Fallen Stars (Stone Bay Series Book 3)

Chapter 4

Doyou ever feel like the rest of the world is moving forward while you’re stuck in a perpetual cycle of the unknown?

Oblivious to my surroundings, I stare down at the server kiosk with an unfocused gaze. My breaths come in quick, shallow bursts as a light sheen of perspiration blankets my skin. Everything is foggy—the restaurant, the people, my thoughts.

I’ve cashed out customer’s orders countless times over the years. I could probably do it with my eyes closed. Yet my hand is immobile above the screen. My fingers twitch every other breath but otherwise remain motionless. As though I’m broken.

In a way, I am broken.

If anyone is to blame for my malfunctioning brain, it is one-hundred-percent me. Because no matter how much time passes or how many times I attempt to drill reality into my head, I never see the truth for what it is.

Levi West is not mine.

Not in the way I want him to be.

My heart tells me to quit being pessimistic. My soul weeps then smiles and says to hold on to hope a little longer. But my mind… he’s a fickle bastard as he says it’s time to let go of fantastical dreams.

A hand on my shoulder startles me and I jump.

“Sorry.” Kirsten pulls her hand away. “You zoned out for a bit. Wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Shit. How long have I been standing here? Thank goodness I don’t need to return a card or change to the customers.

I close out the order, stow the cash in the till and tip in my apron, then shut the drawer. I take a deep breath and blink away my incessant thoughts about Levi and the fact I haven’t heard from him in almost a week.

Everything’s fine. He’s bogged down at work. He told you as much on Sunday.

“You are okay. Right?” Kirsten shifts until she fills my vision, a heavy dose of concern written in the lines of her face.

I hate lying to people, especially family and friends. But the occasional sprinkle of fiction to appease their hearts and avoid conversations I don’t want to have is best for us all.

The lump I’ve felt for days in my throat swells as saliva pools in my mouth. My brows tug together as the backs of my eyes sting. It all happens so fast. And on the next breath, I shove it all away. I meet Kirsten’s waiting gaze and force myself to smile as I nod.

“Yeah. Of course.” I move past her to grab a cleaning rag from the bleach water bin. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Before she’s able to answer, I exit the server alley and dart to the vacant table in my section.

But Kirsten is not easily deterred. On my heels, she weaves between tables and across the dining room. Every other table, she pauses to ask patrons how their breakfast tastes or if they need anything. The regulars love her. Most of them come in for the company over the food, though both are excellent.

Sidling up to me, I feel her curious stare on my profile as I stack dishes and wipe down the table. While I work, I keep my gaze fixed on what I’m doing. The last thing I want is to see her pity.

“Talk to me,” she whispers softly to avoid catching the attention of the gossipmongers. “You haven’t been yourself for days.” She grabs one of the two stacks of dishes. “It’s okay to be sad or upset or angry.” The light weight of her hand rests on my shoulder. “It’s also okay to let others in. Give us some of that weight to carry.”

Kirsten makes it sound as though I’m imprisoned in a dark cave with no escape. I love her for wanting to help. I love her for not giving up. And I love that she doesn’t mention Levi once.

With this, though, there isn’t much to unload. There isn’t much to share unless you count my irrational, relentless thoughts and feelings.

So what if I am upset about Levi’s parents constantly thrusting him toward wealthy young women in town. Me telling Kirsten, Skylar, or Delilah won’t make it any better. Telling them won’t make it stop. What is the point of complaining? It will only make it hurt more.

Tossing the rag on top of the other stack of dishes, I scoop it up from the table and head for the kitchen. “Everything’s fine, K. I swear.” I push through the door, hold it open for her to pass, and then follow her to the dirty dishes rack by the dishwasher. “Things have just felt… off.” I shrug.

“Is it Levi?”

My eyes dart to Maxine—Max to those close to her—the lead cook at Poke the Yolk. In the zone at the stove, she pays neither of us any attention.

I gnash my molars for one, two breaths before I relax my jaw. “Is what Levi?”

Kirsten’s eyes widen as she lifts her hands in surrender and takes a step back. “Just trying to help.”

A sigh leaves my lips as frustration bubbles in my chest. “Sorry.” I hang my head. “Sleep has been shit.”

An arm slips around my shoulders and Kirsten hugs me to her side. “Chin up, Ollie.” She shakes my frame. “Nothing a little caffeine and chocolate chip pancakes can’t cure.”

At the mention of pancakes, Max peers over her shoulder. “CCPs for Ollie. Check.”

I laugh.

A minute ago—hell, ten seconds ago—Max paid us zero attention. One mention of food… bam! She hears every word.

“Thanks, Max.”

She tosses me a wink. “Sure thing.”

Kirsten and I exit the kitchen and get back to our tables. Max calls out my order and I collect it from the kitchen pass-through window. I fill a mug with coffee, dump several packets of sugar and a heavy hand of creamer in, and sit on a stool at the end of the diner counter.

As I unravel my silverware, the bell over the door jingles. I look up to greet whoever walked in and spy Skylar with a bright and cheery smile on her face. It doubles when she sees me sitting down to eat. She winds her way through the restaurant and parks on the stool to my left.

“Morning.” I shove a forkful of pancakes in my mouth. “Here for work?” The question comes out garbled and I apologize.

Skylar chuckles as she leans into my side and gives me a hug. “Morning, Ollie.” She shakes her head. “Nope. I missed breakfast this morning, so I’m strictly here to eat.”

I point my fork at my plate. “I suggest the chocolate chip pancakes with a healthy dollop of whipped cream.”

Skylar eyes the disappearing pancakes on my plate and hums. “They do look good, but the banana and Nutella crepes have been calling my name for an hour.”

“Another favorite of mine.” I nod.

Kirsten finishes up with a customer then comes over to greet Skylar. They chat for a few minutes—mostly about their boyfriends (insert eye roll)—before Kirsten walks off and inputs her order.

Skylar swivels in her seat to face me. “I know you’re short on time, but we should all get together soon. It’s been far too long.”

The jealous part of me wants to say, Yeah, because you’re all too busy with your significant others. But I bite my tongue.

Truly, I am happy for Skylar, Kirsten, and Delilah. They found love. They’ve started the next phase of their lives with someone they care about. Life has never been better for them, and that’s a good thing.

But damn, do I miss them. I miss seeing them more often than not.

Yes, I’ve spent a significant amount of time with Levi over the years. But I’ve spent just as much time with Skylar, Kirsten, and Delilah.

And now… time is all I have. Except it’s mostly alone.

“I’d like that.” I sip my coffee. “Text the group with dates and we’ll sort it out.”

Skylar riffles through her purse and pulls out her phone. Her fingers fly across the screen. A moment later, my phone vibrates in my pocket. Then it vibrates again.

Wiping my hands off, I fish my phone from my pocket to see two text notifications. One from Skylar and the second from Levi. My pulse soars in my chest as I stare down at the screen, unsure which to read first.

I tap on Skylar’s message.

Sky

Movie night, next week, my place. What days are good for everyone?

I type out a quick response.

Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday

After I hit send, I close the group chat and tap on my text history with Levi.

Levi

Sorry I’m a dick. Work has been insane. Feels like I never leave my desk. Hang tonight?

For days, my brain has spiraled. I’ve replayed last Sunday again and again, overanalyzing every minute. His eyes on me as the food reheated. How it looked like he wanted to say something but wouldn’t or couldn’t. The mention of Abigail Calhoun by his mom and how she’d be a good match for Levi. The way his mom’s words shredded me as Levi agreed to dinner. But most of all, that undeniable electricity in the room as I prepared to leave.

I swear it’s all in my head, but maybe it’s not. Maybe Levi feels something for me too.

Days of silence from him has been torture. I thought he ghosted me or finally caved to his parents’ persistence, or maybe he and Abigail clicked and decided to give a relationship a try.

I went on some mind-bender while he has been swamped at work.

Idiot.

Sucks about work. Band practice tonight.

Mind if I watch?

Fire licks my skin from head to toe. I fucking love when Levi watches me play, whether it’s with the band or solo in my house or his. If only I were brave enough to tell him half the songs I write are centered around him or us.

Not at all. Same time as usual.

He reacts with a thumbs-up but doesn’t say anything else.

“Who ya chatting with, Ollie?” Skylar singsongs. “You look a little flush.”

I lock my phone, shove it in my pocket, and chug the last of my coffee. “No one.” I set the cup on my plate with my napkin and utensils and push it away. “Just wondering how long movie night will last before one of y’all starts making out.”

Skylar sets her fork down, her expression deadpan. “Really, Ollie. You were thinking of your friends making out? And blushing because of it?” She shakes her head. “Doubtful. But I’ll let it slide.” A wicked look takes over her face. “For now.”

“Whatever.” I rise from my stool and walk around the counter until I’m opposite her. Pointing at Skylar, I add, “No romance movies. Seriously. I’m not in the mood to watch you guys get handsy.”

I take my dishes to the dirty bin then return to wipe down the counter and put out a new place setting.

“Ollie?”

Tossing the rag in the water, I meet Skylar’s waiting stare. “Yeah?”

Her features soften. “Do we make you uncomfortable?” She waves a hand animatedly. “When all of us get together, I mean.”

Yes. No. Sort of.

I shake my head. “Of course not. I’m just giving you shit.”

The look on her face says she isn’t buying a single word. The corner of her mouth twitches, but she doesn’t smile. “Please tell us if we do.”

I swallow and shove down the emotion building in my chest. “Promise I will.”

“Love you, Ollie.”

Warmth wraps around me at her words and that she didn’t push the subject. “Love you too, Sky.”

Hair damp and clinging to my forehead, I slam my sticks down on the drums again and again. Trip plucks the strings of his base, occasionally leaning forward to belt out the chorus. A powerhouse as always, Hailey assaults the strings of her guitar as she bounces inches from her mic and belts out lyrics. Individually, our music sounds questionable. But once everything comes together, it is rock and roll perfection.

Our followers say it’s the quintessential blend of alternative and contemporary rock with a dash of classic.

As our last song for today’s practice starts, the side door of the garage opens. I falter a moment as Levi walks in with three large pizza boxes but quickly get back in my groove. And for the rest of the song, I keep my head down and focus on playing.

It isn’t long before the song ends and the hum of the amps fills the garage. As per usual, at the end of practice, Hailey, Trip, and I discuss what we loved and what needs work. We aren’t perfectionists by any means, but we also want to play music we are proud of.

Grabbing waters from the fridge, I join everyone on the couches facing our makeshift stage.

Initially, my parents weren’t keen on turning part of the garage into my band’s studio. But the more I played and loved music, the more willing my parents were to gift us the space. Especially after we struggled to find places to practice. Being an only child, more often than not, I tend to get what I want. In the end, they agreed to let the band use the last bay of our three-car garage as long as we kept it clean and didn’t let our stuff drift into the other bays.

I hand Trip and Hailey water bottles before I take a seat next to Levi. Opening my water, I guzzle half the bottle then sigh in relief as my body cools. I twist the cap back in place and set the bottle on the floor between my feet.

Sweeping my sweaty hair off my forehead, I turn toward Levi. “Hey.”

Half a slice of pizza in one hand, he covers his mouth with the other. “Hey.” He finishes the bite in his mouth. “Good set?”

I shift my focus to the three boxes on the coffee table in front of us. After a quick mental game of eenie, meenie, miney mo, I grab a slice of veggie lovers and sit back. “Yeah. Still some shit we need to tweak, but we’re pretty solid otherwise.”

I shove the pizza in my mouth and moan when the salty cheese hits my tongue.

Beside me, Levi tenses. The sudden jerk silences me and stirs up a dozen questions.

My eyes flash to Hailey and Trip, but they are lost in their own conversation as they eat.

Did that really happen? Or is my mind playing tricks?

Hour-long minutes tick by as neither of us says a word. Per usual, it isn’t uncomfortable. Time with Levi is always worth every second. It’s the leaving that sucks.

“Sorry about this week.” He covers his face with his hands, rubs his eyes, then drags them down his cheeks. “This new client…” He drops his elbows to his knees, clasps his hands, and turns his head to meet my gaze. “I think it’s bigger than they or Tymber knew.”

I don’t ask for details because Levi can’t share them. But he and Tymber both need someone to confide in when work gets heavy. They shouldn’t have to keep it bottled up.

“Wish I could help.”

The corner of his mouth twitches as he nods. “You do.” He sits up and inhales deeply. “This”—he waves a hand toward the stage—“being here with you, it helps.”

Warmth blooms in my chest as I absorb his admission. Uncertain how exactly I help, I allow myself to fantasize it is more than just giving him a place to hang out after work. I indulge in the possibility that I am more than his friend.

“Ollie, man.” Trip rises from the couch and holds a hand out for Hailey. “We’re gonna head out.” He looks to Levi. “Thanks for the grub. Appreciate it.”

“Anytime.”

As we exchange goodbyes, I confirm our next practice. After a hug from Hailey, they disappear out the side door.

Silence echoes through the garage as I reach for another slice of pizza. Usually, when it’s quiet like this with Levi, it’s nice. Peaceful. Easy.

But today, the energy in the room feels off.

“I need to tell you something.”

Ding, ding, ding.

“But I don’t want to upset you.”

Fuck.This is going to hurt.

I chew the food in my mouth and reluctantly swallow as I set the rest of the slice down. “Okay…” The word is a mile long as it leaves my lips. My stomach churns, and I inhale a slow, deep breath.

His fingers dive into his hair before they fall to his lap. “Not saying you won’t, but I need you to hear everything.” A pained look consumes his expression. “Please,” he whispers.

Leaning back, I nod. “Yeah. Of course.”

Knee bouncing, he looks anywhere but at me. His hands fist in his lap, then relax. “Dinner last Sunday was an overzealous show like usual. Fancy meal, wine, dessert.” Sinking into the couch, he tips his head back and stares at the ceiling. “Every time is worse. And not just for me.” He shakes his head. “For whoever my parents force to sit next to me too.”

I study his profile as he gets lost in his head a moment. Without looking too hard, it’s easy to see how this whole situation with his parents is slowly eating away at his soul.

If I were able to make this better for him, I would without hesitation.

“Mid-dessert, I left the table.” He pauses and swallows. Then, this indescribable emotion twists his expression. “Abigail followed me outside.”

My stomach knots, and I fist my shirt.

Levi rotates his head against the back of the couch. His luminous blue eyes lock onto my greens and hold me captive.

I forget how to breathe.

“She’s in love with someone else.”

Cool air fills my lungs as I mentally sigh with relief.

“Like me,” he continues, “she doesn’t want this. Her family doesn’t know about the guy she’s dating because they wouldn’t approve of him.”

At this, my heart breaks for Abigail Calhoun. No one should have to hide who they love.

But who am I to think as much? I’ve hidden my love for Levi for years.

“I came up with this crazy idea. Then we walked the gardens for a bit and shared our sides of this whole ordeal.”

The reprieve I felt a moment ago vanishes.

I shift my gaze from his as my eyes lose focus. The world wobbles beneath me and I close my eyes. Suddenly, I’m teetering on a rocky cliff near the bay. Curiosity has me eager for more details, while anxiety begs me to plug my ears and ignore what he says next.

“To get our parents off our backs, Abigail and I made a pact. We agreed to pretend we’re dating.”

Bile crawls up my throat as sweat coats my skin.

“It’s not real.” His voice blends with the white noise in my ears.

I’m going to be sick.

It shouldn’t bother me this much. Since I’ve known Levi, his parents have been trying to marry him off. He has been on several dates with women over the years. He never bragged about them or shared much of what happened. Thank goodness.

Each and every one of those dates and dinners with his family made me ill—physically, mentally, emotionally. But a piece of me always knew the dates and dinners were solely at his parents’ insistence.

This… feels different. Irreversible.

“Ollie.” My name is a whisper on his lips. Soft. Distant.

My fingers twitch in my lap as I process his news over and over.

I want to twist in my seat, grab him by the shoulders, and shake this ridiculous idea out of his head. I want to cup his cheeks, haul him forward, and press my lips to his. Tell him how much I care about him. What he means to me. That I love him.

But I can’t.

Doing those things—saying those words—will ruin us.

Warmth grazes my forearm from my elbow to my wrist and I suck in a sharp breath.

He’s touching me. Really touching me.

“Ollie, please look at me.”

Fire ignites under my skin as his finger slowly trails up and down my forearm.

“Please,” he says, a breath above a whisper.

Nervous energy swirls beneath my diaphragm as I face him without hurry. Our eyes connect and I see so many conflicting messages.

I don’t know what to believe.

“It’s. Not. Real.” His knuckles brush my skin. “I swear.”

Damn, I want it to be true. I want this farce he and Abigail set in motion to be a hoax.

His hand falls away. “All I ask is for you to remember that, no matter what happens.”

My brows pinch together. “What does that mean?” The words come out scratchy and accusatory.

“If our families think we’re dating, we have to act like we’re dating.”

I bolt up from the couch with the need to move and plunge my fingers into my hair. My Vans clap the concrete of the garage floor as I pace the length of the stage. Over and over and over, I shake my head.

“Dinners and movies are what I mean.”

I fist my hair and tug.

Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Don’t ask.

“Time with her and…” I bite my tongue and force myself to not add kissing and sex. “And less with me. I get it.” I stop and stare at Mama’s car. “Need to keep up appearances.”

The couch creaks behind me, and then I feel him at my back. His heat, his energy, him. His clean, cedar scent fills my nose, and internally I weep.

Why is life so fucking unfair? Why did I pick someone impossible to love?

“This changes nothing,” he whispers inches from my ear.

God, he is so close.

“I promise.”

“How?” I barely recognize my own voice.

“We talked logistics. We set rules in place for each other. Limits.”

I scoff. “And when your parents expect more?” I drop my chin to my chest and inhale deeply. “You know what? Forget I asked.” Spinning around, I hold his heady blue eyes with mine. “It doesn’t matter.” I swallow. “We’re just friends.” The last three words rub my throat raw.

Nimble fingers wrap around my forearm. “Ollie, don’t be mad. I can’t…”

Against every instinct in my soul, I take a step back. Then another. “I think you should go.”

His eyes glaze over as hurt swallows his expression. “It’s not real.” He shakes his head. “Please understand.”

Neither of us has once confessed we are anything other than friends. More recently, there have been questionable moments between us—like the one in his kitchen less than a week ago. Nothing more, though.

In this moment, while Levi begs me to see his side of the situation, my hopeful heart wonders if he does feel more for me than friendship. I don’t want to let go of the possibility. But it would literally break me if I made a move and he rejected me.

With an imperceptible nod, I cross my arms over my chest and close myself off. “I’ll try,” I promise. “Just… give me time.”

He takes a step back, and my heart splinters. “Whatever you need.” Step. “You know where to find me.” Step. “Anytime, no matter what.”

And then he turns away from me, crosses to the door, and leaves.

Fingers curled into painful fists, I storm forward and kick one of the open pizza boxes across the garage.

May 10th

Today was shit. I hate every damn thing about today. Well, not everything. Okay, maybe 99.9% of everything.

For a split second, he felt like more today. And I don’t mean my one-sided feelings. I’m talking about him.

It hurt him to tell me about the charade he and her are putting on for their parents. He says it’s not real. I want to believe him. But I just can’t. Something about it doesn’t sit right. Maybe because I don’t know what it’s like to have parents that constantly force you on dates you don’t want. Especially since they’re both grown-ass adults. It seems bizarre.

What does her boyfriend think? If he’s not mad, he must not love her. Not like I love him.

I hate that I told him I need time. The last thing I want is time away from him. This whole thing is fucked up.

He touched me tonight. Not like a friend. I don’t know what the fuck it means. And I can’t ask him. Because I told him I need space and time.

This is fucked!!!