Falling Madly

Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Teresa

I stared at the door, my limbs frozen, mind spinning. What had I done? I’d seen the pain in his eyes, almost like a substance that swallowed the calming blue-green. He’d been so buoyant, so full of faith. He’d had enough faith in us to create an entire house and keep track of each interaction we had, finding hope in signs of hate. Who had that kind of faith?

I’d thrown my fresh sense of betrayal at him without thinking. I’d lumped him in with Richard. He was the one I wanted to be yelling at right now, not Trevor.

And now he was calling me a ride, getting me away from this house I never wanted to leave. I was still unsure about my feelings for him, but if I wasn’t honest now, I was going to lose him for good. Neither of us could cross that bridge again if I let us get there.

I knocked on the door, then tried opening it, but it didn’t budge.

“Trevor? I need to talk to you.”

After a moment, the door opened. His eyes looked a little red, but he met my gaze squarely, leaning his shoulder against the doorframe. “Yes?”

“I’m sorry I put you in the same category as Richard… Dick. You’re not. And I’ve already told you I’ve forgiven you, so I shouldn’t bring it up. Not anymore.”

“You’re still angry,” he stated, watching me carefully.

“Yes. But only like twenty percent. There are a lot of other emotions in the mix. And the anger is mostly for Richard. I think I’m taking it out on you because you’re here, and I haven’t had any closure with him.”

“Sounds like you need that.”

“I think I do,” I admitted.

“Good. You can go talk to him when the driver takes you back to Denver.”

My stomach dropped. “You want me to leave?”

“I won’t keep you against your will. I can’t keep up this one-sided thing between us. I thought I could, and for months, I did. I had hope. And now I feel like I’ve run out. I can’t anymore. I won’t chase you, Teresa. I’m done.”

“You’re… done?” My heart felt like a swelling ball bursting out of my chest. “You liked me and now you don’t like me anymore?”

He looked sad, shaking his head. “I can’t turn off how I feel, but I’m done trying. I can’t take it anymore. Not with ye right here.”

I took a step forward, stepping into that close range where air vibrated between us. “Am I allowed to try? Or is this just your game?”

He held perfectly still, watching me. “What do ye mean?”

I ran my hands up his chest, curling my fingers around the collar of his Henley. “Am I allowed to try… us? I haven’t been thinking about this and Pinterest-stalking you. I’m still catching up. But I enjoy having such a non-threatening stalker who is so incredibly considerate. It’s flattering. It’s building me up when everything else around me is tearing me down. You’re the only good thing that’s happened to me in months.”

“Good? Not creepy?” He glanced at the living room behind me, looking so mortified that I couldn’t help myself—I hugged him.

He didn’t react at first, but I kept hugging, breathing in his shirt, my eyes stinging from the realization that I already recognized his scent. This was Trevor. Not like the Trevor I remembered from way back, since I didn’t remember much at all. This was Trevor now. And despite all the warnings still lingering in my mind, he felt like a safe place.

After a moment, I felt his arms around me and his breath in my ear. “Are you hugging me because you feel sorry for me? Is this a comfort hug?”

I lifted my head to look him in the eye. “Are you too comfortable? Do you want me to punch you?”

He allowed a faint smile. “I just don’t want pity. I know I’ve done pathetic things, but?—”

“No, you haven’t! You’re being brave and romantic. It feels like a lot,” I confessed, “and I’m not used to it. But don’t give up on me yet. Please.”

Hope lit up behind his eyes, and he leaned in to kiss me. I met him halfway, brushing my fingers across his beard, then wrapping my arms around his neck. The kiss deepened and an avalanche of need rushed through me, settling between my legs. He held my waist, his thumbs stroking my sides, deliciously dipping into the hollows beneath my hip bone, firing another connection down there. I wanted to fall in love. I wanted to be as sure as he was. But I was scared.

“I don’t want you to be a rebound,” I said breathlessly as I pushed him backwards toward the bed. “I feel like I’m using you to get over… him.”

He stopped us, picked me up by the waist and gently threw me on the bed, landing on top of me, locking me in between his arms. “I always thought he was the rebound. You used him to make me jealous, right? It worked.”

I’d never admitted it, not even to myself, but there must have been a grain of truth because I felt a zing through my middle. Maybe I’d been using Richard. I wasn’t mad about the thought. It felt a lot better than being betrayed and powerless.

“You were jealous?” I asked, a small smile breaking through.

“Of course. I plotted his murder.” He smiled, placing a kiss on my collarbone. “Several murders.” Another kiss, lingering on my skin until everything tingled. “I hated seeing ye with him. He never looked like he even saw you. A self-centered, blind man. That awards dinner we went to… He kept ogling the waitress and I wanted to beat him up so badly.”

“You went home early.”

“Aye. I couldn’t watch it. I was this close to taking him behind the building…” He pulled his fingers a hair’s width apart, a vein in his neck bulging.

“I had no idea.”

“You’re the sexiest, most incredible woman in any room. If he doesn’t see that, he doesn’t deserve to be with ye.”

My heart swelled, along with the other body parts that had already given up on any resistance. I wanted him so desperately, I hardly cared if this was right or wrong, doomed or fated. In that moment, I only wanted more words, more touches, more of him.

I’d felt his eyes on me that night, months ago. I’d been wearing a low-cut dress and my favorite heels. For myself. That was my favorite lie because I never dressed up for myself. I’d known he’d be there, and I’d known he wasn’t seeing anyone. I’d known he was always looking at me, and I had enjoyed taunting him, showing him what he’d lost by being an asshole. None of that had been about Richard, who’d been my official date, my driver, and the perfectly acceptable guy I could hang out with when I felt lonely, which wasn’t even that often. I’d kept my distance and protected my independence, only giving away a small slice of who I was. But with Trevor, I wanted to give it all, and it terrified me.

His hand grazed my hip, nudging the edge of my elf leggings, and the thought of undressing brought me back to reality. “Actually, I wouldn’t mind taking a shower,” I said.

He pulled away, as if sobering up. “Aye, you’re right. That’s a great idea. How about I run you a bath, and you get to test my clawfoot bathtub?”

I clambered up. “No, you didn’t!”

“I did.” He nodded, looking a little sheepish. “There was such a great reference pic.”

I was up in seconds, heading for the ensuite. Holy shit! It was my favorite picture with almost an identical dragonfly wallpaper framing the most inviting bath I’d ever seen, with candles and luxurious bath products lined up on a shelf. I stepped closer, reverently running my hand across the wall. “Dragonflies.” My voice cracked.

He stepped past me to plug the tub and turn on the faucet. “I don’t know how to use these,” he said apologetically, gesturing at the products. “The designer just left them here.”

I browsed the selection and chose a jasmine-scented bubble bath. We both watched as the tub began to fill with foam and the smell lingered in the air. “It’s perfect,” I said, so moved by everything, I found it hard to speak.

“Great.” His voice caught in his throat in a similar way. “I’ll leave you to?—”

“Stay.”

He held at the doorway, frozen like a statue, as I pulled the elf top over my head, then unhooked my bra. I heard his sharp intake of breath. Keeping my back to him, I peeled off the leggings and my panties and stood there, naked. I could feel his eyes on me like thermal lights burning my skin.

I finally turned around to face him, holding my breath. I’d never seen his eyes so clouded.

“Fuck. Teresa. Fuck,” he muttered, adjusting the crotch of his jeans. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“And I hope you have condoms in your house, because I’m going to need you later.”

His laugh echoed off the walls. “I’m a hopeless romantic, but I’m not that hopeless. Top drawer.”

I opened the drawer, noting the packet of condoms, and smiled. “It’s a big tub if you want to join me.”

He undressed in seconds, reaching the bathtub by the time I was standing in it, easing myself into the hot water. It wasn’t scalding hot, but my limbs were still cold from the walk outside and my skin screamed from the adjustment, gradually settling into the blissful warmth. I sat down and pulled my knees to my chest, risking a glance at Trevor.

My gaze traveled down his chest, following the trail of dark, curling hair, and I gasped. I’d expected him to be a little turned on, but the erection I came eye-to-eye with was huge and almost purple. Gravity had nothing on it.

He glanced down at it. “Yeah, it’s all your fault.” He stroked himself briefly, bringing up a droplet of precum I couldn’t tear my eyes off.

I’d slept with Richard maybe a grand total of ten times in eight months. We’d never been that crazy about each other. I couldn’t even imagine staring at him naked like this. But then again, he was a pasty, average-sized guy and Trevor was some sort of Scottish warrior with a solid, muscular upper body, bulging thighs and king-sized cock. He wasn’t soft in the middle, either.

“Have you lost weight?” I asked as he lowered himself into the tub, raising the water level so high it nearly spilled over.

“I’ve been working on myself. I told you.”

“Good work,” I said thickly. “It’s really showing.”

“Good.”

“I don’t mind a dad bod, to be honest. But you look great. Solid. Amazing.” One more adjective, and I was officially unhinged.

“Sweet. Make me a dad and I’m sure you’ll get your wish.” He grinned.

I inhaled my own saliva and ended up coughing so hard the water did spill over.

“Don’t worry,” he assured me. “It’s all tiled and there’s a drain underneath.”

“Okay. That’s not what I’m worried about, though.”

“What? You told me ye wanted kids one day.”

I blushed, my mind rushing back to that night by the pool. I had told him that, and I’d meant it. But with Richard, I’d been so adamant to keep my independence I’d changed my tune. Had I changed my mind? How did I not know myself better than this? I’d changed so many things after that night. My work schedule, my cafe of choice (to make sure I didn’t run into Trevor), my smoking habit… I’d also adjusted how much of myself I was willing to share with someone. How far into the future I was willing to look.

“I think I sabotaged my relationship with Richard,” I said. “He went back to her because she needed him. She probably wanted a future with him, and I just wanted someone to hang out with on my terms.”

“It doesn’t make him any less a cheater, but I get that. You were protecting yerself, and falling in love is the biggest risk you’ll ever take.”

“How can you risk it?” I asked. “How can you look at me like that when you don’t know me? You don’t even know if I’m capable of falling in love. Maybe I’m too messed up to do it.”

He smiled affectionately. “You’re capable.”

“But how do you know?” I insisted.

“Because falling in love is not for the healthy and well-balanced. It’s part hormones, part madness. It defies logic.”

I raised an eyebrow. “So… I’m mad enough?”

“If you have enough passion to hate me for a year and a half, you have enough passion to love me.”

“You keep surprising me,” I said. “I love that.”

I could surprise him, too, I thought, rising to my knees, and wading through to his end of the tub, straddling him. His hard-on nuzzled against my stomach like a warm metal pole, but I was a dancer. I rocked against it, enjoying the sparks that erupted and shot through my body. It would have been so easy to raise my hips a little higher and fill myself with him, let that erection stretch me to absolute capacity. Find out if I could take him. I’d never had anyone that big.

“Oh, my God, Teresa,” Trevor growled, grabbing my ass underwater, helping me move up and down. “You know I can’t resist you…”

Our mouths crashed together, and our tongues followed. More delectable pressure built in my core. I wanted him inside me right now.

“You can’t put a condom on underwater, can you?” I asked, breaking the contact. Our breaths mingled as I stared at him through hooded, unfocused eyes. I could hardly believe how he made me feel. I needed more.

“Probably not safe,” he said.

I reached out to the other end of the tub and pulled the plug, then climbed back on his lap, rocking even more shamelessly against that erection. It felt amazing. The water coursed between us, creating a strong current between my thighs, rushing against my swollen flesh. I held still, nearly undone by the sensation. We looked at each other, waiting for the tub to drain. When that final gurgle faded, he grabbed a towel and handed me one.

“Wannae take this to the bed?” he asked.

I shook my head and reached for the condom drawer. I gave him one, and he rolled it on, sitting down in the empty tub. We were both still slightly damp, and my skin felt hot against the cool air. A layer of bubbles lingered on the bottom and my knees sunk into it as I approached him the same way I’d done in the water.

“Your bedroom doesn’t have curtains,” I said. “And I’ve never done it in a bathtub.”

“Never have I ever,” he rasped, leaning in to catch my nipple in his mouth.

A bolt of lightning shot through me, gathering its energy between my thighs. I leaned closer to feel him against me. The hottest pole I’d ever danced. He grabbed my hips, grunting every time I moved against him.

“Let me see you,” he pleaded between the more primal noises.

I moved back until I was leaning on my elbows, my knees open. Bared. Sexy. Waiting. I felt his gaze on me as he shifted onto his knees, all the way to the moment his lips touched my inner thigh, trailing closer. He took his time, circling and teasing my clit with his tongue. My entire core throbbed like it was on fire, desperate for more. When he pulled away, I whimpered in frustration.

I heard his soft laugh. “Patience, Dragonfly.”

When I couldn’t take it anymore, he took my arms and helped me back up. “Ready?” he asked, sitting back so I could straddle him like before.

I couldn’t speak. I raised my hips and gently lowered myself onto him. I felt the pressure everywhere. My back and chest, hips and stomach, everything was expanding to make room for him as I sat there, willingly captured. I could barely breathe, but I didn’t care.

There was a quiet stillness about that moment I hadn’t expected. This wasn’t a race to the finish line. The need I felt was deeper. It sat somewhere further back, building up behind my ribcage, cascading down in waves. I felt his hands cupping my buttocks, holding me there. I was locked onto him, but I didn’t want to escape. I wanted to stay there forever, right on the cusp of unraveling.

“What do you need?” he asked. “You feel too good. I can’t hold on for… I can’t.”

“I’m so close,” I gasped as I tilted my hips for a little more friction.

He tightened his grip on me. I was so incredibly charged, a feather could have sent me over the edge. I was done. I was finished. The orgasm ripped through me, making my hips move on their own, my muscles spasming out of control. He followed with a deep growl, pumping his release inside of me.

I collapsed against him as we panted in unison. “That was insane.”

“Did you… come?” The concern in his voice sent a ripple of laughter through me.

“You’re funny,” I said, wiping my eyes, then hugged him. “Don’t worry, Trevor. You took very good care of me.”

“Okay, good.”

The air was starting to feel cold against my skin, so I reluctantly peeled myself off him. We got out of the tub, wrapped ourselves in towels, then collapsed on the bed. He pulled me to his side, and I nuzzled into his warm skin. There was no going back. I’d slept with him, really slept with him, and it had been too good. Too good to ignore. I was supposed to be scratching an itch, but now I knew how he could make me feel, I wanted him even more. This was not a slippery slope. It was a scary, arm-flailing free fall.

Trevor pulled a blanket over us, and I relaxed even further, letting the incredible warmth lull me to the brink of sleep. Last night had been a struggle, with sore muscles and discomfort. Trevor had slept on the cold, hard floor. He must have been exhausted.

It wasn’t long before I noticed his breathing deepen and slow down. He was asleep.

I raised to my elbows, gazing at him. He was a beautiful man, under all that scruff. Solid and strong. My heart clenched as I looked at him, the countless eyelashes resting against his cheekbones, faint creases in the corners of his eyes. He still looked young, but with a hint of wear and tear. Had he really changed? Had I changed? Did we really have a chance to make this work?

The bedroom felt exposed with no curtains, but the snowfall behind the window acted like a privacy screen, offering little visibility, and dimming the daylight. I imagined us floating inside a white cloud, hiding from the world below. How I wanted to keep hiding.

When I heard the knock, I first thought it was the wind throwing something against the wall. But then I heard it again, and my heart jumped up to my throat. Someone was at the door!

Was it the driver taking me back to the city?

“Trevor!” I nudged him, then jumped off the bed to frantically gather my clothes and pull them on.

He lifted his head as I hobbled across the floor, tugging up my elf leggings. Why hadn’t I brought our bags to the bedroom? I wanted my own clothes!

Someone banged on the door again. I was dressed now. “Get dressed!” I hissed at Trevor on my way out.