Finding Frankenstein a Date

Chapter 1

Chapter One

“So what are you looking for?” Dracula asked, pushing his cape out behind him and sitting in the comfiest chair in the place.

Frankenstein shrugged. “I’m not picky, really.”

“Well maybe that’s your problem.” Drac looked at his nails. They needed to be filed down again, they were looking a little… stabby.

“How is not being picky a problem?” Franky wanted to know. Seriously, wasn’t it a plus? He wasn’t confining his possible lovers to any particular type of person.

“You’ll take anybody, so why should anyone want to take you?”

Franky frowned, that didn’t make any sense at all.

“I think he means if you don’t define what you want in a partner, maybe that makes it harder for people to realize you could be a match?” Bob suggested, the slender human sitting cross-legged on the overstuffed couch, laptop balanced on his knees.

“But I truly don’t have any traits that are a must.” He just wanted some companionship. He wanted someone who didn’t think him too ugly to sit next to or to look at. Or to make love with.

“Well, should they be a boy or a girl?” Bob asked.

“Boy, girl, binary, asexual. As long as they are human, that’s all I ask for.” This wasn’t a hard concept, was it?

“So you’ll consider anyone who swipes right?”

“Yes.”

Bob shook his head. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a profile that basically says all comers welcome.”

Drac snickered. Both he and Bob looked over at the guy.

“He said comers,” Drac pointed out.

It took Franky a minute, but the penny finally dropped that Drac was laughing because he could make comers mean more than one thing, and one of those thing was sexual in nature.

“Are you sure you’re older than me?” he asked. Because much of the time, Drac was the biggest kid he’d ever known. And he’d been around the block more than a few times and had known his fair share of kids.

“Oh, where’s your sense of humor?” Drac looked from him to Bob and back, then rolled his eyes. “I’m just trying to lighten the mood.”

Franky tilted his head. “Is it dark?”

“Is what dark?”

“The mood.”

“Oh, ha, ha. You know damned well it’s an expression.”

Franky hid his grin. He did in fact know that ‘lighten the mood’ was an expression. But, speaking of a sense of humor, sometimes it was fun to mess with Drac. It was also very easy.

“So,” Bob said, moving to get them back on track. “Let’s start with your profile.” He grabbed his phone and took a couple pictures. Then he scrolled through them, frowning. “I’ve got an ap so we can get rid of the bolts and face scars.”

“Oh, I don’t want to lie.”

“It’s not lying so much as…”

“Polishing a turd?” Drac suggested.

Franky frowned at him. “That wasn’t nice.”

“I was just joking.”

Franky shook his head. “No, it wasn’t nice. And neither is photoshopping out my bolts and scars and then showing up with them.”

“We could get Jenny to give you a makeup job. I bet she can minimize them.”

“I’d still look different when they met me in person. Unless she’s supposed to spend the rest of her life putting makeup on me.”

Drac hung over the arm of his chair, looking at the pictures Bob had taken. “That’s the one. He’s smiling at least. You’ve got a good smile, Franky.”

“Thank you.”

“And you have a big heart. You should include that in the profile,” Drac suggested.

“It is big. It’s huge in fact. The Doctor looked for the biggest one he could find.”

“That’s not what I—” Drac shook his head. “Nevermind. What about your cock?”

“What about it?”

“Is it huge as well? Because that’ll make a bigger difference than whether or not your heart is large.”

“And does it… does it work?” Bob asked.

Franky thought that was a little personal. “It performs the functions it was intended to.”

“All the functions?” Bob asked

And Drac nodded, then sawed his hips back and forth. “Like all the functions.”

Franky growled at Drac. “That’s what I said.”

“And it’s not in danger of falling off if things get a little… vigorous?”

Now Drac was just being a turd.

“Why would it fall off?”

“Well, you are stitched together…”

“In all the years I’ve been reanimated, nothing has fallen off and it is all still where the Doctor put it and everything works as it should.”

“Good to know.”

“Okay, okay, I think we’re getting off track here,” Bob noted. “Let’s start with the basics.”

“What do you consider basics?” Franky asked.

“Age, height, general body build, job, hobbies, that kind of thing.”

“He’s old,” Drac told Bob. “I’m not sure putting his actual age will get him any matches.”

Franky sat there with his mouth hanging open for a long moment. “Says the guy whose older than me by how many hundred years?”

Drac shrugged. “It’s not the years, it’s the mileage, baby. I tell you, if you want to look youthful, you just need to pick up a two pint a day habit.”

“I’m not drinking blood.”

“Your choice.”

“Besides. I look the same now as I did the day I was made. Better even.” There’d been a few scars that had been very badly sewn up, and he’d met a seamstress a few generations back who’d been a whiz with the needle. She’d taught him a thing or two in bed, too.

“This isn’t a contest,” Bob noted, ever the peacemaker. “We’re just trying to get Franky a few dates.”

“Well, are we going for dates or for hookups?” Drac asked.

Bob looked in his direction, and Franky shrugged. “I told you I’m not picky. I’d love for more than a one-nighter, but…” Well, a man had needs. Even a made-man like himself.

“So all of the above, eh?” Bob grinned and looked back at his laptop. “Okay. How about, a mature man, searching for conversation and more. Knows how to be a gentleman.”

“I can be very gentle,” Franky noted. “People don’t think so when they see me, but I can.” Just because he looked like a monster didn’t mean he wasn’t a good guy.

“This isn’t the jazziest of bios.” Bob ran his hand through his hair. “But it is nearly Halloween, so maybe the picture will draw people in.” Bob’s fingers flew over the keyboard. “Okay. There. Your profile is up.”

“Thank you, Bob!”

“I’m not making any promises that this is going to get you any dates, or even any interest.”

“I won’t get any dates if I don’t put myself out there.” Someone had told him that at some point. It didn’t make putting yourself out there and not getting dates feel any better, but it was true.

“True enough.” Bob grinned at him. “If this doesn’t work, I’ll take you out to a nightclub.”

“I like nightclubs.” Drac grabbed a bottle of dark red and filled his glass. Sitting back, he sipped at it. Franky was pretty sure it wasn’t wine, but he wasn’t going to ask.

“I don’t mind them, except that they’re so loud.” They tended to have darker lighting, which was kinder to his face, but sometimes, the noise assaulted his ears and he couldn’t stay for very long.

“Hopefully it won’t come to that. Or maybe we can try a bar first if it does. They’re not as loud. Usually.”

Drac nodded. “It depends entirely on the bar.”

Franky imagined Drac knew where all the loud and raunchy ones were.

Bob’s laptop began binging.

“What? Really? So many already?” Drac asked, moving to sit next to Bob and peer at the laptop screen.

“What?” Franky asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, you’re just getting an awful lot of interest.” Drac took another sip from his glass.

“Every bing is someone swiping right on your profile,” Bob explained.

“Each one is a new someone?” Franky asked. There were an awful lot of bings. Far more than he would have expected.

“Yeah. You’re going to be spoiled for choice.” Bob gave him two thumbs up and warm grin.

“I guess the stitched together look is popular this time of year.” Drac shook his head, like he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing.

Franky stuck his tongue out at Drac. He didn’t care if it was childish; it made him feel better.

“So what do I do next?”

“Come sit with me and decide if you want to get to know any of these people better.” Bob patted the empty space on his other side.

“Just don’t respond to them yet,” Drac told him. “You don’t want to seem too eager.”

“But I am eager.” He was very eager. He would love to get started meeting people tonight.

“But you don’t want them to know that!” Drac insisted.

“Why not?”

“It makes you look desperate and gives them the upper hand.”

“But I am desperate, and I don’t mind if they have the upper hand. What does that even mean?”

“It means they have the power in the relationship. You don’t want that.”

He frowned. “Why not.”

“Because you want to have the power.” Drac looked at him like he was crazy for needing it spelled out for him.

“I’m probably going to have a foot on anyone human, I’m strong as an ox and I can’t die. How much more power do I need?” Franky was convinced Drac was being dramatic for no reason. Or for nefarious vampire type reasons that didn’t apply to him.

“You want to be the one dictating the relationship,” Drac suggested. “And that’s got nothing to do with size or longevity.”

Franky shrugged. “I just want to meet people—I’m not playing games.”

“But they will be,” Drac insisted.

“No, I don’t believe that. At least not for all of them.” He could be just as stubborn about his beliefs as Drac. Possibly even more stubborn.

“Look, you’re both right,” Bob put in before Drac could counter him yet again.

“Some people will be playing games, some will want the upper hand even if they aren’t playing, and some are genuinely looking for something like what Franky is.

Unfortunately, it’s a matter of trial and error.

If you don’t meet them, you won’t know.”

Franky nodded. He agreed with that. “I’d like to get started meeting people, please. If they are playing games, I will eventually find out, but in the meantime, I don’t want to play games.”

“Then let’s arrange some meetups!”

Franky could get behind that.