Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Imogene
The comforting aroma of sugar and vanilla enveloped me as I rolled out the dough for yet another batch of cookies. The countertops were a mess. Flour dusted every surface, bowls and measuring spoons scattered everywhere. A tower of cookies sat cooling on a rack, alongside a tray of cupcakes waiting to be frosted.
Baking had always been my solace, a way to calm my nerves and find peace in the midst of chaos or uncertainty.
Not tonight.
After my argument with Gideon, nothing could calm me. I kept replaying it over in my head. Each time, his words cut deeper than before.
Was I wrong to tell him how I felt? To want him to be someone he might not be anymore?
But I didn’t think that was the case. If anything, it felt like he was trying to be someone he wasn’t. I didn’t want him to pretend anymore. I wanted him to be free to be who he was, even if that man had a dangerous streak.
The front door creaked open, cutting through the stillness. I glanced at the clock on the stove to see it was nearly two in the morning. Gideon had been gone for hours, and I hadn’t heard his car pull into the driveway.
I froze, the cookie cutter poised mid-air, my heart slamming against my ribs as I strained to listen. Then I heard footsteps, faint but unmistakable.
It couldn’t be Gideon. He never moved like that — slow, methodical. His steps were always brisk and purposeful.
I scanned the room, frantically searching for something I could use to defend myself. My eyes landed on a rolling pin sitting on the edge of the counter. Not an ideal weapon, but it was better than nothing.
The footsteps grew closer, and I snatched the rolling pin, gripping it as tight as I could. The air seemed to thicken, the hum of the oven fading beneath the pounding of my pulse.
I positioned myself just around the corner, ready to strike at whoever emerged from the hallway.
Another step. Then another. Then a shadow stretched into view. My grip tightened on the rolling pin and I held my breath.
Then the stranger stepped into the light.
But it wasn’t a stranger after all.
“Imogene?”
The air whooshed out of my lungs in a relieved gasp at Gideon’s familiar voice. My arms dropped to my sides, the rolling pin slipping from my fingers and hitting the floor with a clatter.
“What are you doing?” His brow furrowed as he took in the scene.
“I thought…,” I stammered, adrenaline still coursing through my veins. “I don’t know. I guess I assumed you were sleeping at the other house tonight since it’s so late. When I heard the door open, I thought?—”
“Someone was breaking in.”
“I know it’s essentially impossible, but still…”
“I’m sorry.” He stepped toward me, but didn’t attempt to comfort me. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” His gaze floated over me, then the rolling pin, and finally the chaos of the kitchen. “Baking.” He laughed under his breath. “It always did relax you when you were stressed.”
“Usually.” I turned from him, refocusing my attention on cutting out sugar cookies.
“But not tonight?”
There was a hint of something in his voice. Sadness? An apology maybe?
“Not tonight.”
I pressed the cookie cutter into the dough, then glanced over my shoulder. I was about to ask him what he was doing back here, but stopped when I spied the suitcase off to the side. I hadn’t noticed it when he first walked in. Now it seemed to have an unavoidable presence.
“Going somewhere?” I asked, trying to sound casual, but my voice cracked.
Did he only come back so he could pack up his things?
“Yes. At least I hope so.”
I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “You hope so?”
He shrugged, the confident man he typically was nowhere to be found. “That all depends on you.”
“Me?”
“I’ve been trying so damn hard to be the man you deserve. When I saw them wheel you into the hospital after that accident…” He shook his head, his expression strained. “I figured it was the least I could do.”
“But I don’t want you to be the man you think I deserve,” I exclaimed, my frustration over the situation increasing yet again.
It felt like we were just replaying a broken record over and over again. But if this was what I needed to do in order for him to finally understand, I would.
“I want you to be the man you already are. Because I’m in love with that man. Even the dark, damaged parts. In fact, I think I love those parts even more. I don’t want this ideal of perfection you’ve somehow convinced yourself I deserve. I want real.”
He stared at me for what felt like an eternity. I expected for him to reiterate his argument against being that man. To my surprise, he stepped closer, touching his thumb and forefinger to my chin, forcing my eyes toward his.
It wasn’t a firm grip, but there was still something powerful about it.
“What did you miss?” he asked, his tone full of something I hadn’t heard in too long now.
“What do you mean?” I whimpered.
“What parts of Gideon Saint have you missed?”
I swallowed hard, my pulse increasing as desire flooded my veins.
“The way he looked at me with so much heat that I thought I’d combust.”
His pupils flamed as his greedy gaze raked over every inch of my frame, causing a shiver to roll through me. It reminded me of my birthday party. How, even when Liam paraded me around, I still felt Gideon’s eyes on me. Still felt the heat of his stare. Still felt his hunger.
“Like that?” he asked, pulling my body into his.
“Y-yes,” I stammered, my mouth growing dry.
He curved toward me, nuzzling the crook of his neck. “What else, Imogene?”
It was a good thing he was holding me. Otherwise I wouldn’t be surprised if I melted into a puddle on the floor. It had been so long since I felt anything remotely close to this, and I didn’t want this moment to end.
“The way your beard scraped at my skin. Then how you’d bite me, marking me and letting everyone know I was yours.”
Without a single ounce of hesitation, he wrapped a hand around my hair, forcing my head to the side. Then he clamped his teeth on my neck, rough and unforgiving.
The ache was almost unbearable. Not because it hurt, although there was certainly a bit of pain. But because of how much I needed him, especially now that he was no longer pretending to be someone he wasn’t.
“Like that?” he panted, his breathing growing ragged.
As was mine.
“Yes,” I replied again, my core clenching with need.
“What else, Imogene?” he pressed once more, running his finger over the place he just marked me, his tenderness a striking contrast from the way he currently looked at me. “What else did you miss about Gideon Saint?”
I drew in a deep breath in an attempt to calm the nerves fluttering in my stomach. Then I leveled him with a determined stare, hoping to sound more confident than I felt.
“The way he fucked me. How he always gave me exactly what I needed. Even if I didn’t quite realize what that was.”
He trailed his fingers along my collarbone, his eyes softening as he tenderly caressed my skin. A part of me worried I overstepped.
It wasn’t that the sex had ever been bad between us, even as Samuel. But with Gideon, it was always so much more.
He was uninhibited. Unbridled. Unrestrained. It was why I craved it.
Outside of the bedroom, he was always so controlled. So disciplined. So…guarded.
But during those moments of intimacy when it was just us, he could let loose. He could stop allowing the weight of his past to burden him. He could be…free.
“I promise you, Imogene.” He lowered his lips to mine, the warmth of his breath so close to my mouth unhinging me. “From this moment forward, I will always give you exactly what you need.” He moved his hand to my throat, loosely wrapping his fingers around it. “Always,” he repeated as he tightened his grip, his mouth capturing mine in a kiss I felt everywhere.
His tongue slid against mine, resolute and determined. There was nothing hesitant or apprehensive about it. Not like the other night. Instead, the way he held me, the way he kissed me left absolutely no question in my mind exactly what this man wanted. Who he was.
He guided me out of the kitchen, his lips never leaving mine, his kiss consuming me. It had been too long since he kissed me like this. With so much passion. So much greed. Like he didn’t care if he broke me. In fact, I wanted him to break me. Wanted him to completely shatter me into millions of pieces.
“You know I love you more than anything, right?” he asked when we reached the bedroom.
I may have had my doubts about a lot of things in my life, but this man’s devotion to me was never one of them. Even when I didn’t know who he was, I knew he cared deeply for me.
“Of course.”
“Good.” He pressed his lips against mine in another kiss that left me desperate for more. “Because tonight, I’m going to do things to you that may make you think otherwise.”
A shiver rolled down my spine at what that may entail. Then he narrowed his stare on me.
But that wasn’t the right word for the way he looked at me. This was so much more than a stare. It was a reawakening. A resurrection. A rebirth.
“Strip.”
His command left no room to argue. And I had no intention of arguing. Not now that I had this part of him back.
With my eyes trained on his, I lifted my shirt over my head before reaching behind me to unclasp my bra. Then I linked my fingers into the waistband of my shorts and pushed them down my legs along with my panties, kicking them to the side.
As much as he wanted to play it calm and cool, I could see how much the sight of me affected him. It didn’t matter how many times he’d seen me naked. The hunger in his stare made me feel like it was our first time.
He looped his arm around me and pulled me against him. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”
“So are you.”
His mouth covered mine, his tongue dipping inside and caressing mine, his hands roaming my frame. But it wasn’t enough. Now that the emotional distance had disappeared, I didn’t want anything between us.
Tearing out of the kiss, I reached for his hoodie. “Your turn.”
Electricity crackled in the air between us, neither one of us saying a word as I slowly lowered the zipper, revealing more and more of him. More of the man I loved with every fiber of my being.
Once the zipper was undone, I pushed the fabric down his arms.
But as I raked my gaze over his torso, I inhaled a sharp breath and flung my eyes toward his, only to be met with a sinful smile.