21. Prudence
It’s been three days since Annie’s head was left at my sister’s cabin door. Three days of guilt, three days of feeling ill, three days of fear and anger and this debilitating sense of helplessness.
On the fourth day, after Asher slept in bed with us, tucked on the far end next to Griffin, I finally feel ready to face my fears. I didn’t realize something was missing every night until I had all three guys surrounding me. Between the soft snores, the sleepy sighs, and all the freaking muscle, I felt more secure and protected than I ever have. Even though they were all dead asleep, I knew I was safe there.
It helped settle the storm in my brain that’s been lingering since packing my mom’s things and made worse by finding Annie’s head. I’m not back to one-hundred percent yet, but I’m on my way.
I wake up alone, the guys letting me sleep in, and the ache in my chest to be near them is what urges me to get out of bed, get dressed — bra and everything — and then wander out to the living room where everyone is having breakfast. I quickly look at the table where the box was sitting days ago, thankful that we’re not using that piece of furniture anymore. There’s no way I’d be able to eat a single bite if I had to sit there and think about Annie.
I”m so fucking sorry, Annie. I wish I had warned you in some way, got you to run with us.
“Hey, you’re up,” Genevieve points out gently, giving me a soft smile while the three guys turn to give me their undivided attention.
I shrug a little awkwardly, shuffling forward and sitting between my sister and Griffin. Creed and Asher are taking up the two armchairs directly across from us. Asher stares at me like he wants to ask a million questions about my well-being and Creed’s hands are fidgeting like he’s forcing himself not to jump across the coffee table to hand feed me.
“Missed you, little flame,” Griffin murmurs beside me, leaning down to speak close to my ear so nobody else hears him. His words set my soul on fire. It’s not like he hasn’t seen me every single day, slept in bed beside me every night, but I know what he means. He’s missed me being me. Not hiding away in bed, worrying them all.
I turn to him, stealing a kiss before he can back up. It’s not as chaste as I was planning, Griffin quickly taking over and sweeping his tongue into my mouth, but instead of feeling embarrassed with an audience, I let myself enjoy it.
Because I won’t have this for much longer.
While I stewed in bed the last few days, I plotted. I have a plan to sneak out of the cabin, steal Genevieve’s car, and haul ass back to Blackwood. A good plan too, one I know will work. The only reason I haven’t done so already is because, well, I’ll miss my guys. Is it selfish of me to linger for another couple of days and soak in each of them? Even Asher.
Pulling away from Griffin, I clear my throat, holding Asher’s and then Creed’s gaze. “The security is in place, yes?” They all nod. “And the journalist ex? How’s that coming along?” I ask my sister, shifting to face her.
Her cheeks get a little pink. “Um, yeah. That’s coming together. Actually, she’s just waiting on your statement. The guys all spoke to her already.”
“My statement? I didn’t realize I—“
“It’ll be anonymous,” she rushes to assure me, setting her plate down on the coffee table. Genevieve shifts until her legs are tucked underneath her, her red hair pulled up into a messy bun that flops around while she gets comfy. “None of your names are attached to it, but having the stories to back up her exposé still helps,” she explains, putting her hand on my knee like she’s worried I might flee. “You’ll be safe, I swear.”
I swallow roughly, but I don’t let the panic overwhelm me. If anything, this will make things better. This report will make The Celestials scramble to cover their asses and keep their skeletons hidden. I have to do everything I can to make it hit them as hard as possible, so that when I do work up the nerve to leave and face off with them, maybe they’ll be so distracted that I actually win… Maybe I’ll get the chance to come back to my guys and have the life with them that Griffin promised.
As unlikely as that is, it’s a nice thought.
Nodding, I mumble, “Alright, then. Sure, yeah.” Genevieve smiles, but there’s a glimmer of worry in her eyes that tells me she’s just as concerned about this blowing up as I am. “Can I do it now and get it over with?” I ask.
My sister shrugs. “Sure, let me grab my—“
“Wait, Prudence?” Asher says softly, grabbing my attention. He’s frowning deeply, his fingers tapping along his thigh in a nervous tic I’ve not seen from him before.
“Yeah?” I ask hesitantly.
He takes a deep breath, looks at Griffin and Creed, and then says, “There’s something I need to talk to you about. You and Creed.” He pauses, glancing at his cousin again with caution. Creed’s brows furrow, but he dips his head in a silent reassurance to keep going, so Asher does. “I should have brought this up sooner, I just didn’t know how, but I mentioned it in my statement, so… Fuck. Please don’t hate me for keeping this a secret until now,” he rambles, avoiding my eyes while he bounces his knee like all his nervous energy is begging to burst free.
My stomach sinks, a sensation you’d think I’d be used to by now, but nope. I stiffen on the couch, and Griffin, being the teddy bear protector that he is, pulls me into his side with a whispered, “It’ll be okay. Just hear him out. And try to remember who’s really at fault. The Celestials, not Asher.” I can’t even manage a nod to show I hear him, but he just squeezes me tighter and offers me his comfort.
“What is it now?” I croak out. The weakness of my voice sets Creed on edge, his warm whiskey eyes flicking all over me, his jaw tensing, and his hands fisting. I know he wants to bundle me up in his arms, but he’d have to tell Genevieve to move, so he’s forcing himself to stay put. I try to offer him a smile to let him know I”m fine, but it feels too tight and forced.
Asher pushes a hand through his hair, leaving it messy as he grits out, “Prudence, I’m sorry, I— It’s about your mom. What they did to her years ago. And everything else The Celestials have done too. To Griffin and Creed…” He trails off like he can’t find the right words, his knee bouncing even faster.
“Should I give you guys privacy?” Genevieve asks hesitantly. She bites her lip as she gazes at me, and before any of the guys can tell her to get lost, I grab her hand and hold it tight. That’s all the confirmation she needs from me, nodding and settling back into the couch to hear whatever new horror Asher is about to unleash.
“Spit it out, man,” Creed demands roughly, looking seconds away from lunging for his cousin if Asher keeps us waiting. “It doesn’t matter how hard it is for you, Prudence deserves the truth.”
Asher looks over at his cousin, searching his expression, and a moment later, he sighs. Looking at me once more, he does as Creed ordered. Gives me the whole ugly truth. Asher explains how he found these files about each of us in his dad’s office, which he’d already mentioned before because that’s how he knew about my sister. But then he goes on to tell us about what was in those files. Proof that Griffin’s attack was no accident and the police chief covered it up. Evidence of Creed’s parents’ death being foul play and detailed notes of his time in the psych ward when he was younger. The horrors he faced in there, the abuse from the doctors and staff at the order of The Celestials. It”s honestly a wonder he got out of there with his mind intact. It seems more like the goal of having him put in that hospital was to break him further.
“Creed, I-I’m so sorry,” Asher breathes out shakily, scrubbing a hand down his pale face. “What they did to you… I knew it was bad, you’ve alluded to as much, but actually knowing the horrid details… You’re the strongest fucking person I know to have survived in that place and come out in one piece. They tortured you… at my father”s request. I”m fucking sick knowing I came from that man. And your parents? He was behind that too, just silently pulling the strings in your life from before you could even form memories. I”m so fucking sorry.”
Creed’s eyes shudder closed, his hands balling into fists so tight that his knuckles turn white. “I’m not— I’m not strong, Ash. I’m fucking damaged... I suspected… about my parents, but fuck, to know for sure?” he croaks out, his voice breaking. When he opens his gorgeous eyes and looks at me, there’s something wild and terrified in the amber depths. “I’m not okay. I’m slipping, and now this? What if— I don’t want to get stuck in that colorless hellscape again. I don”t want to be lost there.” A tear slips free and rolls down his smooth cheek, but he holds my gaze without batting it away, and I almost feel like he’s begging me to keep him together. Like he needs me so desperately, but he can’t make himself say the words.
That’s my breaking point. I was doing so well up until now. Angry, yes. Uneasy, of course. But this is too much. With tears threatening to fall, I extract myself from Griffin’s comforting touch and cross the living room, settling into Creed’s lap instead, answering his silent call. Nobody speaks while I move, which I’m thankful for. Creed curls around me the second I’m with him, burying his face in my neck with his arms wrapped so tight around my body that I worry I might stop breathing. But as I feel his anguished tears land on my skin, I realize that he needs this, needs me, far more than I need oxygen.
I lift my hand and run my fingers through his raven hair, trying to be strong for him even as my own tears finally breach. Biting my lip, I meet Asher’s gaze and nod for him to move on. As bad as Creed’s revelation is and his heartbreak right now, I know this wasn’t the worst news Asher has for us. Steeling myself with a deep, shaking breath, I focus on the silky strands of Creed’s hair and wait.
And then I kind of want to fucking die.
Asher spends the next several minutes telling me about the horrors my mom suffered at The Celestials’ hands. How she was raped by my father, locked in a room to starve, and fell pregnant against her wishes, all because she learned their dirty secrets.
No wonder her mind broke.
I think mine is almost at its breaking point too.
Asher glosses over the worst of the details, but he tells us how his dad kept notes on all of it, like some sick fuck. How could he have stood by and let an innocent woman suffer so greatly? And after all these years, how could he have had the stomach to try to do the same thing to that poor woman’s daughter, to me?
When Asher mentions it was Creed”s mom who helped mine escape, and that”s why he suspects his father had Creed”s parents killed, it”s almost as if all the oxygen in the room has been sucked right out. Creed lost his parents because his mom turned out to be a decent person? He lost out on a normal, happy childhood because she saw a woman in need and chose to help her?
As irrational as it is, I feel like this is yet another thing that”s entirely my fault. My mom found out she was pregnant, and Creed”s mom helped her escape because of it. Because of me.
How will he stand to even look at me now, knowing if I hadn”t been created, his parents might still be alive?
I feel fucking sick thinking about it.
Creed’s gone still beneath me, the slight trembling of his hands locked around my waist the only movement. I wrench my eyes from Asher’s agonized ones and look at Griffin instead. He’s leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, his hands laced together between his knees, and the expression on his face — blue eyes filled to the brim with sympathy, lips in a deep frown — has me wanting to scream.
Seconds, maybe minutes, creep by and nobody says a word. Asher and Griffin are waiting on me, Creed is shattering, and Genevieve is staring at me with watery eyes that look so much like mine. I try to process everything, but my mind is just too… loud. I want to cry and scream and break things, but I also want to sink back into bed and melt away until I’m nothing ever again, and that thought scares me.
I won’t let this pull me down to that dark place again. That near death in the bathtub was enough for me. No, if I’m going to die, I’m going out fucking swinging. I’m going to get justice for my mom — and now Creed”s parents too — even if I have to bloody my hands beyond recognition to do it.
My chest gets tight, my throat raw while the silence stretches on. I need air. Standing abruptly, pulling away from Creed when he reaches for me, I look at my sister and blurt out, “I’d like to go for a walk. Come with me?”
She nods, pushing up from the couch without a moment’s hesitation, but the three guys do too.
I hold up a hand, looking into each of their eyes. Luscious green, arctic blue, and swirling whiskey brown. I can’t look into any of those eyes without breaking, so I quickly wrench my gaze away and mumble, “Please, just… I just want my sister.”
“Prudence, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Griffin murmurs right as Ash gives me an incredulous look and snaps, “I’m not letting you two wander around alone.”
I sigh, feeling so utterly weak and defeated and raw that I don’t even have it in me to argue with him. Thankfully, Genevieve takes up the mantle, coming around the coffee table so she can stand beside me as she gives Asher her most withering glare. She points a finger at his stupidly broad chest. “You should have told her about this the second you found out. How dare you keep these kinds of secrets from her, when all she went to that fucking poisonous college for was to find out the truth about her mom. You fucked up, Asher, so yes, you are going to let us take a goddamn walk without you three bodyguards crowding us.” She hooks her arm in mine, walking us toward the door. “Make yourselves fucking useful and cook us lunch.”
“Genevieve,” Asher growls, following us to the door.
I roll my eyes, digging my heels in and turning to him. The raw fear in his emerald eyes is the only thing that keeps me from screaming at him. He’s scared. Of my reaction to this news. Of us getting jumped outside. Of the entire world falling down around us before he can make things right.
I don’t have an answer to give him right now, though. I can’t smile and tell him I’m fine, that we’re all going to be okay, or that our deaths aren’t waiting for us out there. Sure, The Celestials could be hiding in the trees with another head to drop off, for all I know, so maybe heading out alone isn’t my smartest decision. With a nod to Asher to tell him I understand, I look past him and into the hollow honeyed eyes of his cousin, hold my hand out, and say, “Creed?”
He blinks through the emotion still hounding him as he strides forward without a moment”s hesitation. He moves with such purpose, it’s as if right beside me is exactly where he needs to be, even knowing what we do now about why his parents died. He doesn”t look at me with even an ounce of hatred, and something settles in my chest at that. He”s still mine. Once I’m sandwiched between him and Genevieve, Creed’s hand locked tightly in mine, I say, “We won’t be gone long, and we’ll be safe. You got those security upgrades for a reason, remember?”
Asher rakes a hand through his dark hair, looking so conflicted about letting me go or putting a stop to this. Griffin comes up beside him, a hand on Asher’s shoulder, and whispers something to him. Whatever he says has Asher’s worry easing a bit, and he very reluctantly grits out, “Fine. Fuck. Take your walk, but I swear to fucking god, Prudence, if you don’t come back to me, if—“ He stops so suddenly it’s as if the horror of his next words have stuck in his throat.
I give him a sad, knowing smile, nodding and tucking my hair behind my ear. “I know. It’s okay, Asher.”
“I’ll bring her straight to you when we get back,” Creed promises.
I don’t say anything, waving off Asher and Griffin as Genevieve guides me through the door. The moment the cool breeze hits me, I suck in a deep lungful of fresh air and some of the chaos in my head eases. This is what I needed. After an aimless walk in nature, letting my mind wander while my legs push me forward, I’ll feel better. At least, I hope I will.
But I know right now that I won’t be able to take much more. I’m at my breaking point. Something’s gotta give before my mind fractures just like my mom’s did.