Fearless (The Powerless Trilogy #3)

Chapter 50 Paedyn

CHAPTER 50 Paedyn

I hardly remember leaving the dungeons.

Even less is recalled after returning to my room.

It was harder knowing him.

The corpse had a name.

Mak.

Mak.

MAK.

Dead bodies have no use for names.

The last piece of Adena died in my arms, just as she had.

He wore her vest. And now it keeps his dead body warm.

Mak.

Ellie says she only learned this morning that it wasn’t Kai in the arena.

I tell her that I know.

I think I’m selfish for the relief I feel at Kai’s resurrection.

Why does my love deserve to live and Adena’s does not?

But they are together now, decorating the sky.

That is what he wanted, I’m beginning to realize.

He only wished to see her in the sky.

A waterfall of white cascades down my body.

“Are you almost done back there?” I ask with a shade of concern.

Popping her head over my shoulder, Ellie sighs at me in the mirror before us. “There has to be a hundred buttons.”

I shake my head before she ducks and returns to the meticulous task. My gaze wanders over the dress, tracing the delicate curve of its cut against my body. Soft white fabric hugs me closely while a layer of delicate lace falls over it. Clusters of small flowers decorate the dress, climbing up the thick straps around my shoulders to hang down the back in long ribbons.

It’s the perfect picture of purity.

And I’m not sure I should be the one wearing it.

“There,” Ellie declares before straightening. “Oh, you are going to make such a beautiful bride.”

I swallow. Force a tight smile.

“Now,” she continues gently, unaware of my discomfort, “it’s not finished yet. And, um, I can ask the seamstress to widen these straps a bit further, if you like?”

A sliver of my scar still peeks out from beneath the fabric. I brush my fingers over the mangled skin, staring at the odd contrast between such delicacy and animosity. “Maybe,” I say distantly. “I’m not sure if—”

A light knock at the door interrupts my hesitant answer. I whip toward the sound before smiling at the source of it. Calum stands in the doorway, smiling slightly. “Is this a bad time to offer well-wishes to the future queen?”

I wave him over as Ellie steps away, giving us some privacy. “No, not at all. I’m happy you’re here, actually.”

“Oh?” He steps beside me, blond hair bright in the setting sun streaming through my window. “All good reasons, I hope.”

My smile is small. “Well, see…” I’m fidgeting with the ring on my thumb. “You’re the closest thing I have to a father now. And I was wondering if…”

“I’d be honored to walk you down the aisle, Paedyn,” Calum says with a solemn nod.

“Really?” I breathe. For the first time in a very long time, I feel like a little girl again. I feel like someone’s little girl again.

“Of course.” His scrutinizing gaze drifts over the elegant dress before returning to my face. I catch the slight bob of his throat. “You really do look like your mother.”

I’m flattered until reminded of the truth. “That’s right,” I sigh. “I never got the chance to tell you about my father’s journals.”

Calum’s eyes bore into mine, uncovering the buried thoughts behind them. He blinks then, voice soft. “Adam wasn’t your father.”

“Apparently not.” I shake my head, gaze falling to the ring on my thumb. “His wife died in childbirth, and a week later, I showed up on his doorstep. Just another unwanted Ordinary. So… who knows if I look like my real mother.”

“Adam never told me.” There is a long pause before Calum adds, “Did he write about anything else in this journal?”

I shake my head. “He mostly documented his patients and the Resistance’s growth. But if anything else was mentioned, it would have been on the pages I used to feed a fire in the Sanctuary of Souls.” I glance up at him, slightly skeptical. “Why?”

Calum manages a slight smile. “Just curiosity for an old friend.”

“Hmm.” I fiddle with the ring on my thumb. “But you think I look like my father’s wife, Alice?”

“From the few pictures I saw of her, yes,” he answers softly. “Now, I must rush off to a meeting with Kitt, but I will be sure to tell him how beautiful you look in this wedding dress. The roses from my garden will look lovely with it.”

This makes me pause. “Your garden? How did you manage to grow anything in the short amount of time you’ve been here?”

He backs away. “Well, the Blooms have been very helpful. They are to thank for persuading my flowers to grow.”

“Right.” The mutter is followed by a hurried “Thank you. For everything.”

He dips his head, offering one final glance. “I hope you’re not covering up that scar. You should be flaunting it.”

The Mind Reader is gone before the smile has turned my lips. Ellie hurries back to my side, staring at my figure in the mirror while straightening the dress’s several seams. “What do you think?”

I run a hand down the fabric. “I’m just thinking about what Adena would say.”

“Probably a lot of things,” Ellie says earnestly.

The truth of that prediction makes me laugh. And then my fingers are straying to the thick straps slipping over my shoulders. Calum’s words ring in my mind, but it’s a sweeter voice that echoes in my heart. That is where Adena lives, and she is telling me to display my survival. Showcase the power I was forced to find within myself.

This fabric has never felt Adena’s soft touch, and I never will again. If I am to be married, I want to be wearing a piece of her. So, the least I can do is display my strength in her honor.

“Actually, I’ve decided against the straps.” I fight to subdue my triumphant grin. “I’d like them gone.”

Ellie nods. “I’ll go fetch the seamstress, then.”

I watch her slip from the room before returning my gaze to the mirror. The face that stares back is foreign in a freeing way. There is a certain boldness within it that I look forward to familiarizing myself with. It is not quite the image of a queen, but perhaps something just as powerful.

There is strength in sacrifice. And that is what this marriage is.

So I smile at my reflection, unable to recall the last time I have.

Faint footsteps echo from the hallway beyond, to which I absentmindedly call, “Ellie, am I wearing a veil?”

“I would happily beg you not to.”

My heart stutters at the sudden sound of his voice. I turn toward it slowly, fabric swishing around my ankles. Kai stands in the doorway, his eyes roaming over the length of me with a look that distantly resembles devastation.

“Oh?” I challenge breathlessly.

“Don’t deprive me of seeing your face one last time.”

I falter. “It wouldn’t be the last time.”

“It wouldn’t be the same,” he answers quickly.

The ache in his voice makes me flinch. “Kai…” I step quickly toward him, once again walking that dangerous line between duty and desire. I may be wearing a wedding dress meant for the king, but it’s his brother I continually run back to.

“Don’t,” Kai practically chokes. “Don’t walk toward me wearing that dress.” I’ve never heard the Enforcer sound so shaken. “It only reminds me that I won’t be the one awaiting you at the end of that aisle.”

My feet stutter to a stop. I nod slowly, hating the hurt on his face. My throat burns. “I don’t want this either.”

He stares at me for a long moment before closing the distance between us. “I only came to slide a note beneath your door.” My breath catches when he presses a folded piece of parchment into my palm. “But now that I’m here…” He takes a step back to thoroughly look me over. “I can tell you that your outfit is missing something.”

This blatant statement makes me blink. “Oh?”

Kai’s mouth twitches. “You have nothing sharp to threaten me with.”

“That is a problem, isn’t it?” I agree.

With a growing grin that showcases those dimples I love to hate, he reaches into his boot to retrieve—

“My dagger,” I breathe.

Its swirling, silver hilt winks at me in the dying light. I take it gently from his hands, smiling as I’m reunited with this piece of my father. Until I’m reminded why I didn’t have it in the first place.

I stare down at the clean blade. “You… pulled it from his chest.”

“He had no need for it.”

My gaze falls to the calloused palms at his sides. His nails are rimmed with dirt, though his hands are scrubbed clean of the mud that once coated them. That sight alone sends me back to the Whispers, where a cocky prince once buried a girl for the sake of another. And again, in the slums of Ilya, another littered body of mine was put to rest by the man meant to drag me to my doom.

“You buried him.”

It’s not a question. But it’s not a surprise, either. Not anymore.

“Nothing gets past you, Little Psychic.” Kai sighs out the words before adding, “Out in the poppy field. I figured that was a good place for him to rest.”

“Thank you.” I choke on the words. “I only wish Adena was there with him.”

His fingers find my chin. “I know, Pae. I wish I knew what happened to her after that Trial.”

I nod quickly, not wanting to dwell on that thought more than I already do. “Thank you,” I say again. “You really are becoming quite the gentleman.”

“Only for you, darling.” He flicks my nose gently before backing away with a wry smile.

I blink at his retreating form. “Where are you going?”

His palms rise as if accepting defeat. “Somewhere you cannot torture me, Gray.”

An exasperated sound tumbles out of my mouth. “Torture? I haven’t even raised my dagger to you yet.”

“Are you completely unaware of how devastating you are?” Kai chuckles darkly. “You don’t need a blade. I would bleed if only you asked.”

“Then I wouldn’t ask,” I retort sternly.

“No, you wouldn’t.” He steps out into the hall, tossing his next damning sentence over a shoulder. “As my queen, you would command it.”