Finding Home (Build-A-Pack #2)

Chapter Seventeen

Rian

W hen Holden didn’t come home when we expected, everyone got worried. Sure, it was a small town, but he was a cop, and it was a dangerous profession.

We managed to get everyone to go to bed, but Brodie told me he’d stay up for Holden. That meant Kye wouldn’t sleep either, and of course, it wasn’t as if I was going to get any sleep before I knew he was safe.

The smell of gasoline told me something bad had happened. Even without it, he looked devastated in a way I hadn’t seen him before.

I took off my clothes and he pushed his underwear off. I followed him under the water. I could tell he was shutting down, and I knew that when my brain wanted to do the same thing, I either needed pain or to be taken care of in some other way. From what I knew about Holden, he needed touch.

Grabbing my shower gel and a sponge, I made sure there were a lot of lightly fragrant suds before I began to clean him. I washed his body first. I ran the soapy sponge along his back and then his front, washing everything but his hands. Those could wait for now.

Then I picked up my shampoo and lathered his hair. He let me maneuver his body, lowered his head when needed, and let me do everything I needed to. There was an emptiness in his gaze, but I knew it would fade, eventually.

I didn’t tell him that if he needed to talk about whatever had happened, I would listen. He knew that already. He also knew that if he didn’t want to talk to me, there would be someone else in our pack who would gladly sit with him as he expelled whatever had hurt him so much.

Once he was clean elsewhere, I grabbed the sponge again. I squeezed a lot of the shower gel into it, then took one of Holden’s big hands and began to carefully rub it clean inch by inch. I had to stop to pull out a few splinters his healing skin had already covered. I winced with each one, but he didn’t seem affected by the physical side of things.

By the time I made it to his other hand, his shoulders were shaking as he sobbed quietly.

I turned off the water and lifted his hand to my nose. There was a hint of gasoline still lingering, but my sense of smell wasn’t quite acute as a wolf’s. I moved the hand to his own nose. “Good enough?”

He gave it a sniff and nodded. “Yes. Thank you,” he rasped, his voice sounding rough, as if he’d been screaming for hours.

I got us out of the shower and dried us both, then guided him to my room.

Cindy was asleep on my pillow, and she opened her eyes, did a kitty stretch, and chirped at Holden.

“You take care of your dad for a moment, girl,” I told her as Holden sat on the edge of the bed.

I dashed into their room and got Holden a pair of boxer shorts from his dresser. I wondered how much clothing he had left at his house, when his dresser and closet here seemed so full.

I went back to my room and found Holden sitting where I’d left him, but he was holding Cindy to his chest. She was purring up a storm.

“Here. Unless you want to sleep in the nude?” I asked, holding the underwear to him.

He carefully set the cat down and got to his feet, then pulled on the boxer shorts. I put on a pair of briefs, then went to the bed.

“Go on. I’ll be the big spoon tonight,” I promised him.

I noticed his phone had appeared on my bedside table, and someone had even plugged it in.

“Do you need an alarm?” I asked as I climbed into bed after him.

“No. Penny will handle everything at the station for me, I’m sure. I promised to have a report written and sent by midday, but that’s it.”

“Okay. Let’s get some sleep,” I murmured. I reached over to turn off the lamp and then pressed myself against his back.

I wanted to take all this pain away from him. It didn’t matter where it had come from, I just wanted him to not be in pain.

Cindy walked over us and settled above our pillows. She began to purr again, or maybe she hadn’t stopped. Either way, I wrapped myself around Holden and held onto him, while the cat purred us to sleep.

I briefly woke up a couple of hours later, when the bed moved. We’d turned at some point, and I was the little spoon. When I looked over my shoulder, I saw Brodie behind Holden. Kye was climbing into bed, too.

Holden was asleep, somehow deep enough that he didn’t wake up. He’d followed me to the edge where I’d rolled, and there was plenty of space for Brodie and Kye on the other side.

They settled on top of the covers, and Kye draped himself halfway on top of Brodie, who pulled an extra blanket over them both.

I sighed happily, knowing that their presence would relax Holden’s wolf even more.

The next time I woke, it was to Holden tensing behind me, and then a few sleepy words exchanged between him and Brodie. Before I could decipher what they were saying, I heard Kye say he was going to the bathroom and then to start breakfast before he kissed Brodie.

Smiling at the sound, I rolled over to cuddle against Holden. Brodie moved closer to Holden, too. We sandwiched him between us.

“Feeling any better?” I asked quietly.

I had my face squished against his chest, and I felt Brodie put his arm over us like an alpha big spoon. It was cute.

“Yeah.” Holden sighed. “I’ll get worse later, I’m sure.” He took a deep breath, released it slowly, then said, “One of the deputies had to shoot a man last night. I was taking someone to Coudersport and didn’t get back in time to take the call. It was already happening when I got there.”

Ah. He was already blaming himself, or if he wasn’t, he was going to. Brodie’s fingers on my hip tightened minutely, he’d had the same thought.

“Something to do with gasoline?” he asked Holden.

“A man trapped his wife and kids in their home, then doused everything inside and out with gasoline. The deputy shot him when he was about to drop a Zippo in a pile of doused junk outside.”

I hissed. “Is the family okay?”

“Hopefully. They were taken to the hospital. All the kids are small and she’s incredibly pregnant, so….”

So, there was no telling, depending on how bad their fume inhalation had been. I also assumed the family was all human, not that wolf kids wouldn’t suffer from gasoline fumes, as well.

The door creaked a tiny bit as Carys peeked in. She saw the cuddle pile and came to join us by attaching herself to my back.

Then she reached her hand to put it on Holden’s neck, the way a wolf would.

“I’m glad you’re back home,” she whispered, and I could hear the relief in her words.

Holden reached to touch her back. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

After a few more minutes, Brodie sighed and withdrew from the tangled up bodies. “I’m going to go help Kye with breakfast. Max and Ben should be up soon, too. Maybe take this to the couch so we can eat while we cuddle?” He rounded the bed and held a hand out to Carys. “Come on, let’s leave them to get dressed.”

He yanked her up, making her squeak, and she bitched at him all the way out of the room. Cindy got up by the pillows and stretched. Then she jumped off the bed and went to do her kitty thing somewhere else.

I leaned back so I could look at Holden. “You know I’m here. Anytime. Whatever you need, Holden.”

He smiled slightly, his eyes tired and weary, but the emptiness from last night was gone. “I know. Thank you, honey.” He leaned closer to kiss me chastely, then pulled me close into a hug.

After a moment of clinging to each other, I said, “Let’s get up. Brodie’s not wrong; this will be easier on the couch once everyone wants to join in.”

Holden chuckled, and we got our morning started.

It wasn’t that late, but it was later than normal. Luckily Ben had mentioned last night he had a later shift today. Holden would feel shitty if he thought he’d made Ben miss work.

Within half an hour, we all had scrambled eggs and bacon that had been chopped into smaller pieces so we could eat from bowls while sitting on the couch under blankets.

“Oh Holden? I managed to get your uniform and pants clean. I can try with your jacket, but it might be harder since I think the gasoline is soaked into the sleeves a little,” Kye said apologetically.

“It’s fine. They can get me a new jacket,” Holden said easily, but I could feel the tension creep back into his body.

“And your boots are basically done for. You need a new pair of those as well.” Brodie grimaced.

“Well fuck,” Holden groaned. “I hate breaking in new boots.”

“Who doesn’t?” Max commented. “Even with the wolf healing and not really getting blisters the way humans do, it’s annoying as all hell.”

Everyone made agreeing noises, before we all laughed. At least it dissolved some of Holden’s tension, and we continued to eat and prepare mentally for the day.

“I don’t know what time I’ll be home today. I’ll try to see if I’m allowed to visit the deputy who was involved in the shooting, but I’m not going to work my usual shift, I’ll get someone to cover for myself, too.”

“Can you take tomorrow off?” Brodie asked in his caring alpha tone.

Holden sighed. “I’ll see what I can do.” He gave Brodie a small, almost sad smile.

He didn’t have a lot of staff and with one deputy out, they probably had to work overtime already. Holden’s precious time off as the senior deputy of his station was not going to be easy to hold onto unless they got reinforcements from elsewhere.

After breakfast, Holden borrowed a jacket and some boots from Brodie and headed to work.

Ben left soon after, and I was about to ask everyone else about their plans when my phone rang.

These days, it was so rare, that I startled as I grabbed it off the coffee table.

“Luca? What’s wrong?” I asked instead of greeting him like a normal person.

I could hear him breathing at the other end of the line, a hitch from a sob occasionally rattling through in an alarming way.

Eventually, he managed to push out, “C-Check TMZ.”

I snapped my fingers and Max, the only one who had stayed on the couch with me, looked up. “TMZ,” I told him.

He tapped away on his phone, then gasped loudly as he moved closer to me to show the screen.

“Will Fellows, bass player for alternative rock band Kaiju, found dead at 25.”

“Luca, where are you? What do you need?” I asked immediately.

“I-In New York. I f-flew in last night.”

A bout of coughing from him startled me, and my brain began to do the math. He hadn’t sounded like this when we’d last spoken only a couple of weeks ago.

“I’ll fly to you if you need me. Right now, Luca.”

“N-No, you don’t—” Another cough sounded through the connection.

“Luca, how bad is your cough? Did you go to the specialist?” I asked gently but unable to hide my worried tone.

Max was still scrolling and kept showing me the screen on occasion. He was glued to my side now, and wincing every time Luca’s illness got the better of him.

“I’m…. it’s not good, Rian.” After a moment’s silence, with a weary tone that made it sound he didn’t have much energy left, he asked, “Rian, can I come to you? I don’t… I can’t be around my family now and… and there’s nobody else, really.”

Max nudged me and showed me the screen again. “Suspected cause of death overdose.”

“Of course. I’ll text Marissa all the info she needs to set this up. Unless you want me to come get you?”

“No, that’d be slow. I’ll… yeah. Can you please call Mari?”

“I’ll do it right now. Pack a bag, sweetheart.”

“Okay.” He coughed again, then said, “Rian? Thank you.”

“Anytime, anything, you know that.”

As soon as we ended the call, I found his handler’s number. She also handled Mila, while Q and Will had their own person.

“Rian?” she sounded confused for a second, then sighed. “Of course. Sorry, it’s been a lot—”

“I get that. How’s Mila?”

“Headed for rehab as we speak. We’re in the car in the Netherlands.”

“Wait, you’re in Europe and—”

“Luca escaped. I’m mad, but also not. His health has taken a turn and he’s refused to show me the results he’s gotten.” She sounded genuinely upset about everything, and I understood. She’d been with the band for years now.

“He called me. And Mari, he’s in pieces.” I rubbed my forehead with my fingers as I leaned forward.

Max’s hand on my back, petting me firmly kept me from spiralling.

As if summoned, Brodie appeared on my other side and stayed without question.

“I know, I do, it’s just….” She had Mila to worry about.

“I told him he could come here. I’m in Pennsylvania. My best friend is now an alpha of a really great pack and I’ve been living here with them. I think… I think this would be a good place for him to hide.”

Marissa hissed. “Right. Because the news is out and….” And everyone and their mother would be accosting Luca. “The public hasn’t figured out his illness yet, mostly. But they will with the attention he’ll be getting. Everyone’s going to be looking into the band now with this.”

“Uh-huh.” I sighed. “Mari, I think he’s really, really sick. It’s been months now, hasn’t it? I have a really bad feeling. The way he sounded coughing on the phone….”

Brodie put his arm around me and squeezed.

“That’s what I’m scared of. The band—”

From the background, I heard Mila’s voice angrily call out “There is no band anymore!”

“Can you make arrangements from there?”

“Yeah, I can. Where do you want him and when?” Mari asked, clearly exhausted and for a good reason.

“I’ll send you the details. Try to get him to pack something warm. There’s snow here.”

“Will do. I have about thirty minutes before we get to the rehab, so….”

“I’ll get to it right away.” I ended the call and looked at Brodie. “Room for one more?”

“Always.”

O nce I got things sorted with Mari, I texted Holden.

Remember my musician friend Luca? His bandmate overdosed. Another one is being taken to rehab in EU. Luca is back in US. He’s coming here. He sounds really fucking horrible with his cough.

I felt a bit guilty sending the word vomit to him, but I couldn’t help it. Holden was my person. Besides, he needed to know there’d be a new person joining us at the house anyway.

It took him half an hour to get back to me, but I wasn’t surprised or upset.

That’s heavy. I’m glad he has you, honey. I still don’t know what time I’ll be back today, but if you need me, text.

I knew that was what he would say. Even in the midst of his own drama, he still wanted to be there for me.

Just stay safe, Holden.

I wanted to add the words bubbling up from my chest, but we weren’t there yet. Besides, I didn’t want to say it in a message for the first time, anyway.