Chapter 6
My calves burnas I weave through the parking lot for my car. The occasional person blocks my path and slows me down, but I don’t stop. I can’t.
Rage fuels each step forward. Funny enough, I can’t pinpoint what pisses me off most. Seeing Levi with Abigail. The fact that I’ve ignored him for so long. That he hasn’t reached out the entire time. Or that I had to park so damn far and he’ll probably catch up.
For twelve damn days, my life has been utter shit. I’ve replayed the night in my garage too many times to count. His telling me the whole scenario with Abigail is fake has been on a stomach-churning loop. By now, I hoped it would’ve sunk in—the situation and his truth.
For whatever reason, it won’t.
And now… seeing them in public together… it fucking hurts.
Neither of us has been celibate over the years. I’ve had my share of fun. Fucked random guys, pretended it was Levi, then never saw them again. He went out with women in college and has gone along with the arranged dates his parents set up. We’ve never outright discussed our sex lives, but there’s not a chance in hell Levi is still a virgin. Maybe when it comes to men, he is, but not sex in general.
“Ollie!” he shouts again as I near my car. “Fucking wait!”
I reach my car and curse as I fumble with the pizza to dig out my keys. Before I hit the unlock button on my fob, Levi is at my side. He shoves my shoulder and knocks the box out of my hand.
“What the hell, Ollie!” He bends at the waist, clutches his knees, and tries to catch his breath.
My gaze drops to his heaving frame and every ounce of fight or flight leaves my body.
I want us to go back to the way we were. Ollie and Levi. Levi and Ollie. Two halves of a whole, neither of us complete without the other.
His breathing settles as he rises to his full height. When his blue eyes slam into mine, so does his anger, his pain, his disbelief. He inches closer and I step back, smacking into my car.
“Why the hell did you run?”
I want to laugh, scream, ask him why wouldn’t I run? But nothing comes out. My eyes refuse to look anywhere but at his eyes. I refuse to miss a single damn moment of him this close. Shadows may mask us from others, but I see every line of his profile. I see the faint glint in his eyes. Every twitch of his muscles.
He’s so damn close.
Levi gives the subtlest shake of his head as he inches impossibly closer. His clean cedar scent invades my nose.
I fight the urge to lean forward, drag my nose up his throat, and inhale deeply.
“I told you,” he whispers. “It’s not real. Don’t be mad.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him I am allowed to be angry. At him. At the situation. At what it has done to us, whatever we are.
He swallows and my eyes drop to his throat. Countless fantasies of my lips on his skin spark to life. Dreams of licking a path up the column of his throat and sucking the pulse point beneath his ear.
My dick swells behind my zipper. I lift my gaze back to his and watch as his eyes widen. Without a doubt, he reads my mixed thoughts.
“It’s not real,” he repeats. Softer. Pleading.
His eyes dart around us, scanning the street and parking lot. When his eyes meet mine again, they’re loaded with conflict and uncertainty. Muted, I give him a moment to articulate his indecision.
When what feels like minutes pass, I clench my fists at my side. I should leave. I should pick my pizza up off the ground, drive home, and lock myself in my apartment.
This… us… we are going nowhere except in circles.
I extend my arm for the door handle but only make it inches before Levi presses into me. I suck in a sharp breath as his weight crushes me against the car.
“What are you?—”
“Fuck it.”
His lips crash down on mine as his hands fist my hoodie. It takes a moment before my mind and body get on the same wavelength. But the moment they do, the world disappears around us.
I reach for his hips and haul him forward. Return his kiss with equal fervor. Moan as his tongue darts out and licks the seam of my lips. Melt when my tongue grazes his and I taste him for the first time.
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
Levi is kissing me. Not some simple peck on the cheek. Not some virginal kiss on the lips. No, his damn tongue is down my throat. His hard dick is grinding against the length of mine. And his moans… it’s as though he’s starved. Ravenous. Greedy for more.
I bring a hand to his cheek and cup his jaw. Tilt his head and deepen the kiss.
And as quickly and unexpectedly as the kiss comes on, he breaks it and takes a step back. His brows bend in confusion. Wide eyes locked on mine, he covers his mouth and shakes his head.
The bravery he had moments ago disappears. In its place, his mask slips back on.
He is losing control and that scares the shit out of him.
As well as I know Levi, there is no perfect way to handle this situation. This is something he has to sort out on his own. All I can do is support him and his decision.
“Levi, it’s?—”
“No.” He shakes his head and retreats farther. His hands ball into fists as his whole expression tightens. “I’ll…” He rolls his lips between his teeth and takes another step back. “I’ll text you later.”
Before I get a word out, he whips around and runs across the street. Frozen next to my car, I stare after him as he unlocks his Ferrari, slips behind the wheel, and speeds away seconds later.
Several minutes pass before I unstick my feet, grab my pizza, and head home.
May 22nd
L fucking kissed me! And not some lame, half-ass kiss. Like a full-on, I-won’t-be-able-to-live-another-day-without-kissing-you kiss. God, it was so much better than I imagined. The way he held on to me. The way he pinned me to the car and gave me all his weight.
Fuck… it was heaven and hell and the best form of torture.
And then he freaked out and bolted. Not that I expected anything else. For a long time, I hoped L would show some level of attraction for me. Before this whole fake dating bullshit happened, I got a glimpse of it. Or so I thought. I’m not sure if my mind was playing tricks. If I’m confusing what I thought were signals.
But after tonight, I’m less confused. L, on the other hand, is probably more confused than ever.
Please don’t let it be another two weeks before we talk again. I can’t handle it. As much as I needed that time and distance to think, not talking with him every day was hell. Not hanging out was pure torture. Even if we never kiss again, I want L in my life.
If he only wants to be friends, I’ll be his friend and nothing more. I’ll go back to the way things were before. Loving him in secret.