Chapter 44
44
EVANGELINE
T he only sound was the fire in the hearth crackling softly, casting long, flickering shadows across the bedrooms dark-paneled walls. I lay draped across Blake, eyes closed, the full length of his warm, bare body pressed against mine.
This was…heavenly.
The sheer joy of stopping the chaos and letting the quiet sink in, deep enough the most unsettled parts of me calmed. That tender place beneath my heart was quiet in a different way, and I didn’t know if that pleased or worried me.
Didn’t know if I was ready to give over that final piece of myself that always stood apart, suspicious, distrustful, ready to snap at the world like a wounded dog.
The part had kept me alive up until now.
The part that gave me the strength to protect Angel, to spill blood and end lives and do the things required to keep us safe. But I was so tired of being that person. So tired of…fighting all the time.
And now…I was perched on the edge of an enormous crevice and one mistake would knock me down and once I hit the bottom, nothing would save me.
Nobody would catch me.
Because that was the thing about giving away your trust. About…love .
Once you dropped your guard, there were a thousand ways they could hurt you.
And that kind of hurt…I couldn’t go through that ever again. Watching my mother die had torn a hole inside my heart so big I’d stuffed it full of hate, instead. And up until right now, I’d been glad I’d turned that part of myself to stone.
But now I wondered, listening to the steady thump of Blake’s heartbeats crashing beneath my cheek, I wondered if love was worth the risk. If these few and far between moments were worth what was coming.
Because I had no illusions that what was coming would destroy us.
How could it not? We had nothing, no allies, nothing to protect us except our wits.
I loved Blake. I was going to lose him.
I so was desperate to feel something besides bitterness and anger at the world, I wanted to live in this moment forever. What I felt right now was terrifying.
Every day we were together, I felt like I had more to lose, and I couldn’t stop feeling like I was grasping at a rope that was slipping through my hands.
I propped myself up on an elbow, drinking in Blake’s sharp profile half-lit by the firelight, the curve of dark lashes against his cheek, the way the light picked up the golden-red strands in his hair. My heart ached at his beauty, even though it was ridiculous to call him beautiful.
Fierce, maybe. Savage, definitely. Brutal and dangerous and wild, but that was what I loved most about him. I closed my eyes and a tear slipped out, glided down my cheek before I brushed the offending thing away.
Beneath me, Blake’s entire body instantly tensed up. “Evangeline. Are you alright?” Strong arms folded over me, warmth flooding my body and another tear slipped free, then another.
Goddamn it.
“I’m fine.” I just have to get my fucking shit together .
“You are not fine. You’re crying . What’s wrong? Did I do something…was I too rough? Do you want me to leave?”
“No.” I said too quickly. “I don’t want you going anywhere. I’m just…I feel like we’re speeding towards an inevitable crash and there’s no way we’ll stop in time. The odds are stacked so high against us, and how are we supposed to fight, when we don’t even know what we’re fighting?”
Blake’s hand smoothed down my side, until his warm palm rested on my thigh, callouses scratching, along with the rough pads of his fingers. “First, you and I are getting some goddamned sleep, then tomorrow, I’ll explain why all your worries are unfounded.” His eyes drifted away. “But first, I have to talk to Riordan.”
“Riordan isn’t going to…”
“What’s this really about?” His lips brushed the top of my head, fingers tracing a circle into my skin. “Your heart’s racing and you were crying, Evie. That’s not worry about our enemies. This is something else.”
“Why do you have to talk to Riordan first?” I asked instead. “Why can’t you tell me what’s going on?”
“I tried earlier, before we left for Aria’s and I…uhm,” his brow furrowed. “Couldn’t get into his study.”
“Again, why can’t you talk to me?” Something sparked again on his face. Guilt . “Are you hiding something from me? Are you and Riordan hiding something?”
“It’s not that simple, Evie. This situation is complicated.”
Warning bells started going off in my head. “Complicated is how people explain away a lie they don’t care to explain.”
“This isn’t…exactly a lie. More like a strategy.”
I eased off him, tucked the blankets around me until I wasn’t so…naked.
“Ever since the coronation ball, something’s been bothering me. Riordan gave our allies what they wanted. A show of force. No, he couldn’t save everyone, but he saved most, including Lord Romaric’s son. Yet within the hour, every one of his allies withdrew their support. That doesn’t make sense.”
Blake didn’t say a word, but his face had gone carefully blank.
“And then, when I made the deal with Aria, when I thought we had absolutely no options, you acted…strange. Told me you had to explain something, then you said it was too late , whatever that was supposed to mean.”
“Oh, Evie.” Just the way he said my name sent dread sinking into my stomach.
I narrowed my eyes. “You are keeping something from me.” My accusation cut through the heavy stillness. “Tell me, Blake, or I swear I will dig until I find out what you’re hiding.”
Blake didn’t answer right away. His eyes flickered toward the flames, the light catching the hard edge of his jaw. He looked as though he was considering his answer—or deliberately avoiding one.
“This has to do with our allies, doesn’t it?” I pressed. “How they all reneged on their word so quickly?” I hated the tremor in my voice. “Unless…they didn’t renege. Unless…” A thought hit me square in the chest, knocking the air from my lungs. “Unless they didn’t abandon us at all and that whole raven thing was… oh my God … a fucking diversion .”
I’d been taught hundreds of deceptions and Uncle Alistair was a thorough instructor. I winced. I should have recognized this immediately for what it was.
Blake’s silence stretched on, a tightrope strung between us, fraying at the edges. I shifted uncomfortably, feeling the sting of his aloofness more keenly than I cared to admit. “Blake,” I said more sharply. “Tell me I’m wrong?”
“You’re not wrong,” he said finally, his voice low and careful, as if choosing his words with the precision of a blade. “But you’re not entirely right either. It’s... complic…there are a lot of moving parts, a lot of things that have to go right for this to work.”
Complicated . That fucking word again, meant to shift blame.
I leaned forward on my elbows. “Riordan handled that attack masterfully,” I said, almost to myself. “The way he used his magic to contain the attackers…was brilliant. He stopped what could have been a bloodbath.”
Blake’s eyes flicked to mine, but he said nothing.
“But even more,” I continued, frustration building, “He saved Lord Romaric’s son. Sacrificed himself in a noble act, especially by bloodsucker standards. No, those royal houses—our supposed allies—didn’t turn their backs on him at all, did they?”
Blake exhaled sharply, a sound somewhere between a groan and a sigh. “No, they did not. But only five of us know the truth. Now you know, too,” he didn’t sound too happy. “War is about perception. Strength is currency among the houses, and we look weak, vulnerable. We’re drawing our enemies into a trap. Turning the hunter into the hunted.”
I studied him, his tense posture, the way his hands rested too still on his knees. “There’s more you aren’t telling me,” I said quietly .
His gaze met mine for a fleeting moment before shifting back to the fire. “I have to be careful about what I say.”
The words hit me like a slap. Every step I took, every decision I made, should have shown how loyal I was to Blake, to Riordan, to this cause that had somehow become my own.
And still, my own mate didn’t trust me. My throat tightened, but I forced the words out. “Fine, then. Keep your secrets, Blake. I suppose we’re back to the whole— need to know basis , right?”
His jaw tightened, but he didn’t respond.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” I snapped, my frustration spilling over. “Because from where I’m sitting, it feels like I’m still the enemy.”
“No. No, that’s not it at all.” Blake stood abruptly, yanking on his trousers. He crossed to the window, staring out into the darkened courtyard. For a moment, I thought he might finally tell me what he was hiding, but his voice was as distant as ever.
“You’re not the enemy, Evangeline,” he said, his back still to me. “But that doesn’t mean I can let you in. I just…can’t. You aren’t able to shield your mind, and if our enemies got hold of you, if they saw your thoughts, saw what you knew… that one piece of information could get you killed.”
I stared at him, my heart sinking. He was, in his own, misguided way, trying to protect me, but still, I felt so betrayed .
“I changed my mind. I do want you to leave.” The silence stretched between us again and I rose from the bed, my movements stiff as I gathered up the rest of his clothes and shoved them into his chest. “When you’re ready to trust me,” I said quietly, “you know where to find me.”
He left without looking back, the echo of his footsteps hollow until they finally disappeared. But the weight of Blake’s betrayal lingered, along with a deep, aching hurt I couldn’t quite shake.