23. Soren
Chapter twenty-three
Soren
Present Day One Week Before Fight Night…
S eeing Radley today broke my heart. It brought back everything from that night. I never got to say goodbye or tell him how grateful he saved me and my sisters. Thankfully Henderson had sent me a text before our session to let me know he wasn't alone in the gym, and I could slide my mask over my face before walking in with the guys. It's not the one I use for Valkyrie but for The Ladies. It only covers my mouth leaving my eyes, to show. The Valkyrie mask looks like a warrior's skull half white and gold with beautiful details adorning it, and the otherhalf is burnt and cracked, it strikes fear in those that see me.
I walked in but was too busy laughing at something Miles had said before the door opened. The only reason my attention snapped in his direction was that Finn whispered in my ear that I had caught Rad’s attention, and he could tell that he wanted to walk in our direction. The fear of being seen before I was ready to ask for their help had me snapping my spine straight and my hands trembling. I'm not sure what stopped him from coming our way but I was grateful for small mercies.
I lied to Henderson and said I wasn't feeling well., opting out of training for the upcoming fight I'm forced to take part in on behalf of The Ladies of Ash. He smiled and offered to go over my training before the fight. The big man treats me like a lost daughter Before we left I asked to use the bathroom, snatched a small pad and paper from the guest table, and scribbled a quick note for Radley on it. As soon as I opened the bathroom door, I only made it halfway before the screams to retreat tore at my mind, begging me to leave before I was caught and exposed. The smell of Radley’s body wash clung to the air like a beacon calling me home, and I forced the tiny voice that kept begging me to leave to shut the fuck up for once.
“Who's There?” His voice was loud and unwavering like mine would have been if I had uttered a single word, so like a coward, I stayed quiet as I slipped the note onto his clothes and took off out the door like Satan's hell-hounds were chomping at my heels. I ran until I made it back outside of the gym, ripping the mask from my face I ordered Finn to get us the fuck out of there and he did.
“ Are you okay, Sor?” Len's voice breaks through the whirlwind of my mind, making me snap my attention to her for a split second before returning my focus to the road.
“I.. yeah, I'm okay. Just got a lot on my mind today.” I mumble the pathetic excuse out, hoping it sounds somewhat believable. From the look I can see she's giving me out of my peripheral, that thought is shot to shit.
“ You know that I know you. Right? Like better than you know yourself sometimes.” She grins at my open mouth, “ Better watch it Sor, you're gonna catch flies.” She cackles and pushes my shoulder playfully. “ Honestly Sis, what's got you so shut off lately?”
“ Jace killed Ben and I saw Radley today.” I blurt out and instantly regret it from the silence that follows the outburst, I sneak a glance in her direction and my heart breaks at the fear that's etched into that beautiful face.
“ H..how do you know it was Jace? Do the Lords send their own after members sometimes, if they step out of line?” She says through a breath she must've been holding
“ Miles & Finn caught Jace and who I'm assuming is Alec leaving Ben's house with black trash bags, and they had blood on them... When...the guys finally entered Ben's, it was obvious what had taken place. Not to mention, that some psycho sent pieces to the Lords and Ladies but only the ladies had a note attached. ”
“ What are we going to do ?” She asks quietly, looking at me with matching doe eyes that remind me so much of our mother and sister.
“I plan to make a deal with the guys... Anything to keep you four safe, I'd do it. “ I admit, without the shame, I thought I would have when I told her of my plan
“Sor, are you sure that's a good idea?” Her quizzical gaze makes butterflies flutter in my gut and I swallow the dry lump clogging my throat.
I slam my hand on the steering wheel, letting the emotions spill out of me, “ They are the only ones I know that will protect you, Carla, Finn & Miles. You four are all I care about. I'd burn this planet to ashes If I thought it would keep the monsters away from you four. “
“ This shouldn't fall on just you! We aren't kids. We are your equals! “ she screams, tears freely falling from her beautiful face, staining her red band tees with wet spots.
“But it does Len, equals or not if something ever fucking happened to you or the others, do you think I could go on living? You are the reason I'm still here. Without you, there's no me. ”I move my hand from the steering wheel and grab hers to squeeze, so she understands how much I'd give to make sure nothing ever happened to them.
She holds my hand tightly in her small one before she utters the words that shatter my heart in two “ Have you ever thought, that's how we see it as well? You're our everything, you have been since we were children and you took on a responsibility that wasn't yours to take on in the first place. You were a child playing mother. You should have had a life and we stole that from you, Sor... “ Her voice breaks with each word and the tears are now flowing freely between the two of us as we bear our souls to one another.
“I would do it all again. Taking on that responsibility, I would do it with a smile on my face, knowing what I know now. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me—both you and Carla. I felt it the moment Mom placed you two in my arms. I loved you, and I knew that no matter what happened with our parents, I would always have you both.” The only sounds are our sobs as we break down together in the darkness of my car.
“ Soren, I cannot say goodbye to you. Love shouldn't be so demanding that it takes and never gives. It's not fair.” She hiccups through another gut-wrenching sob, and I have to pull over the side of the road .. so I can pull my baby sister into my arms.
“ Come here Len...” I pull her into me and cradle her like I used to when she got hurt playing with Carla, I'd rock her and keep her pressed to my chest until she forgot about the small scrape that came from falling on her tiny knees. She grips into my shirt and we sit there and cry. letting everything that's ever happened to us leak out into the darkness surrounding us.
The pain of never being enough for our parents.
The pain of a broken childhood, and being forced to grow up too fast.
The pain of always having to sacrifice ourselves.
The pain of no matter how hard we try, we will never be safe while Jace is alive.
The pain of shouldering everything so it doesn't crush them, like it has me.
The pain of what I must do, even despite my sister's pleading.
That will never be enough to stop me from putting them first. If it means I go behind their backs from here on out to assure that they remain safe while I darken my soul, then so fucking be it. My soul was already tainted, I refuse to let theirs become stained as well. Len buries her face in the crook of my neck as she sucks a soft breath in, trying to regain her composure.
“ I love you, Lena. Just trust that I have your best interest at heart. If for some reason I feel like I'm in over my head I will come to you personally.” I push the hair stuck to her tear-stained cheeks, placing a gentle kiss on it instead.
“ I love you sissy, and okay but you have to pinky promise it. Right here and now.” She holds her tiny pinky up waiting for me to link mine to hers, with a soft smile I do and with it, the promise is sealed with a kiss to our thumbs.
She softly scurries back to her side of the car, and rests her head on the window, her body showing signs of how tired she truly is after that heart-to-heart we shared.
“ Go ahead and get some rest, I'll wake you when we reach Cleo’s.” With that, I shift the car into drive and pull out onto the old back road, which leads to my hacker Cleo to see what she's uncovered from Ben's safe.
The gravel crunches beneath my tires as I pull in front of the little white house tucked behind the treeline. Miles and Finn are standing by their car, waiting for my arrival. Finn had texted me to tell me that Carla wanted to stay home and get some rest before she heads out for a mission she has to leave with Lena for tomorrow, the only details we received is that it's recon on the girl I'm supposed to fight next Saturday.
They suspect she's meeting with someone to sell information. My order for Saturday is to gather Intel after the fight, but I've also been given the okay from the council to “accidentally“ break this girl's neck if the recon the twins find reveals she is indeed selling important information to someone outside of the order.
A knock at my window startles me back to reality as I open my door to Miles, “You ready to see what our boy left us? “ I nod softly, looking back into my car at my sleeping sister debating on if I should wake her up or get the rest she will need for tomorrow to keep her alert.
“Babe, stay with her while Finn and I go in?” I look up to Miles, hoping he doesn't fight me in this.
“ Okay, little mama. I've got you. Go in, and get this over with so we can head home and get our girl into a proper bed.” He leans down and places a soft kiss on my forehead, slapping my ass once I turn around.
I smile softly and continue forward towards Finn, “ Hello Queenie, beautiful as ever.” He smiles cheekily at me as he holds his hand out for me to take and I am so grateful for his lended strength. We walk hand in hand to Cleo's front door, tapping the three knocks that indicate I'm here.
There's a soft click, followed by six more as the door slowly inches open still connected to the chair lock, the beautiful Jamaican woman looks at me before a smile graces her full lips. She shuts the door and the sound of the last lock being undone is what lets us know it's okay to enter .
Finn takes the incentive to open the door and hold it for me to step through, following close behind me as we travel the familiar path to Cleo's computer room. The soft whirring of the computers and chirping of the fire alarm sounds in the back as we step into the cold room.
Cleo stands at the table in the middle, the safe and its contents opened for us to see. The sight of a tape recorder with two tapes sitting beside it catches my attention and I reach my hand to grab it.
Cleo watches me closely, using her middle finger to push up her thick round glasses, not breaking away from the staring contest as I slide the first tape into the player and l start it. The sound of chains and groaning slips through first before The voice that's haunted my fucking nightmares comes through, making my skin crawl and my stomach bottom out through the floor.
“Really Ben, you don't know where my cheating snake of a fiance is?”Jace's comes out loud
A smack echo before Ben's voice breaks through the recording…
“ No Jace, I promise... I haven't seen her. “ He sounds like he's been crying.
My breath stalls as I wait for more of the conversation to play, Finn cages me into the desk offering silent support. I focus back on what's being said as Jace's voice comes through again,
“ Now are we sure about this? Because my father's associate checked your call log and a call was made tonight to my dear fiance before she disappeared from my grasp.”
“No, I promise, I don't know where she ran off to. Please, you have to believe me I would never betray you for that fucking slut. “ But he did, he told me the truth even though I saw it with my own eyes.. Ben was the reason the guys stepped in and got Scarlett involved. He saved me just as much as the guys did.
“ Oh Benny, you know what I will do to you if I find out that you're lying. You'll be the first death of many to happen if I don't get that bitch back to where she belongs.” Jace snarls like a beast ready to rip the head off an innocent rabbit.
“ Yes I know, I promise. I'm on your side... Please untie me... Jace.” Ben begs
Alec cut him loose, we need to head to see my father now. He's pissed about the bitch getting away.”
“ Yes, baby.” There's sawing and then a grunt as someone hits the hard ground.
“ I mean it Bennington, one fuck up and I will fucking kill you. I will chop you into tiny pieces and I will enjoy every bit of it.” There's a groan of protest. The recording finishes and we sit in quietness before I switch to the next tape.
“Sour Patch I love you I will always love you. If you're hearing this now, They found me, and I'm no longer here to offer the information you need to protect yourself from this sick fuck. He will never give up trying to find you. He thinks you are in New York with Josie and Scar. Please continue to put yourself first, you're surviving a bigger game than you can even fathom, this is bigger than Jace and Alec, please don't… trust …. “ His voice breaks and the recording stops abruptly.
“FUCK!” I slam the recording down and pace as anger and defeat fight for first place in my warring emotions.
Don't trust who?
We continue going through the contents of the safe, but my heart isn't fully in it as the question dances around my brain begging to be answered.
We thank Cleo after five hours pass by and we are still barely scratching the surface of the bottom of the safe..I have Finn carry it to the guys' truck and opt-in to let Miles drive my car home so I can crawl up in the passenger seat to get some rest to clear my mind.
Finn drives, as the sound of ''Sleep Token’s Dark Signs'' lulls me into a dreamless sleep. As Finn sings along to the lyrics, his hand resting on my bare thigh.