29. Evelyn
29
Evelyn
“ I t won’t kill you,” Chad said, flashing his goofy grin.
“Well, that’s encouraging,” I said with a huff.
Rafe stepped closer. “Evelyn, this is part of who you are; there’s no need to be frightened.”
The courtyard sunlight caught in his hair, making it look like he actually had a halo.
He probably does.
I crossed my arms, feeling the tension knot my shoulders. “Reassuring.” I sighed.
It was time to unleash the beast.
Literally.
I paced back and forth in the courtyard, muttering to myself while Rafe and Chad watched from the steps.
“I don’t even know what it is!” I exclaimed, spinning toward them. “What if it’s a cockatrice? Like…a giant killer chicken. That’s not exactly intimidating.”
Chad laughed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “A killer chicken? Yeah, that’ll send Eris running for the hills.”
Ignoring him, I turned to Rafe, who stood silently with his arms crossed, his wings tucked neatly behind him. “Or worse! What if I’m a nuckelavee? You know, a skinless horse with a rider stuck on its back. A nightmare centaur with two faces! TWO FACES! ”
Chad almost fell off the step, laughing. “Please, can we get a nightmare chicken-horse combo? That’d be epic.”
“Not helping!” I snapped, pointing at him before grabbing a fistful of my hair. “But the absolute worst —what if I’m a freaking gorgon ? Like, full-on snake hair. Do you know how traumatizing that would be? I’d never recover, Chad. Never.”
Rafe finally spoke, his voice calm and even. “Evelyn, I think you’re overthinking this.”
“I’m not overthinking!” I groaned, throwing myself onto the grass and dramatically covering my face with my hands. “This is officially the worst day of my life.”
Rafe’s soft laugh rumbled through the courtyard. “I somehow doubt this qualifies as the worst day, Evelyn.”
I peeked at them through my fingers, groaning again.
Rafe had walked towards me and extended a hand to help me up. “Come on, Evelyn. Whatever happens, it’ll be fine. No snakes, no chickens. Just…you.”
His words, so gentle and reassuring, made me sigh. “Fine,” I mumbled, grabbing his hand and letting him pull me up. “But if I do turn out to be a killer chicken, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Chad bounced on his heels, grinning. “Time to unleash your inner beast! Trust me, it’s gonna be awesome.”
I took a deep breath. “Easy for you to say. You’ve done this a million times.”
“True.” Chad nodded. “But remember, we all start somewhere. Even us hellhounds.”
I bobbed my head, trying to psych myself up. “Okay, Chad. Talk me through this. What should I expect?”
Chad’s usual playful demeanor softened. “It’s different for everyone, but it felt like a dam breaking inside for me. Scary at first, yeah, but then? Pure adrenaline rush.”
“Great,” I muttered. “Just what I need. More excitement in my life.”
Chad chuckled. “Hey, at least it’s the fun kind of excitement. Not the ‘oh no, an angry mob of corpses wants to kill us’ type.”
I giggled. He has a point.
I took a deep breath. “Okay, how did it feel for you the first time?”
Chad leaned back on his heels, thinking. “Like being stuffed into a meat grinder, then getting shot out of a cannon. It’s painful but also amazing. You come out the other side, and you’re more.”
“More,” I echoed, unconvinced.
“It gets easier,” he added. “Now I can shift in my sleep.”
I looked at Rafe, then Chad. They believed in me, which was more than I could say for myself at the moment. Still, their confidence was infectious.
“Alright,” I said. “Let’s do this.”
“Close your eyes,” Chad instructed. “Try to feel that part of you that’s different. The beast within you.”
I did as he said, shutting out the world around me and reaching for that particular branch of my lineage. I tried to shut out the thousand thoughts clamoring for attention.
What if I get stuck in my monster form?
What if I hurt them?
What if the creature inside me is something so terrible that I can’t live with myself?
My heart pounded like a jackhammer, and my hands trembled at my sides. The sun filtered through the trees, dappling the grass with golden light. It should have been peaceful, but my insides were in chaos.
“You’ve got this, Evelyn,” Chad said, his voice warm and encouraging. “Just focus on your inner beast. Let it come to the surface.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to concentrate. But all I could picture was a grotesque monster bursting from my skin, all fangs and claws and mindless rage. My breath came faster and faster.
“Breathe, Evelyn,” Rafe murmured, his gentle tone starkly contrasting the panic swirling in my head. “Nice and slow.”
I tried to follow his instructions, but it felt like my lungs were shrinking. My eyes flew open as I gasped for air.
“I can’t,” I choked out. “What if I can’t control it?”
Chad’s brow furrowed with concern. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re not gonna turn into anything horrible.”
But his words barely registered. My vision was tunneling, darkness creeping in at the edges. I sank to my knees, gulping in the air that didn’t seem to reach my lungs.
“Some champion I am,” I wheezed. “Can’t even shift without having a panic attack. How am I supposed to defeat Eris like this?”
Rafe knelt beside me, his eyes filled with worry. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. This is all new to you.”
I shook my head, feeling pathetic. Here I was, descended from powerful lineages, chosen by Hecate herself, and I was having a meltdown.
Real intimidating.
Chad plopped down on my other side, his usual boundless energy tempered by concern. “Hey, even us seasoned shifters have bad days. I once accidentally shifted during a big meeting at the academy and ended up with my tail sticking out of my pants?”
Despite everything, I let out a choked laugh. “That’s not exactly reassuring.”
“What I think Chad means,” Rafe said, “is that it’s okay to struggle sometimes. You’re still learning.”
I took a shaky breath, feeling my heart rate slowly return to normal. “I just feel so…weak.”
Chad bumped my shoulder with his. “Nah, you’re tough as nails. You just need a break. And food. Food always helps.”
“That’s…actually not a bad idea,” I admitted, my panic fading into exhaustion.
Rafe nodded, standing and offering me a hand. “Let’s get some lunch and try again later.
I let them pull me to my feet, grateful for their support. Food sounded good. And maybe by then, I’d find my courage again.
* * *
After lunch, we got back to it.
A few failed attempts later, my panic had finally subsided—by some miracle—and I was determined to get this right.
“Focus on your breathing,” Rafe reminded me. “In, out. In, out.”
I did as he said, and slowly, the noise in my head quieted.
At first, all I felt was the sun’s warmth on my skin and the soft whisper of the breeze.
Then…something else. A flicker of power deep in my core.
“I think I feel it,” I rasped, afraid to break my concentration.
“Good,” Chad’s voice seemed far away. “Now, don’t fight it. Let it come.”
The power grew, spreading through my body like wildfire. It was terrifying and exhilarating all at once. Part of me wanted to pull back, to slam the door shut on this strange, new sensation.
But I couldn’t. Not if I wanted to beat Eris.
You got this!
I took another deep breath. The power was immense, like a tidal wave threatening to crush me. I had to let it wash over me, surrender to it completely. My fear and doubt were weights pulling me under. I had to let them go.
The first spark of pain made me flinch. It was like a hot needle in my skin, sharp and immediate. Then it spread, a burning ache that set my bones on fire. I gritted my teeth. I’d been burnt alive, had a sword driven through my heart, and had been electrocuted a few hundred times. This was nothing in comparison, but it was still enough to make me want to scream.
I opened my eyes and looked at my hand. The skin was stretching, tearing, morphing into something else.
Claws.
I was growing claws. My whole body expanded, my muscles and bones twisting into new shapes. The world around me shrank as I grew taller and larger. Colors blurred, then sharpened into painful clarity.
I let out a cry, half human, half something else, and it echoed around us. I looked down at Rafe and Chad. They were small, and their faces were mixed with fear and awe.
The pain receded, replaced by a rush of raw, unfiltered power. I stretched my new limbs, massive wings that unfurled with a crackle of energy. My skin—no, my feathers—glowed with an inner fire. I was a living flame, a creature of pure light and heat.
This is what it felt like to be a god.
I took a tentative step, and the ground seemed to tremble as the earth recognized me. Heat radiated from within, a low, simmering energy that built with every breath. Every movement felt magnified as if I carried the weight of something ancient and powerful. I could feel my mate’s heartbeats in perfect rhythm with my own, and the air around me vibrated with life. The oak tree in the distance shimmered in my vision—not just the leaves, but the veins running through them, the life pulsing in its roots. Everything was alive, burning with possibility.
They didn’t have to tell me what I was. I already knew.
A phoenix.