Finding Her Strength (Sonoma #3)

3. Hope

3

HOPE

T he snip of my shears clicks through the room as the afternoon sunlight filters through the windows. The bouquet I’m making is for Mr. Shanihan, a sweet, older gentleman who brings flowers to his wife’s grave every week. The white and blue lilies stand out starkly against the dark countertop as I place them into their arrangement. Apparently, they were Mrs. Shanihan’s favorite.

My eyes flick up to watch him walk around my store. He’s always requested his bouquet to be ready at 3:00 p.m. on the dot, but he also comes twenty minutes early to pick them up every week. I’ve offered many times to make them earlier, but he only wants them right at three. I think he’s lonely. Coming here early gives him someone to talk to every week.

“Mr. Shanihan, you're looking very dapper today. Any particular reason you’re all dressed up?” He has on a western button-down shirt—pearl buttons and all—and a nice pair of denim jeans. His gray hair is combed over, while his faded blue eyes hold a sparkle in them I haven’t seen since I opened the shop. If I’m not mistaken, I think he’s even blushing.

“Can I let you in on a little secret, sweet Hope?” He grins at me, sauntering closer to my countertop as I finish up his flowers.

“Always,” I say, returning his grin.

“I’m going on a date.”

“Oh, my goodness.” I can’t help the chuckle that breaks free. “Who’s the lucky lady?”

“Well since you told me no so many times, I asked out another pretty girl. Her name is Elizabeth.”

Every time Mr. Shanihan came in to pick up his flowers, he’d ask me if this was the day I’d finally go out with him. I always told him I was flattered but was not the right girl for him.

“Are you talking about Mrs. Jensen?” I’ve heard she’s a rather eccentric woman. Someone once told me she likes to oil paint naked on her back deck.

“Yep.” He rocks back on his heels with his hands in his pockets, looking pleased as punch.

“Well, I hope you have the best time,” I tell him, handing over his flowers.

“Oh, I always have a good time.” He winks at me. All I can do is laugh in response. After Mr. Shanihan leaves, I clean up my shop, rearranging some of the displays sitting out on the table.

Today, I am closing a little early so I can have a virtual session with my counselor. I found her through an app when I first moved to Sonoma, and she’s been an integral part of helping me heal from my past. Over the last year, I’ve steadily been able to decrease my sessions to only once a month. I think I’ll be ready to cut back even more soon, which in and of itself is an achievement.

Walking back to my tiny office, I prepare my space for the session by lighting candles, organizing my desk, and doing what I can to remove any distractions and create an environment for healing .

When it’s time, I join the meeting, seeing my counselor’s face fill my computer screen. She’s a cute pixie of a woman, who doesn’t let me get away with anything. I really like her.

“Hello, Hope!”

“Hey, Joy. How are you doing?”

“Great. How’s your week been?”

“Pretty good. The store has been busy, which has been nice.”

“How far were you able to make it on the homework I gave you?”

“Um, I gave it a lot of thought. I even tried to talk to Claire. Open up a little more. I told her about my grandmother's flower garden.”

“How was it to talk with her about your grandmother?”

“Hard.” Emotions start rising up my chest.

“Let’s talk about that.”

The Mango Mart is surprisingly quiet this evening as I shop. This is one of the worst errands I have to do as an adult. Grocery shopping. I don’t have any real reason to not like the task. I just don’t. The worst part is I love cooking. There’s something special about being able to create foods however you like them. You can travel the world with a few special ingredients, all while staying in your kitchen. But having to take the time to find said ingredients is annoying.

I walk down the aisles, crossing things off my list as I go. Making a snap decision to check out the ice cream section, I start perusing the flavors. As I do, a man steps into the same aisle. My body goes on high alert as it always does, and I take him in out of the corner of my eye, doing my best to keep from being noticed.

His jeans are tight around his thighs, and his work boots are covered in paint. His navy blue ball cap is covering his face, so I can’t see much of it, but the way he fills out his T-shirt is… really nice.

My thoughts stop me short.

I don’t notice men or how they fill out clothes. I normally make sure I’m not in their vicinity at all.

This guy, though… I noticed him.

It’s probably because of what Joy brought up today during our session. She’d asked if I had thought any more about dating, and I vehemently denied the idea.

I do not need a man in my life. I’m perfectly content with the way things are. There’s no reason to bring in some random person who could disrupt everything.

I turn, making sure my back stays toward the man, and run through the rest of my grocery list. After I grab the last few items I need, I head up to the checkout lane.

The man with the blue hat is a couple of people in front of me, and, for a moment, I let my eyes roam over his shoulders since I can’t see his face. I didn’t know guys actually worked out enough to make their shoulders that large. I’ve read about muscles like his in my books but have never seen them in person.

Fascinating.

“You’re up, sweetheart,” a lady says from behind me, startling me into motion. I’d been so distracted I didn’t even realize it was my turn to check out.

“Sorry about that.” I sheepishly smile at her.

“Oh, don’t you worry. I was just as entranced. It would have been a shame not to stare at those fine muscles.” She winks, making me laugh.

I set my groceries on the belt, then finish checking out, waving goodbye to the woman behind me. When I’m home, I put everything away, turning on some music to fill the silence of my apartment .

Most of the time, my little space feels cozy, comfortable. Tonight, it feels a little empty. My conversation with Joy swirls in my head. She’s been encouraging me to start making friends, and for the first time since I moved here, I’m wondering if I might be ready.