Chapter 16 #2
Yeah , it catches in my throat as I nod. So much going on within me and I can’t put words to any of it. Can’t or won’t?
‘Though I reckon she’s going to face plant any second,’ she says, shaking her head.
‘She’ll bounce,’ I assure her. ‘She’s built like her mum. Tough.’
‘Oh, cheers!’ She laughs, rolling her eyes. But there’s no edge to it. Just warmth.
The breeze shifts, bringing the scent of salt and seaweed and something else – something old.
Childhood, maybe. Probably. It’s the kind of peace I haven’t felt in years.
Maybe ever. And the past – memories from before Dad died, before work swallowed everything – it’s still there. But it doesn’t ache like it used to.
‘I took my fair share of tumbles out here when I was her age,’ I say. ‘Didn’t do me any harm.’
She looks at me with that soft, tilted smile. ‘I’d have liked to see that.’
‘You still can,’ I say, tugging her hand. ‘Come on.’
She stumbles into the run with me, laughing again as we chase Lottie down the shoreline, water kicking up around our feet.
Three pairs of prints in the wet sand.
Three voices tangled in the wind.
The happiest of trios… almost like a?—
No, don’t go there.
But it’s hard not to.
Maybe it’s the childhood memories creeping in, or the families scattered up and down the beach.
Or maybe it’s the night we spent together.
Either way, the thought is there.
And I’m not entirely sure I want to quash it.
* * *
Sadie
Lottie falls asleep brushing her teeth.
It’s one of the sweetest, funniest, most endearing sights I’ve ever seen. Though I have to say, when I find Theo asleep on the sofa after tucking her in, I’m a little torn between the two.
Both wiped out after a day at the seaside.
Both wearing the same wind-kissed glow.
Same small smiles.
My heart beats warm and fast beneath my ribs, and I press a palm to my chest, hold onto the moment for a second longer, before my buzzing phone cuts in.
I know what it is before I even check. The site. It’s taking off fast. And I’m barely keeping up with the day-to-day. The emails, the chatter, the feature requests, the potential sponsors piling in…
But like any mum knows, while the house sleeps, you can get shit done.
And I lose track of time as I take my laptop out to the deck and work. Not that the site has ever felt like work-work. More a passion that requires time and thought. And when the moonlit sea is your backdrop, it’s pretty damn close to paradise.
‘Hey…’
Correction. Now it’s paradise.
Theo stands in the open doorway, face soft from sleep, hair all tousled. My breath catches as my core clenches – how is it possible to want him again already? And this deeply?
‘Hey, you okay?’ I ask, sliding my laptop onto the table and patting the bench, telling him to join me.
He nods and eases down next to me, one arm draping along my back, warming me from top to toe. ‘How long was I out?’
‘No idea. But you clearly needed it.’
He ruffles his hair with a sheepish grin. ‘It’s all that fresh air.’
‘And you didn’t get much sleep last night…’
Not that my body’s complaining, it’s already burning for round two.
‘I don’t see you suffering.’
‘I’m a mum. I function on zero sleep and way too much caffeine.’
He chuckles. ‘Yeah, I bet.’ He smooths the hair from my shoulder, eyes following the move. ‘You should’ve woken me up.’
‘And spoil…’ a gasp slips out as his lips brush my neck ‘…your beauty sleep?’
‘You saying I need beauty sleep now?’ he murmurs against my skin, then nips.
I shiver and whimper.
‘Never,’ I breathe.
‘Good girl…’ His hand falls to my thigh, slipping beneath the hem of my skirt.
‘Theo!’
He hums in response.
‘We shouldn’t, not here…’
‘Last I checked, we were alone, remember? And I’m not suggesting we get naked this time.’ His fingers travel higher, grazing the lace of my thong, and my legs part, wanting, needing… ‘I’m merely gifting you more stars.’
My head falls back as I clutch the edge of the bench and his mouth finds the hollow behind my ear – breath teasing, tongue slow and wicked. His fingers move over the lace. Circling. Lazy at first. Every stroke deliberate. A tease, meant to build. To pull.
He’s not rushing. He doesn’t need to. He knows exactly what he’s doing and my hips lift of their own accord – chasing more, needing more – the pleasure climbing with every breathless second. Until it’s all I can feel. All I can breathe.
And then I’m gone. My climax crashing through me in wave after blinding wave as I cry out his name to the stars and thank each and every one of them for this.
For him.
* * *
Theo
I can never get enough of making Sadie come.
Having her cry out my name is like being trusted with something rare, something holy – the way she lets go with me, the way she lets herself feel.
Especially when I compare it to the haunted look on her face just minutes ago…
‘That’s better,’ I say, wrapping my arm around her and drawing her into my side.
‘ Better ?’
‘You looked so serious when I came out, I was worried you were…’ I don’t need to say it for her to understand – I thought she was thinking about him.
‘No, not at all. I was working.’
She’s been working a lot, I’ve noticed. On her phone, on her laptop – every spare moment, she’s checking something. I figured it was a habit. Always needing to be plugged it. And yeah, I get that. This is me, after all. But we’re supposed to be taking a break.
‘What about being on holiday?’
‘This kind of work doesn’t really sleep.’
I frown, something in the way she says it making me sit up and take notice. ‘What kind of work?’
She bites her lip and my neck prickles.
‘Sadie?’
She glances at her laptop, now asleep, and swipes a finger across the trackpad. ‘This.’
I glance at the screen as it lights up, and my eyes widen. She’s on a forum about domestic abuse. Stories. Resources. Comments. Support threads. Danny’s still haunting her – even now, even here. My gut rolls.
‘You’re reaching out for help…’
‘No.’ Her voice is steady. ‘I’m giving it. This is my site, Theo. All of it. No one knows it’s me. It’s been my secret… until now.’
Something within me unravels, a light turning on somewhere deep. ‘You went from vlogging about cosmetics to blogging about abuse?’
‘In a nutshell, yeah.’
‘Why didn’t you say anything?’
She gives a soft, shaky breath. ‘I don’t know.
I was so used to keeping it secret in the early days for obvious reasons.
And then, even after I got away, I still couldn’t shake the shame.
Or the blame. I carried it around like a shadow.
Hiding behind a screen let me be honest in a way I couldn’t be out loud. ’
It guts me to hear her talk like that: the shame, the blame. Even with those feelings behind her, I can’t stop thinking about the scars they’ve left behind. And I hate that I can’t take them from her. Can’t erase them. Can’t make her whole without them.
But then… she wouldn’t have created this.
I scroll through the site – post after post, pages of thoughtful resources, personal essays, guides, interviews. The comment sections full of gratitude, of people saying, This helped me, I thought I was alone, you gave me hope.
‘Sadie… this is huge.’
She nods slowly. ‘Bigger than I ever imagined.’
I turn to look at her, and it’s like seeing her all over again. The strength. The heart. The quiet determination to take something that broke her and use it to build something that might save someone else.
‘You are incredible.’
She gives a breathy laugh. ‘I wouldn’t go that far.’
‘To come out of all you’ve been through and give back like this?’ I shake my head, full of something way deeper than pure admiration. ‘You don’t even see it, do you? You didn’t just survive – you’re changing lives.’
‘I hope so.’
‘I know so. You should be so proud of all you’ve achieved.’
‘Now you really are going too far.’
‘No.’ I lift her chin, holding her gaze to mine. ‘I once told you I’d believe in you coming back – stronger, smarter, more beautiful than ever – until you could. And you did it. Now I’ll be proud of you, until you can be proud of yourself.’
And then I kiss her before I say the one thing there’s no coming back from.
Because this is about her – always has been, always will be.
My feelings don’t come into it.