Finding Home

30. Caleb

Chapter 30

Caleb

I triple check the straps on Raine’s car seat in the back of my new Volvo. “This is gonna be so much fun, Rainey. You’re gonna love feeding the ducks.”

“Duckies!” Raine shouts, fist pumping the air.

My stomach twists again. Little does she know, she won’t be feeding them with me.

When the social worker revealed I’d have to do this unthinkable thing—namely, bring my sweet angel of a daughter to meet the devil himself—granted, under the watchful eye of the social worker—I tried to refuse. Pleaded my case. But apparently, the exercise is court-ordered and non-negotiable. And so, after some major reassurances from the social worker and a very long conversation with Aubrey last night, here I am, strapping my baby girl into my car to do something I don’t want to do. I wanted Aubrey to come with me for the hand-off today, but the social worker said things will go more smoothly for Raine, in terms of her separation anxiety, if she only has to say one goodbye.

“It’s going to be okay,” Aubrey says behind me, as I shut the back door of the car .

“If he lays a finger on her, I’m pulling the plug.”

“He won’t. The social worker said she’s instructed him not to touch her at any time.”

“Just saying, if he does, I’m taking her away.”

“We have to follow the judge’s order, Caleb. Keep your eye on the forest, not the trees here. Please .”

The meeting spot for today is a neighborhood park with a duck pond that’s only about five miles away from my house. As I park the Volvo in the parking lot, the social worker waves in greeting. A moment later, a white-haired man exits a car that’s already parked nearby.

Ralph Beaumont .

By now, I’ve seen him in photographs. But now that I’m seeing him in the flesh, I’m even more convinced he was the fucker on the rowboat. Unfortunately, Rowboat Guy was too far away to know for sure, though.

“Duckies!” Raine shouts from the back seat, kicking her legs happily, and a spear of guilt impales me. My shy, skittish daughter trusts me completely now. How can I betray her trust by handing her off to two strangers, even if only for a few minutes? The social worker handled Raine perfectly the other day, as promised, so I guess it’s possible she’ll work miracles with her again today, even in Ralph’s presence. But there’s something about Ralph’s demeanor that sends a chill down my spine, and I’m worried Raine will sense it, too.

“Lots of duckies,” I mutter. “You’re going to have so much fun.”

With a crashing heart, I exit the car, unstrap Raine, and carry her in a tight embrace toward the social worker and the devil himself.

“Hello, Mr. Baumgarten,” the social worker says politely. To Raine, she says with a smile, “Remember me? We played dolls together in your room.”

Raine nuzzles shyly into my chest and doesn’t speak.

“Hi, Raine,” Beaumont says. He takes a step forward, so I take a step back, much to his obvious annoyance. “I’m your grandpa,” he adds. “Your mommy’s father.”

I bite my tongue. You’re not Raine’s grandpa. And you weren’t poor Claudia’s father, either. You were her fucking rapist.

“I heard you like to feed ducks,” Beaumont continues. “I was thinking we could feed them together and talk about your mommy.”

The social worker says something about me putting Raine down, but I reflexively squeeze her tightly against me, like I’m protecting her from shrapnel from an explosion.

“Mr. Baumgarten, she’ll be fine,” the social worker says. “I’ll be here the whole time.”

“You want to feed ducks with this nice lady?” I choke out.

“No,” Raine says into my chest, and my heart feels like it’s physically cracking.

“You love feeding ducks, Shortcake.”

“Dadda feed ducks.”

The social worker tries to coax her, but Raine digs in her proverbial heels.

I’m at a loss.

Unwilling to set her down, now that she’s clinging to me for dear life .

But like Aubrey said, this isn’t optional. I’m required to do this by court order.

Shit. If I come home and tell Aubrey I never handed Raine over today, she’s going to lose her shit. “Just for a few minutes,” I coo to Raine. “It’ll be fun.” I start to put her down again, but she clings to me even more fiercely and screams, “No, Dadda! No, no, nooooo!”

My heart feels like it’s shattering into a million pieces. No is her favorite word these days, but her normal protestations don’t sound anything like this. In this moment, my baby sounds genuinely terrified. Like she’s seen a ghost. Does she have a sixth sense about this dangerous, soulless man, or is my body language somehow setting her off?

Stuffing down tears, I tell Raine I’ll be nearby. That this will only take a few minutes. That this is the same nice lady she played dolls with the other day. But reasoning with a toddler is a fool’s errand, and my words have zero impact.

Finally, the social worker tries her hand at coaxing Raine. And just as she seems to be softening a bit in my arms, maybe even warming to the idea, Ralph starts barking at her to be obedient and do as she’s told, and my baby bursts into tears and clutches me for dear life.

Fuck it.

He might not have touched her, but his harsh tone clearly scared her shitless. Whether I’m under a court order or not, I’m going to do what’s best for my daughter and get her the hell out of here.

Holding Raine firmly against my chest, I coo, “It’s okay, baby. You don’t have to go. Dadda’s got you.” As Ralph loses his shit, I glare at the social worker, daring her to contradict me. “Either I’m staying here with her, or I’m taking her away now. ”

“He can’t do this!” Ralph barks. “Make him give her to me!”

“ Sir ,” the social worker says to Ralph. “Take a step back and keep quiet.”

“I will not keep quiet. He’s violating my legal rights!”

“ Sir, step back . I won’t warn you again.”

I’ve heard enough.

With my arms wrapped securely around Raine, I say to the social worker, “My daughter is obviously terrified of this man, and for good reason. He’s a stranger to her.”

Beaumont scoffs. “Says the guy who only met her a month ago.”

I have no comeback for that, unfortunately, so I turn and stride silently to my car, as Beaumont screams bloody murder behind me and the social worker yells at him to calm down and remain quiet.

“You’re okay, baby,” I whisper soothingly to Raine, as I strap her into her car seat. “Dadda’s got you. I’m taking you home now, baby.”

Raine wipes a tear. “To Mommy?”

The last remaining, dangling shard of my heart splinters and crumbles. “No, love, to our house at the beach.”

I shut the door on her tear-streaked face, quaking with adrenaline. As I head to the driver’s door, Ralph shouts, “Thanks for violating the court’s order, asshole! That’s only going to help me and hurt you, dumbass!”

I slide into the driver’s seat, feeling sick to my stomach. Is he right? Am I screwing myself by walking away? Am I too focused on a specific tree, rather than the forest?

I pull my car out of the spot, as Ralph charges at my car, his face as red as a beet.

As he approaches, I roll down my window. Not to hear the string of expletives he’s shouting at me, but to shout something I probably shouldn’t: “See you in court, motherfucker! And after that, in fucking hell.”

After leaving the park, I’m tempted to drive around aimlessly for an hour or so. Long enough for Raine to fall asleep and for me to act like everything went according to plan, when I return home to Aubrey. But, of course, I can’t do that. I promised Aubrey full honesty. Good, bad, or ugly. In this case, ugly, unfortunately.

As I pull into my driveway, I’m surprised to find Raine already fast asleep in the back. Apparently, that whole experience at the park was exhausting her. For me, too, honestly. I’m wiped.

As I retrieve my daughter’s sleeping frame from her car seat and head inside, I practice the speech I’m going to give to Aubrey. The explanation. The excuse, really. But the second I see her worried, surprised face in the living room, my brain flips into fight or flight mode, and I forget everything I’ve been planning to say.

“What happened?” Aubrey gasps out. “Why are you back so early?”

“Let me get her into bed first,” I murmur, as I walk past her with Raine in my arms.

I swiftly head to Raine’s bedroom with Aubrey trailing behind and her panic wafting off her body and into my back like a palpable thing.

I get Raine settled onto her bed, march out of her room, and close the door behind Aubrey and me. And the second I’m alone with Aubrey in the hallway, even before I’ve said a single word, I nearly lose control of my emotions .

“What is it?” Aubrey asks, anxiety overtaking her features. “What happened?”

I can barely speak through the tremble in my voice. “I think maybe I fucked up.”

“ How ? Caleb, tell me what happened.”

I want to explain it to her, but I can’t find the right words. If Aubrey chews me out again, the same way she did in the middle of the street outside her parents’ house weeks ago, I’ll cry like a baby this time, and I don’t want to do that.

“You left without doing the hand-off?” she asks in a worried tone.

“I swear to God, Aubrey, it felt like Raine was channeling Claudia or something. I’m not a big believer in supernatural stuff, but it was like Raine knew she shouldn’t be anywhere near that man.” In a ramble, I describe the whole thing. And to my extreme relief and surprise, when I’m finished talking, Aubrey isn’t mad. In fact, she doesn’t even shake her head in disappointment. On the contrary, she pulls on my shirt, guiding me to her, and plants a tender, heartfelt kiss on my lips.

“You did good,” she murmurs. “You protected her.”

“I violated a court order. What if I’ve fucked us over?”

“We have to have faith in the social worker. She was there. She saw the situation. She’ll back you up.”

“But what if she doesn’t?” I rub my forehead, feeling stressed. I need to drink, bang on my drums, cry, fight, smoke, or fuck; and since only one of those options is currently available to me in this hallway, the very best one, I pick up Aubrey by her ass and carry her to my bedroom, kissing her passionately as we go.

When I reach my bed, I lay her down, peel off her clothes and mine, and breathlessly open the drawer of my nightstand to pull out a condom.

“No need,” Aubrey whispers hoarsely. “Come here. I want you inside me.”

She doesn’t need to ask me twice. I don’t know if that means Aubrey’s on some type of birth control, or if she’s saying she’s willing to risk getting knocked up by me. But, frankly, it doesn’t matter which it is, because, suddenly, other than getting custody of my daughter and living here in LA with both her and Aubrey, I can’t think of anything I’d enjoy more than putting a baby inside Aubrey fucking Capshaw.

I sit on the edge of the bed with my hard cock straining toward the ceiling, and Aubrey straddles me and slides herself onto my full length without delay or hesitation.

“You did so good,” she whispers, her palms on either side of my face and her eyes boring into mine. “You protected your baby girl today, exactly like a good father should.”

I grip her for dear life, praying she’s right about that, and Aubrey rides me, kisses me, and coaxes me with whispered words, like I’m a runaway, wild stallion, and she’s gently luring me back to the barn.

“ Aubrey ,” I grit out, digging my fingers into her bare back. “ I’m sorry, baby .”

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” She grabs my face, presses her forehead to mine. “ Caleb .”

Holy fuck. This feels electric. I’ve never been honest like this. Not completely. I’ve always doled out half-truths to protect myself. Kept my mouth shut, when speaking wasn’t in my best interest. But with Aubrey, complete honesty is the only option. “ Aubrey ,” I whisper tightly, as my pleasure spikes and threatens to shove me over the abyss .

“I’ve got you, baby,” Aubrey whispers, her voice breathless and on the verge of breaking. She’s never called me baby before, I don’t think. I’ve called her that, countless times; but not the other way around. And for some reason, hearing the word out of her mouth feels like she’s electrocuting my nerve endings in the best possible way.

Gasping for air, I touch her clit as she gyrates on top of me, desperate for her to come before I lose control. Thankfully, it doesn’t take long before Aubrey grips my shoulders, hard, and unleashes an orgasm that squeezes my hard cock inside her with such blissful force, I’m momentarily blinded by pleasure.

“ Aubrey ,” I grit out, as my release overwhelms me. The word isn’t enough, but it’s the best I can do for now. A necessary stand-in for what I really want to say in this watershed moment: I love you, Aubrey Capshaw. And, baby, I’m positive I always will.