Chapter 12
CARDS ON THE TABLE
The day dragged. Luke's engagement made my life unbearable. I kept my mask intact for most people. Only my girlfriends and sister knew the extent of how this union tormented me. Makeup covered the bags under my eyes from sleepless nights. Coffee explained my jitters. I was falling apart.
My office door opened. I didn't even bother scolding Jacqueline for entering without knocking. "What's up?"
When I got no answer, I looked up. The face that met me was one of pity, and alarm bells rang in my head. "What?"
Jacqueline sighed. "Solenne and Luke booked a castle in New Jersey."
"Impossible," I said. But she only nodded.
"Luke is a New York snob. He would never be caught dead in Jersey, yet for her ..."
Lowering the pen in my hand, I processed things. "He loves her so much, he'd marry her anywhere?"
"Olivia, maybe it's time to move on."
"Well, he obviously already did," I mumbled.
When Jacqueline came toward me, ready to offer some form of physical comfort, I rushed to my feet. "I have to go."
"Olivia?"
Unwilling to let her see me break down, I didn't stop walking, but I assured her, "I'm okay. Modern women don't fall apart over a man."
I ran from my office, heart racing, slamming the elevator button with shaking fingers, and bolted out of the building the second the doors opened to the lobby. When I approached the parked car, and Hopeton jumped out and opened the door.
As he walked from my door to the driver's seat, tears prickled my eyes. Hopeton looked back and asked, like he often did, "Where to?"
In the backseat, the weight finally broke me, and I let the tears fall. Hopeton politely looked away. For minutes, I sobbed in the vehicle while he sat in silence.
Suddenly, I felt the SUV moving, but I didn’t care where we were headed.
Hopeton was probably dropping me home. Yes, he knew me well.
That's what I needed: my bed and my girlfriends.
Well, maybe only Alex, since I just didn't feel like being scolded.
With my eyes closed, a million thoughts flashed through my head: Luke and I in the sprinklers as kids, riding bikes, going to movies, bars, and camping.
Now he would have a new partner by his side, like his mother said. Life goes on, but moving on without me was never part of my plan.
I always envisioned a place with him, not some fucking third wheel.
I wiped my tears and then widened my eyes in shock. We had stopped, but I wasn't home. Instead, we were in front of the Goldman Sachs building, where Luke worked. Horrified, I looked up at Hopeton. "Why did you bring me here? Take me home."
The car wasn't moving. I raised my voice. "Hopeton, take me home."
"I can't, we’re out of gas."
I sat forward to see the dashboard. The needle clearly showed that was a lie. "Hopeton!"
He unbuckled his seatbelt and walked to the back. When he opened the door, I scurried to the other side. I wanted to see how he'd get me out.
"Stop being stubborn. Since you were a child, you've been afraid of everything and hidden all your insecurities. Those who don't know you may be fooled, but not me."
While his words were kind, my greatest fear at the moment was Luke exiting the building and seeing us. "Hopeton, please take me home."
"You can fire me, but you'll have to walk."
My jaw fell open.
"If you’re running away from happiness, I won't drive you. Please walk."
Silence.
Hopeton extended his hand to help me out of the car.
"Fine, I'll get out and call a taxi," I snarled.
Just then, I heard my words. I was going to hide. Such a coward!
I took the hand my driver offered and stepped out of the car, my legs unsteady beneath me. Once outside the SUV, I looked from Luke's building to Hopeton. I wasn't about to call a taxi. I knew exactly what I had to do. "But what if he says no?"
Hopeton shook his head confidently. "What if he says yes?"
Taking small and slow steps, I walked through the revolving door of Luke's building. My throat burned, and my hand trembled, but I walked to the receptionist's desk with my shoulders squared.
"Luke Forrester, please."
The lady didn't bother to look up. "Mr. Forrester and his coworkers left fifteen minutes ago. They probably walked to O'Reilly's Irish Pub."
Needing no more, I hurried toward South Street Seaport, where stockbrokers gathered after work to share drinks and, if you were lucky, secrets after work. The green sign with gold letters that spelled O’Reilly came into view, and I hurried. If I missed Luke, I might not have the courage tomorrow.
When I finally made it to the little bar, I was panting.
I took a deep breath and pushed the door open.
The place was crowded. All around, men in suits shouted over each other, some drinking beers, others something harder, to forget the long work day.
Frantically, I scanned the chaos, desperate to find him.
Seconds passed, and I couldn’t see Luke.
He wasn’t here. I felt like crying on the spot.
And then I saw him in the very back, beer in hand, just as my heart nearly gave out.
Luke looked up, and we locked eyes, his squinting into confusion as I approached. Each step was scarier than the one before, but I kept going.
"Liv, what are you doing here?"
"She came for a good time," his coworker, who I'd met previously, said with a slimy smile that made me wonder if we'd fucked before. I couldn't remember.
"Can we talk?"
"Okay."
I looked around us. "Maybe outside. I have something to say."
"Why are you so serious, Olivia? That's not like you," the coworker I couldn’t name said.
Luke stood, "Guys, I'll see you Monday."
He slid a firm hand around my arm and guided me through the crowded bar. The heat of his touch mixed with my nerves created a dangerous combination. Every step I debated running, but the rush up my spine from his touch reminded me that this was what I wanted: for Luke to never let go.
Once outside, he studied me. "What is it? Is something wrong? Did you talk to Demetria?"
Luke stared at me. His expression was so caring.
"Demetria? What? No. Well, I just ..." My stomach twisted, and I closed my mouth. There was no going back after this.
He wore a puzzled expression but patiently waited for me to continue.
"Luke, I haven't been honest with you ..." I stopped and tried to steady myself. My hands were clammy, and my heart was racing. How could I put myself through this again?
"Liv, you're scaring me. Are you sick?"
"What? No."
Luke's shoulders relaxed, and I tried again. "This is harder than I expected," I said, then started to walk. He followed close by.
Luke chuckled. "Let me guess, you’re here to badmouth Solenne and tell me not to marry her."
"Yes, I don’t think you should marry Soufflé, not because she’s a gold digger, or pretentious. Only for one damn reason."
"What?"
I could barely breathe; the words were caught in my throat, but I exhaled. "Because she isn't me."
Luke blinked as if he wasn’t sure he’d heard me right, then his brow drew together in a slow, uncertain frown.
I felt transported back to college and began to shake.
Luke's mouth parted, but when he shut it again, I figured he was at a loss for words.
Time stretched on as we just stared at one another.
However, I could read the shock etched across his face. "What?"
"Oh god, the first time was hard enough, please don't make me say it again."
Luke's eyes widened, and a scowl covered the lower half of his face. "You wait until I'm engaged to tell me this shit."
Of all the things I expected, anger wasn't on my list.
"This tracks. You were always like this. A woman like Solenne is willing to be my wife, and you can’t handle that. You’re doing this out of spite? Out of jealousy? Right?"
"That's not fair. Years ago, I told you how I felt, and you rejected me."
"You were drunk. The next morning, I would have been like all the fucking others, something you regretted and avoided. I know you."
"DO you really? I don’t think so. I loved you back then. I did. Your reaction to what I said … fuck, it hurt. But I love you. Shit, I always will."
"You love me?" Luke asked in a tone softer than before, almost gentle.
Scared to say more, I could only nod.
"If I had never gotten engaged to Solenne, would you have ever told me?"
Tears prickled my eyes. This was definitely rejection.
I braced myself for the impact of his words.
He was going to marry Soufflé. I shook my head and turned away, desperate to escape the sting of embarrassment.
My heart ached. It had been warning me for years not to do this, to leave things as they were.
I took a few steps away, eager to hide, when I felt his hand grab my wrist and yank me back.
Suddenly, I was crushed against his chest. He tightened his arms around me so I couldn’t go anywhere, and I don’t know if this was a goodbye hug, or my dream coming true.
"Where are you going?"
Confused, I slowly pulled from his embrace and turned to face him.
I saw it in his eyes. The way he felt. A thousand feelings at once.
Luke raised his hand and trailed it down my arm, stopping at my hand.
His fingers intertwined with mine. His other hand found the small of my back and pulled me closer until I was flush against him.
He licked his lips. Swallowed. The muscles in his jaw clenched.
He let go of my hand. I wanted to protest, but his fingers were under my chin, gently pulling my lips to meet his.
Heat surged through me. The kiss was tender, soft, saying everything we'd never dared.
It deepened, exploring. I felt his fingertips dig into my hips, like he was trying to pull me even closer.
Impossibly closer. Our lips parted, but he pressed his forehead to mine.
"Luke, what does this mean?" I needed to hear him say it. Craved it. Without it, I’d crumble.
"It means I love you too."