Finding Home (Build-A-Pack #2)

Chapter Twenty-One

Rian

S omething was bothering Holden about his work situation, but we all knew better than to ask before he was ready. He’d come to us when he needed input, and besides, with his job, there would always be things he couldn’t freely share anyway.

About a week after Luca’s arrival, Holden came home one evening and had dinner, then asked me to go on a walk with him. Puzzled, I put on some warmer clothing and took his hand. I’d follow anywhere he wanted to go.

We left the house and aimed for the path lining the property. There was just enough snow to make it possible for us to walk side by side most of the time once we were in the woods.

I didn’t ask why he wanted to spend time like this, knowing that he’d tell me when he was ready.

After a few minutes, once we were in the surprisingly fragrant wooded area, Holden sighed.

“I wanted to go for a run,” he started, and I knew he meant running in his wolf skin. “But I also need to talk this out.”

I squeezed his hand and stayed quiet.

A few more minutes, and he finally said, “There’s something going on with the reinforcements we got at the station. They’re new guys, hungry to prove themselves which is both good and bad, but there’s… I don’t know.”

“Can you explain that a bit more?” I asked quietly, feeling as if we should keep our voices down in the forest, where every sound was hushed by the snow.

“One of them seems nicer. Kind of na?ve maybe, but everyone likes him. It’s the other one who has this… I don’t know. There’s this sharpness about him I don’t like. He makes my skin crawl a little.” Frustration was clear in Holden’s voice by the end of the sentence.

“I assume, since they were hand-picked by Gerrell, they’re human?”

Snorting softly, Holden nodded. “Penny said they’ve been super helpful around the station, too. I don’t know. Something stinks and it’s annoying me.”

“Well, whatever you need, we’re here as always.”

He stopped and turned to me, smiling. Then he ducked his head and kissed me gently. “I know, thank you.” Then, he kissed me again and whispered against my lips, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I nipped at his bottom lip almost hard enough to split it.

Holden smirked and shook his head. “Let’s not start anything in the woods. There’s a bit too much snow for that.”

“In the summertime, though?” I asked hopefully, swallowing hard at the thought of being chased in the woods by a wolf.

He groaned, then adjusted himself. “Summertime sounds good.” Tugging my hand, he gestured ahead. “Let’s walk the whole circle?”

“Sounds good.” We didn’t need it to be daylight to be able to move safely through the woods.

Only a couple of days ago, the wolf moon had been huge and bright in the sky, and still brightened our way somewhat.

The wolves had frolicked as expected, and they’d all eaten more meat than seemed smart after. Cooked, luckily, but I could tell by their expressions that they’d hunted in the woods while on their run.

Luca had been a bit wide-eyed when he’d made the connection from some of our banter, but otherwise he’d mostly been intrigued. The way he sat on the bottom steps inside the house and kept petting Max who soaked in the affection like the sponge he was, had made me feel wistful.

“I want to turn him,” I said, apropos of nothing.

Somehow following where my brain went, Holden sighed. “I know. It’s a big decision for him, though.”

“How about you?” I asked.

Holden stopped and turned to look at me, his brow furrowed. He was so, so handsome in the moonlight filtering through the trees.

“What do you mean?”

“There’s the bond between a sire and child. Or fledgling, as they were called in the past. I’m sure there’s other terminology these days.” I didn’t care about any of it, really. “Will you be okay with that?”

He took both of my hands in his and seemed to think about it for a moment.

“How is that different from your bond with Brodie? Or what you already have with Luca?” he asked, and it didn’t come across as a glib thing, but as if he genuinely wanted to know.

“I guess the biggest part is the responsibility. Like Brodie is responsible for everyone, right? I would be responsible for Luca in the same way.”

“A tiny pack within the pack?” Holden smiled. “I can deal with it.”

“I don’t have any romantic feelings toward him or the other way around. But vampires are sensual beings and while things settle, it might look like that has changed. I don’t want you to think that….” I trailed off, not quite sure how to end the sentence.

“Hey, neither my feelings for nor my trust in you is fragile enough to be upset by that, honey,” he murmured, pulling me close until our joined hands were between our chests.

“Good. It’s a lot… I never thought I’d turn anyone after….” I sighed and dropped my gaze from his to our hands.

“After you couldn’t save Hunter,” Holden concluded my thought.

I took in a deep breath and whispered out the words still living inside me every day, “Some part of me still thinks you shouldn’t have accepted my connection to Hunter and what happened at the end.”

Holden let go of my hands and wrapped his arms around me. He squeezed me tight and held me as close as he could without fusing us together.

“Losing my brother is the biggest tragedy in my life, Rian. Not even losing our parents hurt anywhere near as much. But somehow everything, every little decision and twist of fate, every roadblock and every piece of good will the universe decided to drop in our way brought us here.” He kissed the top of my head. “You need to remember that I was once close to never making it to this moment, either. Nothing is a given, Rian. We got here through everything that happened, and the past is in the past. All we have is the present and the future.”

With tears brimming over, I confessed, “I miss him every day, still.”

Holden chuckled, his chest vibrating under my temple. “I do, too, but in a different way, I’m sure.” He sighed. “But if he was here, we wouldn’t be, and as much as I miss him, I really, really enjoy being here with you, Rian.”

At his tone, the softness and the steel of his honesty underneath, I lifted my face to look at him.

“I really, really enjoy being here with you too, Holden.”

He lowered his head and kissed me softly.

“Let’s finish the walk and get inside. Your nose is frozen,” he said when he pulled away again.

We walked some more and talked about whether Luca would take my offer and if he would, what we’d need to do to make the turning as safe as possible.

“You can use my place. There’s more room than at the house,” he said thoughtfully. “And I’m sure Brodie will like it better than having a freshly turned vampire under the same roof with Kye and Carys.”

I grimaced. “I didn’t even think about that.”

Wolves were sturdy, but humans were more of a prey for a young vampire on an instinctual, primal level.

“Have a chat with Luca about his wants, and then talk to Brodie.”

S o that was what I did. A couple of days later while everyone else was doing their thing, whether at work or studying, I first found Luca who was curled up on the couch with Cindy.

I sat on the floor next to him and leaned my head against his knees, looking at him seriously.

“You need to decide soon, sweetheart,” I murmured as I reached a hand to pet the cat.

Luca sighed. “I know. It’s….”

Suddenly there was a sound of laughter from upstairs. Carys and Max were studying, but they also had fun while doing it, which likely made it better for both of them.

Luca’s gaze snapped toward the living room door as he listened to them.

“They’re trying to figure out how to spell ‘serendipity,’” I told him.

“Right, vampire hearing,” he said after a second’s confusion.

He coughed once, then curled his arm around Cindy in the hopes of not disturbing her too much and continued to cough. The sound was so bad it made me frown.

Once he could breathe again, he asked, “How does it sound?”

“Not good. Worse than only days ago.”

“Feels like it, too.”

The laughter rang out again, this time more Max’s than Carys’s.

“Do I have to use emotional extortion?” I smiled slightly.

Luca huffed and closed his eyes. “No. Please don’t.”

It would break everyone’s heart, but especially mine and Max’s, if Luca decided to not be turned.

“You know how we have music playing all the time during the day while Brodie fixes things?” I asked quietly.

There was music even now, and I could hear Brodie somewhere upstairs doing something or other. Lina was working for her dad again and around a bit less, but she came over to see Carys at least a few times a week and often spent the night.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” Luca replied. “An eclectic playlist.”

“After you got here, Max took the iPad we have to control the playlist, and took out all the songs you were on. Not just everything Kaiju, but also all the songs you collaborated on with other artists.”

Luca frowned at me. “He did?”

“There must’ve been an album or two’s worth of your voice on the playlist, sweetheart. Kaiju is one of Max’s favorite bands. You mean so fucking much to him….” I trailed off, I had to respect his request of not being blackmailed with this.

Luca went quiet, and we stayed the way we were for a while. The fire in the fireplace wasn’t a roar, but more of a comforting crackling warmth instead. It was constant now, if Luca was downstairs. Brodie has also hiked up the heating for the bedrooms, and told everyone that they could deal, because Luca’s comfort was the most important thing.

Thundering footsteps descended the stairs, and Carys and Max burst into the room, shoving each other. They were such siblings these days it warmed my heart. Max seemed much younger than his years, and she matched his energy perfectly, despite being the actual teenager in the pack.

“Hey Luca. Do you have a favorite kind of soup?” she asked as they settled and came closer.

He thought for a moment. “There’s this sweet potato, carrot, and potato soup I really like. A pureed one. With peanut butter in it. Topped with roasted chickpeas.”

“Huh, it sounds interesting.” She tilted her head, thinking about it, then she frowned. “Except it goes against our avoiding root vegetables-rule.”

Luca looked confused.

I smiled. “They can be triggering if I smell them out of the blue. This isn’t out of the blue, kiddo,” I told her gently.

“Oh, right.” She smiled. “I bet I can find a recipe online, and I think we have the ingredients. Coming right up!”

She turned around and started toward the kitchen.

Luca blinked at her. “Just like that?”

Max grinned. “Yup. That’s what pack’s all about. Plus, she felt like making soup. I better go peel potatoes.” The look he gave Luca was almost… longing, but I wasn’t sure if Luca noticed.

Once he’d gone, Luca squeezed my hand. “You need to explain to me what would happen if I said yes,” he whispered so the others wouldn’t hear.

“I will. Tonight?”

“Yeah, please. I don’t know if I want to, but I need all the details.”

“Of course. Also, please call Mari. She’s been texting me. Just… tell her the truth. After you tell her you don’t want to deal with the label until you’re one hundred percent ready for it.”

Luca groaned and rolled onto his back, stretching his too-thin body.

Cindy got up, stretched, and walked right over him to the back of the couch, then leapt onto the cat tree where she went to peer out of the window.

I took Luca’s cell phone off the coffee table and put it on his chest.

“I’ll go talk to Brodie about this. He needs to know you’re at least considering it and if you say yes, we need to move with it, because….” Because he was declining.

“Okay. Yeah.”

I found Brodie in the bathroom I shared with Carys.

“Hey, what are you up to?” I asked, leaning to the doorframe.

“I’m putting in the second light she asked for.” He pointed to the shower where he’d put his tools. “Hand me the stepladder.”

I reached for it and deadpanned, “Help me, stepladder, I’m stuck!”

Brodie guffawed, then took it and put it in the right spot. Then, as he was about to take the first step up, he stopped and looked at me.

“Did you need me for something?”

“Yeah. Can we talk?”

“Of course. Let me leave this in the doorway so others won’t wander in.” He did that, then turned back around and closed the door. “You know what, we have a cat now.”

I laughed, and walked ahead to my room. “Smart choice.”

Brodie closed the door behind himself and came to sit with me on my bed like we had hundreds of times before.

“So what’s up, sweetness?” he asked, the use of the nickname only he’d ever used for me making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

“Well, it’s Luca.”

“Ah. Has he come to a decision, then?” Brodie put his big hand between us, palm up.

I put mine on top of it. “Not yet, but he wants all the information to make it.”

“Based on the rattle in his lungs, I’m going to guess we don’t have much time?”

Feeling exhausted, I shook my head. “No, there’s not much. I want to say a month or two, but that’s incredibly optimistic. It could be weeks at this point.”

“He doesn’t smell like death yet.” The way Brodie said the words, so matter of fact, made me inhale sharply.

“No, he doesn’t.” I knew the scent well, too.

“If he says yes, what are you going to do?”

“Well, I don’t know if he wants to be a wolf or a vampire at this point. But if he wants to be a vampire, then I suppose I’m going to turn him.”

Brodie hummed thoughtfully. “You know he’ll pick you. He will want the connection and he’s known you for years.”

“Holden said we could use his house for the turning and the first days.”

“Sounds like a good idea. I was going to suggest getting an AirBnB or something.”

“I wouldn’t put Kye, Carys, and Lina in danger.”

“I know. Which is why I wanted to give you a choice. But I would be lying if I told you I hadn’t thought about the implications of having a newly bitten vampire in the pack house with our humans.”

I found myself smiling. “With your mate.”

Brodie chuckled and shook his head. “That seems a bit surreal, still.”

It hadn’t been a full year yet, but we were only months off. To think how fast our lives had changed.

He squeezed my hand. It made me once again realize how much of a love language touch was within this pack.

“How are you and Holden doing?”

I smiled. “Good. We’re really good. It feels early days still, but we’re solid. He said something the other day that made my thinking shift a little. He said that we got through the past to get here, and all there was, were the present and the future.”

“Smart man, that wolf of yours.” I could hear the gentle teasing in his voice.

“To think, everything we had to live through to be here, you know.”

He hummed again in his usual style. “Yeah. You both had to die once to get here. Or get close to it anyway.”

Being turned was different for each species, and it was only the vampiric process which needed the human’s heart to stop beating for the change to take.

“We both hate that we had to lose Hunter, but if he was still around, neither of us would be where we are now.”

“I hate that my mom had to die. That Rusty turned into such a POS. And that Carys had to go through everything she did. I hate Max and Ben having to resort to drugs to get through their daily lives.” He turned his head to look at me. “But like you said, we’re all here now. I have Kye and the rest of the pack. You have Holden. Carys has Lina. Hell, one day the boys hopefully have Luca.”

The fact that he casually mentioned Ben and Max being a package deal made me smile but it faded quickly.

“I just hope he’ll choose to live.”

“He will. It’s in the music he makes. Or made. Whatever. I know his lyrics and voice kept Max alive through some hard times. He told me so the other day while we went to get groceries, and a Kaiju song played on the radio. I think Luca has lost the spark he used to have, but he’ll regain it. I’s going to be the thing that’ll give him the strength to go on.”

“You’re probably right. I can feel the difference in him, but I don’t think the innate stubbornness has gone anywhere. He needs to grieve for his friend and figure out how to go on with his new life.”

We sat there for a while longer, then Brodie stretched his arms up and cracked his back. “Okay. I’m going to go finish installing the light.”

“Where’s Kye?”

“He was reading in our room the last I saw him.”

“I need to braid hair. Might as well be his.”

Brodie laughed. “Okay. If he’s asleep, wake him up and drag him downstairs. It’s going to be lunchtime soon enough.”

“Will do.”

I wandered down the hall to find Brodie’s angel. Honestly though, he had the best hair for hair braiding therapy. Some people colored or meditated. I liked to play with Kye’s hair. Luckily he didn’t mind indulging me.