Chapter Nineteen
Rian
A s I followed the GPS to the small private airport, my brain kept whirring. Why wouldn’t Luca show Marissa the results of his health checks? If it got to a point he needed to see a specialist and he was barely able to sing while they were on tour, why wouldn’t he disclose that to the record label?
Something was wrong in a way I wasn’t expecting, I was sure of it, and I tried to brace myself for whatever it would be.
No bracing helped me when I watched Luca walk down the steps of the private jet.
My friend had always been skinny, but always healthy looking in that attractive rockstar kind of way. He had also sported a head of hair envied by many. Thick, luscious locks whether they were framing his face or styled into a mullet–somehow those had come back in fashion at some point.
I pushed myself away from the truck door and walked to meet him halfway. He looked gaunt. His hair had been shorn to his skull, and even bundled up with a bunch of clothing, he was skinnier than I’d ever seen him.
“Oh, sweetheart,” I exhaled the words as I wrapped my arms around him.
He coughed as soon as I squeezed him, so I let go but did it slowly instead of recoiling from him. I had a feeling he needed all the closeness he could get.
“Hi,” he croaked, his voice hoarse and the dark circles under his eyes making me ache.
“Come on, let’s go home,” I murmured as I guided him to the truck.
He put his bag in the backseat, and we started the drive. It was dark, so we couldn’t really see anything but the snow. I was happy about having the upgraded truck that was winter ready and warm, when I watched him curl deeper into his jacket.
As I got onto the bigger roads, I held out my hand to him. He took it immediately and squeezed.
“Tell me about the pack again?” he asked quietly.
I’d told him about everyone before in the sporadic messages we exchanged along his tour, but I understood why he was asking now.
“Well you’ve not met Brodie, but you might as well have,” I started.
Luca chuckled once, then a coughing fit got him. Most of the time he wasn’t coughing at all, just clearing his throat here and there.
“Feels like I know him, yeah.”
I kept talking on our way home. I told him how perfect Kye was for Brodie and how happy they were. I talked about Carys and her relationship with Lina. I mentioned Ben and Max and how far they’d come since Brodie took over.
By the time only Holden and Cindy were left, Luca had a small smile on his lips.
“Then there’s Holden. He’s… he’s important. Remember when I told you about Hunter?”
Luca nodded. “I do. Your love in the eighties, right?”
“Right. Well, Holden is his brother.”
The revelation sent Luca into a coughing fit that almost made me pull over, but he shook his head and gestured for me to continue driving.
I explained how meeting Holden had been a surprise and everything that had happened since.
“So you’re together now?” he asked hoarsely when I got to the end of the story.
“In a very loose way. We’re taking it slow all while also going breakneck speed because there’s a connection and a pack included.”
He hummed. “Sounds complicated.”
Snorting softly, I nodded. “It is. But it’s also the easiest thing ever.”
As we finally got to the long, winding driveway to the house, I said, “Oh, and one thing, be prepared for most of these people knowing who you are and some are big fans. They’ll try to keep it cool, but if they can’t, ignore it. They’re such great people.”
He nodded and smiled. “Don’t worry. I’m used to it.”
“Good.” I glanced at him. In the dim light of the truck, he looked like death warmed over with his gaunt face and dark circles, and the borderline panicked feeling inside me perked up again.
And then we were home, and I locked eyes with Holden who was still wearing his uniform.
“Either we’re in trouble or that’s your guy,” Luca commented.
“Definitely my guy,” I murmured.
I got out and straight into Holden’s arms.
“That bad, huh?” he whispered quietly enough so Luca’s human ears had no chance of hearing it.
I let out a quiet “Uh-huh,” then kissed him.
The truck door closed behind us, so I moved to stand next to Holden.
“Luca, this is Holden, Holden, this is my friend Luca.”
Luca shouldered his bag and held his hand out to Holden. “Nice to meet you.”
“You as well,” Holden said in his usual tone. He was utterly neutral about meeting a celebrity, which I could tell Luca clocked and enjoyed.
“How was your day?” I asked Holden as we started toward the door.
“Went to see the affected parties. Got myself a new jacket and boots, too. I’m very much ready to rest for a day or two.”
Right. I needed to keep an eye on him, as well.
Holden went to open the door for us, and I stepped inside first. There was a suspicious silence that felt odd. Holden glanced at me over Luca’s shoulder and looked as confused as I was. We took our snowy shoes off, and then it hit me.
“He’s a celebrity, he’s not going to bite anyone,” I called out.
Luca guffawed, then coughed for a while.
Brodie emerged from the downstairs bathroom. “I was peeing, sorry about not being there to greet you,” he snarked dryly.
“Luca, this is Brodie. Brodie, Luca.”
Luca had seen photos of my best friend before, but Brodie was even more impressive in person. He was tall with broad shoulders, and tattooed from neck down.
The mutual admiration for different reasons was amusing to see.
Brodie took Luca’s hand and clasped his shoulder with his other one. “Welcome to our pack house, Luca. You’re welcome to stay as long as you need, and if there’s anything you need while you’re here, just ask.”
Luca, trying to hide how instantly attracted to Brodie he was, nodded rapidly. “Thank you, Alpha McRae.”
“Brodie is fine. Come meet the heathens.”
I took Luca’s bag and set it by the stairs. It struck me that there wasn’t a guitar case like usual. That, more than his appearance or his cough, pushed dread directly into my veins.
Holden noticed, because of course he did. He came to me immediately and pulled me into the empty kitchen.
“What is it?” he murmured, his hand cupping the back of my neck as he held me close.
“He didn’t bring his guitar. He never goes anywhere without his guitar. He even named it.” I suppressed a choked up sob.
“It might be nothing, honey,” he said quietly, but I could tell he didn’t believe in what he was saying, either.
We kissed again, and he hugged me tightly while I did the same for him. It turned into clinging onto each other for comfort.
We were shaken out of our bubble by laughter coming from the living room.
I smiled. “I think they’re getting over it.”
“It’ll certainly make things less awkward faster.” Holden kissed my forehead. “I’ll go get changed and be right back.”
He noticed Luca’s bag and called into the living room, “Luca, can I take your bag upstairs?”
“Oh, yeah, thank you,” Luca replied. I could hear the smile in his voice.
The circumstances leading him here weren’t ideal, but this would definitely be good for him.
I joined him and the pack on the couches, going to sit next to him so I could pull him to my side.
He came easily, and Max looked at us funnily.
I raised an eyebrow at him. “What?”
“Yeah, that’s a bit surreal, not gonna lie.”
I chuckled, and Luca sighed, then burrowed closer to me. He was still wearing his jacket, and I glanced over the fireplace.
Ben noticed what I was looking at and went to stoke the fire.
“Hey Luca, why don’t you give me your jacket and we’ll get some blankets and sit at the end of the couch there?” I asked, pointing to the spot closest to the fireplace.
“Yeah, okay,” he agreed, sounding tired suddenly.
He shrugged the jacket off and handed it to Kye who was waiting to take it.
“We haven’t eaten yet,” Kye said and glanced at his sister.
“Yeah. It’s leftovers day so you’re in luck!” she announced happily.
Luca couldn’t help but to smile at her. “Good to know. I haven’t… I haven’t had much appetite, but maybe I’ll find something that sounds good.”
“If not, I’m sure we can make you something specific,” she promised.
H alf an hour later, we had warmed Luca up a little, and he was eating mac and cheese on the couch, still curled up in his blankets. I kept him company, realizing that I, too, needed a bite soon. I could at least ask Holden now. Maybe connecting the way that would make both of us feel better in multiple ways. The others ate in the kitchen, and Luca began to droop more and more the closer to finishing his meal he got.
“We have rooms upstairs. No free ones, but Holden is in my room enough so you can have his if you want.” Holden had told me as much in passing. “Or we can sleep here. Keep the fire going and have a slumber party on the couches. We do that on occasion anyway.”
“I think I need a shower. I haven’t had the energy for that. I just… I got home, I shaved my head. Destroyed Dolly. I was so fucking mad.” His voice shook as he got to the end of his confession.
“That’s understandable. I’m sorry.” For the band. For Dolly. For all this shit the universe was piling on his shoulders.
He finished the small portion I’d plated for him. I exchanged the plate for his glass of juice.
“Thank you.” He finished his drink and took stock of himself. “I think I’m just about awake enough to be able to go shower.” Then, in a hesitant voice, he asked, “Will you come and watch over me?”
“Sweetheart, I’ll come shower with you if that’s what it takes to make you feel safe. Come on.”
I took the glass and took everything to the kitchen. “I’ll go keep an eye on Luca while he showers,” I explained to the others.
Hovering behind Luca, I tried not to be overbearing as we made our way upstairs.
“That’s Brodie and Kye’s room, then Carys’s, then mine. That one is Ben and Max’s, and the last one is Holden and Cindy’s.”
“Cindy?” Luca looked at me questioningly.
“Yeah, she’s—”
A chirp interrupted my explanation, as the lady in question marched out of Holden’s room.
“Ah, Cindy, I presume,” Luca said and leaned down to pet her.
She brushed up against his hand and then his legs.
“She’s lovely.” He smiled at me over his shoulder.
“Yeah, she’s amazing. We all love her very much.” I opened the door to my room. “My door was closed so she was in Holden’s. Normally she sleeps on my bed or on the cat tree downstairs.”
I showed my room to Luca, and he grabbed his toiletry kit from his bag. Then I followed him into the bathroom. He got undressed slowly, as if drowsy from the food and everything else that had been going on. I got him a towel and turned the water on for him, before sitting down on the toilet lid.
He was so damn skinny now. So gaunt and fragile looking. If this had happened in only months, it had to be bad.
“What is it?” I asked as I averted my gaze when he got naked.
“Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.”
Cancer. He had cancer. “Lungs?” I made an educated guess.
“Yeah. And in a few other places at this point.”
He stepped inside the shower and lifted his face up to the water.
My mind was reeling.
“I’ll tell you more when we get to bed,” he said quietly.
He’d grabbed his own shampoo and the different, stronger scent snapped me out of whatever I was feeling.
He chuckled, then coughed. “Shit. I forgot I shaved my head.”
I snorted. “Right. Every time I cut mine I tend to overdo the shampoo a few times.”
He was done talking, so I sat there, keeping an eye on him from the corner of my eye as I texted Marissa to let her know he was safe and secure. I wanted to give her a heads up about things being really damn bad, but I couldn’t break Luca’s trust like that. He hadn’t wanted her or the label to know, so they didn’t.
Luca swayed by the time he was done showering. I helped him get dry, and then pull on the sweatpants. I tightened the string when they tried to fall past his narrow hips, and ignored the way he looked so frail.
He had a long-sleeved T, so I hovered again to make sure he didn’t fall over as he pulled it on.
Only months ago, this man had been jumping wildly on the stage, singing his heart out every night to tens of thousands of people.
I took him to bed and told him to take the side I normally used. “I’m pretty sure Holden will offer to sleep in his room, but if you don’t mind…,” I explained.
“Not at all. If you think we can all fit, I’m fine with that. I just don’t want to be alone.”
As I had guessed, Holden peeked into the room a while later. “You guys good?”
“Yeah. But there’s room for one more. Well, two, because Miss Thing will join us.” As if I’d summoned her, Cindy jumped onto the bed and padded over, then surprised Holden and me by going to curl up against Luca’s chest.
“Well that’s new,” I murmured.
“It is?” Luca asked, sounding weary, but pleased.
“Yeah. She normally sleeps above the pillows.”
“Huh.”
Holden went to say goodnight to everyone else, then came back. We’d both gone with T-shirts and boxer briefs, and he curled up behind me. Then he reached over Luca to pet Cindy.
“Why Cindy?” Luca asked suddenly.
We chuckled.
“She was in a home where the kids tormented her. Because she’s a black cat, I guess. They’d named her Cindy Clawford,” Holden spoke in the near darkness of the room.
Moonlight was streaming into the room through the window.
“I’m glad she has you guys now,” Luca whispered.
Cindy purred louder.
“I still don’t know how some elementary school kids knew who Cindy Crawford is, but I’ll take it,” Holden said. “I contemplated changing her name for a fresh start, but she doesn’t seem to mind it.”
Silence fell, and just as I thought Luca had fallen asleep, he murmured, “I didn’t want the treatments. For the cancer. I saw what they did to my grandma when I was a kid. I can’t. Besides, when they realized what it was… well, it was already spread more than I’m comfortable to fight.”
I felt choked up again, my arm around him tightening minutely.
“Have you thought about being turned?” Holden asked equally as quietly.
“Yeah. But that was before Will and everything else.”
Before his future had been torn away from him.
“Well, if you want to do it, we can either find you someone, or you can probably ask someone in the pack to do it,” Holden spoke in an even, matter-of-fact tone. “Brodie or Rian would be honored, I’m sure.”
I cleared my throat. “If you need time to decide, no matter what you end up wanting to do, we’re all here for you.”
“Thank you.”
Within a minute or two, his body relaxed as he fell asleep.
Holden kissed my neck. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
“Me, too.”
I wanted to ask him about how his colleague was doing. How whatever was going on was developing, but it could wait until tomorrow. Right now we all needed rest, and I didn’t want to wake up Luca.
I turned my head as much as I could, looked Holden in the eyes and said, “I love you.”
His tired gaze brightened in the moonlight. “I love you too,” he replied.
We kissed carefully, trying not to move much. When I turned back to settle to sleep, it was with his taste in my mouth. Despite everything that was going on, I smiled.