53. Cordelia
We finally managed to catch up on sleep. Well, I did. Kai is becoming more and more like a caged animal. But he’s finally healing, and there’s only light bruising left over from his ribs and hip. He sleeps, but not much. I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night to find him sitting in the chair, looking out the window. I asked him one night what he was doing, and instead of answering my question, he made me see stars. The next night was the same thing, only he kissed me on the cheek and told me to go back to sleep before he slipped out of our room. I didn’t ask where he went or what he did because I didn’t think I wanted to know.
Kai followed me down to the beautiful saltwater pool. The water has helped reduce the tension in my back, so I don’t want to leave. I caught Kai staring at the hot tub earlier, and the memory of our first kiss plays on repeat in my mind. He swims over to me and kisses my temple. “You’re thinking about that hot tub, too, aren’t you?” he asks slyly.
I angle my sunglasses down and look at him floating in the water with his hair slicked back. “Maybe.”
He chuckles and flips my floaty. I scream before hitting the water.
“I like this swimsuit. Did I tell you that?” he asks while we both tread water. I roll my eyes and splash water in his face.
I could barely get this bikini on. I didn’t want to put it on to begin with. I wanted to wear a one-piece instead but forgot it. Though, I’m not sure my stomach would have fit in it even if I tried. My boobs are about to pop out with one wrong move, and the strings are hanging on for dear life. The bottoms barely cover my butt, too, but Kai hasn’t stopped staring at me either.
“I don’t know why. I literally look like a whale wearing a blue bikini.”
He swims closer and pushes me to where he can stand in shallower water. Then he grabs my thighs, lifts me around his waist, and spins us around so I’m forced to hang on to him.
“You don’t look like a whale. You look like my beautiful, pregnant wife.”
I scoff as he twirls us in the water.
“You’re being nice, but okay, I’ll take it.”
“You should because it’s the truth,” he says.
I roll my eyes, trying to ignore the slight bit of panic rising in my pulse.
“What’s wrong?”
I tilt my head back to look at the blue, cloudy sky.
“Gem,” Kai says gently. He knows when he says my nickname like that, I melt immediately. There is no resisting him.
“I’m nervous. The what-ifs keep flying around in my head. I keep having this waking nightmare that we will have to run again, only we won’t have a place to run to, and then I’ll be birthing this baby on the side of the road.”
“I mean, women have been having babies in tents or barns for thousands of years. So even if that could happen, I’m positive you could do it, just like they did,“ he offers.
I sigh and kiss the corner of his mouth. “That’s not really what I wanted to hear, you know.”
“Well, it’s the truth,” Kai says, leaning forward and kissing my collarbone. “How long do you want to stay in here? You’re going to turn into a prune.”
I giggle at the thought. “It’s a way to…kill time, I guess.”
“If you say so. Don’t you want to…I don’t know, go shopping? Take a nap? Watch a movie?”
“You’re so full of good ideas.” I grin.
“If we’re brainstorming, I can think of a few other ideas that would keep both of us busy.”
“Oh, is that right? What did you have in mind?” I smile.
“Cordelia, darling, I have some questions about the ceremony and the reception.” Kai groans into my neck and stands straight. He walks us slowly to the pool stairs, gently floats me down onto them, and sits next to me.
“Alright, Mom. Let the questions fly,” Kai says, tipping his head back. I reach for his hand and link it with mine. She volleys questions that Kai and I answer, one after the other.
“See? That was simple. Cordelia, have you found a dress yet?”
I shake my head. I don’t even want to look because it means most likely not getting the dress I want. Again, I’m the size of a whale. My options will be limited, and I can’t bring myself to look. Waiting until the last minute won’t work either. Plus, the dress has to stun and amaze, according to Esmarie.
“Well, darling, time is ticking, you know,” she says gently. I nod again and lift myself off the stairs, back into the water.
“I think that’s enough for today, Mom. Thank you for doing this for us.”
“Of course. I’m going to have cake and food tastings brought in tomorrow, so you can decide,” she says.
“Sounds great, thank you,” Kai says.
“Thank you, Esmarie, for everything. Really.”
“You’re welcome, my darlings,” she says and struts back into the house.
***
We’re in the house, and I hear a baby scream. My heart feels like it’s trying to exit my chest as I leap out of bed. When I step into my son’s room, he isn’t in his crib. Screaming, I run back to our room, and Kai isn’t there.
Where are they? What’s going on? I hear him scream again, and I run down the stairs. Blood is smeared on the walls, and the overwhelming combination of fear and panic sinks into my bones. There’s a body at the foot of the stairs. As I turn to go down the hall, there’s another one as I look for my husband and child.
“Kai!” I scream, taking off down the hall. “Kai!”
“I’m right here, Cordi. Hey, baby, it’s okay. You’re okay. It was just a bad dream.”
My eyes fly open, and a sob builds up in my chest as I process what felt real. It was all a dream.
Kai leans in, so he’s all I see. His eyes are full of concern. “You were calling for me in your sleep,” he says.
I burst into tears, and he gathers me to him. Fear and panic are still tinged with adrenaline, and I feel like I can’t breathe. I gasp for air, and Kai rubs my back.
“Deep breaths, gem. No need to get this baby all riled up. You’re okay. It was just a nightmare. You’re alright.”
I finally stop crying and take a deep breath. “That’s it,” he murmurs. “You’ve been having a lot of nightmares recently.”
“I hate it. I don’t even want to sleep anymore.”
“I understand the feeling,” he mumbles into my hair.
“I’m sorry I woke you up again.”
He holds me tighter. “I wasn’t even asleep, babe. It’s okay.”
“Are we ever going to sleep again?” I ask him.
“I don’t know, but I heard babies never sleep, so maybe we can consider this practice.”
I smile and rest my hand on my stomach. “The one good thing right now.”
“It’s the best thing, gem. He’s the best thing,” he says, and my stomach does a little flip.
“You’re the first best thing to ever happen to me, you know? Especially after my parents divorced.”
“Oh? There’s more than one?”
“Yes, of course there is. You became my best friend first. Second, I found out I was having a baby. Which I have to admit scared the crud out of me at first and kind of still does. But…”
“Is there a third?” he asks.
“Well, I feel like it ties for two, but I kind of feel bad for saying that.”
“Okay, what is it then?”
“Marrying you,” I smile softly.
He chuckles, lifts my chin with his pointer finger, and kisses me. “That’s a good list. Mine is probably twice as long, though.”
“Twice?”
He hums and draws a circle on my back. “First is you, my best friend. I think the second is when I proposed to you. I’ve wanted you for so long. When I finally got my chance, I still couldn’t believe I got to do it. It was one of the best and most terrifying things I’ve ever done. Third was learning that you wanted me to really be this little guy’s dad. Becoming a father, a parent, scared me, like it did you, but I’m more excited than anything. Fourth was marrying you, obviously.”
I giggle. “Obviously.”
He chuckles. “Fifth was watching you walk down the aisle, but that kind of fits into fourth. So the other is when you kissed me in the hot tub that night. When you just…went for it. You had more balls than I did at that moment, and you said to hell with it all. That was the best kiss of my life. It changed everything. And sixth, well, this used to be first, but you changed so much for me, for all of us. But it was leaving our father.”
“Those are all good things.”
“Yeah, they are. They are all so much better than I deserve, that’s for sure.”
“You deserve to have a longer list,” I tell him.
“I could say the same about you,” he says.
“Maybe we should start combining our lists then.”
“I’d say we already started,” he says.
I smile into his chest. We definitely already started, and I can’t wait to add more good things to our soon-to-be very long list.