Chapter 15
~ Troy ~
Iwas upset at the crew on the circuit; I wasn’t going to lie.
Sure, they didn’t know I had changed. And it wasn’t like they knew that my end plan wasn’t to be lonely or to sleep around. But did they all have to scare Anelise away?
I mean, she has been avoiding me since we got back from the rodeo a few days ago. She hasn’t been around the house much, from what I’ve seen. And when I thought she’d been at the barn, she wasn’t.
Markus told me she wasn’t feeling good and was in her room, but she won’t answer my texts, and it’s showing me she’s reading them.
So, what gives?
What can I possibly think, other than she didn’t believe me when I laid my heart on the line?
Was I in love with her?
I didn’t know.
But I knew she meant something more than just a lay.
Even if it was some of the best damn sex of my life and I really couldn’t wait to do more.
I frowned as I wrapped up with a horse, wondering if I shouldn’t just go to the house myself. I mean, no one would mind, and it wasn’t like everyone knew I was seeing Anelise.
“Whatcha think, Rainbow? Should I go check on her?” I asked, quickly grooming the horse so I could leave. She nudged my shoulder, as if agreeing, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Thanks for the vote.”
I turned to walk out of her stall, surprised to see Anelise at the barn entrance. I slowly walked over, taking in her haggard appearance and knew something was wrong.
She looked alive, but not well. Like she was sick.
“You shouldn’t be up, Cowgirl,” I told her, snaking my arm around her waist and leading her to a swing on the backside of her house.
“I know, but I needed to talk to you, Troy.”
“What’s wrong?” I told her, sitting down next to her. She was scaring me.
Her posture was rigged, as if she was struggling to stay upright but some strange force was also pushing in on her. Something was going on and the feeling that I got when a bull was shifting, was going to do something I wasn’t ready for, was rolling in my gut now.
“Anelise, talk to me. Whatever it is, I’m here for you.”
“I don’t know about that, Troy.” She took a breath then turned to face me, her eyes searching mine. Finally, she let out a whoosh of air and then spewed forth the words I never thought I would hear. At least not this damn early in my life. “I’m pregnant.”
I just blinked at her, the words not registering at all.
“Troy?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you hear?”
“I heard,” I muttered, still staring at her but not seeing her.
This couldn’t be happening. From what, just a few times? One time?
Fuck, how many times did we have sex without protection?
I recalled the first time, not sure how I didn’t think to stop and wrap it up, but I didn’t. Was this from that?
“What do you think? I mean, your silence is kind of scaring me, Troy.”
“I don’t know what to think, actually.”
“What do you mean? You think I’m lying? That it’s not yours?”
“No to either of that. That’s not it.”
I stood up, slowly pacing as I ran my fingers through my hair.
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t know if I’m ready to be a dad,” I blurted out. I didn’t mean to make it sound like that but now that the words came out, it was true.
I wanted to be a father, sure, but years from now.
I was just enjoying the start of retirement. Or I could even go back if I got bored enough. But if I had a kid, one that was mine, one that I was forced to take care of, everything I wanted to do wasn’t going to happen.
“You don’t know if you’re ready? What about MaryBeth? You were just getting close to her for what, so you could what, dump her when you want, when you saw fit?”
“No, not at all.”
She stood up, stalked over to me, and shoved me, the anger rolling off of her in waves.
“You fucked me, you started this path, you chose this, and now you’re telling me you don’t know if it’s the path you want?”
“I didn’t say I didn’t want you, Anelise. Don’t twist my words.”
“No, but you’re saying you’re not sure you want this baby. MaryBeth is a little older, but she still needs a father. I told you we were a package deal.”
“Yeah, I know. But she’s not mine, I don’t have to be there, support her, I can help, but not have to fully be a part of.”
The moment those came out, I saw the shift within her, and I could have kicked my own ass for it. It wasn’t what I meant to say, or what I felt, because I loved that little girl as if she was my own. Hell, I was overly protective of her enough, and she wasn’t mine.
“Oh, I see,” she softly spoke, and I knew that my ass was done for.
“Wait,” I started but she held up her hand, shutting me up.
“You want the joyful moments, the fun times, but none of the hard times. You don’t want to have to worry about scraped knees or tummy aches, or any of that. You want to be the ‘fun man’ but not the ‘dad’.
“I thank you for showing me this side early on, Troy. Before I let MaryBeth’s heart, and mine, fall for you even more. I understand she’s not yours, I understand you have no claim to her, but she already looks up to you.
“And now I get the joy of telling her that the man she might want to play with these days isn’t the man for either of us. Don’t worry, I won’t ever trap you with a kid. I raised my daughter just fine on my own, and I’ll raise another child just as good as the first one.
“Get your lame ass out of my town,” she went on, the tears shining in her eyes.
I took a step to hold her, but she only backed away.
“Get out of here, blow this one-horse town like you did before and never look back. The rodeo is still in town; I’m sure they’ll love the prize stallion to join them.
Your buckle bunnies and wingmen, all dumb enough to be shallow. And you’re just as stupid as they are.”
With that, she turned, walking to the back door of the house.
“Anelise,” I called. She paused, glancing at me over her shoulder.
“What?”
The tears were now fully streaming down her cheeks, and I didn’t know what to say.
I didn’t want the rodeo, I wanted her.
I wanted MaryBeth.
But how could I say that and then tell her in the next breath I didn’t want a kid?
What kind of dad would that make me?
“That’s what I thought. God, I was so hoping you were really smarter. That you wouldn’t let someone good get away. Fool is me, though. Now, get the fuck off my property.”