Fearless (The Powerless Trilogy #3)

Chapter 54 Paedyn

CHAPTER 54 Paedyn

It is my last day of freedom.

Though, I haven’t had much of that as of late.

I wake. Dress. Ellie helps, because of course I am incapable of doing that alone. Eat. But I must not fill my own plate. Walk the halls—Lenny is at my side. Seek council from Calum about helping rule a kingdom. Eat again, but do not touch the serving spoons. Walk the gardens. Silently dread my wedding. Search for Kai wherever I go but force myself to turn away when I find him. Soak in a bath. Eat in bed—I am to be queen, after all.

I am to be queen.

Ellie cleans up my dishes—I tell her not to.

I am to be queen.

Further dread my wedding.

I am to be queen.

“Would you like to wear a dress tonight?”

I blink, startled from my thoughts. Ellie stands at the end of my bed, staring expectantly. “Hmm?”

“To meet the king.” Her smile is only slightly concerned. “Do you want to wear a dress?”

“Oh. Right.” I slip out from beneath the covers to plant my feet on the cushioned floor. “Yes, that’s fine.”

With a nod, Ellie hurries over to the armoire in search of a gown. “Sorry,” I direct distantly at her back. “Today has been such a blur. I feel like I’m sleepwalking.”

“It’s likely just all of the excitement,” she reassures me. “Tomorrow is a very big day.”

“It certainly is,” I murmur.

“The castle is buzzing.” Ellie pulls a navy dress from the depths of my armoire. “We rarely get to plan such fun events. They want everything to be perfect for the royal wedding.”

“At least the castle is happy about it.” I sigh, stretching my stiff limbs. “I doubt the rest of the kingdom is.”

As she ushers me behind the dressing screen, Ellie’s soft voice spews comforting words. “You don’t know that. After your third Trial, and the speech at court, the people may be thinking differently.”

“Time will tell, I suppose.” I step into the flowing blue dress before pulling the thick straps over my shoulders. It’s not quite formal attire with its linen fabric, but the striking cut of it ensures I won’t be overlooked.

I duck my head, offering a sad smile to the floor. Perhaps I did learn a thing or two about fabrics over the years. I only know what it is I’m wearing because Adena trained me to steal exactly what cloth she needed. She would make me sit behind our fort, memorizing the feel of each fabric until I could differentiate them by touch alone.

My breath catches when Ellie pulls at the laces above my waist. Panting, I manage a mutter between my teeth. “You didn’t tell me I’d be wearing a corset.”

Another yank of the laces. “I’m afraid you will have to get used to it, my Queen.”

I gasp before Ellie finally ties off the torture device and guides me toward the mirror. Navy fabric spills to the middle of my shins, flaring out beneath the cinching corset. Matching tulle peeks out along the square neckline to tickle my lifted breasts. My hair shines above my shoulders, contrasting the dark blue like a full moon against the night sky.

The scar is there, ever on display. So, I stand a little straighter, showcasing it in a way I hope would make the king roll over in his grave.

“You like it, don’t you?” Ellie smiles, and it’s a sweet sort of savagery. “Corset and all.”

“Fine,” I drawl. “I like it.” Tilting my head toward the ceiling, I proclaim, “You hear that, A? I like the corset. You win.”

Ellie giggles, and I allow myself to do the same. Heading for the door, I’m presented with a pair of flat dark shoes that I happily slip on. “I’ll meet Lenny in the hall,” I say over my shoulder. “Thank you for your help, El. You can have the rest of the night to yourself.”

“But it’s your wedding ni—”

“And you will have much to do tomorrow.” I swing open the door. “Rest. I insist.”

I catch her begrudging nod before striding into the hallway. It only takes a few steps before Lenny has found his way to my side. “Evening, Princess.” He winces. “Queen. Whatever it is I’m supposed to call you.”

“You could try my name?” I offer.

“Hmm.” He considers this mockingly. “I don’t think our relationship is quite there yet.”

After elbowing him in the stomach, I allow myself a smile. We turn down another hall, and right as I think I’ve escaped the question, he asks, “You ready for tomorrow?”

That pinch of panic I have been feeling all day grabs hold of my heart once again. “Not even a little bit.”

“Everything will be fine.” This is slightly reassuring until he adds, “Hopefully.”

“You really are such a comfort to me.”

“Hey,” he practically laughs. “You’ll be fine, all right? You always are.”

“Right.” I glance over at him. “Like the cockroach I am.”

Those red curls fall over his brow with a shake of his head. “That does sound less and less like a compliment, I’m beginning to realize.”

I surprise myself with a weak laugh. “You don’t say?”

As we turn a corner, the throne room’s large doors come into sight. I take a deep breath, worrying once again what it is I might see behind them. My determined avoidance of wedding decorations will now come to an end.

We are nearly at the doors when Lenny grabs my arm, pulling me aside. “Hey, uh, I wanted to ask you something.” He fidgets with the mask on his face, running fingers along the freckles peeking out beneath.

“What is it?” I say, slightly concerned.

“Well, when you’re queen”—he gestures to the looming doors—“which will be very soon, I was, uh, wondering if you would do something for me.”

“Of course.” The answer is quick. “Anything.”

He takes a deep breath. “Release me from my post. I’d like to be free of my Imperial duties. See what Dor or Tando has to offer me.”

I blink, stunned. “What? Is that what you want?”

He scratches the back of his neck. “I think? Maybe?”

My hand finds his arm, and I’m forced to swallow before saying, “Well, if that is what you wish. But”—I point a finger in his face—“we are going to talk about this later. Okay?”

His relief is palpable. “Of course.”

I smile at him before turning toward the doors. They are open a handful of heartbeats later, and as I step into the throne room, Lenny’s voice follows. “Thank you, P.”

Nodding over my shoulder at him, I nearly stumble into my own wedding.

A plethora of light pink roses twine together to create a path down the center of the room. They climb up the dais, bursting into a bed of petals to pad our feet. Awe parts my lips at the twisted arch of foliage hanging above it all, a lacing of vines, roses, and drooping white flowers.

The pillars are covered in more of the same, their marble lost in the beauty choking them. Thick white ribbons string between the windows and dance alongside the intricate molding. The room itself glows in the setting sunlight, kissing every flower with a drop of warmth.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Thoroughly entranced by the ethereal expanse before me, I startle at Kitt’s words. “Yes, it’s… it’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen.”

His smile is faint. “You are happy with it?”

I had nearly forgotten what all this was meant for. At the reminder that he—the king—will be forever tethered to my soul at the end of this flowery path, I feel a bit faint.

“Mm-hmm.” The uncertain sound is all I can manage at the moment.

“Good.”

He steps closer. I fight to keep my feet from running out the doors.

Is he paler than usual? His lips are chapped, gaze bleary above them.

“I know this is a lot. But it will all be over soon.”

His words grow distant. And just like that, the walls are closing in.

I swallow, corset suddenly suffocating. “I’m okay. Just… have a lot on my mind.”

“I know the feeling,” he agrees. “This is not an easy…”

I don’t hear the rest of his words. No, my focus is wholly on those doors and the freedom beyond.

“I’m sorry,” I suddenly rasp, cutting off his muffled voice. “I think I just need some time alone.”

The twinge of confusion on his face has me attempting to soften my demand with a quick “I will see you tomorrow, though. And everything looks gorgeous.” Running sweaty hands down the front of my dress, I set an impressive pace toward the doors. “Thank you,” I call over my shoulder. “Truly.”

And when the king has disappeared from sight, I run toward that yawning, open air beyond the castle. I trip down the stairs after bursting through the doors. Wind claws at my hair as I step into the courtyard, dress rippling all around me.

Legs pumping, I run for the gardens, feeling freer than I likely ever will again. A rolling of dark clouds begins to smother the setting sun, covering it with the promise of rain.

Still, I run. From my fear. From my future. From my now.

The slippers on my feet beat steadily across the garden’s spiraling path. Petals brush playfully at my legs while thorns bite at the fabric encasing them.

Thunder rumbles in the distance.

Still, I run.

Past every crumbling statue, every soft flower bed, and every drop of water the fountain spits at me.

My feet meet the plush field of grass beyond and, still, I run—right to that willow tree. Rain splatters my face as I part the curtain of drooping leaves and duck beneath its refuge.

My heart stops at the same moment my feet do.

There he is, stunningly sprawled atop a large blanket.

I’m panting, heart pounding at the sight of its other half. Kai looks up at me, hands resting behind a head of black waves—I nearly fall to my knees before him. He has always been a prince, always a puppet for power or instrument of Death. But just as constant and formidably fierce, he has been my home.

In my search for comfort, it is him I crawl back to. Peace is the place he resides, and passion is a word I only understand when I look into his eyes. He is the freedom I cannot grasp.

We are inevitable. We are tragedy.

“Pae.”

I follow the plea in his voice and stride slowly toward that alluring sound. Rain pelts the canopy of leaves, slipping between the occasional branch to sprinkle my skin. It grows steadily darker beneath the willow’s solace, but the shadows refuse to hide his face from me as I lower myself down onto the blanket.

Kai sits up. Reaches for my face. Thinks better of it. “It’s the eve of your wedding. I’ve hardly seen you in days, so I certainly wasn’t expecting your company tonight.”

It’s a blatant statement, one he’s wrung all emotion from. I swallow, letting my eyes trace up the strong column of his neck. “I know.” There is a pause. It is filled with a flurry of thoughts and fluttering of my heart. With the intensity of conviction and impulsiveness of longing. But I made my choice the day I stole those coins from him so long ago—passion. Thrill. Something all-consuming.

“Tomorrow is my wedding day,” I finally murmur. “I think that is why I’m here.”

“Paedyn, I won’t watch you marry him.” His voice is little more than a growl. “I can’t bear to lose you.”

“So have me.” The tips of my fingers trace his knuckles. “One last time.”

He stills beneath my touch, eyes flicking up to meet mine. They are searching, surprised by the boldness of those words. “I don’t want a last time,” he breathes. “I want a first and forever.”

My hand is steady as it reaches for his face. Kai leans into the touch, pressing his cheek against my palm with an eagerness that makes my heart pound. “Just pretend with me tonight.” I touch my forehead to his, brush his nose with my own. “Pretend we have a forever after this.”

The deep breath he draws in is the very sound of restraint. “But Kitt—”

“Is not my husband yet,” I finish instead of his protest. “And starting tomorrow, I will give him the rest of my life. But to you, I give my heart. Myself.”

A deep sound hums in the back of his throat. It makes me shiver. Rain splatters his hair, sticking dark waves to his forehead as he greedily wraps an arm around my waist, tugging me closer. I can’t help but gasp when his head dips, lips grazing the side of my neck.

My head falls back as he kisses a dizzyingly slow path down the sensitive column of my throat. His lips drag across my flushed skin, mouth mingling with the cool rain that drips from my jaw. My hands wrap around his neck and claw at his hair in a futile attempt to tug him closer.

I need him closer.

Kai’s breath is warm against my throat, his voice quivering with restraint. It’s a murmur of his lips against my skin. A plea. A demand. “Tell me what it is you want, Pae.”

My whole body ignites beneath his touch, something unleashing within me at the sound of his desperation. I lean back to cup his face in my hands and whisper a promise onto his lips. “You,” I breathe. “You, always.”

His mouth crashes into mine.

I melt against him, letting this wave of wanting consume me. He kisses me deeply, and I have never tasted something so alluring. I’m quickly pulled onto his lap, one hand in my hair and the other gripping my hip like this is a dream he’s terrified to wake from.

His lips claim me, more than they ever have before and ever will again. My mouth parts for him, our tongues meeting greedily. Thunder rattles the sky; rain pelts the canopy of leaves. But I am lost beneath this willow, knowing nothing but him and this moment.

My lips move against his, even as I grab the hand he has wrapped around my waist and guide it toward the laces at my back. He pulls away, chest heaving against mine. The corset is gripped tightly in his fist, as though to hold himself back from tearing it off me.

“I promised that if I had you”—his thumb traces the curve of my lips—“it would only be because you let me.”

“So have me.” It’s a desperate demand from lips that already miss his.

“You don’t want me to beg for you first?” he drawls.

My fingers catch his chin. “Is that not what you’ve done since the moment we met?”

He chuckles, and the sound snakes its way down my spine. The tie at my back grows loose as Kai toys with the knot. “And it is what I will do until the moment I meet my end.”

A response is ready to roll off my tongue when air suddenly floods into my lungs. With one precise tug, Kai has freed me from the corset’s confines. I gasp, staring at him in shock while a breathy laugh surprises me.

He tilts his head, wearing a dimple-framed grin. “I’m quite good with corsets.”

I laugh again, the sound cut off by the press of my lips against his. My teeth nip at his lip playfully, so unlike that night atop the roof in Dor. He breathes me in, kissing me like I’ve commanded it of him. I sigh into his mouth, and the sound has something snapping within him.

Swiftly, he flips me from his lap to the blanket beneath us. I lie there, panting up at him. My back is bare beneath the arm he has wrapped around it, the blanket cold and wet.

And nothing has ever felt so perfect.

His hold grows suddenly gentle, and I catch a slight trembling of his fingers when he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. I am delicate in his arms, devoted in his gaze. “Are you sure, Pae?”

I smile up at him, having never been so sure of anything in my life. “Yes,” I answer softly. “Tonight will be our forever.”

The loosened corset has a strap falling from my shoulder. Holding his gaze, I slip the other off my arm—an invitation. His chest heaves as I reach for his tunic and the trail of buttons down its center. One by one, I pull them free, revealing a sliver of skin beneath.

Kai’s gaze glides over my collarbones, the lifting of my chest, the falling of my fingers from his shirt. He holds my stare and shrugs the fabric from his shoulders before casting it aside. Beads of water roll down his bare chest and the swirling tattoo there. Raindrops trail the length of his stomach, following the path of ridged muscle.

I’ve never found breathing to be such a chore.

My fingers skim over the rough leather belt hanging low on his hips. Slowly, I trace the hilt of a thin dagger, clinging to the side of his pants. My eyes never stray from his as I pull the weapon free and toss it aside.

His smile is dangerous. “I’ve never seen you pass up an opportunity to threaten me.”

“Don’t sound so disappointed,” I whisper slyly.

That grin grows greedy, but when he lowers himself over me, the movement is gentle. I run my hands across his bare back, feeling every muscle that ripples down the length of it. Then his mouth is on my skin again, kissing the length of my collarbone. The hollow of my throat. Above the heart that aches for him, and the scar his father gave me.

Kai’s eyes flick up to mine then, after he’s skimmed his mouth over the mangled skin. His lips form a murmured promise. “No part of you will go unloved.”

I nod, rain splattering my face and rolling down my cheeks like the tears I refuse to shed. I nod, because I believe him. I nod, because there is not an inch of myself that I will not give him.

My confession is breathy, nearly lost on the wind. “I love you.”

Then I shiver, because I want him so recklessly that it shakes me to my very core.

And tonight, he is mine.

Lighting strikes, illuminating the fierce cut of his body above mine, muscles tense and gray eyes molten with heat.

“I love you,” I say again, and pull his face up toward mine.

He kisses me, and the world falls quiet. “I love you.”

And when the dress slips from my skin, leaving only the rain to clothe me, he seems to whisper into my very soul. “You are my forever.”

Shadow and Flame.

Formidably inevitable.

“Forever my undoing.”