Fearless (The Powerless Trilogy #3)

Chapter 45 Paedyn

CHAPTER 45 Paedyn

The Pit is swallowing me whole, and yet, my eyes never leave his face.

I suck in a breath, readying to sink six feet under this arena into a sandy grave.

I close my eyes and see for a moment Adena’s hazel ones staring back at me. She feels like home. I see my father, smile on his lips and book in hand. He feels like safety. The moment of peace is fleeting.

An invisible hand is dragging me out of Death’s clutches.

I burst from the sand, Kai’s Tele grip on me tight. The tips of my boots hover above the sand as I sputter, trying to catch my breath. Rough sand coats every inch of me. It fills my mouth, clings to my lashes, sticks to my bloody skin.

I’m yanked forward, my stiff body shooting toward him. The roaring crowd manages to cut through the ringing in my ears as air rushes around me, sand flying from my skin. I force my blurry gaze into focus long enough to watch Kai unsheathe the sword at his side.

My heart stutters, aching right alongside the rest of my body.

He raises that long blade, aiming it at the chest racing right toward him.

It’s fitting, actually, this end to my struggled survival.

I shut my eyes again, letting him carry me into my demise. Hoping Adena and my father will be there on the other side of this blade.

Then a hand slams into my shoulder, halting my fate.

Shouts grow muffled. The world quiets. And we are at the center of it.

I see three things after mustering the strength to open my eyes.

The first is the tip of a sword, hovering a mere breath from my chest.

The second is more of an out-of-body glimpse at the scene we have set. My body still hovers above the ground, suspended there by nothing more than Kai’s mind and a borrowed ability. Despite this, he has a hand braced against my uninjured shoulder, as if to stop me from being skewered before he could look me in the eyes.

And the third…

The third thing I see is the look on his face. It’s conflicting, like a combination of determination and compassion contorting his features. He seems to be battling with his own mind. His hand trembles, and the blade does the same, nicking my skin. But I never take my eyes off the storm brewing in his own, terrified he won’t be the last thing I see.

“It’s okay,” I whisper, my voice as broken as the body still hanging before him. The toes of my boots whisper above the sand I’m dripping blood onto. “Adena died here. I want to die here too.” Blood trickles from my ears, mingling with the tears racing down my face. “I couldn’t save her then. But I can save you now.”

He stills, tears gathering in his eyes. I reach slowly toward him, cutting off the curt shake of his head. My bloody hand rests gently atop his pounding chest. “Through the chest, remember?” A tear rolls down my cheek, carving a path through the sand sticking there. “That is how I want to die. Just like the ones I’ve loved.”

The Enforcer breaks.

Tears stream down his face as emotion finally cracks through the thick mask he had shoved on. The Tele’s hold on my body snaps, allowing my feet to hit the sand—only, I fall to my knees. Kai does the same, letting the sword slip from his fingers.

We stare at each other, knees touching and tears streaming.

Kai’s whisper is choked. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re the Enforcer,” I manage weakly. “An Ordinary was never going to win this.”

He shakes his head at me. “But you are not quite ordinary, are you?” Then, with a steadying breath, he orders, “Now follow my lead.”

Kai stands to his feet with an ease I envy. My body begs for rest, and yet, I order it to rise. With shaking limbs, I straighten before him.

The crowd’s approval is jarring against my bloody ears, enough so to have me lifting my gaze to the stands. Rows of crazed Ilyans rise into the sky, all awaiting my imminent end. Even the sun peers over them, curious enough to stall its trek across the sky.

When my tired eyes fall back to Kai, he gives me a single nod and a curt “Right hook.”

This is followed by a flying fist toward my face.

I dodge, bobbing left after the warning of his punch. Stunned, I almost don’t hear his murmured “Jab.”

Again, I’m heeding his words and jumping back before he can land a blow to my stomach. “Good,” he pants. “Now hit me—cross, right hook.”

I duck under his cross before blocking the hook with my forearm. This leaves his chest open enough for me to land a hard kick that has him stumbling. I take advantage of this, throwing another boot at his side. He catches my leg against him, gripping it tightly as he spins and throws me into the sand.

His heel is suddenly flying down toward my chest, but I manage to roll out of its path. I’m on my feet before he throws another punch that I step into, catching it over a shoulder to then drive my knee toward his stomach.

I hear the air rush out of him when my blow lands. My free hand is behind his neck as I sink my knee into him again and again. Grunting with the effort, I push his head down and throw my leg over it, clamping tightly behind his neck while the other lifts to hook beneath his jaw.

The momentum has us careening toward the ground, and I tuck my chin before the sand hits my back. Trapped in the tight hold between my legs, Kai is thrown onto the ground while I roll to my feet.

The Enforcer has barely lifted himself onto his knees before I’m driving a kick toward his jaw. Panting, he blocks it swiftly, but I’m already throwing a hook toward his temple. This he ducks beneath, catching my wrist with a hand before plowing a shoulder into my stomach.

My feet have suddenly left the sand. Within a single heartbeat, he’s hooked a hand around my thigh and thrown me across his back. Standing, he tips backward, pushing my legs into the air in a crude sort of somersault that has me hurtling to the ground.

The little air in my lungs leaves in a rush. I’m left sputtering at the sky, every inch of me throbbing. I barely notice Kai scoop up my forgotten dagger, hardly care when he points it down at me.

“Come on, Paedyn,” he murmurs. “Don’t give up yet.”

My eyes drift toward that screen above the arena, finding my bloody face staring back. I look tired—so, so tired of surviving. For the first time, I want to be free of my fight.

But for Kai, I give myself a demise worth remembering. My leg lifts suddenly, connecting with the hand holding my dagger. The impact has the weapon flipping from his fingers. Silver glints in the shining sun as my blade sinks into the sand beside me.

I don’t waste this sudden sliver of strength. My other foot hooks behind one of his shifting feet and tugs with every bit of might I can muster.

Just as I had done with the king, I now do with his son.

Kai crashes into the sand as I fumble for the dagger. I’m throwing a leg over him, straddling his body like I have so many times before. Weapon in hand, I loom over him, my victory a plunging blade away.

Instead, I watch those gray eyes widen when I push the dagger’s hilt into his palm.

My fingers wrap around his, wanting to hold them one last time. The blade is aimed at my chest, inches from my pounding heart. “It’s okay,” I whisper. “I’m ready. I’ve been ready my whole life.”

He shakes his head, lifting it slightly from the sand. “What if I want to save you today?” The dagger turns, his hand guiding its tip toward his own chest. “Maybe that will help make up for every time I haven’t been able to save another.”

“No,” I choke out. The blade’s point grows dangerously close to his chest, even as I uselessly fight against his strength. “No, stop it.”

His eyes remain locked on mine. “It’s okay.”

“No!” I croak, now grabbing his hand with both of mine. Tears blur my view of this sickening scene. “Kai, stop!”

The dagger’s tip meets his chest.

I’m begging now. “Please! Kai, I need you!”

“It’s okay,” he repeats softly. “It’ll be okay. Just help me now.”

Tears stream down my face. Am I breathing? “No, I won’t!” I try to pull my hands from the blade, but he lifts his free one, clamping it around mine.

Steel pierces his skin.

“No!” I struggle against him, trying to pry the dagger from where it’s begun sliding into his chest with a sickening sound. “No, please!” I fight the slow fatality with all my strength. It’s no use.

The blade sinks farther, springing bright blood from the deepening wound. My tears splatter into the pool of crimson, sobs tearing free from my raw throat.

One last time, he whispers, “It’s okay. It was a good fight.”

And then the blade is buried to its hilt.

I scream.

It’s the sound of my heart shattering. I can feel the drifting shards in my chest, piercing lungs that can no longer draw breath. I’m choking on disbelief, clawing at the slipping strands of a life I wanted with him.

The finality of this moment is chilling enough to quiet the voices of thousands around us.

“No, no, no…” My trembling hands press against the wound, blood staining my palms and stinging my nose.

Kai’s eyes are on the sky, his gaze growing distant. “Pull it out for me?” His shuddering gasp is accompanied by a trickle of blood at the corner of his mouth. “I want you to have it.”

I climb off him, my body shaking as I shift on the sand. Gently, I lift his head onto my lap. “No, I—I need you to heal yourself,” I beg, voice cracking. “Kai, you have to heal yourself for me.”

He manages a subtle shake of his head. “I’m not very good at healing.” His smirk is subtle. “Not enough… practice.” A rasped cough has blood sputtering from his mouth. “Besides… there is no way to heal this… hurt.”

“No.” The word sounds so useless falling from my quivering lips. “Help!” I lift my frantic gaze toward the silent crowd. “Somebody help me! I—I need a Healer!” My screams echo through the arena, useless in the faces of those unwilling to help. “You’re Elites!” The broken shout is met with silence. “Fucking do something!”

I bite back a frustrated scream. At the Plague. At Elites. At my powerlessness.

Looking down, I brace a hand against Kai’s cheek. “You’re going to be fine, okay?”

It’s the same lie I told Adena in this very Pit.

“You’re my cocky bastard”—I force a trembling smile—“you can’t let me win.”

His gray eyes blink blearily at me. “Just… just this once.”

He laces sticky fingers between mine, his grip weak. I shake my head, chest heaving. “But I need you.” A sob racks my body. “You’re all I h-have left. You know I need you!”

It’s as though Adena is dying all over again. I’m spouting the same broken words atop the very sand that was once speckled with her blood. The same crowd is leaning in, once again watching the spectacle that is my heart splitting at the seams—a tear that Adena isn’t around to stitch back together.

Here I am, facing déjà vu and Death himself. History repeats itself in the center of this Pit as love begins its slow death in my arms. Kai’s blood coats my palms, mirroring the moment I felt Adena’s life leak into my incapable hands. The Enforcer wears a wound in his chest, just as the seamstress before him.

And if I weren’t already on my knees, I would fall to them now and beg him to stay with me. I press my forehead to his, swallowing back a sob. “I can’t lose you, too. Please… please don’t leave me.”

Kai’s body shudders beneath mine, as though shaking off Death’s cold hand to hold mine for a few moments longer. “I’m sorry. I… I wish it didn’t h-have to be this way.”

“Shh.” My tears splatter his face. “You’re okay, Kai. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” I squeeze his hand, hiding my sobs between each whispered syllable. “It’s just you and me. Under the willow.”

A smile lifts his stained lips, displaying a row of bloody teeth. And when those damn dimples come into view, I choke on the cry crawling up my throat. Regret washes over me for every moment spent pretending I hated them—every moment spent pretending I hated him .

His eyes stray from mine. “See…”

I lean in, hanging on words I’ll never get to hear.

Because the light leaves those gray eyes.

“No.” The word is defiant.

“No.” This one is pleading.

“No!”

Anguish. That is what courses through me before pouring from my mouth.

I shake his unmoving chest. Again and again. “Kai. Kai, come back to me.”

I can barely breathe through my gasping sobs. His gray eyes are glassily trained on the blue sky above, but I fight to force them back on me. “No, you can’t go! You promised you wouldn’t leave me, remember?”

My forehead meets his, and I murmur the words I thought would take him away from me. It’s a confession I was too cowardly to voice—and now it will become my biggest regret.

But I whisper it now, over and over. “I love you, Kai. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Agony.

That is this feeling. The one wrenching me in half, tearing apart my soul. But I don’t bother smothering it any longer.

Leaning back on my heels, I unleash my anguish.

It’s a chilling scream, one that can be heard even in the highest stands. I want the arena to feel my pain, taste it on the wind that carries away the soul Kai stained for me. Hot tears spill over my skin to drip atop the lifeless body of the boy I love.

Hazy and hysterical, I notice the shifting figures surrounding me for the first time. Blinking through the blur of tears, my burning eyes focus on the forgotten Sights. My head whips toward the screen, finding Kai’s empty gaze displayed there.

Whatever composure was left within me suddenly snaps.

“Get away from him!” I shout, waving a weak arm in their direction. Disregarding me with continued vacant stares, they reach for his body, each of them grabbing a limb. I snatch the discarded sword from the sand and swivel it between the four of them. My voice is lethal, crazed. “Get. Away.”

This has them blinking, the action breaking their broadcast onto the screen. My arm shakes beneath the weight of the sword, but I don’t dare drop it. Still, the Sights begin to drag him away, leaving a streak of blood behind.

“No!”

I toss aside the sword, all my fight gone, to reach for his still body. He is being tugged across the sand and all I can do is stumble after him. “No, get away from him!” I trip in the trail of his blood, falling to my knees. Sobs shake my shoulders as I watch the Sights so carelessly yank him away.

“Please,” I whisper into the wind. It smells of death. Of ruin.

I could almost laugh.

That is what I was in the end. His ruin.

I stand on shaking limbs, coated in Kai’s blood. It’s still warm on my palms as I turn to—

Rage surges through me.

“You.”

I know he hears the accusing word from where he sits comfortably in that glass box. I’m not even sure who I am looking at anymore. All I see are the green eyes of a murderer.

My arm rises, and I point a quivering finger at the king. Anger rips from my throat, fueled by pain and the pillaging of my one love left in this world. “How could you?! He was your brother!”

Blood pounds in my ears, loud enough to drown out the sudden spark of murmurs spreading through the crowd. I bend, wrapping bloody fingers around the hilt of that discarded blade once again. The sword drags through the sand behind me, its hilt pressed into my sticky palm. My steps are steadier than they should be as I march toward him, leaving a trail of blood in my wake.

“How could you?!” I scream again, my throat raw.

Kitt lowers his gaze, his head shaking slightly.

“Look at me!”

The demand rings through the arena, shutting the mouths of every gossiping Elite. I stand there, a lowly Ordinary, panting in the Pit beneath him.

And yet, when I command, he obeys.

Kitt’s eyes flick to mine, filled with a mixture of disbelief and despair. He takes me in, every grain of sand and drop of blood.

“How could—!”

An arm wraps around my torn neck, pressing a damp cloth over my nose.

My knees buckle beneath me.

My blazing eyes roll back.

And for a short time, I know nothing.

Not even the agony.