Chapter 17 #2
Her jaw clenches, nostrils flaring. ‘He hurt my sister, and you didn’t want to upset me?’ Then her mouth falls open on a gasp. ‘Oh my God! That night – that was the day before you brought us here. You… Your sudden need to get us on holiday… You wanted to get us away from him?’
‘Yes.’ I rub the back of my neck, heart pounding as I fight to keep my voice steady. ‘I couldn’t risk him getting to you too. You were doing so well, and I wanted to protect that, keep?—’
‘You think hiding the truth protects me?’ Her jaw trembles. ‘You think lying to me, talking about how strong I am while treating me like glass – that’s protection?’
I shake my head, unable to bear the way she’s spun it. ‘No. No, I wasn’t lying?—’
‘Yes. You were.’ Her voice cracks. ‘Because if you believed I was strong – if you really trusted me to hold it together – you wouldn’t have hidden this from me. I expect it from Taylor. I can cope with it from Taylor. But you …’
‘I was scared, Sadie. Scared of what would happen if you knew?—’
‘If I knew, I’d shatter, right?’
I reach out, trembling, desperate to bridge the distance, to soften the blow – anything to stop this. But she jerks back, eyes wild, tears spilling over, each one a knife through my heart.
‘You played house with me, pretended like everything was okay?—’
‘We had the situation in hand. Taylor was okay. Axel was?—’
‘For fuck’s sake, Theo! It doesn’t matter how in hand you had it, I should have known.
He’s my abuser. My ex. And he hurt my sister.
And instead of telling me, you bring me here under the pretence of a holiday .
Treating me and Lottie to a dream vacation.
When all the while, you were really just hiding me like some kid who couldn’t handle her own reality? ’
‘No— no, I was trying to protect you. Trying to do what’s best for you.’
She lets out a short, bitter laugh. ‘There it is, again. Protection. Just like Danny. He was all about protecting me, knowing what was best for me…’
Her words slice deeper than shouting ever could. Danny. Me. The same ?
‘All that stuff you said, all that stuff you had me believing – but you’re no better. Making me feel like I’m weak, powerless. Something to fix. To control…’ She chokes on the word. ‘And you,’ she points at me, voice low and lethal, ‘you did the exact same thing. Only you smiled while you did it.’
Acid burns the back of my throat. ‘No, Sadie?—’
‘Yes, Theo. Yes!’
‘I just wanted to keep you happy?—’
‘Happy in ignorance? You think that’s what I want? My God, Theo, how can you think that’s okay? Not to tell me that my ex hurt my sister trying to get to me . There’s no justification in the world for that.’
There is. There’s one. And it’s hammering against my ribs, desperate to break free. Love. I love her.
It hits like a sucker punch as I drown in her gaze. Pain etched in every line of her sweet face – a face I know better than my own. A pain I caused.
But how do I say it now? How do I tell her I love her, when in her eyes I’m no better than Danny – the man who twisted love into something so cruel, so poisonous, it drained the life from her?
‘I couldn’t stand to see him take anything more from you,’ I say, the words barely above a whisper. ‘I couldn’t let him hurt you again.’
‘I could’ve coped with him hurting me again,’ she says quietly. ‘What I can’t cope with is you doing it.’
She shakes her head, then goes still. Behind her tears, the pain falls away. What’s left in her heart-wrenching blues is colder. Quieter. Final. Like she sees me clearly now – the whole of me – and doesn’t like what she sees.
I want to deny it. Say she’s wrong. Say anything.
But I can’t.
Because she’s right.
And it guts me – draining my words, my breath, my body.
‘I thought you believed in me, Theo. I thought you saw strength in me – enough to face the past, enough to move on. But all this time, you weren’t helping me heal.
You were helping me hide. Worse, you told yourself it was the opposite.
’ She draws a breath and swipes away the tears from her cheeks, lifts her chin.
‘I thought Danny broke me. I thought you broke me seven years ago. But it’s nothing compared to this.
You didn’t see me then. And you definitely don’t see me now. ’
‘That’s not true, Sadie.’ I take a step towards her, hoping proximity might somehow fix what I’ve shattered, help her to believe what I’m saying. ‘I do see you.’
‘No,’ she says, clear and unforgiving. ‘You still see Taylor’s little sister. And I can live with her seeing me that way. But not you . This is over, Theo, whatever this was. We’re leaving.’
‘You can’t just go.’ I reach for her, both hands out.
She flinches like I’m poison. ‘Oh, yes I can.’
‘But it’s not safe,’ I say weakly.
‘I’d rather take my chances alone than be with someone I don’t trust. I don’t know who you are any more.’
‘You do .’ The space between us turns glacial, and I stumble forward, the ground falling away beneath me. ‘You know me better than anyone else in this world. You know you do.’
Something chases over her face, something I want to run after and hold onto, but it’s gone too quick to name.
‘I thought I did. But the man I knew would’ve trusted me with the truth – and held me while I came to terms with it. This man… It doesn’t matter any more. Because I know now, I don’t need you. I don’t need Danny. I don’t need anyone to hold me up. Goodbye, Theo.’
She spins and strides away.
‘Please, Sadie.’ I rush after her, panic driving me half-mad as I block her path. ‘At least let me drive you.’
‘No.’ She stiffens, eyes like steel. ‘I’ll get there on my own – start the way I mean to go on. Just me and Lottie. That was always the plan until you—’ She breaks off, eyes dashing away. ‘Just let me go.’
‘But where will you stay?’
‘That’s not your concern any more.’
‘At least call Taylor, get her?—’
‘No!’ She shoots me a glare so sharp it cuts me in two. ‘You’ve both done enough.’
And then she walks.
Not runs.
Walks.
And I let her.
Because this time, she isn’t running away an eighteen-year-old girl with her heart crushed; she’s walking with her head held high, more certain of who she is and what she wants, and that isn’t me.
And I don’t blame her.
She’s stronger than I ever gave her credit for – fighting for the life she wants, while I clung to fear and called it protection.
Worse, I told myself I was keeping her safe, when really, I was keeping myself safe – from the truth, from the risk, from the weight of loving her out loud.
I’m the coward in this story.
And my greatest weakness was the one thing I should’ve been strong enough to say all along…
I love you .