3. Prudence
Hours later, after being stuffed full at breakfast and nearly slipping into a food coma, Creed has me tucked up in his bed and pulled in close to his side. I feel like a lazy fuck, but there’s really not much to do besides sleep and cuddle and not think about the last few weeks of my life. I’m itching to do something, to be productive, to hunt down The Celestials and torture every last member for my mom’s death, but if I spiral too far down that rabbit hole, I’ll likely burst into tears and Creed will get all murdery.
Besides, I barely escaped with my life the last time I was in their presence. As much as it pains me to laze around, we need to think up a proper plan to take them down, not charge in headfirst and wind up on the wrong side of the fight.
The small TV is on, but it’s mostly just background noise. I couldn’t even tell you what’s on right now. Creed is leisurely stroking his fingers up and down my spine while he watches whatever show he put on, but every time I so much as shift beside him, he turns his full attention on me to check in.
When his eyes lock on me for like the sixth time, I roll my eyes playfully and say, “I’m just getting comfortable. Quit looking at me like that.”
He frowns a little, the fingers on my back stilling. “Don’t ask me not to worry, Prudence. I’ve almost lost you too many times,” he murmurs, the tiniest catch in his voice letting me know he’s still struggling with… finding me in the bathtub.
My heart stutters to a halt. I really hadn’t been thinking that day, just reacting and desperately searching for something to numb me. It was horrible on my end, so I can’t imagine how traumatic it was for the guys to find me like that. But rather than talking about it like a mature, semi-functioning adult, I put on a smile to ease his concerns. “I’m here, Creed,” I breathe, flattening my palm over his heart so he can feel the connection vibrating between us. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I swear.”
He swallows roughly, putting his hand over mine and pressing into his chest. “You know I love you? That I need you so fucking much?” he asks hesitantly, which cracks my little black heart.
“Of course I do,” I whisper soothingly, scooting in a bit closer and putting our foreheads together. “I love you too,” I breathe, closing my eyes and soaking in this tender moment. We haven’t had a lot of them lately between me being kidnapped and us all running from Blackwood, so I appreciate this more than I can even say.
Creed’s quiet for a while as he moves his hand to rest on my hip, his thumb stroking over the sliver of skin showing between my sweatpants and shirt. Wrapped up in him like this, feeling truly safe for the first time in days, I could honestly fall right asleep and probably not wake up for a week. “I’ll kill them all for you. You and your mom… I hope I can do right by her. I have so much I wish I could thank her for,” he whispers right as I feel myself drifting into slumber.
With those heartbreaking words, my soul shatters apart and reforms in the shape of him. What a kind, gentle human he is beneath his murderous urges. I never would have guessed it, but god, I’m so glad to know this side of Creed.
I open my eyes, watery as they are, and offer him a broken smile. “She would have liked you, Creed,” I assure him. I blow out a soft laugh and cup his cheek. “Well, not at first, but you have a knack for growing on people.”
He shoots me a mischievous smile, shifting his hand from my hip to my ass. “Maybe it’s a good thing we didn’t meet. Your mom might have beaten me to pulp if she knew all the things I’ve done to you. The good, the terrible, and the downright filthy,” he teases, squeezing my ass appreciatively. I know he doesn’t actually mean it — I think Creed would have loved the chance to know my mom at some point — but it’s his way of lightening the mood between us right now, and I appreciate it.
I bite my lip to hold in my grin. “You’re absolutely terrible, you know that?”
He mocks being offended, his lips dropping into a delectably pouty frown as he leans back to give me a pained expression. “Very rude, Ember. And to think, I was just about to flip you over and make you come until you passed out.”
I laugh and roll my eyes, even though I would have loved such an amazing distraction. But being on the topic of my mom has opened me up to the pain and it’s not going to be that easy to get me out of this funk now. My playful mood dies as quickly as it arrived, and I drop my gaze to his chest while I struggle to get my next words out. “I want to go to Serene Acres, the group home my mom lived in, and… I don’t know, say goodbye, I guess.” I pause and swallow down the bile trying to crawl up my throat, forcing my focus to stay on the warmth and comfort Creed is offering me right now. “And I’ll need to make arrangements for her. I want a nice resting place somewhere peaceful and quiet that I can visit whenever I need to,” I manage to choke out, even as my emotions finally win out and tears start to fall.
Creed’s expression sobers and he wraps his arm around me properly to hold me close. He tucks my face into his chest, bundling me as close as he can manage. “Anything you need, baby. But, um, I want you to be prepared before I walk in there with you. I might not handle it well, but I’m going to try my damndest.”
I try to pull back to look at him, but he keeps my cheek pressed to his pounding heart. “What do you mean?” I ask carefully. I mean, I can take a guess. The pills I’ve seen him taking, the outbursts, the way he took personal offense to being called crazy… I’ve never asked because it’s not my place and it changes nothing about how I feel, but if he’s willing to open up, I want to hear it.
Creed takes a slow, deep breath like he’s collecting his thoughts, absentmindedly playing with my hair once I stop trying to look up at him. “I’m not… well, Prudence. I’m not normal. I’ve been given different diagnoses from different doctors, but the one thing everybody agrees on is that I’m an insane, damaged fuck.” He pauses for a beat, but I don’t speak. I let him take his time while I just wait and listen. I doubt this is something he talks about with many people, if anyone. “I spent some time in a hospital, um, for mentally ill people who— who were considered dangerous to themselves or others. I don’t— I can’t go into the details right now, but I just want you to know in case being in a similar environment triggers me. I’m stable, and I would never hurt you, Prudence, but… I guess this is shit you should be aware of.” He finishes with a violent shudder, like the memories of what he lived through are skating up his spine and leaving an icy chill behind.
I don’t respond right away. Instead, I turn my head so I can press a kiss over his heart, letting my lips linger there over his smooth, hot skin. When I pull away, he lets me meet his eyes, even though I can tell a small part of him is worried now that his truth is out in the air. I press a kiss to his lips next before speaking, just to cement it to him that nothing’s changed for me.
“Thank you for telling me,” I murmur against his lips before pressing one last sweet kiss there. He’s just too damn cute right now, so different from his usual unhinged, alpha male shit he portrays. “I appreciate your willingness to be there when I deal with my mom’s stuff, but I don’t want you putting yourself into a stressful situation, okay? Griffin will go with me. You stay behind with Asher and be ready to hold me together when I get back.”
A muscle in his jaw twitches as he studies my face, as if an internal battle is waging war within him. “If you honestly think I wouldn’t face my very worst, most haunting demons just to stick by your side, then I’ve fucked something up here,” he finally says, his voice rough and low, tingling across my senses. In one swift move, he’s turned us so my back is flat on the mattress and he’s leaning over me between my spread thighs. It doesn”t feel sexual in any way, just possessive, like he”s staking a claim and making sure I fully understand. He sweeps my hair away from my face and grabs my chin so I can’t look anywhere but into his stormy brown eyes. “Listen to me very closely, Prudence,” he begins sternly, sounding a bit too much like his bossy, asshole cousin, and if the mood weren’t so serious right now, I think I would break out into inappropriate giggles. “I”m warning you now just in case, not because I want an excuse to stay back, but because I want to be there for you, but my brain is fucked up and—”
”Creed, stop,” I say softly, my heart splintering with the way he”s talking about himself. ”I love you too much to let you say things like that. Your beautiful, twisted mind is perfect. Every last part of it.”
He closes his eyes, letting go of my chin to cup my cheek instead. When he looks at me again, there”s so much vulnerability and open adoration in his expression that it takes my breath away. ”And that is why I”m willing to put on a brave face. For you, Ember. Because you love me when I sure as fuck don”t deserve it. That”s why I will do everything in my power to earn my place at your side for good, even if I”m working on it for the rest of our lives.” He drops his mouth to mine before I can even process his words, stealing a kiss that settles deep in my chest. It”s a promise and a claim, a baring of his soul in an offering to mine. When he pulls back far too quickly for my liking, he stares deep into my eyes and murmurs, ”There is no force in the world that will keep me away from you. After all that you’ve survived and all we almost lost, I’m never letting you out of my sight. I will gladly walk through my own personal hell every single day just to reach you. I”ll cross through the void in my head willingly, because your colors keep me grounded. Always.”
I blink heavily, trying not to burst into tears. My emotions were already far too close to the surface after talking about my mom, and now this? I feel raw and exposed, but with Creed, it”s not something I”m worried about. Still, though, I don”t really want to trigger his animalistic protective side if I start crying. Again. I want to hold on to this sweet, tender side of him for a while longer, relish in the complete and utter wholeness that I feel in my chest because of him.
Finally, with my tears held at bay, I smile softly and nod, lifting my arms to wrap around his neck. ”Okay. We”ll face it all together then. Your demons and my trauma. We”ll keep each other grounded. Because as much as you say you need me, Creed, I feel the same way. I need you in ways that are totally co-dependant and probably not even healthy, but I wouldn”t choose to live any other way. I”d never choose a life without you in it. Not now that I know you and love everything that you are.”
The grin he gives me is all boyish and happy, the most innocent expression he”s ever shown me, and it warms me right through. It only cements my words. We”ll get through the tough shit together because we have each other. It”s as simple as that.
I used to think I should be alone. I had no time for boys or dating, not while I was trying to survive and then find justice for my mom. But now, I”ve come to realize that being alone made me weak. Having someone beside me, to hold up when I”m falling, has breathed new life into me. And now I”ll never let that feeling go.
In fact, I might not let any of these guys go.