Fan Service

Chapter 16

16

It was golden hour when Alex pulled into the parking lot above her favorite secluded glen in Ocala. She sat on the hood of her car to wait for Devin, hugging her knees and gazing out at where the sun crowned the tops of the trees in hazy orange.

In some ways, bringing Devin here was more personal than having him at work or even in her home. This lookout point used to be her angst spot. The place she’d run to every time she felt tethered to Tompkins against her will.

At fifteen when her mom left.

At nineteen when her dad got sick.

At twenty-four when debt pinned her in place like a boulder.

Every time resentment built in her throat until she thought she’d choke on it, Alex came here, where the lush green tapestry of the foliage spread out for miles and miles in every direction. She closed her eyes and listened to the call and response of the birds, breathing with the forest, and for a few minutes at least, she was (almost) free.

“Nice night for a chase,” Devin called out his rolled-down window as he pulled up beside her in that horrible behemoth of a rental truck.

Alex’s heart leapt. She hated how giddy she was to see him after only a few days. She’d been willing the clock to move faster all afternoon, unlocking her phone every five minutes, hoping for one of the inane updates he sent her on his daily routine when they were apart.

He’d taken to visiting the vet even in her off-hours. Somehow he’d conned Seth into letting him spend time out back with Lou, where he fed the horse apples and carrots procured from the farmers’ market.

In the afternoon, he volunteered with her dad, who couldn’t say enough over dinner about how helpful Devin was—and such a good listener—also funny—did Alex know he was that funny?

Tonight, Devin looked ready for another Men’s Health spread, stepping down from the cab in black athleisure and the cleanest white sneakers she’d ever seen.

Alex’s gym clothes—swishy running shorts and a faded white tank top under a hoodie—seemed too dressed down in comparison. She should have tried harder to find something that matched. It didn’t help that the only sports bra she owned flattened her tits like pancakes.

She got to her feet, brushing pollen from the car hood off her butt.

Devin’s gaze lingered on the bare expanse of her legs.

Oh, right. He’d never seen her thigh tattoos. These shorts were cut high, especially on the sides, revealing the lacewing butterfly and black widow spider, a siren and Medusa on her other leg.

“Hey,” he said, still staring where the curl of snakes disappeared underneath the hem of her shorts. “I mean—hey,” he said louder, dragging his eyes to her face. “Sorry. Shit. I like your…” He waved rather than finishing the sentence.

“Thanks.” Alex brushed her thumb over the ink and watched his Adam’s apple bob roughly. So maybe her outfit didn’t matter that much.

It was funny—she’d first gotten the tattoos because she’d been insecure about how pale she was. Even if everyone knew how bad tanning was for you now, back when she was in high school and college, “fake and bake” had been all the rage, especially the closer you got to Miami. In contrast, Alex had been almost translucent, a sick Victorian child.

But the designs were beautiful, bold American traditional lines. She’d hand-picked creatures people overlooked or underestimated to their peril. When she got naked now, she saw the art first, and her body made her feel the way the designs did: powerful and ethereal. Like she, too, was something to be admired, even revered.

She flushed to think that maybe, secretly, she’d known what she was doing a little when she got dressed. For the second trial, Devin would track her, chase her. So what if instead of prey, she wanted to be something alluring, elusive, someone worthy of his pursuit?

Bringing herself back to earth, Alex put on her best professional voice. “Did you do the prep work I suggested?”

Devin rolled his eyes. “Yes, I watched the second trial episode and reviewed your copious notes. I am now uncomfortably aware of the fact that I move my arms funny when I run.”

“Only when you’re trying to look fast.”

They went over the plan.

“The idea is for you to let the wolf out little by little in order to find me. Wolves are endurance predators. They chase their prey over huge distances in order to learn about them. Tracking isn’t just physically engaging; it’s cerebral. The point of this trial is for you to be able to tap into the wolf’s instincts to find me, but the key is that you stay in control mentally. Don’t fall under, if you can help it. If you can halt the partial shift at your eyes, this should actually get easier as it gets darker. You’ll be able to use the wolf’s night vision. Any questions?”

“No, I’m ready.” Devin bounced on his toes a little. “You realize this is basically grown-up hide-and-seek?”

“Pretty much,” Alex admitted. She could see a bit of scientific rationale behind the trial—or as close to it as they could really get, considering the circumstances. But she still felt a little self-conscious, being the one championing using the show as a map. Was this all goofy? Playing at preparation for something impossible to control?

“Finally, we get to do something fucking fun .” His grin hit her like a sucker punch. There was something wolfish in his teeth. The glint of the falling sun set off his slightly long incisors. Had they always looked like that, and she’d never noticed?

At their collective best guess, his transformation was an accident. An anomaly that could have happened to anyone in the right place at the right time. But suddenly Alex wondered if that was true. What if Devin Ashwood had been born just a little bit wild and the universe took advantage?

He stepped toward her.

“I think I need to, um…get your scent to start,” he said, with only a hint of sheepishness.

“Oh. Right.” Alex immediately tensed. “Of course.”

This was how Colby prepared to track. Still, the idea of Devin sniffing her, on purpose, was simultaneously awkward and intimate. Especially because she knew her scent did something to him. That he liked it. Or at least his wolf did.

Alex knew the wolf was supposed to be your gut—your soul, even. But people overrode those kinds of instincts all the time. Just because Devin was attracted to her on some primal level, that didn’t mean his rational mind would ever want to indulge.

She pulled her hair over one shoulder, exposing her nape, and tried to stand still despite the urge to fidget. “Ready when you are.”

Despite her invitation, Devin didn’t move forward. In fact, he closed his eyes and screwed up his face like her words had given him a head rush.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” He relaxed his features with obvious effort, breathing slightly laboriously through his nose. “It’s just, uh”—he covered his eyes with his palm—“where the wolf wants to…Let’s just say some of the instincts are impolite.”

“Oh,” Alex said, suddenly remembering that the episode she’d made Devin rewatch featured an “erotic” dream sequence in which Colby imagined scenting Juliette, his always-out-of-reach lady love. It was one of those black-and-white montages that film school bros thought were the height of erotic cinematography: flashes of Kennedy Roberts’s cleavage, her bare hip, the shadow of her belly button, her lower back right before the swell of her ass, the seam of her thighs.

If Devin was picturing that , only with Alex…Heat filled her cheeks, then raced down her spine.

His breath shifted, and Devin tilted his head, like he could tell .

Fuck. It was entirely possible that he could. Even if his fledgling werewolf skills couldn’t fully interpret the cause of the changes in her scent and temperature, he could probably guess.

He rushed forward like he’d made an executive decision to get it over with.

“I’ll just stick to your head, yeah?”

After pausing in front of her for a moment, he ducked around so he stood at her back.

Alex exhaled. It was a good call, avoiding eye contact.

He’d left a foot or so of space between them. She could feel the absence, the air between them humming like it held a charge.

“I gotta get a little closer. There’s a lot of competing smells,” he explained, closing in by degrees until his nose was almost pressed into her hair.

“Is this all right?” His voice was a gentle rumble at her back, the first notes of a summer storm.

“Yes,” Alex said, shamefully breathy.

Devin nosed at her temple, then along her hairline toward her ear.

It felt like a trust fall, her belly roiling with nerves, anticipation.

The heat of him behind her beckoned. What if she just let herself lean back against his chest? She could reach up and thread her fingers through his hair, keep him close. If she tilted her head a few degrees, their mouths would brush. Alex wasn’t supposed to be scenting anyone, but her own inhales deepened, grew more urgent, her lips parting.

Just when she felt like she couldn’t resist temptation a second longer—she had to kiss him, had to know—he dipped his chin, moving lower, inhaling against her nape, his breath warmer than the breeze.

It was all Alex could do to keep her knees from buckling. She ached for him to touch her. To make the promise of his proximity real. How was she supposed to run when this was over?

All of a sudden, Devin groaned like he’d caught something new in her scent. He surged forward, crowding against her, his big hand curling around her hip, holding her steady, holding her up as he traced her pulse point first with his nose and then with the flat of his tongue.

Alex moaned, openly needy.

He answered with the barest scrape of teeth against her throat, the soft suction of his lips, but in the next second the warmth of him was gone. Devin pulled back, panting, turning away to face the forest.

“Shit.” He covered his face with his hands. “Sorry. Fuck.”

Alex could tell by his voice, rough and guttural, that his fangs had descended.

She was grateful for the minute or two it took him to wrestle back control, to reset the shift, because it meant she could work to slow her own heart rate. This was supposed to be a challenge.

You can’t just lie down and let him have you.

She had to run, to hide, to make him work.

“Alex,” Devin said, returning to her with green eyes and blunt teeth, “can I ask you for something?”

“Like, a favor?”

He nodded.

“Sure, what is it?”

His face was serious, pained. “When we get down there and I find you, even if you’re scared, don’t run.”

Alex swallowed against the connotations of that. Of getting captured. Surrendering her body as his hard-won prize.

She almost said Never mind, I can’t do this. At least not well. Not when she wanted to be beneath him, arched in offering. For him to slice through her clothes with his claws and claim her in the dirt.

Reading so many E-rated werewolf fics in her formative years was really coming back to bite her in the ass.

Alex wasn’t the one called by the moon’s wild thrall. What was it about Devin Ashwood that constantly took a battering ram to her dignity?

“No problem.” Her voice rang with false confidence. “I’ve got this.” Alex cleared her throat. “You forget, I deal with animals all the time.”

Devin laughed, the sound rough, brutal. “Trust me. It’s not the same.”

Before she could ask what he meant, he nodded at her pocket.

“You got that Taser?”

“Yes.” Alex took out the device he’d ordered for her online, so he could see.

“Good.” A vein in his forehead pulsed. “How much of a head start do you want?”

They decided on five minutes. Alex knew she couldn’t afford to waste a second.

She broke off from the entrance to the glen at a full sprint, legs pumping, belly button sucked toward her spine like she’d learned from the Nike Run Club coach.

She was far from a seasoned athlete, but she’d discovered in high school that running made her brain feel better. She’d done enough turkey trots and charity 5Ks that she should be able to avoid completely embarrassing herself. At least for the first few rounds.

Normally, Alex wouldn’t call herself a particularly competitive person. But something about Devin always made her want to show off.

Despite the fact that she was puny and human, she tried to think like a wolf. They took down prey larger and faster than themselves by leaning into every advantage they could find. Outside of the head start, Alex’s best weapon was that she knew these woods. Along with her dad, these birch trees had practically raised her.

Following a bend in the dirt path, she cut for the shallowest part of the brook that intersected the glen. Alex slowed to navigate the slippery rocks as she forged the waterline, following the rushing water deeper into the forest. The cool stream lapped at her ankles, covering her tracks.

They’d agreed that she’d run, not that she’d make it easy on him.

The gentle roar of the stream covered Alex’s hectic breath. She checked her watch. Barely a minute left before Devin came after her.

She lengthened her strides to match the growing shadows as the sun set. Up here, just a little farther, should be—yes, the remains of an abandoned handmade dam. Its stacked logs and branches had been systematically woven together with the bushes that kissed the shoreline, creating a natural wall. Alex knew the weak parts, where there was a rough hole small enough for her to push through and slip to the other side without going around. She leaned over to catch her breath, pressing her hand against the spongy surface of a moss-covered log.

It took only a handful of minutes: she heard Devin before she saw him. No animal crashed through undergrowth like that, not even a bear.

Alex crouched down, curling in on herself, grinning because there was no one to see. For all the ceremony she’d tried to bring to these trials, they were still playing a game, and the anticipation of getting caught evoked the same response as when she’d been young and less inhibited: a hectic heart, a lightheaded giddiness, the dueling desires to evade and be found.

On her watch, the seconds ticked by, proof positive of her cleverness.

Devin’s clomping footfalls splashed from behind her. God, at this rate he’d be soaked up to his knees. Was he making his presence known on purpose, worried about scaring her with his approach? He needn’t have bothered. Alex trusted him, as irresponsible as that might seem. Besides, his wolf liked her.

She pulled up the hood of the sweatshirt she’d chosen specifically for this occasion until her head was covered, her face cast in shadow. Now they were really Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf. She smothered the threat of hysterical giggles with her fist. Hopefully Devin appreciated camp.

On the other side of the dam, she heard him skid to a halt, water slapping the shore in a small wave caused by his wake.

Even if he saw the hole she’d climbed through, there was no way for him to fit his hulking body in the same space. He’d have to go around to tag her, costing him more time.

Alex did not account for the wolf’s ability to leap.

Devin landed in front of her with glowing eyes and claws, grinning around rapidly receding fangs. Before her eyes he reversed the shift, his teeth and hands and eyes all reverting to their human form as easily as someone might pull off a pair of sunglasses.

His control had gotten better since the ice bath. Much better.

“Did you see that?” His smile was the wildest part of his face.

“Yeah, well, don’t get too cocky. We’re just getting started.” Alex dropped her eyes to her watch again, avoiding the way he made her warm all over.

“I know,” Devin said—soft, eager, holding out a hand to help her climb out of her hiding place.

For the next chase, Alex switched strategies.

Halfway through her head start, she peeled off the trail and sacrificed precious seconds shrugging out of her sweatshirt and pulling off the tank top that clung to her slick skin. Zipping the sweatshirt back over her sports bra, she hid the tank among the leaves of a sword fern before gunning it in the opposite direction.

As she ran, the sun slipped beyond the horizon. Darkness fell rapidly, making each step more precarious, leaving the crescent moon as the sky’s only beacon. Alex headed into a grove of tupelo trees. She pressed her back against the rough bark of a particularly wide trunk, listening for sounds of Devin’s approach. All she heard was cricket song, cut by the occasional croak of frogs. She rested her palm over her own racing heart.

A slight breeze came from the east, deliciously cool against her sweaty neck. It was so good to get out of her head for a little while, to pretend she was something wild that belonged to the forest. She never would have guessed that she could have this much fun with Devin Ashwood. That he’d bring out parts of her—silly and soft—that she barely recognized.

Alex knew the exact moment that Devin found her tank top. Because he howled . The sound was deep and round, beautiful and haunting, caught somewhere between wolfish despair and human admonishment. The forest seemed to shiver, the night air holding its breath.

For a moment, Alex arched her neck, her own throat aching with the foolish wish that she had the ability to answer his call.

She pictured Devin bringing her shirt to his face and smothering himself in the fabric of the garment. The soft cotton still warm from the heat of her body. His eyes falling closed in concentration as he drenched himself in her scent, his entire body strung tight with urgency.

Another howl cut the air. This one louder. Closer. A warning. He was coming for her. A promise. He would always come for her.

It got harder to stay still.

She could hear Devin whipping through branches at the entrance to the grove; any second now he’d spot her. Alex drummed her fingers against her bare thigh.

Her mistake was looking over her shoulder, locking eyes with him on his approach. His irises flashed silver in the blue-black dark.

Alex’s breath caught.

Predator , her body said, flooding her nervous system with a cocktail of cortisol and adrenaline.

Squirrels clamored up trees to avoid him. Overhead, birds abandoned their nests.

It wasn’t conscious, what came next.

Bracing one hand on the tree, she shifted into a sprinter’s lunge.

“Alex,” Devin shouted, and there was panic in his voice, his glowing eyes blown wide. “Don’t.”

It was too late. She pushed off the tree, kicking up dirt under her well-worn running shoes.

Her screaming instincts refused to be denied. Fight or flight, and she’d chosen the latter.

Alex pumped her arms and legs as fast as she could. Her heart thrashed in her chest.

Don’t run. He’d warned her. Like a monster in a fable.

There was a rush of air as he picked up speed behind her, closing the distance.

A fluttery anticipation filled her belly—she was about to be caught.

Devin crashed into her, the force enough to send them both tumbling to the ground. He cradled her head as they fell but she still went down hard, her back hitting the grass with teeth- rattling force. Alex gasped in a breath, her nose full of the damp musk of churned earth.

Devin had her pinned before she could blink, both her wrists collected and held over her head, his claws scraping in the dirt. His thighs pinned hers on either side, the weight of him immovable. Inevitable.

“Sorry,” he said around his fangs. “God—just—give me a minute.”

His nose was in her hair again, but this time there was nothing controlled about it. He took great, greedy gulps of her scent. Like she’d long denied him something he needed to survive.

Heat stoked the fire behind Alex’s already flushed cheeks. She should be afraid. He was still in the partial shift, his eyes glowing unnaturally, but all she wanted to do was wrap her legs around his waist and let him have her.

She must have read a hundred fics where Colby was feral for his mate, driven out of his mind with the urge to mount and mark. Leave it to Alex to confuse fantasy for reality.

“It’s okay.” She had done this to herself. Primed whatever wires had crossed in her brain to make this objectively terrifying development sexy.

“Is it?” Devin’s voice was hoarse, laced with self-loathing.

But that wasn’t fair. He’d warned her not to run. Alex was the one who had broken the rules. She didn’t blame him for doing what his body demanded.

“Hey,” she said, sharp enough to make him look at her. “I know you won’t hurt me.” At least, not like this.

Devin’s eyes cleared, the silver evaporating like so much smoke, giving way to familiar and equally impossible green.

“I’m not worried about hurting you.” He sounded appalled.

What? “Then why are you apologizing?”

“Alex,” Devin choked, shifting his hips like he was terrified he might press against her.

“You can tell me.” She’d spent her whole life greedy for him. His body, sure, but also his secrets.

“I can’t.” He shook his head. “You don’t understand. The way you smell to me.” Devin clenched his jaw, making the muscles twitch. “It’s unreal.”

“What does it smell like?” Alex bit her lip. She didn’t wear fragrances, so what could there be? Salt and warm skin?

“You’ll think it’s weird.” Devin dropped his gaze, but his thumb ghosted absently over the inside of her wrist where her pulse beat, the edge of a claw whispering across her skin. “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

Alex softened at his obvious embarrassment. “I won’t.”

“Fine.” Devin sighed. “You smell…” he began, then mumbled, “like you were made for me.”

Her breath stuttered. He shouldn’t be allowed to say things like that. Not to her.

She’d learned from her mother at fifteen that neither vows nor blood made people belong to each other.

But Alex was weak. The whole stoic apathy thing she had going on externally had always been a flimsy front. You couldn’t offer someone something like this—a fantasy so vividly brought to life—and expect them to turn it down.

“Devin.” Alex barely recognized her own voice, pitched below her normal alto with desire. “Tell me why you’re holding my wrists.”

He winced. “Uh. No. It’s not very gentlemanly .”

“You’re not a gentleman.” It wasn’t an admonishment.

Devin laughed, the sound filled with relief. His body relaxed enough for the fangs to recede.

He let go of her wrists and leaned back until he was balanced on his knees, giving her space to get out from under him if she wanted to.

Alex didn’t. She propped herself up on her elbows, closing some of the distance between them once again.

He dragged his hand through his hair, his nails returned to normal.

“You wanna hear that it’s all I can do right now not to flip you over in the dirt and ride you until your knees buckle?” Devin closed his eyes like the words cost him. “That I’ve never wanted anything in my entire goddamn life more than I wanna shove aside those goofy little shorts you’ve got on and eat you out until you’re writhing, whimpering, because the only word you can remember is my name?”

“Yes,” Alex said, desperate and defiant, pressing her thighs together.

Devin’s eyes snapped open. “What do you mean ‘yes’?”

There was so much danger here. Alex felt it in the air, in the stillness. The sun had set while they played. And now there was only the moon to see by, a silver specter in this grove of shadows. It was easy to pretend she was somewhere else in that darkness. The glen was as black as her bedroom with the curtains closed. As black as the back of her eyelids when she closed her eyes.

“I mean I want that. You.” She could be brave right now because he believed she was. Besides…“You can tell, can’t you?”

Devin swallowed thickly, his nostrils flaring. “It’s not the first time you’ve smelled like you want me. I don’t assume that just because you’re—”

She reached up and cupped his jaw, half-terrified of her own impulse to be soft with him.

“You’re not assuming. I’m telling you.”

“I’m a lot bigger than you.” He leaned down to nuzzle her throat, his nose brushing her dewy skin.

Alex fought a shiver at the hint of danger in his voice, the trace of the beast. She wanted his tongue against her tendons again, his teeth on her tender nerves.

“A lot stronger.” He kissed just behind her ear. “I could bend you in half before you could blink.”

“I’m trying to get you to.” Alex groaned. “Will you please shut up and kiss me?”

“Yeah?” He pulled back to check her face. “Oh, thank fuck.”

He nosed at her clavicle, then down her sternum, pushing up her sweatshirt to rub his cheek against her belly. Devin nipped at her hip through her shorts, working his way toward— Oh.

That wasn’t what she’d meant by “kiss,” but Alex readily accepted the substitution.

He closed blunt teeth against the sensitive skin of her inner thigh, scraping across the tattooed skin, teasing, before ducking to place a hot, openmouthed kiss over her cloth-covered entrance, his nose pressing hard against her pubic bone.

Alex’s hips jumped without her permission. She was half-terrified she’d give him a concussion, but he just moaned.

“Can I take these off?” He tugged at the waistband of her shorts. “They’re in my way.”

“Yeah.” Alex was trying so hard not to say, Whatever you want.

She pressed her feet flat on the grass and pushed up onto her shoulder blades.

“Nice.” He still had the goofiest grin.

Devin reached behind his neck and pulled his T-shirt over his head, then spread the fabric out below her ass.

“Thanks.” Alex laughed, the sound high-pitched and semi- hysterical, at the unexpected consideration. The ripple of muscles across his abdomen was falsely familiar and strangely dear.

Devin grunted. He didn’t bother to try to take her shorts and underwear all the way off, just yanked until the fabric bunched at her ankles and she had to toe them off herself.

He hauled her forward, cupping her bare ass in both of his big hands and pushing her knees toward her ears so he could slide his head between her thighs and hook her legs over his shoulders.

“Oh my god.” Alex covered her face with her forearm as Devin licked a broad stripe from her entrance to her clit.

Who did she think she was—lying half-naked in the middle of the forest with Devin Ashwood between her legs and nothing but a thin barrier of sweat-soaked cotton between her and the dirt? Things like this didn’t happen in real life. But then again, she supposed, neither did werewolves.

“Fuck.” He leaned against her thigh and looked up at her, his pretty pink lips wet. “How have you been running around like this?”

Before she could answer, he put his whole face back in her cunt. Alex was honestly shocked. Werewolf or not, this man was famous. He looked like a Pre-Raphaelite angel. He didn’t have to work this hard, dragging his tongue slow and precise around her clit.

Alex slumped back in the dirt, spreading her legs wider in his grip.

“Do you like—” he came up to ask.

“Yes—god.” Alex shoved him back down. She did not want him looking at her fucking face right now.

She kept her palm on the back of his head, cupping the base of his skull, the silky strands of his hair brushing her knuckles while his mouth worked.

Every time she made a sound for him—a gasp, a sigh, a mortifying little whimper—he’d say, “That’s it, baby. You’re doing so good.”

Alex wasn’t doing anything. She was lying here, letting him lick her pussy. She should tell him to stop calling her baby. The problem was she liked it. She liked all of it.

The way he kept groaning and taking little breaks to breathe against her thigh, like getting to do this, to touch her, taste her, was too good. Too much. The way he kept tracing his tongue around her clit made Alex forget to breathe, until the constellations overhead began to blur and spin. God, she was already close, her thighs shaking, her stomach clenched.

At this rate she was gonna come in like two minutes. Which, yeah, was not an option. Devin would never let her live it down. She swore if he brought up her crush on him after this—

He teased her entrance with his fingertips. “Can I?”

“Yes.”

He kept making her say yes like he got off on it. Like he needed the confirmation almost as much as she did that this was real.

Alex trembled when he slid inside her, clenching so hard around his finger he gave her another almost immediately.

“You look so sweet like this, all slick and open for me.” Devin sounded wrecked, his voice low and rough.

God, he was good. Fuck —she arched her back as he altered the angle. Good at paying attention, finding her weaknesses and exploiting them. It probably helped that he could hear her heartbeat.

But it was also just that it was him. Devin Ashwood kissing her. Devin Ashwood pressing his tongue inside her. Devin Ashwood closing his plump lips over her clit.

The slick sound of him working her over was almost as loud as her desperate breath in her ears.

He made her so hot. His earnestness and his grin and the way he was so proud of himself for pleasing her. Despite all her better instincts, Alex liked him. So much. She could admit it now, in the dark, silently to herself, only after he’d pinned her thighs to the ground.

I don’t want you to get the wrong idea , he’d said.

And she wouldn’t. This was sex. Just sex. If they both knew that, why should Alex hold back? Why couldn’t she have this, have him, for at least a little while?

She lost track of time while Devin stretched her out on his fingers. His hands were maybe more possessive than his mouth, the way he held her up, held her close.

Pleasure built, bright and insistent, in her core until she was coming in a sweaty shock, clenching, making desperate little noises she would absolutely deny on her deathbed.

That was what did it for her in the end, not the perfect pressure or the way he curled just right inside of her. It was him saying “yes” and “baby” and “Alex, god , Alex.”

Devin eased her through the aftershocks, softening his lips and stilling his hand.

Only when she’d caught her breath did he ease out and lower her back onto his T-shirt.

He wiped his mouth on his bare forearm and then, on second thought, licked that too.

“Devin.” Alex was scandalized even with her thighs still trembling.

He grinned at her. “What’s up?”

What’s up? Jesus Christ. Alex wriggled back into her underwear and shorts.

“Do you want me to…” She inclined her chin toward his hard-on.

“Fuck.” He shivered and reached down to palm himself before yanking his hand away and sitting back on his heels. “No. I—I don’t think we should.”

“Oh.” A wave of embarrassment washed over her. “Okay, sorry.” She guessed the heat of the moment had passed?

“No, wait, it’s not that I don’t want to,” Devin rushed to say. “Trust me. I’ve been fantasizing all week about doing stuff with you I can’t even spell.”

Oh. Alex could still feel her heartbeat between her legs.

“But I’m already close.” He gritted his teeth.

“To orgasm?” That didn’t seem like a bad thing.

He nodded. “But to shifting too.” He gazed at her lips. “I want you so much. It feels compulsive. Untamable.”

Even though his eyes were back to their human green color now, his pupils were totally blown. Had Alex ever seen anyone this cunt drunk?

He swiped at the corner of his mouth with his thumb and then brought that digit into his mouth. “Right now, after getting to touch you and taste you, I just—I don’t trust myself not to shift.”

“No, I understand.” It made sense, even if Alex was disappointed.

“I think I could work myself up to it. To letting go without losing myself completely. Assuming you ever wanna do this again…?”

Alex laughed. “I wanna do it again.” The understatement of the year. Of the century. “It’s gonna get harder, the closer we get to the full moon,” she warned him.

“That’s good though, right? That’s the point of the trials. To test my resolve.”

“Yeah. That’s the point.” Somehow these trials had become tests for both of them.

And the thing was, in any fantasy she’d ever had about Devin Ashwood, she’d never bothered to imagine what came after the orgasm. And if she had, it wouldn’t have been this: pulling him down next to her until both of them lay on their backs in the dark forest, a few minutes of comfortable stillness before he very quietly said, “Thanks.”

“For letting you…” Alex turned on her side to look at him and sort of waved below her waist.

“No.” Devin laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “I mean, yes, for that too.” His eyes turned darker, dirtier, for a second. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful.” He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. “But I meant for helping me figure out how to live as a werewolf. For the first time in a long time, I’m starting to feel like I might be okay.”

Alex didn’t know what to do with that. The significance of the moment caught somewhere in her chest.

“You know this part of the forest really well,” he said, covering for her hitch of breath by changing the subject. “I would have caught anyone else a hell of a lot quicker. But you knew exactly where to turn, where to step, how to muffle your scent.”

Alex couldn’t help smiling at besting him, even if it had been short-lived. “I grew up coming here with my dad.”

She stared up at the canopy of dark leaves rustling overhead.

“I used to think this forest was the most magical place in the world. Our town is small and pretty pedestrian obviously, but this place? Anyone could be a heroine here.” She held her breath and listened to the symphony of animal night song. The croaking ribbets and the crinkling of wings. “I used to run around pretending I was being chased by bandits or discovering mysterious magical herbs.”

“Oh, I see.” Devin’s gaze warmed with something Alex could only call affection.

“What?” She patted ineffectually at her tangled hair.

“You’ve always been a huge nerd.”

“Okay. Shut up.” Alex nudged him gently with her elbow.

She was glad for the lightness of him, the way he made talking about her childhood not only possible but somehow easy. Even the parts she would have sworn were rusted over.

“I used to come out here because I felt caged in Tompkins, but I don’t feel like that anymore. I know this place is small and messy. For a long time, I couldn’t look past all the same flaws my mother saw, but it’s been a while since I was here against my will.” She couldn’t pinpoint when the transition occurred exactly. It might have been when she met Rowen. Or when Seth decided he was her friend. “For better or worse, I chose this. All of it.” Home.

“There’s a lot more to Tompkins than I thought,” Devin said in a way that made Alex think he didn’t just mean the town. “I like it.”

“All right. You don’t have to lie.”

“No, really. When you were a kid, you used to pretend you were running around with magical elves or whatever—”

“I did not say anything about elves!”

“—but I always wanted to know what it would be like to have a lemonade stand or go to a high school football game.”

“Both of those things are boring.” This man went to awards shows and partied on yachts.

“Okay, but hear me out.” He propped himself up on his elbow. “Your town, the people in it, yeah, they’ve got problems. But they’re average, relatable, real. It’s like my close, personal acquaintance Matthew McConaughey is always saying, ‘Hollywood is The Matrix .’ I was basically born plugged in.”

Alex had never really thought about that. The way his parents had brought him out there so young. How he’d never known anything else.

Devin ducked his chin so his hair fell into his eyes, hiding them from Alex’s view. “I always wished I knew what it felt like to be normal.” His voice was rough and almost a whisper. “I guess now I’ll never know.”