Finlay (The Wild Edges #1)

Prologue - Finn

A HUNDRED AND FIFTY-THREE YEARS AGO

I knew something was wrong the moment I stepped over the clan’s boundary line.

It was too quiet.

The air too heavy.

The hair on my arms rose as I halted, my bag falling to the floor.

Then I was shifting.

Running.

As I flew through the woodland, a thousand scenarios raced through my mind, all of them revolving around the same theme. The one fear that kept me awake at night. The reason I had argued against the visit I had just taken, insisting I might be needed here.

The fear that the council might do something to Danny. Our alpha. Leader.

My best friend.

Myself and my brother, Calan, had been concerned about this for months now. The rumblings that Logan had heard while spying on meetings had us all on guard. Something was heading our way. Something that would send ricochets through the clan, rewriting our history and our future.

If only we knew what.

All we knew was that they wanted Danny gone.

Our alpha was considered a first-generation shifter in terms of lineage, his parents having sought sanctuary with the McCarthy Clan before his birth.

But when Danny came of age, there had been no denying his power.

What he was. Namely, the first alpha to be born in the McCarthy Clan in over two centuries.

When no others followed, and the time came for a new leader, Danny was the only option.

While myself and the other betas had supported him with fierce pride and loyalty, the same could not be said of the council members.They thought leadership should fall to Calan or me.Our lineages could be traced back through the generations, as far as the earliest records.

But we weren’t alphas. We were betas. More than that, we were Danny’s best friends. His most loyal defenders. His inner circle.

We would rather break with the clan than betray or murder Danny. Because that was what it would take. The only way to become the next alpha, and the leader of the clan, was to kill them. Their power would transfer to you, along with their position.

Just because Calan and I refused to stoop that low did not mean the rest of the clan felt the same way.

There were a number of them who would rather see Danny dead than leading.

It was why the three of us were so protective of Danny.

Calan, who went everywhere with him.Logan, who climbed into gaps between walls to spy on secret meetings.

Then there was what I was responsible for. Or rather who .

The council had tried to force Danny to leave the clan by insisting upon an arranged marriage. They had claimed it would foster peace between the McCarthy and Tully clans.

We had seen it for what it truly was—another way to try and take the clan away from him. Danny was stronger than that, and far more stubborn. It would take more than a marriage to have him hanging up his responsibilities.

Me though? I had been furious. That he had to give up his heart, his one chance of happiness, to appease the council? It went against everything our natures called for—choosing a mate ourselves. The one we felt completed us. Who spoke to our wolf and claimed them as their own too.

To have that choice taken away from Danny…it was unspeakable. As his beta and second, I was furious. As his best friend, I was devastated.

That was, until we met Sarah. Then a whole new set of problems had revealed themselves.

For me, at least.

Maybe if it hadn’t been my duty to guard her, to spend so much time with her, maybe then…

It wouldn’t have changed anything.

Wolves didn’t have fated mates . If we did, maybe Sarah would have been mine. Perhaps it would have been our daughter I cradled in my arms. A perfect family, better than anything I could ever have dreamed of.

But dreams were what they’d have to stay, because Sarah wasn’t mine. Maria wasn’t mine.

They were both Danny’s.

I’d never begrudged Danny having the clan, and I didn’t begrudge him the family he had either.

I loved Danny like he was my own brother, and his happiness came before my own.

Always. I just wished my heart didn’t ache every time Sarah smiled at me.

That the crack didn’t deepen every time Maria reached up for me to hold her.

That I could show them the kind of love I wanted to, rather than the kind I had to.

But that was on me, not them. They had not asked for me to have these feelings any more than I had.

So long as no one noticed that I sometimes looked at Sarah the same way she looked at Danny, everything would be fine.

There was no denying that my love was entirely one sided.

If my own feelings weren’t involved, I would have said that Danny and Sarah’s love was a beautiful thing to witness.

They had found a happiness together that eluded most. It had given the single members of the clan hope that they would one day find it too.

That their person was out there for them.

Everyone except me, of course. I knew my perfect person existed.

It was just that she was married to someone else.

I had come to terms with it. I had no other choice. Even if Danny had not been my alpha, my leader, my best friend, I would never interfere in someone’s relationship in that way. It was my secret. My shame. The knowledge I carried deep inside, never letting anyone else see.

No one other than Calan.

He had been the one to find me on their wedding night. I had stood at the altar, watching the woman I loved walk towards me.

And exchange vows with another man.

That night was the one time I had allowed myself to crack.

I had made it through the ceremony. Even the celebration that followed. I had smiled, given toasts, and hugged them both. I had wished them every happiness .

I had meant it too. It was not their fault that it came at the expense of my own.

I held it together until they retreated to their cabin.

Then, I ran.

I did not shift.

No, for this I needed to stay in my human form. I wanted to feel the pain everywhere else. Dragging at my lungs. In the soles of my feet. The burn of my muscles.

Perhaps then, the pain in my human heart would be a little easier to bear.

Miles and miles passed, but it did not help.

Nothing would.

I ran without pausing, not paying any attention to where I was going. It was only when I reached a large body of water that I skidded to a halt.

Loch Bunachton. A place I was very familiar with.

It was where Danny, Calan, Logan, and I had learned to swim. Where we had spent countless days playing together. Somewhere that had always felt like home to me. Almost as much as the clan lands did.

Had my instincts led me here? Did my brain want to remind me of what Danny was to me? Of all the happy memories we had shared?

I had no idea, but I collapsed on the shore, finally giving in.

That was where Calan found me, an hour later. I did not know if he had tracked me as his wolf, or if he knew this was where I would come.

I did not ask either.

I did not so much as acknowledge his presence as he dropped beside me. As he silently handed me a bottle of Adamanthea, the only substance capable of getting us inebriated.

He sat beside me, not saying a word. But the message was clear .

Calan knew what I was going through. He was here for me .

Neither of us ever discussed that night.

We stayed there until the sun rose before walking silently back home.

Calan stood at my side as the newlyweds fell giggling from their front door.

As I clapped Danny on the back, forcing out the expected bawdy joke.

As I planted a chaste kiss on the blushing cheek of the bride.

I had believed it to be the worst moment of my life.

But as I skidded into the clan lands.

As I saw Calan waiting…

My stoic brother, his green eyes red and swollen, his dark hair standing on end, like he had dragged his hands through it repeatedly.

Tears tracking down his cheeks.

I knew this was about to top it.

Shifting back into human form, I strode straight up to him. “What is it?”

Calan opened and closed his mouth silently. His whole body shook as his wolf tried to take over. My own started to howl in response, trying to force me to shift. Thinking that doing so might save me from what was coming.

But it had already happened. Whatever Calan was going to tell me, I had been too late to stop.

“Sarah…” Calan’s voice cracked and broke. “She’s…”

No. My heart began to bleed in my chest. “Do not say it, Calan. No…”

Steel flashed through Calan’s eye, like he realised the extent to which I was about to shatter. That he would need to be strong to get me through this. “Finn, I am so fucking sorry. Sarah…she is dead. A Jaguar clan attacked while we were on the Tully lands. It was a trap for Danny.”

The world tilted sideways, and there was a strange ringing in my ears as I forced myself to ask the question. To confirm that my worst nightmares were really coming true. “Maria?”

Calan’s composure broke, a sob heaving up from his chest as he nodded. “Maria too.”

A baby. Maria was a baby.

Dozens of memories flashed through my mind.

Sarah waving at me through the window. Maria squealing with delight as I spun her through the air.

The tiny yellow blanket she toted everywhere.

Her joy at the little wooden chair I had carved, just right for her size.

Falling asleep in Danny’s arms as he rocked her.

Danny.

I was falling apart, but I could not. Not yet. I had to be strong for Danny.

He would need me now more than ever.

It hit me then, that he was not there. The thought of losing him too hit me like a sledgehammer. I dropped to my knees, clutching my chest as I looked up at my brother. I had to blink several times before my vision finally focused on him. “Danny?”

“Alive.”

I sagged towards the floor at the word, my hand shooting out to catch myself.

I could not speak as Calan filled me in on the whole wretched tale. How our council had lured Danny, Logan, and Calan from the lands. How they had tricked members of a jaguar clan, the Clarksons, into attacking. How Sarah and Maria had been the ones to pay the price.

And Danny. In one fell swoop, he had lost everything.

So had I. But that knowledge was something I would take to my grave. It did not matter what I felt, the pain I was in.

Danny needed me .

“Where is he?” I croaked, head hanging low as I remained on the ground. “I need to go to him.”

“Gone.” My head snapped up at that, the sense of foreboding returning. “We cleaned house, killed all those we could prove were responsible. Then he left. He has left the clan.”

“That is impossible. The clan canna be without an alpha.”

Calan’s lips thinned. “He got the remaining council members to agree to a leave of absence. He has vowed to return when he takes a mate. They have decreed a beta is to stand in for him until he is mated.”

Danny and Sarah had been waiting for the next blood moon before forging a mating bond. It had been important to Sarah. I thought Danny would have offered it the night he met her.

I knew he would regret not doing so now. A mating bond would have given Sarah his strength. His healing.

And her death would have taken him from the world too. A fate I knew Danny would prefer, instead of the endless void now stretching in front of him.

In front of me too.

I ignored that thought. The right to grieve them as Danny would was not mine. I had to be strong. I had to pull through this.

“Danny will not ever take a mate.” I knew it. Especially as shifters had chosen mates, not fated. “Not now.”

“No,” Calan said softly. “I do not think he’ll ever return. How could he, knowing what happened here?”

Calan was right. Danny would not be able to stand seeing the home he had shared with his wife and child. The clan he had led with grace, who had taken everything from him. The council, who likely still held traitors hidden within it.

Myself though…I would have to do those things.

Fuck. It hit me then.I was going to have to do it. All of it.

Without Danny here, I was the next in line. The beta Calan referred to…it was me. This could not be happening. Leading the clan was never what I had wanted, doing it at Danny’s side had been enough for me.

Now though…

I swallowed, needing Calan to confirm. “Who will be leading the clan?”

Pity shone in his brown eyes. “Ye already know the answer to that, brother. Come. Let us go for a run. Ye need to burn off some emotion before we face them.”

Them being the council. The ones who had decided my fate while I was absent. How many of them knew about the attack? Who had slipped through the net when the others had cleaned house?

Yes. Calan was right. I needed to run before I faced them.

If my wolf broke free in front of the council, I was not certain any of them would be left alive.

I shifted, my brother’s wolf appearing at my side. He leaned into me, silently giving me his support. His strength.

Just as he always had.

We took off into the woods at speed with no destination in mind, just trying desperately to outrun the horror. The grief.

The pressure.

My limbs burned as I pushed them harder. Trying to drown out the thoughts with my own breathing.

Sarah.

Maria .

Danny.

All of them, taken from me in one fell swoop.

It was impossible. I could run forever, and it still would not be far enough.

Somehow, I found myself at the loch again. The same one where I had spent their wedding night. Just like then, I allowed myself to fall apart, knowing I’d have to pull myself back together. To lead the clan. To protect the innocent ones from the toxic members of the council.

For the next few hours though, I was going to be selfish.

I was going to feel it all, before burying it deep once more.

With only the moon and Calan as my witnesses, I shifted back into my human form.

Falling to my knees, I wept.