36. Hope
36
HOPE
I freeze.
He knows.
He knows everything.
I don’t know how he knows or who told him, but by the look on his face, he knows my whole story.
“Answer the question, please,” he says, his voice harder than I’ve ever heard him speak to me.
“My legal name is Hope Langley, but it used to be Rosemary Hope Malatelli.”
“And why the fuck wouldn’t you tell me something like that?”
Tears well in my eyes. I close them, unable to look at Levi’s hurt face. “Because I didn’t think you’d be safe if you knew the whole story. I thought I was protecting you.”
His long, drawn-out sigh makes me open my eyes again. He’s pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes closed, while defeat surrounds him. It’s killing me to see him like this. All because I was too afraid to bring my truth to him. If I truly think about it, I wasn’t trying to protect him. I was trying to protect myself. I thought if I told him the whole vile truth, he’d walk away. He’d find someone else who wasn’t as broken or as sullied as I am.
“Tell me the story. The whole story, leaving nothing out.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
I follow him into the living room, leaving our dinner plates on the counter. My heart cracks when Levi sits in the chair, forcing me to sit by myself on the couch.
He sits there, looking at me, and I realize he’s waiting on me to start.
“Everything I told you was true. There are only two parts of my story that I didn’t tell you about: how I got to Sonoma and my relationship with Antony.” I pause, hoping for something from Levi. A reassuring nod or an acknowledgment of my stress, but I don’t get anything. It’s not like I deserve his reassurances; I’ve broken his trust. Why would he feel the need to make me feel better when I haven’t done anything to earn that response?
Clearing my throat, I open myself fully, telling him the entire shameful tale.
“When my dad died, I had this small glimmer of hope where I thought I was finally free. I was already paying all our expenses, and without Dad taking his gambling money, I would’ve had plenty to live on. I was finally going to get my dream of being on my own. But a couple of days before my dad died, Antony came to the hospital and told me about my dad’s gambling debt. Everything we owned was going to Antony to pay for Dad’s debt. Cars, furniture, even our apartment, which I later found out Antony owned.
“When Antony told me about how the debt was to be paid, he dropped another bomb on me. I was also a part of the deal. My dad sold me. Like a piece of property. I always knew he didn’t care about me, that he was pissed about having to take care of me, but in that moment, I finally understood I was truly nothing to him.”
My gaze flicks to Levi. His elbows are resting on his knees, hands tightly fisted together. His jaw is clenched so hard I can see the strain in his temple. His entire body is rigid with anger. It’s making me nervous, but I push through it so I can finish explaining.
“I tried to run. The minute I could, I tried to get out of the city, even though I only had a few thousand dollars. I knew going with Antony would be a prison sentence. But he found me. I had no idea the power Antony had back then, how large his reach truly was.
“When Antony caught me, I was more than his prisoner. I became his wife. By then, I was so defeated by my life, I just did it. I didn’t have any fight left in me, so I married him.
“The first few months were okay, mostly verbal abuse and the coffee cup incident, but then I ordered the wrong kind of cigars, and Antony lost it. I’d never been beaten like that before. Afterward, I finally understood what my life was going to be like. There was no escaping my fate, so I did what I could to make the abuse better. I kept silent. I did everything perfectly. Whatever it took to keep the beatings minimal. He started raping me about a year after I moved in. Said it was my payment for all the luxuries I was afforded by being his wife.
“It didn’t happen frequently, only when he felt like I was getting too comfortable in his house or a beating I took didn’t satisfy him enough. Then, one day, I stumbled upon a meeting Antony was having with his associates. At that point, I still wasn’t sure how he earned all of his money. I knew it wasn’t legal, but I didn’t know any specifics.
“This meeting was about his operation getting thwarted by the cops. Someone was leaking information to police, and his shipments kept getting seized. I later found out he was running both guns and drugs. Sometimes even humans, although I never got evidence to support that.
“I was eavesdropping, trying to learn as much as I could, when Tomas, one of Antony’s associates, found me listening in on the meeting. I hightailed it out of the house before he could confront me. And even though I’d left before Antony could punish me, I knew the minute I got home I was going to die. He wouldn’t have allowed me to live, knowing I had listened in on his meeting.
“Except, he didn’t. Nothing happened when I got home, or even at dinner that evening. I spent three days absolutely terrified of what was going to happen. I’d even gone so far as to accept my death. After living in hell for two years, I figured death would be a welcome reprieve.
“It was only after a full week of waiting for the shoe to drop did I finally realize that Tomas didn’t tell Antony anything. From then on, I did my best to keep gathering information as well as actual evidence. It wasn’t easy. It took me about a year before I had enough to do anything with.
“A few days before I was going to go to the police with my information, Tomas busted into the house with a SWAT team to arrest Antony along with anyone else in the house, including me. It was a scary few days, but I was able to tell Tomas about all the evidence I had collected over that year.
“Some of it helped solidify their case, but I wasn’t able to testify since I was his wife. It was probably for the best since I would’ve been in danger if I had. After he was sentenced, Tomas helped me change my name, get all new identification, and divorce Antony while he was in prison. Antony tried to stop it, but the courts agreed that he married me under false pretenses, so I was able to get it approved without any contingencies.
Then I hopped on a bus and made my way here. I still had the money I’d saved up before my dad’s death, and I found out my grandmother had left me a small inheritance that I was able to access upon my twenty-first birthday, though my dad and Antony kept this information from me. It was enough to set up my shop and get by until I started turning a profit. ”
I pause but can’t yet look at Levi. I can feel the anger radiating off him. I don’t want to know if he’s angry at me or my story. Probably both if I had to guess. I know he will definitely be angry when I tell him this next part.
“There’s one more thing I need to tell you… Tomas called me a while ago to tell me Antony managed to get out of prison on a technicality… I think he’s here. In Sonoma.”
“Fuck!”
I flinch at Levi’s outburst as he starts pacing from the living room to the kitchen, hands constantly running through his hair. I don’t know what to do right now. I’ve never seen him so agitated or angry, and if I’m honest, I’m a little afraid of what’s going to happen next.
“Levi,” I whisper, needing something from him to tell me what to do.
He stops in his tracks, turning toward me. His wild eyes take me in, and it’s as if a balloon pops in his chest as he deflates. He slowly makes his way back toward me, sitting next to me on the couch. He wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his strong chest.
His lips meet the top of my head, and I feel the same balloon of tension deflate in my own chest.
“I’m going to be honest, I’m super pissed at you right now. You could’ve trusted me with your story, and it hurts that you didn’t. I can understand being scared after everything you’ve been through, but I thought I’d proven myself to be your safe place, Hope.”
“I was going to tell you tonight. I swear. But I’m sorry I didn’t trust you earlier. I was scared. I’ve lived almost my whole life in fear of saying the wrong thing or sharing too much of myself that will be used against me. It’s a hard habit to break. I wouldn’t be in your arms right now if I didn’t trust you, Levi. It’s going to take time for me to get used to being able to trust you all the time, no matter what.”
Another kiss to the top of my head has me relaxing further into his arms. “I’m also pissed you didn’t tell me you think Antony is here. You’ve been living in fear these last few days all alone. I could’ve helped you. We need to call Cooper. Tell him what’s going on.”
“Fear makes you do a lot of things you wouldn’t have thought you’d be capable of doing. I was afraid he’d hurt you or the others. I know he’s got eyes everywhere, so he knows who to threaten to get me to do what he wants. I actually feel selfish. If I were stronger, I would’ve left so Antony couldn’t hurt any of you.”
“Absolutely not. You’re not leaving, and we are telling Cooper whether you want to or not.”
I sigh, happy Levi isn’t running for the hills, even though he has every right to. “Okay, Levi. We can tell Cooper. Just know, there’s nothing he can do. Antony has every right to be here whether we like it or not. I don’t have a restraining order on him, and he’s out free and clear. He can do whatever he wants.”
“Not if I have anything to say about it.”