28. Mary
Chapter 28
Mary
Connor’s fingers resume to trace idle patterns over my bare skin, his touch both soothing and stirring.
“Does it scare you?” he asks.
I hesitate, searching for the right words. How do I explain that it scares and arouses me at the same time? That I don’t feel alone anymore because I know he’s right there if I need him. Is that normal?
“Sometimes,” I say. “Your intensity can be intimidating. The way you look at me like you can see every thought in my head. And I know you’re capable of certain things. But for some reason, it doesn’t bother me as much as it probably should.”
Connor is studying me with an unreadable expression, his hand pausing in its movements again.
“It’s… unsettling, I suppose. I’m scared of how I feel. Of getting hurt again. But you seem different now. Gentler.” I give a small shrug. “You’re just my personal handsome stalker. ”
His expression darkens. “I would never hurt you, Mary. You know that.”
“I do,” I say. “But that’s not what I meant. Just the way you are. Powerful. In control. It’s thrilling but also frightening because I feel so out of control around you.”
“You like being out of control.” Connor resumes drawing patterns on my skin with his fingers.
“But it scares me, too. I’m not used to it. Not having any control is…”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit. You have far more power over me than you realize. One smile, one kiss, one word from you is all it takes to bring me to my knees.”
I stare at him, stunned by the raw emotion in his voice and eyes. This man who stalked me without my knowledge, who hacks into secure systems as easily as breathing, is undone by me? The thought is dizzying.
“Mhm, still, we need to set some ground rules if this stalking thing is going to continue. You can’t keep digging into my privacy,” I say.
“Ground rules?” His hands still again.
“First of all.” I hold up my index finger to emphasize my point. “Uh, what exactly do you have access to?”
Connor raises one eyebrow. “You sure you want me to answer that?”
He’s opening up to me, letting me in. But there’s hesitation, too. Fear I’ll reject what I see? Or that he’s revealed too much ?
My heart pounds. I know this is the point of no return. If we cross this line, there’s no going back. But I already know my choice. “Tell me everything.”
Connor ticks the list off his fingers. “Let’s see… your phone, laptop, cloud storage, email, social media, bank accounts, home security system, Alexa devices, your car’s GPS, a camera outside your apartment…” He pauses. “Should I go on?”
My mouth drops open in shock. I knew he was good, but this is beyond what I imagined.
“Don’t look so surprised, Blue. You knew I was thorough.”
I pout. “I didn’t realize you meant that thorough.”
He strokes my cheek. “I told you, I’ll do anything to protect you. Even from yourself, if necessary.” His voice is gentle, but there’s an edge to it.
“Connor, that’s—You can’t just invade every part of my life like that. I need privacy, too.”
“Privacy is overrated. And dangerous. I’ve seen what you keep hidden, what you think you want.”
I flush, thinking of recent ill-advised Google searches after too much wine.
“That means you also read all my text messages?”
Even the ones I wrote with Gemma and Lil? No wonder he was so sure of himself. He knew.
“Of course, I read them.” He’s not looking the least bit apologetic. “I told you, full access. No exceptions. ”
“All of them?” I groan and cover my face with my hands. “Did you really have to read those? You couldn’t just, I don’t know, skim past the personal stuff?”
Those messages were private conversations between friends. Girl talk and venting that was never meant for him to see.
“I’m nothing if not thorough, Blue.”
“Ugh. Well, rule number one: no more reading my private messages or emails. Anything between me and Gemma or Lil is off limits from now on.”
“You know I can’t make that promise. If you’re in danger—”
“Nope, no excuses.” I cross my arms and fix him with my most serious glare. “I deserve to have some privacy with my closest friends. That’s non-negotiable.”
Connor studies me for a long moment before nodding slowly. “Fine. I’ll refrain from actively monitoring your correspondence with Lil and Gemma. Unless I have reason to believe you’re at risk in some way.”
It’s not exactly what I asked for, but it’s a start. I’ll take what I can get with him.
“Do you have cameras in my apartment?”
“No.”
“Are you lying?”
“Not anymore. I would like to have some, but Elijah and Bash would kill me if they knew.”
“What, why?”
“Beats me. ”
“Mhm…” I search his eyes for the answer, but as always, they give nothing away. “Tell me.”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Gem and Lil?”
“Yes.”
“Next rule. You have to tell me if you add any new ways of watching me. No more cameras or microphones or tracking devices without my knowledge.”
At this, Connor actually chuckles. “Oh, Blue, you know I can’t make that promise. Half the fun is you not knowing exactly what I have access to.”
I pout.
He continues, “But I’ll try to keep new… surprises to a minimum. Within reason.”
“Fine.”
“And I still get to track your location and the cameras.”
It feels like we’re doing a contract now rather than discussing how our relationship should go. But oddly, it feels right. It feels like us.
“Rule three: The cameras are fine, but not constantly. And location tracking only in emergencies.”
“Define emergencies.”
“Life or death. Kidnapping. That sort of thing.”
“So, the usual then.”
I slap his chest, unable to hold back my laughter. Connor smiles in return and kisses me .
When we break apart, I whisper, “Does this mean you’re really going to tell me everything now?”
Connor’s expression sobers. He strokes a hand through my hair, watching the strands slide through his fingers. “Ask me anything.”
There are so many questions swirling in my mind, but one rises above the rest. The timeline fits, and deep down, I suspect that Connor is Chris, but I’m not ready to know the answer, not until I know what to think about Connor being Chris. Would it be a good thing? Would it be bad?
“How do you know where I’m always at?”
“Your phone, obviously, and…” Connor’s hand reaches for my necklace. “This.”
“My necklace?”
His fingers curl around the golden little butterfly pendant.
My hand covers his, stilling his movements. It takes me a moment to find my voice. “You put a tracker in it?”
“For emergencies.” Connor’s gaze flickers away before meeting mine again. “You know, kidnapping and all.”
“You’re lying.”
“I want to keep you safe.”
“When did you… I mean, how? It’s always on me. I don’t take it off.”
He smiles gently, his eyes locked on mine. “I’m not the only one who’s been keeping an eye on you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Who gave you the necklace? ”
My voice emerges as a whisper. “Dad.” I try again, disbelief sharpening my tone. “My father? He’s been spying on me, too?”
“Not spying.” Connor’s finger interlock with mine. “Just keeping an eye out, making sure you’re safe.”
“How did you get it?”
“Do you remember losing it for a few days in college?”
The words hit me like a blow. Losing the necklace for a few days in college. I frantically searched my room until I found it again, with no explanation for how it ended up back in my jewelry box.
“Why didn’t you make a move back then? And why the hell did you break into my room?”
His shoulders slump a bit. “I was different in college. Quieter. More withdrawn. I didn’t know how to approach someone like you.”
“Someone like me?” I raise an eyebrow.
“You were vibrant. Friendly. Surrounded by people.” Connor shakes his head, looking almost regretful. “You intimidated me if I’m being honest.”
I let out an incredulous laugh. “Me? Intimidating? That’s a first.”
The corner of his mouth quirks up. “It’s true. I was this broody hacker kid who barely talked to anyone. And you are the popular girl who lights up any room you walk into.”
A smile forms on my lips. It’s still hard to reconcile this confident, intense man in front of me with the shy, solitary guy I crushed on in college .
“So you’re saying you noticed me back then?” I ask softly.
“I noticed you, Mary. I’ve always noticed you.”
That look in his eyes…
I kiss him, pouring all the love and conviction I feel into that one gesture.
His voice is low and rough. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this. Wanted you. Waited.”
“Maybe I waited, too.” The words escape my lips in a rush. “And maybe I noticed you, too, and had a little crush.”
“You had a crush on me?” Connor asks.
My cheeks burn. “I mean a tiny one. The tiniest you can imagine.”
“Tiniest?”
“You were mysterious and broody. It was kind of hot.”
He lets out a low chuckle. “Well, why didn’t you say anything back then?”
“Are you kidding? You barely even looked at me, let alone spoke to me. I figured I didn’t have a chance.”
“Trust me, if I had known you were interested, things would have gone very differently.” His hand trails up my arm, leaving goosebumps in its wake.
I suppress a shiver.
“Though I have to admit, stalking you has its appeal.” His voice drops lower. “All that anticipation, building up over the years. The thrill of the chase.”
“You’re impossible, you know that? ”
His mischievous grin returns as he grabs my waist and flips us over so I’m pinned beneath him on the bed. “I never claimed otherwise.”
Being this close, I can see flecks of gold in his brown irises and the day’s worth of stubble along his jaw.
“Now, are you done with your rules so I can get back to ravishing you properly?” His hand trails down my leg.
“I suppose we can revisit this later.”
“Good choice,” Connor murmurs.
His mouth claims mine once more, and I surrender myself to his passion. For now, my need for him eclipses everything else.