Falling Madly

Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Teresa

F ear was a strange thing, like a switch in my head I couldn’t un-flick. I’d been picking up clues all the way to the cabin, thinking nothing of it, but then suddenly, opening a bathroom cabinet sent me over the edge and I found myself in a grip of terror.

In my relief to escape the judgment of Cozy Creek town royals, I’d accepted that Kyle’s cabin was twenty minutes outside of town. I’d shrugged at the fact that there was no cell phone coverage. I’d even smiled at the joke he’d made about it being so secluded that nothing worked—no phone, no internet. When he’d told me his closest neighbor had been found months after his death, partially mummified, I’d stared at him in shock, rather entertained, but I’d felt no fear.

Once we’d arrived, he’d given me a tour of the beautiful property, skipping over a basement door with a heavy padlock, joking, “this is where I bury the bodies”. I’d laughed. We’d even discussed the missing tourist, exchanging theories on what might have happened, from alien abduction to a lying scumbag boyfriend.

After we’d settled into his living room, I’d accepted his offer to mix me a Cuba Libre and excused myself to use the bathroom. And now, I’d opened the bottom cabinet, not even sure why. Why was I poking around in a stranger’s bathroom? And, more importantly, why did this man have a four-gallon container of bleach? What would anyone need that much bleach for, unless they were in the business of breaking down human remains?

I couldn’t answer my own question and was beginning to work up a real panic. This was crazy, I told myself. I had to calm down. This guy was a client. I knew him. Charlie and Trevor knew him even better.

What could I do? If Kyle was up to anything at all, I couldn’t let him know I suspected him. That would probably get me killed faster. I took a deep breath, trying to expel the terror running through my veins. These thoughts were absolutely unhinged, yet I couldn’t seem to be able to stop them.

Why hadn’t I notified anyone the moment I sat in his car? By the time I’d pulled out my phone, we’d been well on our way and out of range. Kyle had sounded genuinely apologetic about it, putting me at ease. After all, it wasn’t a dark and stormy night. The world was bathed in soft, white daylight with a dusting of snowfall making everything around us look new and fresh. A perfect winter’s day. Covering car tracks and footsteps… I shivered.

I closed the cabinet as quietly as possible and checked my face in the mirror, adjusting my expression to a relaxed half smile that hopefully raised no suspicions.

Kyle waited for me by the drink cabinet—Yes, he had an actual, old-timey drink cabinet—and handed me the cocktail. I thanked him and smiled, raising my glass to toast him.

But when I brought the rim to my lips, my brain screamed “Danger!” What if he’d spiked it? Drinking this thing could be the last thing I ever did. He was watching me, holding up his own, seemingly identical drink. I tilted the glass until my lips touched the liquid, inhaling the smell of coke and something stronger. There was no way to tell. I couldn’t pretend to drink it, not with him watching me.

“Wait!” I said, lowering the glass. “You promised I’d get to see Cozy Creek from a distance!”

Kyle laughed. “Of course. This way.”

He led me to the doors opening to a wide, snow-covered balcony.

“The view is nicer from out there, but it’s pretty cold and snow boots are recommended.”

There also seemed to be a huge drop down to the ground below, so I nodded in understanding. “Happy to stay inside. I can still see the town, I think. It’s over there, right?”

I pointed down the mountain range at an area where the blanket of snow-covered trees gave way to some dwellings. It was too far to make out any detail, but if wishful thinking could have activated teleportation, I would have been there. I would have been in Trevor’s cabin on the couch I’d already claimed. Safe.

Kyle raised his glass again, and I mirrored his movement, forcing myself to take a sip. It didn’t taste odd, but as I swallowed, my mouth felt numb, and my fingertips tingled. I felt lightheaded.

“Are you okay?” he asked, guiding me to an armchair.

I collapsed into it, trying to control my breathing. I had to stop gulping air. “I… I think I’m still a bit out of sorts after that…”

He sat next to me, his eyes full of concern. “What happened out there?”

He sounded so genuine, but it must have been an act. This was how he lured the girls and gained their trust.

“Just… old things. Ghosts from my past.” The word ghost made me shiver, even though I’d said it myself. I was pathetic.

I set the drink on the table, too lightheaded and upset to finish it. I could only hope that the amount I’d ingested wasn’t enough to knock me out or kill me. Did he kill his victims with a poisoned drink, or merely drugged them so he could then chop them up with a chainsaw? That was what he needed bleach for, right? Chopping up was messy.

My vision was starting to blacken around the edges. The numbness and tingling intensified. Was this how it all ended?

I woke up to Trevor’s face, and an overwhelming sense of relief.

“Teresa? Teresa?” He tapped my cheek, hovering over me.

“Trevor?”

“You passed out.”

I felt strong arms lifting me off the floor, onto a couch I didn’t recognize. It took me several beats to make sense of it. I was still in Kyle’s cabin, but Trevor was here. Either I was safe, or we were both in danger. My mouth felt dry, and I scanned the room. Kyle stood back; his arms folded. He looked concerned. Or maybe a little annoyed.

“Do you have your car?” I whispered. “Take me out of here. Now.”

Trevor nodded, a quizzical look in his eyes. “Why are you whispering?” He turned to Kyle. “Did she hit her head on the way down?”

“No, I don’t think so.” He scratched his head, frowning. “Look, I’m not trained in first aid. I didn’t know what to do. One minute she was fine and then… bam.”

“Please,” I pleaded with Trevor.

He scooped me up and planted me on my feet, walking me to the door.

“I’ll drive her home,” he told Kyle. “Maybe via the hospital.”

“Keep me posted.”

Outside, the damp smell of evergreens hit my nostrils. I’d never felt more grateful to smell something. To be alive.

I sank into Trevor’s passenger seat like it was my final destination. “Thank you. Thank you.” Tears blurred my vision as I waited for Trevor to start the car and drive down the winding road. Every yard we put between us and Kyle relaxed me further. My head felt light and woozy, but I could breathe, and all senses seemed to work. Whatever I’d swallowed hadn’t killed me.

“How did you know where I was?” I asked.

“Peony’s friend Kerry said she saw a blue Tesla leave right after you. That’s when I remembered Kyle’s cabin.”

“Have you been here?”

“No. But when I was buying mine, we exchanged notes. He was really helpful. Lovely guy. I think he… likes you.” Trevor threw me a resigned look. “I would have left you two to it. I mean, it’s none of my business if you want to…” His jaw twitched, his expression hard.

“What?” I demanded, confused.

“I was just going to double-check you’re okay and leave, but he dragged me in, scared shitless.”

“Scared?” I blinked, trying to catch up. “Of what?”

“Of ye fainting.”

“But… he gave me the drink. I thought he drugged me.”

He shook his head. “I dinnae think so.”

“How do you know?”

Trevor cast me a concerned look. “Because we checked the drink. He showed me the bottles and swore there wasn’t anything unsavory in them. He knew it looked bad, with ye passed out on the floor. He was freaking out.”

“He could have slipped in something?—”

“He drank it, Teresa. He was so desperate to show me he hadn’t drugged you that he downed your drink in front of me.”

“What?” My mind spun like a film on fast forward. Or maybe it was backward. “The drink on the table…”

“Cuba Libre.”

I hung my head. It was still spinning. What was wrong with me? How had I misjudged Kyle that badly? I’d been sure that I was going to die. Had I made myself faint by the power of suggestion? Your mind could play tricks on you. I knew that. We were all biased. I’d once built an entire beer campaign around biases. I’d studied them. How had I missed this prime example of confirmation bias? Of course. When you were looking for clues, you saw them everywhere.

I felt so stupid I hardly wanted to talk, so we drove in silence. When we got to town, Trevor pulled over and called Charlie, explaining to him that I’d been at Kyle’s, just like he’d suspected, and that he’d take me home.

The call was short, his tone clipped.

“I’m sorry,” I said, when we made it to the highway.

“For what?”

“For not texting you my whereabouts. I tried to, but we were already out of range.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I can see from your face that it’s not. I should have asked Kyle to turn around, but I felt like I needed a moment to cool off and organize my thoughts. Julian… I haven’t seen him in years. Not since?—”

“He sexually assaulted you and you set his car on fire.”

“Wait. How do you know that?”

“Peony told me. I freaked out when I couldn’t find ye and went to talk to her.”

“Did she tell you that she and Julian?—”

“That he raped her? Yes. And it doesn’t sound like she told the police. What am I missing?” He sounded angry now, his fist squeezing the steering wheel.

“She didn’t want to talk about it or think about it. And I promised I wouldn’t say anything. We were young. It was a difficult time.”

“So, she let you take the punishment?”

“I’m the one who burned the car. It was my punishment.”

“But she could have outed him! She could have given context. It sounds like that guy really struggles with consent and she wasn’t the only victim. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about that.”

Of course, I’d thought about it, but a promise was a promise. “I warned her about him, but she was so in love she wouldn’t listen. We had a horrible fight. She made up all these excuses for him. She said he’d only been going out with me as a bet. Now that I think about it, it was probably true, but I was so hurt. Like, he couldn’t have possibly wanted to sleep with me. That I’d misread the situation and elbowed him in the nuts when he was just reaching for the door handle.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah. It threw me and I started doubting myself. But I remember him touching me. I remember his hand between my legs…”

“No door handle there.”

“No.” I attempted to laugh, but it sounded like a cough. “I don’t think she meant to gaslight me. She just wanted so badly to believe his version of it. Because the hottest guy at school had noticed her. So, she went out with him. Later, I found out what happened to her, and I don’t know… I was just relieved that she even told me. She came to see me, and we talked all night and she cried and cried. She made me swear not to tell, and I didn’t want to pressure her. I was so scared of losing a friend.”

“I thought you lost touch, anyway.”

I sighed. “Yeah. Because I’m stupid and didn’t do what she asked. I couldn’t leave it alone. I went back with gasoline and a packet of matches. She wanted to stay far away from all the drama and after that, I was roped into all of it.”

“She could have given a statement. She could have said something.”

“She kept saying it wasn’t really rape because she didn’t fight him that hard. That maybe she wanted it on some level.”

“That’s bullshit, and she’s changed her tune since then.”

My heart ached for Peony. “That’s good, I guess. I hope she found the courage to tell her story, even if it was later.”

“Did you tell your story?”

“I did, during the arson trial, but it didn’t help. It was my word against Julian’s. He said he broke up with me and I flipped out. I had no evidence, and they all believed him. Everyone but my mom and my sister. And Peony. I guess I’m lucky I had no evidence,” I concluded. “I got away.”

“It doesn’t mean he didn’t hurt you,” he said quietly.

We stared out the windows at the endless trees flicking past. I felt a sense of sadness, but also calm. Like I’d taken the first step by letting light into a dusty basement to see the damage. It wasn’t as bad as I’d feared. The memories felt shrunken and lifeless. They held no power to hurt me.

“I couldn’t believe he was interested in me,” I said. “I wasn’t a cheerleader. I wasn’t one of those blondes. But I fell for it all the same. The gifts and compliments and car rides. And when he decided it was time for us to… you know, he sort of implied it was unreasonable for me to say no or even ask for him to wait. Because he’d put in all that effort. Ticked all the boxes. I’m so glad I ran off.” I filled my lungs, the memories swelling inside me like I’d eaten something spoiled. “Because later, I found out he and his friends had a bet going on. That’s why he was asking for my underwear, trying to rip it off. It was supposed to be his trophy.”

“Fucking hell!” Trevor’s jaw muscle worked overtime, his knuckles popping as he squeezed the steering wheel. “If I ever get my hands on that guy?—”

“You’ll remember me telling you they have great lawyers. I already tried vigilante justice, and I paid the price. That’s not how you get these guys.”

To my relief, his hand relaxed, and he nodded. “You’re right. We want to take him down, for good. Peony could still come forward. She and anyone else he might have hurt.”

“I think it’s past the statute of limitations now.”

“It needs to be public knowledge, for everyone’s protection. That guy got away, and I bet anything that he’s still doing what he did. You can’t let him rule your life and tell you where you can and can’t live.”

I shrugged. “I never wanted to live in Cozy Creek, so it was never an issue.”

“And now?”

“Now… it’s complicated.”

I turned on the radio, channel surfing until I found a familiar song. I didn’t have the bandwidth to discuss the future. Rehashing the past was so exhausting I was still fighting to shake the lingering nausea brought on by those memories. He probably understood, since he held back any further questions, humming along to the 90s tunes on the radio.

It was getting dark, and the city lights were flicking on, glowing in the distance. We were nearly back home.

“So, what did you think of the office space we went to see?” he asked in a lighter tone when we reached the first traffic light in Denver, crawling to a stop.

A tried to smile. “You mean the one you said we’d quickly check out in one afternoon?”

He grinned back. “That’s the one. Did it have enough power points?”

“More than any other campsite I’ve ever used.” I hoisted my elbow onto the edge of the cool window and leaned on my arm.

“Thinking of this Julian… I didn’t cross any boundaries with you, right?”

I almost smiled at the concern in his voice. “You’d still be feeling it if you had.”

“Oh, right. Elbow to the nuts. Got it.”

I turned to him, wishing I could lose the weird, shaky mood and slip back into that connection we’d shared back in his cabin. It had felt so effortless, almost like we’d been bouncing on a diving board, ready to fall. But that was before all my baggage had been dragged into daylight. “Thank you for the distraction,” I finally said. “I needed it, and I loved your cabin. I love the couch.”

“So, you’ll be back to visit?” he asked. “Don’t forget your passport.”

I heard the neediness in his voice, cloaked in light humor. I couldn’t blame him. I was giving him nothing, no matter how much I wanted to close this chasm between us and make it all okay. I laughed a little. “I won’t.”

We turned onto my street. I could almost smell my own bed. My clothes. My shower. The familiar coffee made with my own coffeemaker. I needed those things to regulate my nervous system. To feel I was back on the ground and no longer on a roller coaster. Maybe I was too set in my own ways.

Trevor pulled over in front of my house and turned to me, about to ask something, but I cut him off.

“I can’t wait to take a shower and get changed.”

“Of course.”

I still felt my heartbeat in my throat, like an echo of the events that had unfolded. I had to get home, out of these dirty clothes and back to my normal life. I had to get my head straight and figure out what it all meant. I needed some perspective.