Fierce Monarch (Gilded Empire Book 3)

Chapter 22 – Nate

I’d never been to the Celestine, but I certainly hadn’t been idle when I was in Mari’s home. The security system was near impregnable, but I’d found a small blind spot on the penthouse floor. Telling Moore hadn’t been a huge priority since it was twelve stories up, and I doubted anyone in their right mind was going to climb twelve fucking stories to get to Mari.

I was not in my right mind.

From the moment I walked into my mother’s room and saw Mari there, everything had shifted. I’d been sitting there for longer than they knew, watching the ease she had with Mom.

The kindness she showed her. Despite everything I’d done, Mari hadn’t taken it out on my mother.

It wasn’t just my love blinding me to her faults either. Mari’s character was the reason I’d changed my mind about pursuing her in the first place. Like me, she was someone good who was born into a world that didn’t like her for it, and this had gone on too long.

Besides, the love I had for her was different. I’d never been in love before, had no business trying when I knew my brother would destroy it for himself, but this felt like more than first love. This was soul-deep, lifetime and beyond shit. There wasn’t a world where I didn’t try to keep Mari forever, but I didn’t know if she felt the same anymore, and I couldn’t stand it. I’d given her space, but knowing she’d gone to my mother to check she hadn’t been wrong about mycharacter stung. She deserved the truth if we were going to find a way forward like I wanted, and she needed it now. Hence my midnight climb.

Honestly, it wasn’t that bad since I started from a neighboring roof to get onto the Celestine then climbed down, but it was slow going. Trying to avoid detection was more important than speed. This was a one-chance operation. If Moore figured out I could get to Mari, he’d lock this place down in a heartbeat, and I’d have to wait around until I could get her alone again. Something told me we didn’t have time for that.

It was laughably easy to get inside, and I settled into the pristine apartment to wait for my moment. Though it was almost midnight, I could hear Mari and the others in the kitchen. The clang of pots told me Greyson was cooking a snack as Dominic and Mari ribbed each other. The hole in my chest grew as I realized I should’ve been there too. I would’ve been poking at Dominic and making fun of Mari. The hole I should’ve fit in was empty, and they’d closed ranks around it. The reminder that they’d been a family of sorts before me was stark.

Just because they’d invited me into it didn’t mean they mourned my loss.

I was so distracted by the pain of it that I almost missed my chance. Mari’s soft footsteps were so quiet under Dominic’s and Grey’s voices that they were hard to make out. I caught them just in time, waiting until Mari stepped past me to make my move. All it took was a quick glance to make sure the others weren’t looking, then I reached out and snatched her.

I had her pressed against the wall, one hand on her mouth and the other restraining her hands before she even realized what happened.

“Don’t scream.”

I don’t know if it was my scent or that she recognized my voice, but the way she melted at my whisper made my pulse race. She instinctually leaned into me, that touch easing some of the agony I’d been living in without her. Having her in my arms made me feel like I could breathe again.

She was mumbling against my hand, and I didn’t need to hear the words to know what she was asking.

What the fuck are you doing?

“I think it’s time we talked. Properly.”

Her snort made it obvious that an ambush fifteen feet from her partners wasn’t exactly a proper conversation, but it was the only way I could see her.

“I don’t want to hurt you. Not now, not before. If you still hate me after this, I’ll go. I’ll leave you alone, but I need you to hear this. Hear me.” The lie slipped out slick as silk, but I didn’t dwell on it. If Mari didn’t realize I wasn’t letting her go, then she hadn’t been paying attention. If I could’ve walked away cleanly, I would’ve done it already. She was inside me, body and soul, and there was no exorcising her. Not anymore.

My pulse raced as I counted the seconds, praying the others stayed where they were. From our position in the hallway, we were hidden, but the moment they rounded the corner, they’d see, and I really didn’t want to shoot my way out of her apartment. Especially because I didn’t want to hurt Dominic and Greyson if I could avoid it. I’d never get rid of the guilt.

Finally, Mari nodded, a tiny, almost imperceptible move that lifted my spirits as much as holding her did.

Thank fuck.

I swallowed, pressing myself closer to Mari, stealing her warmth. I hadn’t realized how hard it would be to start. “The first time my brother tried to kill me, I was five. I guess he was jealous that our father had another son. He’s Cash’s idol, and Cash hated that he had to share anything with me. Cash continued his attempts on my life on and off throughout the years until he realized I was worth more alive than dead. I was a good fighter, scrappy and smart, despite being a lot younger. That meant I was small enough to get in and out of places his men couldn’t. When he realized I’d also do whatever it took to keep my mom safe, he had me right where he wanted me.

“I started sneaking into houses, stealing whatever he told me to. If I did, he’d reward us. Food for the house, bills paid, whatever. If I didn’t, he’d hurt her. Our dad was already in jail at that point, so there was no one to rein Cash in. By the time I turned thirteen, I was already inducted as his enforcer.”

Mari had long since stopped struggling, and I leaned my face into her neck, sucking in deep breaths of her scent. I’d never done this before, bared every part of myself to someone, but we needed this. She needed the truth, and I needed the outlet. If we had a future after this, we needed to walk into it clean.

“I killed my first man a few days before my birthday that year, some guy who tried to stiff my brother in a deal. I remember the blood on my hands, sticky and warm. I threw up all over the body. Cash nearly beat me to death because of it. Said my mistake made it harder to cover up the crime.”

Mari wiggled her hands, and when I carefully let them free, she snatched mine, wrapping me around her like she could feel how much I needed her. Taking my chances, I let my fingers slip under her shirt. When she didn’t buck me off, I traced the warm skin, letting the tactile feel of it ground me, even as I ached for more.

The story would be a lot easier if I had something else to distract me.

As if she could hear me, Mari slid our hands into the waistband of her sleep shorts and pushed both of our fingers inside her.

“Christ,” I whispered into her neck. She was so warm and wet. “I didn’t come here for this.”

She shook her head until I pulled my hand away, leaning against my shoulder so she could whisper in my ear when I did. “You don’t want it?”

“I didn’t say that.” I’d always want her. “But you need to know the truth.”

“I need something else too.”

Her voice was greedy and desperate, and every protest on my lips stopped. I’d do anything for Mari. No questions asked. If she needed me, I was there. Even if it was just for a quick fuck.

Stretching my thumb up, I played with her clit while we finger-fucked her pussy together. “Did they leave you wanting, baby?”

“No. I’m like this for you.”

Christ. “I love that about you.”

She stiffened a little at the comment but ground her hips into my hand anyway. “Keep going. I want to hear it all.”

“I was an enforcer for three years before an officer came to my school. Cash wanted me to drop out to work with him, but Mom and I convinced him that it would look too suspicious. The kid of a career criminal needed to keep his hands clean, especially when the cops were already sniffing around. If he wanted to keep the heat off us, I needed to graduate. He didn’t agree, but he didn’t push either because he was this close to a life sentence beside our father.

“The officer came by every week for months, and I slowly started to talk to him when I knew I wasn’t being watched.” I sighed. “Officer Tate was the first person to ever help me.”

“He got you out.” Mari’s voice was all breath, barely even audible, and I was as close as I could be. Her heart was pounding so hard I felt it through my chest, and her hips were restless as they chased release. She pulled her hand out, grasping my wrist with sticky fingers that I quickly replaced with my own, not wanting to lose our momentum. I was rock hard and grinding against her ass, and I didn’t even care. This moment felt like everything we’d never had and everything we needed.

It felt like possibility, and I wasn’t going to stop for anything.

“He did. I asked if they could keep my enlistment quiet somehow. I didn’t tell them about Cash, but Tate was a local and he’d heard the rumors. He personally drove me to the hotel the night before we left for basic and promised to keep my mom safe too.”

“How’d you get Cash to let you go?”

“I told him the truth. Officer Tate had his eye on me and was asking me about potential for special training, training I could use when I got back. If I agreed to come back to the city when I was done, Cash promised to leave my mom alone, especially when it became clear she needed a facility. It was a no-brainer.”

“More,” she sighed, and I couldn’t take it. My hand stilled and she whined softly, trying to move even as I kept her hips captive.

“You want me to fuck you, angel? Want me to slide my cock inside you while your boyfriends are in the other room?”

“Yes. Fuck yes.”

I shoved her shorts down around her thighs, unzipped my pants, and pulled myself out. The first squeeze was painfully good, and I just knew I was going to have to fight not to come early. Yanking her hips back, I rocked myself between her thighs, slicking myself up. She mewled quietly below me, and I bit her neck gently even though my jaw ached to mark her more. There was no way she’d be able to explain things to the others if I sent her back out with a huge bruise. “Beg me, Mari. Say you want me. Say yes.”

“I want you, Nate. Fuck, please.”

“Such a good girl for me. Now, stay quiet.” A shift of my hips and I was home, sinking inside Mari’s pussy like I didn’t ever want to leave.

I kept each thrust slow and deep, wanting to savor every second of contact even when it wasn’t a good idea. I shifted my hand around to circle her clit before dropping down to feel where our bodies met. The slickness of her moisture against my fingers and her pussy stretched to take me were almost too much.

“You feel so good,” she whispered. “Keep going.”

So I did, with everything. “When I got back from the Army, things were different. Cash had spent years setting the dominoes in place for the city and they were finally ready to fall, but you were a wild card. He needed a plan to neutralize you, so he sent me in.”

“The ambush at my car.”

“Yeah,” I sighed, dropping my head to her shoulder. Mari grabbed my hands again, pulling one up to wrap around her shoulders, pressing just barely into her neck. Our bodies meshed tighter together, and her little sigh of relief told me that’s what she wanted in the first place. To feel closer even as I explained my duplicity. “I was supposed to get close to you, find whatever information I could to get rid of you and get out. Assassination was also an option, if I could do it without leading your family back to Cash. Instead, I watched you.”

“Why?”

“He told me you two were the same. That he’d seen that same depravity in you that he had himself, and it made me wary. I didn’t want to do what Cash wanted, but if the city was better off without you, I had to do whatever it took to keep my mother safe. He was wrong, and so was I.

“You were so different. Strong and powerful but down-to-earth. Kind to your friends and family. You did what you had to do to keep your people safe, but you weren’t like Cash at all. You cared about who died because of you. You cared about the consequences of your actions. You cared about me, a total stranger.”

I picked up my thrusts, not wanting to drag this out anymore, and Mari’s nails dug into my skin. I didn’t care; she could scar me all she wanted. I wasn’t stopping. Not until we were both set free.

Needing to see her face, I wrapped a hand in her hair and pulled so her head dropped back to my shoulder, peppering kisses all over her skin while I fucked her harder. It was hell not being deeper, but I couldn’t risk alerting the others yet.

“You took me in when it wasn’t really safe because you felt honor bound to do it. You felt like you’d ruined my life, and you wanted to fix that for me. No one but Tate had ever done anything that nice for me. It fucked with my head. I wanted to pretend you were like him, to keep my distance, but I couldn’t. You called to me, and my brother noticed. Cash kept asking for intel, but I lied. Said your systems were too advanced or I was too closely guarded to help. He didn’t buy it, but he didn’t press either, and I thought I could get away with it. I could have you, get rid of him, and keep Mom safe at the same time. Then he took you.”

Her body jerked, and I stroked a thumb over her collarbone, reminding her that I was here and she was safe. “Shh, don’t be loud, or they’ll interrupt.”

When she steadied again, I continued, picking up momentum now that we were close to the end. “When you disappeared, I nearly killed Sabine. I was mindless with grief, and the thought that she was responsible for delivering you to Cash when I’d been so careful not to was agonizing. When you came back alive, I knew I didn’t have much time. Cash started calling more, and the nurses let me know he was trying to visit my mom. I knew I could’ve told you—I should have—but the arrogant part of me thought I could fix it all before you noticed. I was wrong, and I lost you in the process. I’m sorry for that.”

Mari’s eyes were glassy as they looked my way. She was close to coming, but both of us were holding out even though it was obviously a struggle. My arms were shaking with the need to shove myself deep and come inside her, but I held back. Not yet.

“Why’d you leave?” she asked softly.

“He’d wanted me home for weeks, but I kept deflecting, saying I was close to getting into your systems. The night we torched the hospital, he told me he was paying my mom a visit the next night and whether she survived was up to me. I had to go, even though I hated it.”

“So you fucked me and said goodbye.”

“Yes.” I saw the hurt on her face before she turned it away, and I kissed the glimmer of a tear I knew she’d never let fall. “I’m so sorry for that. It wasn’t fair to you. I regret it.”

“You regret telling me you loved me?”

“No.” Instinct had me hauling her closer, reinforcing my claim. “Never. I’m just sorry I did something so shitty to someone I love. It wasn’t right. None of it was right. If I could do it all over again, I’d change so much, but I can’t. All I can do is promise it won’t happen again and beg you to forgive me.”

Dominic’s voice slithered over us, asking Greyson if Mari was okay, and I knew this had to end. Our time was running out. Sliding my arm tighter around her shoulders, I picked up the pace as much as I could without making too much noise. “I need you to come, baby. Let me have it.”

She shook her head, and I kissed her cheek sweetly as I circled her clit again and again. “Yes. You can do it. Come on, angel.”

When she squeezed around me, her eyes rolled back, and I fought not to do the same. I had to commit this look to memory in case I never got it again. My final thrusts were shallow since I desperately didn’t want to leave the deep warmth of her body, and when I came, we were as close as two people could be.

“I love you,” I whispered into her hair.

She didn’t say it back, but that was okay. I knew she wouldn’t.

For the longest time, we soaked in the press of our bodies against each other and the warmth of my come deep inside her.

Mari was the first to break the silence. “Cash killed an old woman yesterday.”

“He did.” I wanted to explain that I knew all about Mama Ophelia, but Dominic and Grey were getting restless in the kitchen. “Please trust me when I say I took care of it.”

“She was hit by a car.”

“She was high as a kite when it happened.”

“What? Why?”

The visit to Mama Ophelia’s had been somber and sad, but in the end, the old woman had made the choice. She loved Mari and she loved the city, but she was tired. She was older than dirt, and with no signs of her body giving out, she was desperate to be with her husband again. I gave her death a purpose, because it was the only solution.

“It was her or you, angel. She chose herself.”

“Did you send the Wolf the ledgers?”

“No.” I wanted to ask about the meeting, but I knew she wasn’t ready to trust me with those answers yet.

“Do you know who did?”

“Not for sure.”

“Give me something, Nate,” she begged. “I want to believe you’re not a heartless bastard.”

That wasn’t all. She wanted to believe me, but I couldn’t tell her who the spy was, not without putting all of us in more danger than we could handle right now. That was an endgame move, and we weren’t ready yet.

“My brother is obsessed with our father. He wants to emulate him. It’s a sick sort of hero worship to Cash.”

“Why?”

“Because Alec was set to take the city before Mario got to it, but he wasn’t as strong, and when the Marcosas came in, he knew it. He gave up quickly, so he got to live, but he was still sent to prison for murder.”

I wanted to explain more, but I couldn’t. Not yet. Mari was still too stiff in my arms and I wanted that softness back, so I kissed her cheek again and again until she seemed to lose some of the steel in her spine. “Do you still hate me?”

“No.” But she still wasn’t sure about us. I hated that I had no way of fixing it except having patience.

“That’s okay. I’ve got time.”

Her arms fell to her sides, and I took advantage, swooping in for a hug and a searing kiss. It wasn’t until she laid her hand on my cheek that I felt the chill of metal on my skin. Pulling back, I saw what I’d missed.

An engagement ring.

It was beautiful, exactly what I would’ve picked for Mari, but a deep part of me hated it too.

She was supposed to wear my ring.

One thing at a time,I reminded myself. If I could get her to stop hating me, to give us another chance, I’d happily play boyfriend for the rest of our lives.

She watched nervously as I gently rubbed the ring with my thumb and pressed a kiss to it. “I want this one day.”

Obviously, Mari hadn’t been expecting that. She jerked, ripping her hand away by accident. “Nate.”

I just smiled, diving for one last kiss. “I have to go, but if you need me, call and I’ll come. Okay?”

“Okay.”

I hoped I’d done what I set out to do, but I couldn’t stick around to find out. Dominic had finally lost his patience and had come looking for her. “Congratulations, Mari. Grey’s going to be a good husband.”

Then I slipped out the window and away from the love of my life.

If I wanted forever too, I had a war to stop and a psychopath to put down.