Finding Her Strength (Sonoma #3)

38. Hope

38

HOPE

W ith my heart in my throat, I step into the police station. Memories from my past threaten to overtake me as we walk down the sterile, white hallways to Cooper’s office. When I did this two years ago, I never thought I’d have to do it again. I thought I was finally free from the terror of my life.

At this point, I don’t think I’ll ever be free of it. It will always be a part of me. The broken pieces of my soul may fuse back together over time, but the cracks will never go away. They are my story, making up the pieces of who I am. I do not have to be defined by those cracks, but I will carry them with me, knowing I survived.

Finally sharing my whole truth with Levi last night allowed me to lay down all my burdens, giving me a chance to accept the kind of love I deserve after all these years. It’s finally time for me to accept who I am now, and who I want to be in the future.

Cooper is sitting behind his desk, a stack of papers on one side, a computer monitor on the other. He’s bent over a folder, immersed in whatever is on the paper in front of him.

Levi lightly knocks on his door, signaling our arrival .

“Hey, guys,” Cooper says, a small smile at the corner of his mouth. He stands from his chair to give Levi a hug, then steps to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders. I know my body is stiff throughout the hug, but I’m genuinely happy he hasn’t started treating me differently despite knowing my history.

Levi told me last night that it was Cooper who figured out what happened to me. I haven’t quite decided how I feel about everyone knowing my story. I’m sure Cooper told Quinn, and I could almost guarantee she told the rest of the girls. They share everything with each other.

“So, I’m going to be honest, I know pretty much everything about the trial as well as who you were before you came to Sonoma. I feel a little guilty about not letting you share your story with us yourself, but after what happened with Quinn last year, I couldn’t take any chances.”

“I totally understand. I should’ve been honest earlier, but living your life in fear tends to do some damage.” I genuinely do understand why Cooper did what he did. Quinn was kidnapped and almost killed last year. Cooper barely found her in time, otherwise, she would have died from blood loss.

“With that in mind, you need to know that Antony is probably in town. I don’t have solid proof, but I got this note from him a few days ago.” I hand Cooper the note I received along with the envelope. Levi put it in a ziplock bag so we’d keep it safe. He even wore gloves while he did it.

Cooper reads the note and swears. “Why didn’t you say anything before now?”

“Fear mostly. I also know there’s nothing you can do other than keep an eye out. I don’t have a restraining order against him. He’s out of prison free and clear and has every right to be here.”

“Does he know you were the one to give the police evidence?”

“No. I provided the evidence I’d collected over the years, but being his wife, they didn’t want to risk a mistrial if I testified. Seems like him going free couldn’t have been avoided, apparently.”

“Is there any other reason he’d be here to harm you? If he doesn’t know you were the reason he went to prison, I don't understand why he’d be here in the first place.”

I thought Cooper knew everything already. I guess his reports didn’t mention the abuse, which makes sense. It was never a part of the trial, so there’s no reason Cooper would know about it.

Levi grabs my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He knows how hard it’ll be for me to tell Cooper my whole story. The odd thing is, I’m not as nervous about telling him as you’d think I would be. I don’t know if it’s Levi’s love or my healing that is making me feel like this. Probably both if I had to guess.

“Antony abused me,” I say finally. “The trifecta, actually. Verbally, physically, and sexually.” I manage to keep Cooper’s eye contact, even though his whole demeanor goes hard in anger. His jaw clenches along with his hands. “It wasn’t part of the trial because I didn’t want it to be. I knew if he was brought up on domestic abuse charges, I would have had to testify in person, and I was not in a place where I could do that. I also didn’t have proof of the abuse, so it likely would’ve ended in a he said, she said situation that I was not strong enough to deal with at the time. I knew he’d be going away for running drugs and guns, so that was enough for me. I didn’t expect him to get out of prison on a technicality.”

“Hope… I don’t have the right words to tell you how sorry I am for what you’ve been through. I will never understand what motivates people to hurt others so sadistically.” Cooper’s words are quiet but vehement. His response makes me even more grateful to be able to call this man a friend.

Maybe I’ll be able to build up the courage to tell the girls my story, as well .

“How can we catch this bastard?” Levi asks, attempting to move the focus away from what I went through. I squeeze his hand in thanks.

“For starters, Hope, you don’t go anywhere by yourself. I want someone with you at all times.”

“I can take you to and from work. Since you’ve got both Claire and Sam at the shop now, you should be covered until I can come pick you up,” Levi offers.

I can only nod my head at the overwhelming display of protection between these two men.

“The cameras at Quinn’s rental house are still up but not running, so we can start there. I’d like to set up a couple at your store, too. One covering the front door, the other covering the alleyway in the back. I can have those set up today when we get done here.”

“And if he contacts her again?” Levi asks.

“The only thing we can do at this point is file for a restraining order. Other than that, Hope is right. There’s not much else we can do.” Cooper looks at me. “Do you have any questions or anything else we need to talk about?”

“I don’t think so, but I’m also a little overwhelmed right now.”

Cooper smiles at me and nods his head. He and Levi finalize the rest of the protection detail while I attempt to keep up. There are entirely too many thoughts swirling in my head right now. Both positive and negative.

I’m realizing how incredible my life has become in such a short time. I have friends, people who love me enough to want to do whatever they can to protect me. I have a boyfriend who still loves me despite my keeping a ginormous secret from him.

I also have a vindictive, psycho ex-husband out to get me.

Jesus. I was so close to having everything I’ve ever wanted, and Antony had to ruin it. Again.

Tuning back into the conversation, I realize they’re wrapping things up. “Cooper, before we go, I need you to know, there’s nothing Antony won’t do to get his way. He’s a sociopath capable of anything. Please keep your eyes out, and tell Quinn to be safe. I don’t know what he’ll do to get me back in his clutches, but I wouldn’t put it past him to use those closest to me to get what he wants.”

Cooper looks at me for a moment, then nods his head. “We’ll find him, Hope. I promise.”

Levi leads me out of Cooper’s office, still holding my hand in his. Despite knowing we’re doing everything we can to protect ourselves, there’s still a pit in my stomach. A feeling of disquiet settles in my gut, telling me something bad is about to happen.

Something we won’t see coming.