Finding Home (Build-A-Pack #2)

Chapter Twenty-Three

Rian

T hat evening, after we held our breath in the kitchen, watching the shithead deputy do whatever he did in Holden’s office, I decided I needed to have the talk with Luca.

I waited until he’d eaten a little—that veggie soup seemed to be one of the only things he could actually eat without feeling worse—and then took him upstairs to Holden’s room, where he’d been staying.

We settled on the bed together, him curling up against me with his head on my stomach as I scratched his scalp gently.

The room was very warm, but his fingers were icy when he grasped my free hand. My temperature was always a bit cooler than a living human’s, so for me to feel the cold this way was disturbing.

“We need to make a decision, sweetheart,” I murmured as I kept petting him.

He tried to breathe deeper and then coughed for a moment. “I know,” he gasped out the words once he could speak again.

Because it was the question that had weighed on me the most in the recent days, I blurted out, “Do you want to live?”

He stayed silent for several minutes. His breath was rattling in his lungs, and on occasion he would cough.

We’d left the door open a crack for the cat, and she joined us, looking annoyed at us for having left her downstairs. She curled up between our bodies and began to purr immediately.

“Yes,” Luca finally breathed out. “I don’t want to die, Rian.”

I deflated with the relief sweeping over me, and Luca noticed. He turned his head to look at me.

“I’m so sorry it took me a while to decide,” he whispered.

Shaking my head, I objected, “No. Your life, or death, is yours.”

He gave me a heartbreaking little smile and put his head back on my stomach. “I would’ve loved to have more time to settle everything. To… to grieve . Not just for Will or the band, but… my humanity?”

I squeezed his boney shoulder. “I understand.” Clearing my throat, I asked, “Do you want me to turn you?”

He nodded as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “Yes. I thought about being a wolf, and I can see Holden is doing so well with being bitten even if it was a long time ago—”

“It wasn’t that long, you child.”

Luca chuckled, which led to another coughing fit. Cindy gave him the evil eye, but then continued to snooze and purr.

“You’re just ancient, Grandpa Rian.”

I gasped. “You’re fucking lucky you’re dying or I’d kick your ass!”

He cackled and then started to cough hard enough that I scooped Cindy up and placed her on my other side. Then I helped Luca up and rubbed his back while he tried to cope with the fit.

I heard steps from the hallway, but nobody appeared.

“Come on in, Max,” I called calmly, knowing he’d dashed up the stairs as soon as he heard Luca get this bad.

They’d bonded some, and I could tell Max was head over heels for my friend. I was also aware that he didn’t believe he had any kind of chance with Luca, and well, Luca wasn’t in any condition to contemplate such things anyway.

Max slipped in through the gap and stepped closer looking awkward. His hands twitched as if he wanted to comfort Luca physically. I patted the bed next to Luca. There was enough room to sit there. Looking sheepish, Max sat next to him and put his hand on Luca’s shoulder.

The coughing was calming down gradually, but it was so hard to hear and I could tell Luca was feeling lightheaded.

“This needs to be resolved soon, sweetheart,” I told him firmly. “You’re one bad coughing fit from us having to try to keep you alive until the ambulance gets here or emergency turn you right there and then. Your whole body is trying to seize.”

He nodded as he gasped for breath, his bloodshot eyes huge in his gaunt face. I was so fucking glad getting him fed right after turning would at least make him look less like death warmed over.

“I know. I… soon, okay?” he wheezed.

“Tomorrow. We’ll go to Holden’s place and we do it tomorrow,” I decided.

“Wait, you’re going to turn him?” Max asked, his tone breathless and so damn hopeful it made my insides twist painfully.

“Yes.”

Max let out a little sob, then wrapped his arms around Luca, not really squeezing his fragile body, but holding onto him as he wept against Luca’s shoulder.

Luca, on the other hand, patted his arm and glanced at me helplessly.

“You’re loved here,” I said simply. “Everyone’s been waiting for you to decide.”

I think it hit him then, the fact that he truly was one of us now whether he’d realized it or not. Tears filled his eyes and he tilted his head to rest it against’ Max’s as they cried together.

Suddenly, something in my brain got itchy in a familiar way. The expectations of the next day were one thing, but the responsibility after that was making me feel fidgety.

I needed to get out of my head to be able to be fully in it tomorrow.

“Okay, boys. I’m going to grab my man and we’ll go to his place for tonight,” I decided there and then. “Max, will you and your brother bring Luca over tomorrow?”

Max nodded, wiping tears off his cheeks. He cleared his throat. “Yeah. I… we talked about it. So if you are going to turn him, we’d like to offer to be his donors. Get him properly fed as soon as possible.”

“That’s… ideal, actually. I hadn’t thought of it.” I smiled at him. “Wolf blood is equally as nutritious and you’re less breakable. And having two of you is… yeah. We can work with that.”

Then I realized it was ultimately Luca’s choice. “Unless you’re against it…?”

He shook his head quickly, the winced as if the movement made his head swimmy. “No, it feels better to know it’s someone I can… I can trust. And can’t hurt so easily.”

“Okay, so we’ll do it. I think Ben has a day off tomorrow, so how about… midday?”

“Yeah, he’s free. We’ll be ready.” Max smiled.

I maneuvered myself around the cat and off the bed, then rounded it and came to kiss Luca’s forehead, then Max’s.

“Take care of each other tonight, okay?” I looked at Max. “Don’t let him sleep alone.”

Luca smiled and shook his head, but stayed quiet. Max, however, blushed lightly and ducked his head.

“Yeah, okay.”

As I went to find Holden, it struck me again how innocent Max was in some ways. He’d been through hell with his father and then with addiction, and he was still somehow… pure. It made very little sense, but he was one of the most genuine people I’d ever met.

Ben was more world-weary. He was the protector of his brother, and I was pretty sure that was the only reason neither of them hadn’t let the addiction completely destroy their lives.

A n hour later, we climbed out of our respective vehicles in front of Holden’s place. Since he had a fancy system, he’d set the thermostat on his phone as soon as I told him I wanted to go to his house for the night. By the time we stepped inside, it was nice and comfortably warm in there.

We didn’t talk as we took off our outerwear, and then went to take my bag into the bedroom. There was an odd feeling hanging over us that I couldn’t quite name. Of course Holden picked up on it when we were putting fresh sheets in his bed moments later.

“You know, you can ask for what you need, honey.” His voice was gentle as he tucked the fitted sheet over the mattress.

I frowned. “I know. It’s not that. I just… I don’t know what I need right now?”

“But you’re feeling uneasy.” A statement, not a question.

“Right.” I tossed him a pillow I’d put a new case on.

“About tomorrow?”

“Yeah. And what comes after. I feel… unsettled.”

Holden frowned. “That doesn’t feel good for turning someone. You need to be on even keel so he can match your energy.”

He was exactly right, and I groaned. I didn’t want to fail this.

We finished making the bed and then Holden went to make himself a cup of coffee while I went to the couch.

I was still trying to figure out what I truly needed, when Holden joined me with his drink.

“So here’s what I’m thinking,” he started as he sat far enough for us to make eye contact more comfortably. “We need to settle us first, before you take on anything else.”

My forehead scrunched as I tried to figure out what he was saying.

“What do you mean?”

“We’re happy, right?” The hint of vulnerability in his tone confused me.

“Yes, of course.” I turned fully to face him, folding my legs so I felt comfortable.

“We’re not temporary. We’re not… trying to figure this out.”

Ah. I smiled. “No.”

He smiled back at me. “Good.” He took a sip of his coffee and suddenly I couldn’t wait to taste it in a kiss. He grinned at me, reading my mind how he now so often could. “None of that yet.”

Rolling my eyes, I whispered, “But that’s more fun.”

“Brat.” He reached to take my hand and squeezed it. “I want you to know that this is it for me. You are my person, Rian. If I’m completely honest, I never expected to find someone, and when you reentered my life, I didn’t expect us to end up here. But I’m not complaining.”

I lifted our hands and kissed the back of his. “So what you’re saying is this is it. We’re in this for the long haul.”

“Yes. And I hope that’s a very long time, Rian.” The sincerity in his gaze took my breath away.

“I love you.”

Smiling gently, he replied, “I love you, too. More than I thought I could love anyone.”

The love I felt for him was different from what I’d had for Hunter. It had been a different time, back then. Different man promising to love me forever. It only figured the feelings weren’t identical, even if the men had been. Were still, in my memories of those days.

The man who sat in front of me was unique, though. Hunter would forever remain twenty. Besides, they were quite different as people, too.

“I never thought I would love like this again,” I said thoughtfully. “It’s… different. I’m a different person and you are, too. Your eyes might be his, but the crow’s feet are something he never had time to have.”

Holden chuckled. “You’re not the same young punk I saw back then, either. Even if you were around our age, as far as I knew, you had this wild, young energy that matched him.”

Yes, Holden had been more serious than Hunter. He’d been the jock who had clear goals in life, while Hunter had been the artistic one who wanted to dance “for now” but wasn’t very ambitious. Although, one of the things I’d loved about him the most was his inability to think too far into the future. I’d liked it. A lot. The years I’d been alive even then were long and at times, lonely. The idea of years and years more stretching in front of me was intimidating, even unwanted. Then Hunter danced into my life and I had meaning again.

“Yeah. We’re different.” I looked at him and let every emotion show in my expression. “I’m actually looking toward the future instead of just trying to survive the present now.”

Holden finished his coffee in one big gulp and put his cup on the coffee table. Then he grabbed my arm and dragged me over to his lap.

He proceeded to kiss my breath away, and yes, the coffee tasted exactly as good as I had thought mingled with the taste of him.

Once he was done stealing my breath away, he grabbed my jaw and made sure I had all of his attention.

“You are mine, and I am yours. That will never change.” Before I could get mushy, he growled out, “Tonight, all you need to do is what you’re told. Right now, you’re going to go to the bathroom and start the shower for us. You’re going to wait for me there with the knowledge that as soon as I get in the cubicle with you, I’m going to take you. How prepared you are is up to you.” He pressed a hard kiss to my lips. “There’s a bottle of water-resistant lube on the shelf in the shower should you choose to use it.”

Unceremoniously, he pushed me off his lap, leaving me to scramble to my suddenly shaky feet.

“Oh, and Rian? You have three minutes.” He pulled up a timer on his phone and pressed the button to start it. Then he looked at me, smirking in that predatory way of his I could remember from Seattle. “You can choose to stand there for however long you want, but—”

I dashed away, struggling out of my clothes on my way to the ensuite.

My cock led the way into the bathroom, and I turned the shower on, noting that there was just enough space for whatever Holden had planned. My mind was suddenly very, very clear. Nothing else mattered but to make sure I was in this moment with him, doing what he’d told me to.

I struggled out of my socks and tossed them aside, then stepped under the water. I scrambled for the bottle of lube and quickly did the bare minimum. I wanted to hurt a little, but there were limits and I had a feeling my wolf wasn’t going to play nice tonight.

The thought made my fangs elongate, and I realized I needed a bite so Luca and I wouldn’t form a hunger feedback loop tomorrow.

Pushing the thought aside, I moaned as I stuffed even more lube inside my hole. I heard the snap of Holden’s belt as he pulled it off his pants. My body trembled, and suddenly a vision of him belting me made me whimper.

Maybe not tonight, but… yeah, I was a pain slut by heart whenever I played, and—

“I hope you’re ready,” Holden purred from the doorway. “Not that it matters.”

I put the bottle back on the shelf and looked over at him. He was breathtaking. His eyes were glowing yellow, and the sight of his big hand wrapped around his cock made my hole clench.

“H-How do you w-want me?” I managed to ask as I backed myself into the corner, some part of me so very into the fact that I was being stalked by my sexy predator.

He answered me by grabbing my forearm, then pushing me face first into the tiles. He kicked my feet apart and I arched my back, barely in time for him to ram his cock inside me.

I knocked my temple against the tiles and whined as my body struggled against the more than welcome invasion. I shook as he grabbed my hip with one hand while pressing his big palm over the side of my face as if I was only a toy for him to use.

I went pliant, which helped him as he pulled most of the way out and thrust back in. All the fight was gone, and I was his to do as he wished.

“That’s it,” Holden grunted. “What a perfect little fuck hole for me.” He tightened his grip, and suddenly his claws dug into my hip.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and my whole body shivered. I was being praised and hurt. My brain checked out.

“Do it.” I didn’t understand what he was telling me, but then his fingers fisted my curls hard enough for the sting to shake me out of whatever headspace I’d gone in.

“Wh-huh?” I managed, blinking as I within myself.

His cock was rammed up in me as far as it would go. Mine was hard, still.

“Drink,” Holden commanded as he guided me by my hair to his wrist he’d moved in front of my face.

By instinct alone, I latched onto his flesh.

Holden groaned, then began to fuck me again. Only his grip on my curls made me not tear his wrist open as he went to town on my ass, as much as he could in this position.

The way he snapped his hips was almost as intoxicating as his blood, and as I greedily took pulls of him, I heard the telltale sound of his deep moan that signaled what was about to happen.

He began to come, his hips grinding against my ass in a way that made my eyes cross. The sounds of us moaning too me over, too. I came without either of us touching my dick and had barely enough wherewithal to pull my fangs out of him before I collapsed.

H e washed me thoroughly, then took me to bed while my brain floated. I was sated in a way that had once seemed impossible, but with Holden, it was a reality.

As he curled protectively around me, I burrowed against his chest and hummed happily.

“How long was I out in the middle there?”

“Only about a half a minute, maybe,” he said, chuckling.

“You literally fucked me unconscious.”

I could hear his amusement when he answered, “And you’re not complaining a bit.”

I yawned and lifted my head for a kiss. When he pressed his lips against mine, I felt cherished in a way I never had before. Not on this level.

“I love you,” I mumbled, already halfway asleep.

“I love you, too.”