30. Hope
30
HOPE
“ A re you sure this is okay to wear?” I turn, inspecting my shorts and yellow tank in the bathroom mirror.
“You look beautiful as always, babe.” Levi kisses me on the temple, then steps into my bedroom to get dressed.
We’re getting ready to go to Natalie and Tucker’s house tonight. I thought it was just going to be the girls there, but Levi said the guys were feeling left out, so they’re going to be there, too. I started to laugh when he first told me, thinking he was joking. He then explained how these guys genuinely liked hanging out with their women, and I should be prepared for a bunch of alpha men to become marshmallows around their women.
Then, I actually did laugh.
After it set in that there were going to be several more people at this gathering, I started to get nervous. Even though I’ve met almost everyone, I’m still worried about how I’ll interact with all of them. I know my old habits of staying out of the way aren’t going to work in this situation.
I’ve been going over all of the couples in my head so I don’t forget who they are. There’s obviously Quinn and Cooper, who I plan on sticking close to until I get comfortable. Max and Lucy will be there. I met them one night at Levi’s new house. Natalie and Tucker have a five-year-old boy, Noah, who they are trying to adopt. He doesn’t live with them yet but spends the weekends with them and will be there tonight since it’s not just a girls’ night anymore.
Then there’s Megan and Todd. I’ve interacted with Megan on several occasions since I moved here. She’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. I’ve yet to meet her husband, Todd, though. I also have only met Sara a couple of times. She came in with the girls to invite me to dinner, but they were only there for a few minutes.
For some reason, I’m most nervous to connect with her. I think I’ve made her out to be some kind of competition, even though I know that’s not the case. If Levi and Sara were supposed to be together, they already would be.
“You ready to go?” Levi peeks his head through the doorway. He’s got on a green fitted T-shirt that makes his eyes pop and khaki cargo shorts. The funny thing is he actually uses all of his pockets. I don’t know how his pants don’t fall down with the things he puts in them. Usually, it’s random nails or scrap pieces of wood, but he came home with a couple of screwdrivers once.
“Yes, let me grab my bag, then we can go.”
We leave the bedroom and head out to Levi’s truck. It’s a short drive from my house since Natalie and Tucker don’t live too far from me. When we pull up, there are cars parked all over the place, both in the driveway and on the sidewalk.
Jitters slide down my arms as I open the door to get out. It seems everyone is already here. The noise of the party is loud enough to filter outside.
Levi comes around the front of the truck and wraps his arms around my shoulders. “I parked on the street so we can leave anytime you want. We can be out of here in no time if you get overwhelmed.”
I press up onto my toes, placing my lips gently against his. I’m so grateful for how well he knows me. I don’t know how he learned my body language so quickly. Over the course of the last couple of weeks, he’s been so attuned to my every need. Never have I felt so seen or understood.
Levi quickly takes over the kiss as he usually does, twining his tongue with mine. His hand wraps around the side of my face, making the world fade around me so I only feel him. There are days I feel incredibly sad not to have known this could be my life. I’ve spent so much time alone, constantly on edge, afraid that if I allowed myself to slow down for even a minute, I’d suffer the painful consequences.
In this moment, as Levi’s lips slow our kiss down, happiness envelops me so strongly, it brings tears to my eyes. There, deep in the hazel-green eyes I’ve come to rely on, I see the future I’ve longed for. It scares the hell out of me while simultaneously filling me with such joy. I’m going to fall in love with this amazing man—if I haven’t already. I hope he doesn’t take advantage of that.
Levi takes my hand, leading me up the sidewalk toward the front steps of the house. Instead of knocking, he opens the door, walking right into the loud chatter of his friends, bellowing out a hello to rival his brother’s booming voice, and everyone responds in kind.
The small entryway leads directly into the living room. A staircase is to our left and a hallway goes toward the back of the house. It seems the party goers have already split off into guys and girls. The girls have taken over the side of the living room with the couches while the guys stand around the other side by the food.
Quinn jumps up from the couch with her wine glass in hand to give me a hug. I expect this will be how most of the introductions will go. With Levi’s help, my sensitivity to touch has lessened drastically. It only feels mildly uncomfortable now when it used to feel like you were taking a cheese grater to my skin .
“Oh, I’m so glad you’re here! Come on, let’s get a drink in your hand before we force the madhouse on you,” Quinn teases, easing some of my nerves. Levi squeezes my hand but lets Quinn pull me down the hall. The U-shaped kitchen is gorgeous with its granite countertops and dark cabinets. The dining room is open to the kitchen, and there are trays of food sitting out on the table. I’m pretty sure you could feed an army with the number of appetizers there are.
“What do you feel like drinking tonight? We’ve got a ton of wine, beer, and potentially even a cocktail or two.” Quinn steps up to the counter where several bottles of alcohol sit.
“Wine would be great. Whatever is open.”
Quinn starts pouring while I awkwardly stand there, waiting for her to finish. It’s annoying how out of place I feel, all because I lack the courage to put myself out there. These people have been nothing but welcoming to me, but my insecurities keep telling me I’ll never be good enough to fit in. Even though I know it’s irrational, it’s hard to get your brain to stop thinking the worst about yourself.
“I’ve already told the girls not to pry too much. We’d love for you to keep hanging out with us, so sit back, get to know the group, and you tell us what you want, when you want,” Quinn says quietly.
I’m overcome with gratitude for her friendship, and, completely out of character, I reach out to pull her into a hug. “Thank you so much for including me, Quinn.”
She gives me a squeeze in response, then pulls away to hand me my glass. We make our way back to the living room, and Levi catches my eye, silently asking if I’m okay with an eyebrow raise. I smile at him, happy to be included. He winks at me, making my grin widen. I love that wink.
I squeeze onto the couch next to Natalie and Megan, who both have glasses of wine in hand.
“I’m so glad you’re here! Did you get food? I sort of went crazy with the appetizers.” Natalie grins at me. Her beautiful red hair is swept back into a messy bun, and she’s got on yoga pants and a long-sleeve T-shirt. It makes me feel so much better about the casual clothes I’m wearing. I know she’s still healing from the house fire she was trapped in a couple of months ago, so I’m not surprised she has on long sleeves despite the summer heat.
“Not yet, but it looks great,” I respond.
“We have news!” Megan says as if she’s about to burst if she doesn’t tell everyone right away.
“Spill!” Lucy grins. I swear she’s one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. Her husband, Max, too, which was a surprise when I first met him. He came off as super intimidating before I got to know him.
“We’re getting our first kiddo!” Megan beams.
A chorus of yays echoes across the group as they all ask questions simultaneously.
“Is it a boy or girl?”
“Do you know their name?”
“Can you adopt him?”
Megan laughs, gesturing with her hands for the girls to stop talking. “It’s a boy, he’s seven, his name is Nathaniel. We don’t know a whole lot other than he’ll be arriving tomorrow.”
“This is amazing! I’ll see if Noah would be interested in meeting him once he gets settled at your house.”
“That would be great, Nat.”
I look over at Noah right as Tucker throws the little blond boy over his shoulder, making him squeal. I have a lot of respect for these people who are so willing to open their homes to kids who would never know love without them. It gives me a little sense of peace knowing Nathaniel and Noah will grow up surrounded by so much love.
“Hope, how was the beach? I’m so jealous you got to go,” Sara asks me after the group exhausted all their questions about Nathaniel .
“It was amazing but way too short. I’d never been before, so I wasn’t ready to come home yet.”
“You’d never been to the beach before? Where are you from?”
“West Virginia.” My tendency to clam up about my life has me holding my tongue from saying anything else. Oddly enough, there’s a large part of me that wants to share my life with them. I think having told Levi part of my story, I feel more accepting of my past than I ever have before.
I’m too used to holding things close to the vest, though, so I won’t be sharing my past tonight. It’s better this way. There are too many people here for a story as dark as mine.
“How’d you end up here?”
“My grandmother told me about this place. She used to live here when she was a girl and would tell me all these stories about how beautiful it was here. When I got my chance to move, I knew this was where I wanted to make my home.” The stories my grandmother used to tell me made it seem so idyllic. When I actually got here, the stories didn’t do it justice. It’s everything I dreamed it would be.
“How long did she live here? I wonder if our parents might know her,” Megan asks.
“She lived here until she graduated from high school. Then she moved to West Virginia with her husband’s family while she was in college. Her last name was Langley—like mine—so you could ask, but I doubt it.”
“Well, we’re glad she told you about this place—for more reasons than one.” Quinn nods her head over to Levi.
“Seriously, who knew Levi would be the one to settle down so quickly?” Natalie grins at me.
It’s easy to forget that Levi used to get around before we started dating. He’s still just as charming as he was the first day I met him, but after our trip to the beach, something about him feels almost… settled. Relaxed. Sometimes I wonder if he’ll get tired of my broken pieces. If he’ll decide it wo uld be easier to go back to that easy, playboy life. It wouldn’t surprise me if he did. I’m not the easiest choice.
“And I know I’ve never seen him this happy. It’s a good look on him,” Sara says, surprising me. Before Levi and I started dating, the two of them hung out frequently. I was worried she’d hate me for taking up all his time.
“Alice is over the moon despite being pissy about not getting any details,” Quinn says with a sly smile.
“What do you mean?” I haven’t heard anything from Alice about our relationship, so I’m surprised to hear Quinn say there’s something going on.
“Oh, Alice was on a warpath when everyone found out you and Levi started dating. She wanted all the details and was royally pissed at Levi for not telling her about you two. Since he hasn’t told her a single thing, she’s been pestering the hell out of me and Cooper.” If Quinn wasn’t grinning at me, I’d feel awful she was being hounded by Alice.
I’m not surprised in the least that Levi kept this from me. He’s always doing things to protect me. Keeping his mother at bay so I don’t have to share the details of our relationship is yet another way he’s proving how much he knows me. It would be incredibly difficult for me to say no to his mom, so him doing it for me makes me want to kiss him.
“I’m sorry you’re taking the brunt of her questions, but also, thank you for taking the heat for me.” I laugh, knowing we’ll have to give in to Alice’s request for information soon. Maybe I can invite her over for dinner one of these nights, and let her ask us whatever she wants. Levi is going to hate that idea.
I realize my glass is empty, so I stand to go back to the kitchen for a refill. When I walk in, Noah’s little hand reaches up to grab a cookie from a platter on the table. He peeks around the corner of the dining room, keeping a watchful eye on the adults. He turns to escape when he spots me and freezes .
I lift my hand to my lips and slide my finger and thumb across them like I’m zipping them. He grins so big there’s a chance it’ll split his face in two. He comes into the kitchen, munching on his cookie.
“What’s your name?” he asks.
“I’m Hope. You’re Noah, right?”
“Yep. Natalie and Tucker are going to be my mom and dad one day. I can’t wait. It’s taking forever.”
“I bet they’re excited, too.”
“Yeah. I like their friends. I used to be scared of new people ‘cause my first mom wasn’t a good one, but now, I’m going to have a great mom.” Noah keeps munching on his cookie as if he didn’t just drop a bomb. At only five, this little boy has had a hard life. Something I can relate to on a certain level. I may not have been as young as him, but I know what it’s like to suffer at the hands of a parent.
“Yes, you are,” I say in almost a whisper, overcome with emotion for a kiddo I barely know. I hope with all I have that this works out for him. He slips out of the kitchen and into the living room, most likely to find Natalie.
After taking a deep breath to clear my emotions, I grab a bottle of wine to refill my glass. My phone starts ringing in my pocket, surprising me. All the people who would call are in the other room. When I pull it out, Unknown is flashing on the screen.
“Hello?”
“Rosemary…”
My body freezes instantly.
No.
I wasn’t supposed to hear from him ever again.
“That’s not my name,” I croak, barely able to get the words out.
“I know. Sorry, Hope. You know I wouldn’t call if it wasn’t important. I have news. ”
I don’t say anything. I wouldn’t know what to say, even if I could get the words past the lump in my throat.
“He’s out. On a fucking technicality. His lawyers found an issue with some of the evidence, and they won the appeal.”
My breath freezes in my lungs.
Even though the kitchen is empty, I still glance around the room, afraid he’ll be standing in the corner, watching me like he used to do.
“Watch your back,” he warns, his voice deadly serious.
Then, the phone goes dead.