24. Connor
Chapter 24
Connor
Mary looks up from her laptop, rubbing her temples with her index and middle fingers. Her face contorts in concentration, and her eyes scan lines of text.
At this time, we would usually sit on the couch in her apartment and watch her dating shows. I miss our Sundays. The best feeling was her relaxing in my arms.
Since I picked her up drunk, we haven’t gone back to our normal routine. I still place water bottles on her desk, and she drinks them, cutting back on the caffeine. But that’s all.
My fingers itch with the desire to touch her, to fuck Chris out of her system once and for all, but I know it’s not that simple.
Not mixing pleasure with business. An excuse. A piss-poor one at that. But I couldn’t tell her the truth. Couldn’t say that the sight of her with another man made me see red. That I stayed away to avoid doing something I’d regret .
But if she mentions Chris’ name or compares me to that piece of shit one more time, I don’t know what will happen. I am deluding myself. Perhaps I really am nothing more than another version of Chris, preying upon her vulnerabilities.
In the end it was me leaving her. Not him.
Fuck. I don’t want her to hate me. I shouldn’t have started anything, knowing she’s still hurting. She even thought I slept with other women, that she was just one of many. If only she knew how wrong she was and is about that.
If only she knew the truth, knew she’s the only one for me.
I leave Mary out of my sight for one moment, and she gets drunk, thinking about Chris and comparing me to him. And Tom’s hands on her.
What am I supposed to do now? After knowing what it’s like having her close, I can’t just leave. If only she would let me in and see how perfect she is for me. She’s the only one who has ever gotten under my skin like this. The only one who makes me feel so out of control. She’s stuck in my head like a goddamn virus.
I wish I could make you see how perfect you are for me and how I would do anything, be anything, for you.
A notification pops up on my monitor. With a few quick keystrokes, I open the email, skimming its contents.
“Fucking hell.”
I turn my attention back to the monitor, watching Mary through the lens of her office surveillance camera .
She hasn’t slept properly in weeks. Her once vibrant blue eyes are now sunken and rimmed with dark circles, and she lost weight.
I did that to her. Twice now, and I hate myself for it. I never wanted to see her cry like that again. I wanted to go after her, take her, and never let her go. But what would she do if she found out the truth? Would it hurt her even more?
She sits up straighter, grabs her phone from the desk, and starts typing. The three dots appear in my chat with her, then disappear and appear again. Stops. Starts again.
After a few attempts, she gives up with a huff. Dropping her phone onto the desk, resting her forehead against the heels of her palms.
Don’t hide, Blue. I can’t read you when I don’t see your eyes. Know what you’re thinking. Feeling.
With a sharp inhale, I slam the laptop shut. Darkness envelops the room, but I keep seeing her. Blue eyes. Glossy lips. The curve of her neck as she throws her head back and gasps my name.
My phone buzzes. A message from the boys’ group chat. Brandon has posted a photo of his latest culinary creation.
Brandon: Check out the new burger I created! Two beef patties, bacon, cheese, a fried egg, and sriracha mayo.
Bash: Sounds pretty basic to me.
Brandon: The secret is the preparation.
Bash: Who are you trying to impress?
Elijah: Finally making moves on Naomi ?
Brandon: Fuck off, both of you.
Connor: Bet it tastes as good as it looks.
Brandon: Damn straight! You assholes better come. I need feedback on the burger before I add it to the menu.
Bash: So, Poker Night still stands?
Elijah: I expect spicy chicken wings.
Brandon: Everything for my big brother.
Bash: What did you promise him?
Elijah: Just a little something.
Brandon: Con Con, you coming or what? Don’t bail on us again.
Elijah: He’s probably too busy brooding in some dark room.
Bash: Or hacking the Pentagon.
Brandon: Or creeping on Mary. We all know you’ve got it bad for her since college.
Connor: Funny. I’ll be there.
Brandon: Hell froze over. Con Con’s in for poker night.
Connor: Might as well take your money.
Brandon: That’s if you can keep your head in the game, not on Mary.
Elijah: Lay off him. You’ve been chasing Naomi for months with nothing to show for it.
Bash: Do we still get the burgers?
Brandon: At least I’m out there trying. Not like some digital stalker.
The words sting more than I care to admit. But they’re right—I’ve been skirting around my feelings for her, watching her life unfold from a distance instead of being part of it. It could have prevented the whole Chris fiasco.
Connor: Fuck off.
Brandon: Jealous?
Connor: Of your right hand?
Bash: Speaking of which, how’s that going, Bran? Still striking out?
Brandon: I’m wearing her down, alright?
Brandon: Naomi. Not my hand.
Elijah: Con, are you joining us or what? Sick of hearing Bran’s whining.
Brandon: Fuck you too, Eli. You’re just pissy cause you haven’t gotten laid in weeks.
Maybe tonight, with the guys, I can get my head on straight. Put Mary out of my mind, at least for a little while. A chance to loosen up. And if it keeps the guys from hounding me about Mary, even better.
Connor: Whatever. I’ll be there, but I’m not promising to go easy on you assholes.
Brandon: There he is! Knew we could draw you out.
Elijah: Poker at Bran’s place, 8 PM sharp.
Brandon: You heard the man. And I’m bringing my A-game tonight.
Connor: I wouldn’t expect anything less.
I lean back in my chair, cracking my neck from side to side.
Bash: I’ll bring the whiskey. We’re going to need it if we’re dealing with Bran’s ego all night .
Elijah: Make sure it’s the good stuff.
Connor: I need to prep for tonight. See you guys later.
Bash: Prep? What are you going to do? Do push-ups so you can shuffle better?
Despite my efforts to remain indifferent, a small smile finds its way onto my face.
Connor: Something like that. Gotta keep you guys on your toes.
Brandon: You sure you’re not just chickening out?
Connor: Wouldn’t dream of it.
Brandon: So it’s settled. Poker at my place. I’ll make the chicken wings. Any other wishes?
Bash: Prepare to lose, gentlemen.
Brandon: In your dreams. I’ve been practicing my poker face in the mirror.
Connor: Practicing your ugly face, more like it.
Elijah: Simmer down, children.
Brandon: Don’t forget to bring that sweet money you owe me! Time to pay up, rich boys.
I snort. The only one who’s going to be paying up is him once I’m through. I send a winking emoji and pocket my phone.
My eyes drift to the computer. A humorless smile touches my lips. Don’t worry. You’ll get what’s coming to you soon enough.
At Brandon’s apartment, we crowd into the kitchen .
“Grab a seat. Dinner’s almost ready.” Brandon dishes up generous portions of fries and one big burger onto mismatched plates and passes them around.
I take a bite, the blend of flavors bursting over my tongue.
“Well? What’s the verdict?”
“Delicious,” Elijah says.
Sebastian nods in agreement. “Best one yet. You’ve outdone yourself.”
“Connor?”
I take another mouthful. “It’s good.” The burger really tastes good. “You’ll have no trouble filling up your restaurant with this.”
“I knew I could count on you for an honest opinion.” Brandon claps me on the back, grinning. “The Milton charm—it never fails.”
If only he knew the truth.
After eating, we move over to the poker table.
Brandon shuffles the deck with ease, the cards sliding between his fingers. Once dealt, we all study our hands.
Brandon turns to Sebastian as he tosses a couple of chips into the pot. “So, Lil’s moving in with your sister soon, right?”
Elijah’s hand pauses mid-deal, his shoulders tightening. Sebastian notices it, too, his eyes flicking over to assess Elijah’s reaction.
Sebastian matches Brandon’s bet. “Lil can do whatever she wants.”
He’s still not over her, just as she’s not over him .
“You’ll probably run into her at many events and parties,” I say.
Sebastian shrugs. “Like I said, she can do what she wants. She’s a grown woman.”
Elijah looks at Sebastian, tapping his cards on the table. “What’s the story there?”
“Bash and Lil dated back in college, but they broke up. Really messy. Isn’t that right?” Brandon says.
“You could say that,” Sebastian says.
“And what about Mary and Gemma? How do they fit in?” Elijah asks.
“Mary and Gemma have been best friends since childhood.” Sebastian tosses a chip into the pot. “The three of them got close in college. Gemma’s the link between them.”
I picture Mary’s smile from watching her in the cafe.
“They’re quite the trio.” Elijah takes a peek at his cards. “The ex, best friends with the sister. Interesting.”
“It’s long over,” Sebastian says.
“And what about you, Con?” Elijah asks.
“What about me?”
“Any history with the lovely Miss Wempton?”
“No. No history.” I keep my face blank even as my heart races.
“Other than ogling her every chance he got back at college.” Brandon reveals a strong hand, but I beat it with a straight flush .
I scowl at him, and he grins, his hands up in mock surrender. Taking out my phone, I check the cameras. She’s still at the office. No new messages.
She works too hard trying to prove herself. It’s one of her coping mechanisms. Part of me wants to go to her right now, to lead her away from that desk and tell her she’s done enough for the day. But I know I gave up that right the moment I told her to get out of my car.
“The annual charity ball is coming up soon.” Sebastian lays down his cards and takes a sip from his beer. “Anyone planning on going?”
Elijah shuffles and deals new cards. “Miss Wempton was quite insistent that I make an appearance. Guess I’ll take Esther to make my dad happy. You guys?”
“Miss Wempton is going to be devastated. She probably wanted you to date Mary,” Brandon says.
Mary’s mother asked Elijah, but not me.
“I’ll take her instead of Esther.” Elijah’s mouth quirks up briefly.
“Don’t you dare.” My jaw clenches at the thought. Imagining Mary with someone else her family approves of cuts me deeper than I care to admit. “If she goes with anyone, it will be me.”
“I knew it!” Brandon crows triumphantly. “Pay up, gentlemen.”
Elijah and Sebastian groan good-naturedly, handing over crumpled bills to a grinning Brandon. These fuckers .
“Knew you got close to her,” Brandon continues. “Haven’t seen you this spaced out in ages.”
“Drop it, it’s complicated.”
Brandon frowns at my tone, but Elijah shoots him a warning look.
I stay quiet, picking at the label on my bottle.
“I’ll be there with Serena. She said it would be good for the upcoming deal,” Sebastian says.
“I’m working on convincing Naomi to be my date,” Brandon says.
“I’ll believe that when I see it,” Elijah says.
Sebastian nods in agreement. “She always turns you down, mate.”
“You’ll see.”
“I’ll be there, too.” Because wherever Mary is, I won’t be far away.
I lay down my cards, revealing a flush.
“Damn it. How do you keep doing this?” Brandon tosses his cards down in defeat.
“Just lucky, I guess.”
Elijah studies me from across the table.
Sebastian drains the last of his beer. “I need some fresh air. Anyone want to join?”
“I’ll come,” I rise from my seat.
Brandon is still focused on gathering the discarded cards into a pile, muttering under his breath .
“Better luck next time.” Elijah claps Brandon on the shoulder as Sebastian and I head for the balcony.
Sebastian leans against the railing, watching the night sky. “Crazy how time flies, isn’t it? Feels like just yesterday we were all at college.”
I make a noncommittal sound of agreement. College was a lifetime ago when my infatuation with Mary first took hold. So much has changed since then, but my feelings for her remain as hopeless as ever. I close my eyes, picturing her face and those eyes that haunt my dreams.
“You’ve been awfully quiet about Mary tonight. I’m surprised Bran didn’t give you more shit about it.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
“If you say so.”
“You know, I thought I was over her.” A rueful smile plays on his lips. “But the idea of her being here, so close… it’s messing with my head.”
I understand all too well the turmoil of being close but still far away. “Have you considered talking to her? Clearing the air?”
Sebastian scoffs. “She’d probably just use me again.”
“You don’t know that. Maybe she feels the same way as you.”
He looks at me skeptically. “You think so?”
I shrug. “Only one way to find out.”
“Maybe if you follow your own advice, I will.”
“Touché.”
“Oh, more burgers. See you inside.” Sebastian taps on my back.
I hear the balcony door open and close again.
“So, what’s going on between you and Mary? After you wormed your way into the Wemptons’ lives as a ‘security consultant’, I thought you’d be making more progress,” Elijah says.
“Nothing.”
“Come on, we all know something’s up.”
“You guys are annoying. Who will be next? Bran?”
Elijah comes to stand beside me. “Yep.”
I let out a huff of irritation. “She’s still hung up on Chris.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Maybe you misunderstood her.”
“And what could I have possibly misunderstood?”
“I wasn’t there. I don’t know her exact words. You’re the one keeping tabs on her movements. But from what I can tell, you have a tendency to see red when it comes to her.”
“Meaning what exactly?”
“You’re quick to judge and make presumptions.”
I fall silent, stunned. When it comes to Mary, logic does fly out the window.
“You’d rather keep your distance than risk losing her because you don’t think you’re good enough. But you shouldn’t underestimate yourself or her interest in you. It’s up to you, cuz. But I think you’ve been on the sidelines long enough.”
“Why did you bet against me then?”
“Bran needs some boost since… ”
I rub my temples, feeling a headache coming on. “Even if I follow your advice, what if she still doesn’t want me?”
“Why wouldn’t she want you?”
“Mary’s only ever dated posh blokes before. And instead of trying to set her up with me, her mom’s aiming to match her with you.”
“Is that so? Funny, because you said her father seemed rather keen on you.”
“I guess.” I can’t deny that small victory.
“If you really are interested in Mary, why wouldn’t you go after her?”
“Because I don’t want to lose her.”
“Lose her? To whom?”
To Chris, I almost say before catching myself. Instead, I mumble something incoherent.
“All this guessing and second-guessing is getting you nowhere.”
I run a hand through my hair in frustration. “Being direct about emotions doesn’t come naturally to me. You know that.”
“Talk to her at the gala. Somewhere private. Tell her how you feel, plain and simple.”
My throat feels tight at the thought. This could change everything between Mary and me. “That’s what you’re planning with Bash’s sister?”
“Let’s say I have to think about how to tell Bash.”
“Good luck with that. ”
What if she rejects me? Even worse—what if she pretends like nothing ever happened? Acts polite but distant, keeping me firmly in the role of her father’s consultant and nothing more.
The glass door slides open behind me.
“Hey, you coming back in?” Brandon asks. “We’re about to start another round.”
“Yeah, be right there.”
I’ll take my chances at the gala.