Chapter Nine
On Sunday morning, Pippa was jolted from an uncomfortable dream about being chased by a herd of cows. It probably had some significant meaning, but she was too distracted by thoughts of the shopping she needed to do to worry about it now. She dressed in her running gear and left a note for Harriet to let her know she was going out. The risotto from the pub last night had been amazing and they’d both fallen on it. Pippa had also seen off some of the wine and had let Harriet have a bit, too.
The sun was lurking behind clouds when she let herself out of the house, and she glared at the ugly caravan in the yard. The curtains were still drawn, and Lola was nowhere in sight. Living in there, Gil had probably got fleas by now, and she allowed herself a little daydream of him irritable and itching from the bites. She increased her pace and headed towards the field beyond the garden. After her run, she’d set her mind to shopping and replacing all the stuff he’d swiped. Then the house might feel slightly more like a home, and she wondered if she could fit the suit of armour in her car for a trip to the nearest recycling centre.
She ran through the field, avoiding the sheep, who eyed her warily. At the border she climbed a stile over a wall onto the fell, following a footpath sign and keeping her eye out for wandering cows in case her dream came true. So very different from London, and Pippa loved the complete calm and solitude, the occasional bird of prey wheeling above her head, sun breaking through clouds to glint on thick clumps of heather. Running was harder as the path climbed and she paused for a breather she wouldn’t normally need beside a winding river slipping over uneven rocks.
She stared across the huge expanse of land soaring to the sky, dotted with farmhouses and barns, and marked by high stone walls. In winter the weather must be brutal, but on a summer’s day like this, the view was glorious. Back in London the city, beautiful though it was, didn’t make her long to sketch quite like this and she’d return when she had more time to enjoy it. She was the only one in the family who painted; her dad and Raf wrote songs, and Tilly had trained as a chef and created exquisite dishes almost too good to eat. As she turned around, Pippa was musing again from where her longing to express herself in colour, form and texture had come from. She needed to download a proper map to explore out here; it would be easy to get lost and she didn’t want to leave Harriet for too long.
Back at the farm Pippa spotted Lola ambling across the yard as she snuck into the garden, hoping to avoid Gil. But two voices were drifting on the breeze, and she clamped her lips together. Had he brought someone back to the caravan last night and in full view of Harriet’s room?
Pippa forgot all about remaining out of sight and stormed into the yard to confront him. She halted the moment she saw Elaine talking with Gil outside the caravan, and heard him say that it was totally fine, and he’d manage. The older woman looked upset, and Pippa smiled uncertainly as Elaine looked across. ‘Hi Elaine.’
‘Oh, Pippa, hi.’ There was an anxiety in Elaine’s expression that hadn’t been present yesterday. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m fine, thanks.’ She hesitated, not wanting to intrude but concerned about Elaine. ‘Is everything okay?’ She glanced at Gil, who gave her a nod and folded his arms.
‘Not really.’ Elaine bit her lip. ‘I’m sorry to call so early. My father’s in hospital after a nasty fall, and he lives on his own. I don’t really know how he’s going to manage, or even if he’ll be able to go back home at all.’
‘Oh Elaine, I’m so sorry.’ Pippa’s irritation with Gil for assuming he’d had an overnight guest was gone. ‘I hope he’s going to be okay. Is there anything I can do to help?’
‘I don’t think so, but thank you. It’s very kind of you to offer.’ Elaine’s eyes were darting between Pippa, Gil, and the phone in her hand. ‘I don’t know how long I’ll be away, and I’m worried about leaving Gil on his own. I know it’s only four mornings a week, but there’s lots to do.’
‘Elaine, it’s fine, really. Please don’t worry about me. Your dad needs you and that comes first. Take as long as you want, there’s no rush.’
Pippa blinked, unused to the sincere tone and warm words from Gil, and steeled herself against liking it too much. There was no point in suddenly wishing that things between them were different and she could avoid all confrontations. She had some decisions to make about Home Farm and soon, and it was a shock to remember quite how much they would impact his life.
‘Maybe there is something you could do, please?’ Elaine laid a trembling hand on Pippa’s arm. ‘I know you’re busy with things here, but perhaps you could help Gil, in the practice? Look after reception when he’s consulting so he doesn’t have to do it all on his own? The system is quite straightforward and I’m sure you’d pick it up very quickly. Clients can book appointments online, but the farmers still prefer to ring and speak to someone.’
‘Me?’ Pippa spluttered, her gaze jumping to Gil in time to see the kindness fall from his face, swiftly replaced by a look of dismay. ‘I’m sorry, Elaine, I really don’t think I could.’
‘No, of course not, it was only a thought.’ Elaine offered a weak smile, the glimpse of hope gone. ‘It’s just that he’s working so hard to keep the practice going and I wouldn’t want to be the reason why it would have to close. Perhaps you can get a temp in, Gil.’
Pippa felt another flicker of guilt. She’d literally just offered to help and had refused Elaine’s only request because it involved Gil. She was on her summer break, and she supposed there would be hours to fill whilst she was here. And Elaine had been kind, had supported her request to use the Wi-Fi when Gil would have likely refused her. She took a deep breath, silently praying that it wouldn’t mean she’d have to extend her stay.
‘You really mustn’t be worrying whilst you’re away, you have enough to think about with your dad,’ she said firmly, trying not to look at Gil to gauge his reaction. ‘Of course I’ll do it.’
After a lovely lunch at the pub, where Harriet had got on brilliantly with Kenny, and Vince had been summoned from the kitchen to meet them, she’d returned to her room for the evening and Pippa was perched on the lumpy orange sofa in the sitting room. None of her plumping could improve the cushions and she was finding it difficult to settle in what she now knew had been Gil’s childhood home, after the one with his parents in Dorset.
She’d gone shopping earlier and Harriet had decided to go with her. They’d driven to a lovely market town about fifteen miles away and stocked up on food, cutlery, pans, and a basic white dinner service for four. Harriet had thawed as she’d soaked up Wi-Fi in the pub afterwards and they’d even laughed together, which to Pippa felt like a huge win.
Another unexpected consequence of Elaine going away, Pippa had learned earlier, was that she also looked after Posy the Shetland pony, popping down each day to take care of her. She’d showed Pippa how to muck out Posy’s stable, refill the haynet and how much feed the pony was allowed to keep her weight at a reasonable level. Over lunch at the pub Pippa had been thrilled when Harriet agreed to help.
So tomorrow, she had Posy to deal with before her first morning in the surgery. Gil had made himself scarce during the induction with Elaine and Pippa had known from his glittering blue eyes that he wasn’t comfortable with the new arrangement. But having her in situ was apparently preferable to managing alone and he’d wished Elaine all the best with her dad.
Pippa picked up her phone, frustrated at the lack of signal as she attempted to message Cassie. She couldn’t be bothered to stroll down to the village now, it would keep until tomorrow when she’d be at the vets. Just the thought of being around Gil made her stomach clench with nerves. Her sister Tilly had sent another request, which Pippa had read at the pub, asking if she could put her in touch with an influencer Pippa knew vaguely who might be interested in Tilly’s Greek B they were all requests she’d deal with tomorrow.
She couldn’t escape thoughts of Gil in this room with his grandmother, imagining them cleaving together through their shared loss. The house seemed trapped by the past and she doubted the decor had altered in decades. Beige walls were plain above a dark green carpet and every scrap of wooden furniture was dark. Her gaze went to a cabinet on the left of the mantelpiece, its four shelves filled with clutter. Curiosity getting the better of guilt, Pippa got up to have a closer look.
She turned a tiny key in its lock and carefully opened the doors. Everything was layered in thick grey dust and some fluttered to the floor at the disturbance. A porcelain tea service was dirty but still pretty, bright with delicate yellow flowers. She saw a blue trinket box with a jewelled lid and a small silver bell, dulled from neglect. She ran a finger over a miniature bible in a box, the clasp broken, and her breath faltered when she noticed a group of medals held together by frayed ribbon and realised they were awards for swimming.
The bottom shelf was full of photograph albums, and she removed one, settling on the window seat overlooking the back garden for better light. She flicked through black-and-white images of farming life down the years, searching for anyone who might be familiar. She didn’t recognise the faces of men, women and children lined up outside the chapel in their Sunday best, or gathering the harvest in the fields alongside horses and carts. Was Ivy, whom Violet had mentioned, in these photographs, and would Pippa even know her if she was?
She got up and replaced the album with another, retaking her seat in the window. This one was more recent, the photographs moving gradually from black and white to colour. Her fingers on the page froze when her eyes landed on an image of her dad as a teenager, probably not much older than Harriet was now. His arm was slung around the shoulders of a taller boy, blond and unmistakably familiar, both laughing.
‘What are you doing?’
Pippa yelped, startled from thoughts of the past and the photograph album slid to the floor. She shrank back as Gil marched across and snatched it from the carpet. A muscle was pounding in his cheek, and she scrambled up, trying to gather her thoughts.
‘I’m so sorry, I—’
‘Your father might own this house but that doesn’t give you the right to rifle through anything you find. All this belonged to my grandparents and I haven’t got anywhere else to put it.’
‘Gil, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry, truly.’ She made herself hold his gaze, chilled by that cool stare. ‘In the album, is that…?’ She had to know, and she swallowed. ‘Your dad, with mine?’
He wasn’t quick enough to disguise despair and it flared in his face before he resolutely blinked it away. ‘Yes.’ His reply was a hollow one and Pippa’s hand darted out to rest lightly on his arm, her attempt to delay him pure instinct.
‘It’s just…’ She took a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears pricking at her eyes. ‘I had no idea, that our families were connected.’ Her gaze dropped to the album he held between taut fingers, thinking of the two young boys. ‘That they were friends.’
‘It’s not going to change anything, Pippa,’ he said, his voice low, rough. ‘And I really don’t need any more complications in my life.’
‘I’m not trying to make it complicated for you,’ she whispered, utterly aware of the warmth of his arm beneath her fingers, the soft golden hairs brushing her skin.
‘You already are, even if you don’t know it yet.’ His gaze was unflinching, and she read the awareness in it, her heart bumping in shock and something else: recognition that he felt it too, this pull between them. Gil was staring at her hand as though it was burning him. She snatched it away, horrified that she’d touched him, had tried to make him understand why she needed to know what more of her parents’ lives he held.
The moment crawled into another and he slowly raised a hand, as though he was going to touch her face, smooth away the hair brushing her cheek. Her breath caught and then he hurriedly stepped back and let it fall away. Still holding the photograph album, he spun around and left the room, rattling the door shut behind him.
Pippa couldn’t settle after that, couldn’t shake off what she’d done and had discovered. She made drinks in the kitchen and took a mug of hot chocolate up to Harriet. Her daughter submitted to a surprising and brief good night hug and Pippa forced away the longing to hold her close, to find some comfort in being held too, her thoughts caught on that earlier and unexpected moment with Gil. She crossed the landing to her own room and placed a cup of camomile tea on the bedside table. Without Wi-Fi she couldn’t learn anything else about their families now but there was so much she wanted to understand.
‘Hello, Posy.’ Pippa wondered if the Shetland pony would detect the nervous note in her voice as she approached the stable door, and Posy whinnied. ‘Sorry, I don’t speak pony. But maybe that means you’d like your breakfast?’
She hadn’t been expecting the knot in her stomach as she’d crossed the yard, dreading having to face Gil after last night. A whack on the stable door suggested that Posy did speak human though, and Pippa went to fetch the bucket of feed that Elaine had measured out yesterday. She opened the door warily and Posy almost knocked Pippa backwards in her haste to shove her nose into the bucket.
‘I thought you were going to wake me up.’ Harriet was still drowsy, a coat pulled on over her pyjamas.
‘Oh, hi! I wasn’t sure you’d appreciate it.’ Pippa backed up and shut the door. Her daughter didn’t usually appear out of bed this early for anything less than a summons to school, sport or a shopping trip. ‘But I’m glad you’re here.’
‘I said I’d help, didn’t I?’ Harriet’s eyes were smudged with sleep, and she yawned. Her long hair was gathered into a rough ponytail, phone sticking out of a pocket.
‘You did.’ Pippa flashed her a grateful smile. ‘Thank you for coming. Posy needs to go in the paddock but first we have to get this on.’
She pointed to a contraption hanging from a nearby hook. Part headcollar, part muzzle, Elaine had explained yesterday that it was vital Posy wasn’t allowed to graze without it, as allowing her to guzzle as much grass as she liked was apparently very bad for her.
Posy knew the routine much better than they did, and both Pippa and Harriet were laughing as they tried a fourth time to buckle the headcollar in place and fit the muzzle comfortably over her nose. Tiny though the pony was, she managed to evade them at every turn. Despite the mayhem, Pippa decided it was lovely to laugh with Harriet, as though the sun had come out to shine on her. Bits of shavings were stuck to her jeans and Posy had upended the water bucket, soaking Harriet’s pumps.
‘I never saw two people so useless at trying to get a headcollar on one small pony.’
At Gil’s words Pippa froze, instantly forgetting she was meant to be helping Harriet have another go at fastening the headcollar. Tension made her fingers clumsy, and she looked at him warily, remembering him snatching the photograph album and running from her last night. She wasn’t expecting a quick smile as he propped his arms over the door, and she inadvertently let go of Posy, who took the opportunity to back herself into the far corner of the stable with a triumphant and very loud fart.
‘Mum! I nearly had it right this time. Eww, that stinks!’ Harriet approached Posy again, talking quietly, and Pippa watched in admiration as Posy stood meekly and let Harriet slip the headcollar back on, and carefully fasten the muzzle in place. Apparently even the pony knew when games were over.
Gil opened the stable door and Harriet’s grin was wide as she led Posy into the yard, Lola following. Pippa sidled past him; she hadn’t factored in the extra time spent chasing Posy and needed to get over to the vets if she was going to be ready for the first clients arriving. She’d never felt less equal to a task in her life, regretting that her offer to help Elaine meant she was forced to spend time with someone who rattled her so much.
‘Pippa?’
‘What?’ She wasn’t going to stop, not for him, and the keys Elaine had given her yesterday were in her hand.
‘About last night.’ He caught her up and she busied herself unlocking the door to reception. ‘I’m sorry I reacted so badly.’
She took a deep breath. ‘It’s okay, I’m sorry too. You were right, I shouldn’t have gone looking.’
‘I understand why you did it. Your dad lived in Hartfell too.’
‘Yes.’ She turned, surprised by the glimpse of something softer in his eyes. Her fingers were on the door handle, delaying the moment when she’d have to open it and their conversation would be over. ‘I wasn’t expecting a family connection here, one that maybe goes even further back than my dad. I was hoping to learn more.’
‘I know Elaine told you about my parents.’ Gil swallowed. ‘It’s not something I’m good at talking about. It was a long time ago and I’ve moved on.’
‘I understand.’ Pippa did, perfectly, for similar and yet quite different reasons. ‘I lost my mum at an early age too. I know it’s not the same.’ She wasn’t expecting another rush of sorrow at the reminder. So long ago and still it could knock the air from her lungs.
‘I’m sorry.’ His gaze was tangled with hers until the shutters came back down, and she wondered if he’d ever let her back in. ‘So are you ready for the onslaught? Mondays are always busy.’
‘I hope so.’ She finally pushed open the door and walked inside, Gil right behind her.
‘You know you don’t have to do this?’ He glanced at the empty chairs, waiting to be filled with clients and their pets. ‘Help me, I mean.’
‘I promised Elaine I would. It’s one less worry for her.’ Pippa’s pulse was still hurrying from that long look they’d shared. The unexpected and brief glance into his past, their mutual connection to this place. She settled behind the counter, recalling her induction with Elaine yesterday.
Lola flopped in her bed as Gil disappeared into his consulting room. Pippa switched on the computer and scanned the online booking system, glad of something practical to distract her. Through the open door she spotted Harriet and hopefully her daughter’s grin meant that Posy was safely in the paddock and not thundering loose down the lane.
‘Thanks for that. How do you fancy tackling the mucking out? I can help but it will have to be when I’m finished here.’
‘Sure.’ Harriet slid around the counter and crouched down to cuddle Lola, whose tail was wagging madly. ‘I just need to get rid of the shit and neaten the shavings, yeah? And fill the water bucket?’
‘Please don’t swear, Harriet.’ A forlorn hope, Pippa knew, and that was hardly the most unpleasant thing her daughter could have come out with. She’d said far worse inside her own mind since they’d arrived in Hartfell.
‘“Shit” is hardly swearing, Mum. Everyone at school…’
‘Well, we’re not at school, are we.’ Pippa was aware she sounded like a geriatric aunt; Raf was always telling her to loosen up, especially where Harriet was concerned. ‘Just, you know, keep it clean.’
‘Apart from the shit?’ Harriet was on her way out again and Pippa rolled her eyes.
‘Yes, apart from that.’