8. Cordelia
I didn’t sleep last night. But I’m wide awake right now. The morning was spent staring at Kai over the edge of my computer screen as he worked on his bike and worked out. He uses free weights because it’s easier for travel, and it’s like my own personal show.
We’re in Las Vegas in the middle of July, and it’s just north of sweltering. I would be inside our trailer where it’s nice and cool, but my view would not be nearly as good. Kai throws his kettlebell over his shoulder and dips down in a one-legged lunge. He stands up straight and does it again. Eventually, he moves on to push-ups, and I think I’m about to melt, but it’s not because of the heat. I do have a deadline to meet, but it’s important to be one with nature and take in all the…sights. She says, sitting in a parking lot.
After he finishes his push-ups, he grabs a bigger kettlebell and starts doing squats. His back is to me, with his sweaty shirt clinging to his body. He grunts with the exertion as he slowly squats down before standing back up to his full height. The guys work out in the morning after their practice time. Everyone has already been at the track to get a feel for it. Now they have to wait, which is always the worst part.
I haven’t stopped thinking about our almost kiss—the kiss I have wanted for the past decade. We were about to come full circle. At the last second, he chickened out, and I don’t want to think it was something I did…but maybe it was. I could see the look in his eyes, the way his body leaned into mine. He wanted it, too. I made it very clear that he could kiss me. He could do whatever he wanted to me, and I would thank him, that much I do know. Yet, he kissed me on the cheek, and I ran away like a scared little girl. I should have asked him about it right then and there. Instead, I tossed and turned in bed. My dad kept giving me weird looks this morning. Now I’m watching Kai work out and wishing we were working out together. I am pathetic.
My phone dings with an email, making me jump and knock over my water bottle. It makes a thunk on the plastic table. Kai turns and glances at me. I make myself look busy and subtly pick up my water bottle.
I go back to typing aimlessly. I’m not actually typing anything in the email I was about to send to a client. I keep typing and peek over my screen again as I hit another button, and it makes a whooshing sound. My heart drops to my toes. I just sent the email! I fumble to click the undo button and thankfully, it worked. My eyes pop over the screen again, and Kai is standing there with one hand on his hip and the other lifted to his brow, blocking out the sun.
“You alright over there, gem?” he asks.
My heart thuds, and I sputter for words. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I squeak.
He stares at me a little longer while I stare at his gold necklace glinting off the sunlight. Then he turns, going back to his workout. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep longing for someone who doesn’t want me back. I need to do something. I need to make a move that is unmistakable, put it all out there, and leave it all in his hands. I’m tired of waiting for Kai, so this will be my last ditch effort. If he pushes me away again, then I’ll stop trying and work on letting go, but I won’t know if I don’t try.
***
Music blares in the stadium as the teams warm up their bikes on the dirt track. The bright lights spin around the space in a light show, increasing the excitement. The seats are almost completely full, and I lift my camera to snap a few photos of the fans with their jerseys or t-shirts representing their favorite teams. I spot a few people with each of the Outlaw’s numbers. I smile at the small kids wearing Kai’s number. I wonder if he realizes other kids look up to him and people come to see him compete amongst all the other riders.
The guys speed past me, going up and down a few rollers before the first rounds start. I walk around the dirt, taking a few more photos until the announcer comes over the loudspeakers. Cheers roar, and I go back to the edge where our team gathers. I step off to the side while Dad goes through everything with them.
I’m nervous for Kai. I doubt he is, but I’m even more on edge with freestyle, even though I know it’s his favorite. He nods at Dad with the rest of the guys, then spares me a glance. My face goes hot. He locks eyes with me before giving me our signal and pulls his helmet over his head. He kickstarts his bike, revs the throttle, and they all go off to the side to wait for their turn.
My camera feels heavy in my palms as I raise it to my eye and focus on doing my job. Our sponsors have liked what I’ve provided for the past few years. I make a point to update and adjust the way I take pictures to keep them fresh and interesting. Even though I hate watching the guys let go of their bikes, it’s pretty cool to watch them do wild moves while they float in the air for mere seconds.
There is a reason so many people love this sport. It’s exhilarating to watch, like bull riding or boxing. You’re simply watching, and your heart feels like it’s about to beat out of your chest. Or maybe that’s just me.
Rafe lands on the larger hill from the curved ramp, and people cheer and scream. It was a perfect double hart attack. He finishes his turn, and Kai is up last for our team. I lift my camera, forcing myself to think about anything else other than him missing the grab for his bike or turning wrong, causing him to land on his back or head. I take a deep breath and snap photos as he goes towards the half-pipe, gaining speed. The throttle purrs on his bike. He lifts slightly, taking the ramp, and then he floats in the air. My finger moves rapidly on the shutter. The bike moves forward in one direction, and he lets go, lifting onto a handstand towards the end of the bike at the rear fender. With his feet still in the air, he raises one hand up close to his thigh so the only thing keeping him connected to his bike is his fingertips in a perfect oexecutioner. Then, a breath later, he drops the position and lowers himself onto the bike as the rear tire hits the dirt first.
The crowd cheers him on, and I can’t help the smile that grows on my face. He did it. He rides around and takes another ramp, speeding up the slight curve, and launches into a shoe box. Few riders attempt it because if their weight is slightly off, they’re done for. He lets go, standing all the way up, and his feet angle on the grab holes at the fender as he and the bike sail through the air. He lands and slows down, kicking up dirt with the back tire. The crowd goes wild. It was a perfect trick. Every aspect was clean and on time. Kai’s daredevil stunt just sealed the deal for the team.
One more team goes and performs well, but the points don’t hold a candle to ours. Each of the guys scored high eighties to nineties, almost perfect scores.
After they close out the competition, we all gather by our trailers with the guys, who are celebrating the win. I take a few more photos of them laughing and smiling. Dad pats Kai on the back, and Kai pulls him into a bro hug. I suspect Kai looks to my dad as a father figure. I love that because I don’t think Kai’s father is a good man.
One day, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I googled Kai. I knew his mom’s name, Esmarie, and their last name is obviously Coldwell. I was flabbergasted. He’s the son of a Massachusetts Congressman that’s ten states and thousands of miles away. And because I’m me, I started digging. Guilt still churns in my stomach because I didn’t let him tell me. We could talk about everything except him. He made it clear that he was never going to tell me those intimate things about himself. I don’t know if I understand it, but I guess I can see where he’s coming from. Family is messy. All I could think was that there must be a very good reason why their father wasn’t in their lives. I thought it was odd at first, but there were only a couple of articles linking Fred Coldwell to corruption and possible drug affiliations. I guess if I was Esmarie, I would have taken my kids and ran the other way, too. Regardless, I have no idea what to believe, and I won’t disrespect Kai by assuming anything.
A man clears his throat, bringing me out of my thoughts. We all stop to look at him. He’s wearing a polished suit and a name tag from the hotel. “Hi, there. We wanted to congratulate you on your win and offer full access to our nightclub, spa, and resort to use at your leisure. Present your card, and they will let you in.”
“Well, thank you,” Dad says and holds out his hand.
“You’re welcome. We hope we will see your team at the championship.” Dad thanks him again, and all the other guys say thank you as he walks away.
“Sweet, I’m going to the sauna,” Deacon says. I roll my eyes and glance at Dad. He flips the envelope over in his hands.
“Well, I guess it’s time to let loose, boys. We have a couple of months off, so we might as well start now.” Everyone whoops in agreement, and he passes each of us a key card.
I glance at Kai. “I’m going to hit the club.”
He looks at me for a moment and then glances at my dad. I want to ask him if he will go with me because a very bad idea popped into my head. This is the moment I was looking for.
“I’ll come with you,” he grunts.
I do my best to hide my smile. “Okay, I’ll see you in an hour. I’m going to go get ready.” He dips his head and saunters off to his trailer. If I can get him alone at the club, with no one else to give us funny or disapproving looks, I’ll have the chance to either make a fool of myself or finally break the chains of friendship.