Chapter 15
U nable to hold back the tears any longer, I hurried back to the manor. My heart was filled with hatred for Ash, but more than that, I also hated myself for believing for one second that he wasn’t the monster he so clearly was.
How could I have been so foolish? But Ash was right, wasn’t he? I was acting like a child, clinging to the na?ve hope that love could somehow change the heart of a killer.
I wiped my eyes, determined to keep it together as I entered the manor. But as soon as I stepped inside, I nearly ran straight into Madam Pearl in the hallway. She took one look at my tear-streaked face and offered me a sympathetic, sad expression.
My head dropped forward, staring at the ground, not wanting to face anyone right now.
Least of all her.
“The prince,” she began. “I know it may be hard to believe, but under the darkness, there is a good man in there.”
I lifted my head and met her gaze, my emotions too raw and visceral to hide. “No, he’s a monster.” My voice trembled with barely controlled rage.
“Areya …” she started.
“He killed my mom,” I choked out, and saying those words aloud shattered me. The dam I’d been holding up finally broke, and big, heavy sobs tore through me.
Tears poured from my face, and my body shook under the weight of it all.
“Oh, dear child,” Madam Pearl gasped, and before I knew it, her arms were wrapped around me, pulling me into a warm, comforting embrace.
That familiar, all-encompassing, nurturing hug … only a mother could give a hug like that. Leaning into it, I buried my face in her shoulder and bitterly wept, like a lost and forsaken child, while Madam Pearl gently rubbed my back.
I had no idea how long we stood together like that, but she never let me go—not when my tears soaked her shoulder, and not even when they finally slowed and stopped.
At some point, another warm, caring hand—someone else’s—rested on my shoulder. Lilly was standing there, concern etched on her face as she offered a handful of soft, scented tissues. I took them gratefully and wiped my tear-streaked, blotchy cheeks.
“You’re not alone anymore, Areya,” Lilly said, her voice soothing as she patted my back. Finally, I pulled away and wiped my wet, snotty face with a tissue.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered, wholly embarrassed by my public breakdown.
“You don’t have a thing to be sorry for, precious girl,” Madam Pearl said. “Areya, you’ve shown incredible bravery and strength. Sebastian ripped everything away from you, and yet, despite it all, you have found it within yourself to offer him only kindness. That, my dear, takes an exceptional kind of person. Someone far stronger than most.”
Lilly nodded in agreement, her eyes warm with understanding.
Madam Pearl took both of my hands in hers. “Areya, I claim you as one of my own. You will always have a home here in Cresinthia. This land has long been a sanctuary for the innocent victims of the evil plaguing Gardonia. From this day forward, you are under my protection here.” She squeezed my hands and then continued, “I was selfish today when I asked you to save Sebastian. I did so out of my own love for him, and for that, I apologize. You owe nothing to me, Sebastian, or to Gardonia. The choice to heal is yours alone. Do you understand?”
I nodded, squeezing my eyes shut as fresh tears slipped down my cheeks.
Madam Pearl cupped my face with both hands.
“It will get better, Areya. I know it’s hard to believe right now, but I promise you, it will. There is a light in you that will grow so bright that no one—neither man, nor monster—will be able to extinguish it. I saw it the moment I looked into your eyes.”
As I lifted my gaze to hers, she smiled.
“You have your grandfather’s eyes, you know,” she added in a hushed voice. “King Edwin—he was known as the gentle king, a man who fiercely loved his kingdom and his family.”
Her words soothed me in ways I hadn’t thought possible.
The chest tremors began to subside, and for what felt like the first time since everything had happened, I was able to take a deep, steady breath.
“Thank you.” My voice was hoarse from crying. “You remind me of my mom.”
Madam Pearl’s smile widened, and she bowed her head slightly. “Then I’m honored.” She turned to Lilly, pausing briefly, but Lilly already knew what to do.
“I will see Areya to her room.” Lilly gave a small nod. “And I’ll have cook send up a warm mug of chamomile tea.”
Madam Pearl smiled, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead before wishing me goodnight. Lilly walked me to my room, her presence calm and reassuring.
“I’ll be back with your tea,” she said kindly before heading off.
Once alone in my room, I started going through the motions of getting ready for bed. I brushed my teeth and changed out of my clothes, pulling on a wonderfully soft turquoise nightgown from a pile of clothes left for me. A soft knock sounded at the door, and when I opened it, Lilly stood there with a warm mug of tea. I thanked her quietly before shutting the door, taking the cup over to the small table beside the bed.
I crawled over the blankets, the softness of the bed enveloping me like a cocoon.
The scent of chamomile tea filled the room, calming my nerves as I took a few slow sips of the warm liquid. My eyes began to feel heavy, the weight of the day finally catching up with me, so I put the tea down and lay back in the bed.
Madam Pearl’s words replayed in my mind, and I held onto them, wrapping myself tightly in the blankets. After my encounter with Madam Pearl, I didn’t feel entirely alone anymore—and that was something. The thought comforted me as I drifted into sleep.
***
A shiver ran through my body. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around myself. I was freezing. My fingers brushed against something wet on my nightgown and my stomach dropped.
No, please, no. Not again.
Jumping out of bed, I rushed to turn on the light, my breath catching in my throat.
Blood. It was everywhere, soaking my nightgown, my hands, the bed. Stepping in front of the door, I twisted the doorknob with slick, blood-covered fingers, struggling to grip it.
Frantically using the fabric of my nightgown to twist the door open, I flung it wide into the dark hallway. From somewhere came a woman’s terrified scream.
Fear gripping me, I ran down the hall, down the stairs, my legs carrying me as fast as they could.
I stopped in front of Madam Pearl’s sitting room, freezing at the sight of blood seeping out from beneath the door—thick, dark, and ominous. Please, no!
My heart couldn’t handle losing someone else. Please, please be ok.
With jittery hands, I pushed the door open slowly, only to be met with the sight of Madam Pearl slumped in her seashell chair, her body brutally mangled, her eyes wide with terror.
My body instinctively stumbled back, my breath leaving me in panicked gasps.
The door creaked behind me, and when I whipped around, there was Lilly crumpled on the floor, lifeless. A strangled scream tore from my throat, unable to avert my eyes from her horrific, motionless body. No, no, no!
A heavy thud echoed from across the room, and I spun to find Keo’s mangled corpse. Another thud—Fin. His body lay twisted on the floor, his gaze vacant, all the life gone from him.
Standing behind him, cold and unmoved, were frigid, dark eyes staring straight into me. I screamed, turning to run but large hands gripped my shoulders, stopping me in my tracks.
“Areya!” his voice called out.
“No, no, no!” I thrashed wildly, fighting against the hands, clawing and wailing. He had killed them—he’d killed every last one of them!
“Areya, please!” The voice sounded desperate now, and my eyes shot open in the horror of the moment, giving way to reality.
Ash ‘s eyes stared down at me, his hands on my shoulders, a pained expression on his face.
I pushed him away, scrambling back into the bed, screaming out, “Get away from me!” My voice cracked, as hot, salty tears rolled down my face.
“Areya, I’m not going to hurt you.”
His words were calm, steady, but my body still trembled uncontrollably.
“You killed all of them,” I choked out, my voice breaking as I backed further into the bed.
Ash flinched at my words, pain flashing across his face. “It was a dream, Areya. Only a dream. You’re safe now. I swear you’re safe.”
His words echoed in my mind, but it took a moment for them to sink in. My eyes squeezed shut, repeating the words over and over in my mind. I’m safe. It was only a dream.
When I opened my eyes, the room came back into focus and the memory of the day crashed down on me—the fight with Ash, and all the tears shared with Madam Pearl and Lilly.
“You’re back,” I whispered, staring at him. His expression was unlike anything I’d ever seen on his face before. Sorrowful, utterly broken, defeated.
“You were right, Areya.” He let out a deep shaky breath. “I am a coward and I’ve been running, too terrified to face the truth, ever since those visions. I tried to bury it, to outrun it.”
His voice was fractured, coming in bursts, each syllable soaked in pain.
“The way you looked at me today—as though I wasn’t a monster—I … I don’t know how to handle that.” His voice eventually broke under the strain of his emotions, and for the first time, I saw the cracks in his cold facade, witnessing his fear, his guilt, his humanity.
He bowed his head and the sight of him, so raw and vulnerable, made my heart ache in a way I wasn’t prepared for. Slowly, cautiously, my body inched closer to him.
“Watching you today, your smile, the way you found joy in this place, even after everything I’ve done to you, everything I’ve put you through … I don’t understand.”
“But I don’t see you as a monster,” I whispered, the words slipping out before they could be stopped. And to my surprise, they felt true.
“What Agidius did to you, what he turned you into—Ash, that wasn’t your fault. When I saw your visions, I didn’t see a monster. I saw someone full of love, someone who cared deeply.”
His head shook, still staring down as if he couldn’t bear to meet my gaze.
Hesitantly, I reached for his hand, my fingers trembling slightly upon touching his. “You risked your life to save me, Ash. A monster wouldn’t do that.”
He looked up at me, and when his tear-filled eyes met mine, the pain I saw there hit me so hard it felt as if all the breath had been knocked out of me.
He shook his head again. “You don’t know all the terrible things I have done, Areya. I’ve committed true evil. I swear, if you even knew a fraction of what I’ve done …”
“I don’t care.” I said, cutting him off. “Nothing you’ve done under Agidius’ curse changes what I know about you. I won’t turn my back on you. We’re in this together, remember?”
Reaching for his other hand, I clasped both of them tightly as he dropped his head yet again, the warm tears falling freely now, splashing on my fingers.
Was this really the same person I’d sworn to kill just two days ago? The same man who had ripped my life out from under me, the cold, ruthless killer, now broken and weeping before me?
In that moment, the truth hit me with staggering clarity.
Everything Ash had loved had been ripped away from him, the same way it had been ripped from me. That realization struck me hard, shattering the last remnants of the anger I had clung to. In that instant, I truly forgave him. And it wasn’t guilt that I felt for forgiving my mother’s killer, but something unexpected—peace. Deep down, I knew that my mother, with her boundless capacity for compassion, would have wanted me to forgive him. She would have forgiven him.
Ash wiped his eyes, sniffling as he stood to his feet.
The moment he stepped away, an aching void settled in my chest, I didn’t want to be left alone with my thoughts especially after that nightmare, not with everything that had just happened.
Mind control or not, I found myself desperately clinging to the calm his presence brought me.
He cast me a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
“I’ll let you get back to sleep, Areya.” He turned toward the door.
“Ash?”
He looked back at me.
“Do you think … Could you stay? At least until I fall asleep?”
For a moment, silence hung in the air between us.
“It’s ok if you don’t want to.”
“Scoot over, Areya,” he said as he turned back toward the bed. Relief washed over me as I moved toward the other side of the bed, making room for him.
He lay down facing me, his eyes meeting mine. “Thank you, Areya,” he whispered.
“For what?”
“For believing in me.”
I reached out, hesitating a mere moment before taking his hand again. “We’re in this together, right?”
“Together,” he echoed, squeezing my fingers.
For a few minutes, we lay there in silence, the weight of the world falling away as I found comfort in his presence.
“Do you think we can do it?” I asked quietly. “Find a cure and save those people?”
“We’ll give it our best shot.”
“And Agidius? Do you think there’s a way to kill him?”
Ash ran his hand through his hair, his jaw clenched. “If there is, then I’ll find it.”
I believed him.
As he lay there, staring into my eyes, a part of me wanted to recoil again from the intensity of his gaze. I had never been so close to someone as beautiful as Ash.
In fact, I had never even seen another person as beautiful as Ash.
“I will kill him,” he said. “For what he did to the people of Astern, for what he did to me, for what he did to you and your family. And I’ll kill him for the threat he still poses to you, Areya. Because you deserve to live in a world where you feel safe.”
A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed hard, lowering my head as the blush crept over my cheeks.
He hooked a finger under my chin, gently tipping my head back so I had no choice but to look at him. “I’m sorry, Areya, for what I said to you tonight. I didn’t mean any of it. The way you view the world, that joy you carry even amid all this darkness … I love that about you.”
His words caught me off guard, my cheeks glowing even warmer. My eyes nervously shifted from his, only able to imagine how red my cheeks might be now.
“Don’t do that,” he whispered.
I looked back at him, confused.
“That look you make. The one saying you don’t think you’re good enough.”
I chewed on my lip, not knowing what to say to that; no one had ever seen through me this way before, let alone called me out on it.
“You are more than enough, Areya.”
My heart tightened at his words, and I swallowed hard, trying to keep my emotions in check. “I’m sorry for saying I hated you, Ash. I don’t hate you.”
He smiled, a real smile this time. “Goodnight, Areya.”
“Goodnight, Ash.”
For the first time in what felt like ages, a sense of peace settled over me as I drifted to sleep.