Dexter was lying in bed recovering. But I had to leave, who knows what this mystery person would do if I didn't. I can still see all the bruises that litter his skin. My stomach churns at the idea of him hurting and not being there to take care of him.
I know I will never find anyone to love as much as I love him. I had to put space between us.
Telling my family, I was leaving was just as hard as writing the note I left for Dexter. They all seemed to understand. Thankfully they didn't try to guilt me anymore then I'm already doing to myself. I know my sister and mother speculate that its more then I'm willing to tell them.
I turn away from the windows and head back to the moving truck. The movers are standing next to it when I walk up, "Let's start unpacking the truck. I'm in apartment 245 on the second floor."
"You got it ma'am." I cringe as the memory of Dexter and I laughing, when we were on a road trip after high school graduation.
"Ha. Ha. He called you ma'am that means you're an old lady." He laughs as he pushes his shoulder into mine. I shove him back rolling my eyes, "Shut up stupid."
"Hazel I might be stupid, but your old at least according to that guy." He says as he continues to laugh pointing at the gas station attendant.
"Just get into the car you ass." I say laughing.
My phone buzzes in my hand pulling me from the memory. When I look down, I see that it’s the unknown number again. Shit, how did they get my new number? Dexter wasn’t the only reason I changed my number.
I was hoping that after breaking mine and Dexter’s hearts that I would be left alone in my own misery. Allowing me to move on and try to put everything behind me. I guess I wasn’t so lucky. I read the message over and over.
It’s a picture of me standing in front of my new apartment right where I am now.
Unknown Caller: Good girl for leaving Dexter. I know where you are, if you go to him in any way, he will pay.
Tears start to stream down my face. This is a reminder of what my life has become. I can never see Dexter again.
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Chapter 1
Hazel
“It’s time to come home,” my sister's voice rings through the phone.
I huff out a breath. This is what I’ve been dreading. I knew my self-imposed exile wouldn't last forever. The day I found out that my mom was sick I knew I would have to come home eventually. I was just hoping I would have longer, before being beckoned back to Rose Valley.
“I know. I know. It’s just that I’ve got so much going on out here. I’m not sure how quickly I’ll be able to get back to Rose Valley.”
Ashley’s tone becomes sharper with her next words, “Hazel. You need to come home. We need you. Mom needs you. Dad needs you. I need you. And I know you're in between jobs now.”
"How do you know about that?”
"Mom told me.” I let out a soft chuckle, of course, my mom told her. You can’t keep anything a secret in this family. “But don’t worry, I know the perfect one for you—”
“Ashley. I know you're trying to help, but I can find a job myself,” I interrupt her before she can continue.
“I’m sorry. I just want to help. I get it I won’t push anymore. I’ll just say one last thing, you can stay with me if you don’t want to stay at Mom's. At least until you find an apartment.”
I hate it when my sister gets in these modes. I call it her fixer mode. She loves to solve problems, and her solutions always make fucking sense too. It just pisses me off more when she gives out her advice.
I’m the older one. Shouldn’t I be the wise one, telling her to get her shit together, not the other way around? I should be the one who solves problems and gives advice. But once again I have to admit, she's right, my shoulders sag when I answer,” Okay. Okay. I’ll call the movers today and hopefully I’ll be back in. a week.”
A screech leaves her, and then she starts talking a mile a minute with excitement. “Thank God. I can’t wait. We can do so much together, like watch movies, go to the nail salon and even get drinks together. I’m so excited. I can’t wait till you meet my friends.”
Then her voice choked up as she starts to struggle with her emotions, “You’ve been gone so long. I can’t wait to have my sister back.”
My chest starts to hurt with the amount of guilt that fills me. Ashley and I were close until I moved away. I rub the middle of my chest, hoping to relieve some of the physical strain. Staying away has put a toll on our relationship, along with her constantly asking me questions about why I left. I gave her the same answer as everyone else, but she knows me, and knows that I’m lying. She stopped pushing but I know the need for her to understand my reasoning eats at her.
“So…Do you want to stay with me or mom and dad?”
What a loaded question. I love my sister, but she’s got her own family to take care of. She’s married, and they are trying to have a baby. I’m sure her husband Simon does not want me living with them. The last time I saw them he looked at my sister like she was his world. It gives me the feeling that they fuck each other a lot. And I would have to burn out my eyes if I walked in on them.
On the other hand, living with my mom and dad feels like I’m admitting defeat. It feels as if I’m not a full-grown adult, even though I just entered my thirties. I’ve been living in California for the last five years avoiding my hometown like the plague.
I used to love being from Rose Valley. I never wanted to leave, but one night, one message changed everything. I fell in love with my best friend, and he loved me too. But he loved to fight, and not in any ordinary fights, he fought in underground ones. The wrong person found out and threatened to kill him if I didn’t leave.
I did the only thing any woman who is in love would do. I put my walls up and left without any warning. I left everything behind, moved over a thousand miles away, and tried to forget.
But the jokes on me, I never could. I’m just going through life on autopilot and hope to survive. I don’t live, because this is my punishment. I don’t deserve any happiness when I destroyed my only chance.
Dexter Hernandez doesn’t give second chances, and I don’t deserve one either.
After five years fate has decided it is time I face the consequences of my choices. My mom is sick with breast cancer, and my sister has been taking her to her appointments because my dad has been working to the bone to be able to pay for her hospital bills.
I blow the strand of hair that seems to have slipped out of my ponytail out of my face, focusing back on the conversation with my sister. I didn’t hear anything she said, but when she mentions Dexter, she brings me back to the present quickly. I didn’t hear her; I just heard the mention of his name but I’m too chicken to ask.
My family knows that I pulled away from him but not sure why. I told them the same thing I told him; the fights were too much. No one knows about the unknown messages I’ve gotten and still get sometimes.
Dexter quit working for my dad at the garage, and he doesn’t come to our family dinners anymore. He seems to have put distance between himself and everyone that is involved with me. My parents don’t say it, but I know it hurts them.
“Let me know when you get everything squared away, and where you’ll be staying,” my sister demands.
I clear my throat, “I’ll text you once I call the moving company. Ashley, I appreciate the offer to stay, but I’ll just stay with Mom. If I’m there to help them, it will be easier at their house.”
"Sounds good. And Hazel?”
"Yes.”
"I love you. And I’m really glad that you're finally coming home, I’ve missed you.”
With her words a tear falls down my cheek, when I whisper, “I love you too.”
Hanging up my phone, I take one last deep breath. Ashley’s right it’s time to woman up and face the inevitable.