Chapter Five
Trish
I’m not sure I’ve ever been so embarrassed in my life. Well, maybe once in the fourth grade when my period came early, and I bled through a pair of white pants. The entire classroom was laughing as I went home in the middle of the day, and I wore red the entire week of my period every month after.
Still, this … tonight … one of my students finding me getting fingered by some guy in a truck out in the woods. This wins as my lowest point in life… by far.
There’s so much more to this than one embarrassing moment. Ethan could’ve already uploaded the video into some cloud, or worse, he could tell everyone at school what he saw. The school board could question me, and my entire reputation could be ruined.
I drag in a deep breath and let it out slowly, focusing on my lungs as they expand and deflate. Why did I ever go out with Christopher in the first place? I knew before I left what my body wanted. I shouldn’t have put myself in a situation like this to begin with.
My clit throbs at the thought of his big, rough hands all over me again. God, I needed it. I needed him. I still do.
But why?
Why can’t I control myself around him?
Why do I need him so badly?
My thighs ache and my panties dampen again as I think about the groan in his throat as he licked me off his fingertips.
Maybe it’s sad that at my age, I’ve never had a man that interested, but it’s true. I’ve also never been that interested in anyone myself. Sure, I’ve been around men before. I’ve even had my share of hookups and a couple short relationships, but what happened tonight… my body on fire, my nerves exploding, my thighs craving him… I’ve never experienced anything like that before. Not ever. I couldn’t have told him to stop if my life depended on it.
“You’ve been quiet since we dropped Ethan off. Everything okay?” Christopher lands his hand on my thigh.
I glance toward him, holding my hand on top of his. “Yeah. I, ugh, I didn’t get into it with Ethan’s parents and I’m regretting it a little. I’ll talk to the principal tomorrow and get her advice.”
“You’re going to tell on yourself? You weren’t on school grounds.”
“No, but this is a small town. It’s my responsibility as a leader to show up for the students wherever they are. They can’t see me acting like a hooligan. I set an example for a lot of kids.”
He nods slowly and flicks on his blinker as we near the end of the gravel road. “It’s my fault you were up there. I’ll figure it out for you.”
“How? Do you plan on offering money to the school board? It won’t matter. That’s not how this works.”
He glances toward me as a light snow begins to fall. “People will do anything for money. The school board, the town with this ski resort, everyone. Money fixes everything.”
“What did you say?”
He blows out a heavy breath as he hangs his head to the side, still driving toward the house. “About what?”
“Don’t play dumb! A ski resort? You just said something about ‘ this town with a ski resort,’ like we’re all a bunch of stupid idiots you can manipulate with your cash.”
“No one said that. It’s just a petition. People have to sign it.”
“And what? You’re paying them to sign? Is that you, Christopher? You like preying on the poor?” I shake my head and roll my eyes, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world. “I’m so stupid.”
“Trish, it’s not like that. These are all separate things. I was going to tell you about the ski resort, but we jumped into kissing. When Ethan—”
“Just stop, okay? I get it. You’re a businessman. There’s nothing to fear more than messing up a deal, right?” Tears trail down my cheek, but I hide them with the edge of my sweater as he turns left up the short dirt road that leads to my cabin. The same cabin my grandparents owned their whole lives. The one I’ll never sell. The one I’ll always love. The one that reminds me that real love exists, or at least it did a hundred years ago. A love where two people fall head over heels and build a life based on mutual respect… not cash.
Tires pop as Christopher pulls into my driveway and the tiny little place comes into view. Every time my family came into town to see my grandparents, the sight of the cabin charged my soul. I’ve seen the way the sun sets behind the hills come summer and the way the dark winter clouds shroud the stacks of smoke beneath the trees. I’ve watched birds come back year after year to build nests in the eaves, and I’ve watched families of bears come trolling down the mountain for food come spring. It doesn’t matter how much work this place needs. This cabin is where I’m meant to be.
“Look,” Christopher parks the truck and twists toward me, “we can talk about this. The ski resort is just an idea. Nothing’s confirmed yet.”
“It’s not just that,” I say, wiping away a tear. “It’s everything. I shouldn’t have taken your money. I shouldn’t have gone out tonight. I shouldn’t have let myself believe that I could cut loose.” I pinch my lips together. “I’ll leave your cash on the porch. Don’t come back.”
“Wait, Trish.” He reaches out for me, but I pull away, hop down out of the truck, and trudge through the cold wind that blows through the pine until I’m inside the cabin staring down at my buzzing phone.
It’s Sasha. For a second, I consider letting it go to voicemail, but I could use the distraction tonight and I’m sure she’s feeling lonely too.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“You’re never gonna believe who’s down at the Mail Order Mountain Men Ranch.”
“Who?” I try to sound enthusiastic, but I’m not sure it’s translating.
“Buck Dalton!”
“The country singer? How do you know?”
“Yes!” she squeals. “ Buck freaking Dalton! Mrs. Robinson posted it on the town gossip page. Apparently, she has it on good authority from an employee. This is exactly what I need to get my mind off Ryder.”
I keep my mouth shut about the nosey employees down at the ranch because I realize that’s not the point. “I forgot about Ryder. Are we still thinking about him? The guy is like twenty-five years older than you, isn’t he?”
She drags in a deep breath and sighs. “Yes… and he’s my ex-boyfriend’s dad, so that’s why we’re obsessing over Buck instead.”
“Wait. So, why would a country star be out here trying to find a date?”
“Dunno. Maybe he wants a real love with a mountain girl.”
I shuffle around the money Christopher hoped to buy my dreams with, and I guess I’m sighing because Sasha says, “You don’t sound good. How’d the date go? Why are you answering the phone? I figured I’d leave you a voicemail.”
“I’m an idiot. That’s how it went. The guy wants to build a ski lodge on this side of the mountain.”
“Okay…”
I set down a bowl of milk for the tabby cat I found out on the road last week. Her ribs were showing when I picked her up and she had fleas, but I’ve got her cleaned up and eating. I think she’s going to make a full recovery. “Okay, what? He lied to me.”
“You’re sabotaging yourself, Trish. What happened tonight?”
I drag in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Ethan filmed us up at this park in the pines.”
“Ethan? What was he doing there? What were you doing?”
“Stuff,” I sigh, stroking the black and tan cat down the center of its back. “It felt so good, and for a second, I let myself get wrapped up in letting Christopher take over, but… it was a mistake. He only offered me that money because he was toying with me. I’m sure I sounded so stupid.”
“Or,” Sasha crunches into a chip, “he really likes you, but honestly didn’t have time to tell you about the resort. I’m thinking you’re transferring what happened with Ethan to your morality issue for taking money from a man you kinda like.” She clears her throat and takes a drink of something. “Damn. That was good. I thought you were the armchair psychiatrist.”
“Sure, but—”
“No. Don’t do that. Don’t tell yourself it’s broken before it breaks so you don’t have to feel anything. You do this, Trish. You’ve done it since I met you. You avoid people and relationships, and you stay inside all the time so you don’t have to feel anything. Then, you finally convince yourself to try this dating thing, and you ditch a perfectly good guy, who you had a connection with, because he was too aggressive, when, if you ask me, aggressive is what you need.”
“What?”
“It’s true. You need a man who’s going to take you by the throat and tell you what he wants. It’s the only way.”
I laugh. “No, it’s not. There’s this whole other way where a man is just nice, and love happens gently and with sweetness. You should try reading one of those books.”
“ But those other books are so boring. Besides, you need the kind of love that’s smacking you in the face,” she laughs, “and on the ass if that’s what you’re into. You need someone who’s going to hold you accountable. Someone who can make you take a day off and make you relax. Christopher sounds like that guy.”
I know Sasha is trying to help, and part of me knows that she’s not completely wrong. The ski resort is pie in the sky, and I overreacted. That said, my head is going in circles.
“Okay, well… on that note, I think I’m going to take a bath and try to forget this night ever happened.”
“Love you,” she says before she hangs up the line, and though I have full intentions of stripping down for a bath, I’m stopped by a solid knock on the door.